FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Question for the ladies???
Question for the ladies???
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First off this is from the male of the couple.
Having read a lot of profiles of both ladies and couples I have noticed that a lot of them have a slut, derogatory type theme. The question is in this day an age why do so many of the ladies like/ want / let this type of theme happen????
Please don't think I am judging anyone I'm just curious. Personally I wouldn't treat a lady in anyway other than respect so don't understand why it is so popular lol again no offence intended and look forward to the discussion to come. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My guess - because on a site like this people can be who they want to be, show a side of themselves that they are probably unable to in their "vanilla" lives. |
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This is just sexually speaking. A lot of women like myself are control freaks in everyday life, we make decisions and take control and for me anyway I like to let loose when it comes to sex and have someone take control of me and use me and being treated like a sex toy and nothing more is a turn on, really because we know we have ultimate control in the back of our minds, we just let it happen because it turns us on. If someone were to call me a slut or treat me like it in everyday life then hell no I would not tolerate that.
Sex is just a way to let loose and be a bit different it's fun, it's acting, it's playing a role, it's being who u are not in everyday life it's being able to have an alterego if you like. Hey Beyoncé has one why not us lol |
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By *ppleby11Couple
over a year ago
Berkhamsted |
I think the respondents so far hit the nail on the head. We are here for adventure and escapism and to do things that are outside of my normal comfort zone.
That desire is to be used and yes, a little bit of verbal abuse reinforces that fantasy. A fantasy that perhaps I'm not in charge of my destiny (despite knowing I am).
Very very difficult to find someone suitable for this .... everyone suddenly becomes far too nice and gentlemanly.
S x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In its own way it's a form of empowerment for me .
I get confidence from behaving like a slut , something I never dreamed of doing before swinging .
The fact that guys can do whatever they want with me gives me a buzz . Often because it's wrong in the conventional sense . But ultimately I am still in control and that is also important .
 |
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol"
I wouldn't say it's abuse, it's totally consensual between everyone. |
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"In its own way it's a form of empowerment for me .
I get confidence from behaving like a slut , something I never dreamed of doing before swinging .
The fact that guys can do whatever they want with me gives me a buzz . Often because it's wrong in the conventional sense . But ultimately I am still in control and that is also important .
"
Now I can understand that and totally respect your explanation.
Thank you |
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol
I wouldn't say it's abuse, it's totally consensual between everyone."
I realise it's consensual but I'm sorry but If a guy is calling you a slut, tart or something like that and in some occasions telling you to do things to others, that to me is abuse simple
Just because it's happening in a club or after meeting through a site I can't see the difference |
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Some women see it as empowerment, like some black people "own" the "n" word. Neither appeal to me in anyway shape or form.
What amuses me are the women with usernames like dirtycumslutcunt4u with profiles inviting men to treat them like dirty cum sluts complaining about receiving "wanna fuck" type messages!
Can't imagine why!  |
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol
I wouldn't say it's abuse, it's totally consensual between everyone.
I realise it's consensual but I'm sorry but If a guy is calling you a slut, tart or something like that and in some occasions telling you to do things to others, that to me is abuse simple
Just because it's happening in a club or after meeting through a site I can't see the difference"
So is spanking between 2 consensual adults assault then? I think abuse/assault etc don't really come into
It when both parties are in agreement that it's ok within a sexual relationship/roleplay etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol
I wouldn't say it's abuse, it's totally consensual between everyone.
I realise it's consensual but I'm sorry but If a guy is calling you a slut, tart or something like that and in some occasions telling you to do things to others, that to me is abuse simple
Just because it's happening in a club or after meeting through a site I can't see the difference"
The consent between adults makes it non abusive. Abuse is about something for which there is no consent obtained. If the woman wants her man to call her a slut and make her feel dirty etc then that is not abuse, it is consensual sexual act between adults. |
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It has been pointed out to me that my last comment could have come across as judgemental.
This was not my intention and I am in no place to judge anyone for what they do.
As I said at the start I am trying to understand.
My apologies to anyone that was offended  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol
I wouldn't say it's abuse, it's totally consensual between everyone.
I realise it's consensual but I'm sorry but If a guy is calling you a slut, tart or something like that and in some occasions telling you to do things to others, that to me is abuse simple
Just because it's happening in a club or after meeting through a site I can't see the difference"
Havent you just contradicted your previous post? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's erotic acting slutty sometimes. To be able to let go and not be the nice lady people expect is liberating. I wouldn't allow any man to abuse me in any situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First off this is from the male of the couple.
Having read a lot of profiles of both ladies and couples I have noticed that a lot of them have a slut, derogatory type theme. The question is in this day an age why do so many of the ladies like/ want / let this type of theme happen????
Please don't think I am judging anyone I'm just curious. Personally I wouldn't treat a lady in anyway other than respect so don't understand why it is so popular lol again no offence intended and look forward to the discussion to come."
It's just a game, and probably one that's been played down the ages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It has been pointed out to me that my last comment could have come across as judgemental.
This was not my intention and I am in no place to judge anyone for what they do.
As I said at the start I am trying to understand.
My apologies to anyone that was offended "
Can we ask you a question?
Whist having sex do you ever smack your wife. I mean when having doggy style sex I have on occasion smacked her bottom.
I don't even know why I have done this but there is something about how her backside looks whilst my cock is slipping into her that is so erotic and I am almost compelled to give her bum a smack.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not beating her to a pulp, but I have left a red hand mark on her cheek on the very odd occasion.
I asked her about it once and she said she was not bothered about it and so long as I wasn't beating the shit out of her, the occasion smack was more than fine, she actually likes it.
So do you ever give your wife a smack on the backside whilst doing doggy?
Only asking because if you do then that could be seen as abuse if you remove the sexual element.
What I am on about is that it is all about context. A smack on the rump during play is fine, just like being called names is fine with certain people when having sex. Take sex out of the equation in both circumstances then that is abuse.
Does that make any sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just read my post and want to clarify it's my wife's backside I smack, not yours.
But if she wants it smacking I could show you how, it's not hard really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Slut no longer has negative connotations when it is "owned". My philosophy leads me to want to be one man's slut, but not any man's slag. My point is that use of words can be personal interpretations. |
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"It has been pointed out to me that my last comment could have come across as judgemental.
This was not my intention and I am in no place to judge anyone for what they do.
As I said at the start I am trying to understand.
My apologies to anyone that was offended
Can we ask you a question?
Whist having sex do you ever smack your wife. I mean when having doggy style sex I have on occasion smacked her bottom.
I don't even know why I have done this but there is something about how her backside looks whilst my cock is slipping into her that is so erotic and I am almost compelled to give her bum a smack.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not beating her to a pulp, but I have left a red hand mark on her cheek on the very odd occasion.
I asked her about it once and she said she was not bothered about it and so long as I wasn't beating the shit out of her, the occasion smack was more than fine, she actually likes it.
So do you ever give your wife a smack on the backside whilst doing doggy?
Only asking because if you do then that could be seen as abuse if you remove the sexual element.
What I am on about is that it is all about context. A smack on the rump during play is fine, just like being called names is fine with certain people when having sex. Take sex out of the equation in both circumstances then that is abuse.
Does that make any sense?"
Actually having read the comments since earlier, I will concede that light/mild smacking or even hard IF that is agreed to while in a sexual context is not abuse because yes I have smacked my partners bottom as she has mine too lol
Maybe it's my old fashioned up bringing that is making it hard for me to understand the turn on factor in regards the names etc but that is why I asked the question. |
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There is no way I would let a guy call me a slut even if it was on a meet. Im a woman with needs and desires and yes we all want to escape from the reality of the real world sometimes but I still want to be treat with respect and not just a fuck toy. You can get them from a sex shop.
Each to their own I suppose as long as its consensual on both sides no harm done.
Happy Swinging. |
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"Just read my post and want to clarify it's my wife's backside I smack, not yours.
But if she wants it smacking I could show you how, it's not hard really."
Lol think Elfette may say something about that lol
But I must say your good lady looks very nice if you don't mind me saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just read my post and want to clarify it's my wife's backside I smack, not yours.
But if she wants it smacking I could show you how, it's not hard really.
Lol think Elfette may say something about that lol
But I must say your good lady looks very nice if you don't mind me saying"
She doesn't mind at all and is blushing a bit now  |
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Yes, I would not stand for being called names I find derogatory or treated with a lack of respect, and I have no interest in pretence or 'escaping' reality - just having a damn good time 'in the moment'!!
Each to his own, of course, but it simply does not compute with me either. |
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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"
Only asking because if you do then that could be seen as abuse if you remove the sexual element.
What I am on about is that it is all about context. A smack on the rump during play is fine, just like being called names is fine with certain people when having sex. Take sex out of the equation in both circumstances then that is abuse.
Does that make any sense?"
Makes lots of sense to me. Calling me a slut while we play, gets me all hot and horny. Do it any other time gets you a slap.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love being called a slut and worse, although worse is the wrong word really. It's best not to confuse this with lack of respect. Im sure there are plenty of folks who would never use such language but treat their partners badly. Likewise I've never been called a slut or whore by a man who wasn't also a gentleman.
In terms of why I personally enjoy it I don't exactly know but I do love being objectified and put in my place when it comes to sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is just sexually speaking. A lot of women like myself are control freaks in everyday life, we make decisions and take control and for me anyway I like to let loose when it comes to sex and have someone take control of me and use me and being treated like a sex toy and nothing more is a turn on, really because we know we have ultimate control in the back of our minds, we just let it happen because it turns us on. If someone were to call me a slut or treat me like it in everyday life then hell no I would not tolerate that.
Sex is just a way to let loose and be a bit different it's fun, it's acting, it's playing a role, it's being who u are not in everyday life it's being able to have an alterego if you like. Hey Beyoncé has one why not us lol "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just hyjacking the thread a bit,
so whats your opinion whats a slag ?"
The opposite of a guy's "any hole's a goal mentality".... which obviously makes them slags too. Like I stated before it is personal interpretation and ownership, so my intent is not to cause offence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First off this is from the male of the couple.
Having read a lot of profiles of both ladies and couples I have noticed that a lot of them have a slut, derogatory type theme. The question is in this day an age why do so many of the ladies like/ want / let this type of theme happen????
Please don't think I am judging anyone I'm just curious. Personally I wouldn't treat a lady in anyway other than respect so don't understand why it is so popular lol again no offence intended and look forward to the discussion to come."
I don't let it happen, not my thing at all! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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CAF here (female of the couple) I haven't managed to read all the replies. I have struggled with the dom/slut thing based on some upsetting events in my past... I understand about the need to let go but so far it hasn't been for me. Maybe one day. who knows. lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me. |
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"As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me."
Yes, but letting go does not necessarily mean being called a slut and having your arse slapped - there are plenty of other ways to let go! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me.
Yes, but letting go does not necessarily mean being called a slut and having your arse slapped - there are plenty of other ways to let go!"
There are and once again it all comes down to preference |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for me personally it's about how it's said.
if it's said as praise i love it. if someone is trying to say it to put me down... i get pissed off and give better than i get.
and i echo other things that have been posted about being a rather dominant person everywhere else and reallyletting go, getting into it, and being used. ultimately it's part of who i am as a whole package and a person who understands that and respects me enough to give me that is a huge turn on.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me.
Yes, but letting go does not necessarily mean being called a slut and having your arse slapped - there are plenty of other ways to let go!
There are and once again it all comes down to preference"
There are but I love those ways, call me anything and more than an arse slap, please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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being a mum am wife 24/7 its lovely bit of escapeism to become a slut an loose inhibitions, hubby loves my slut persona and find most guys seem to,i still get respect but hornier dirtier sex, theres making love but also fucking, they are different for me depending whether in slut mode or good girl. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me.
Yes, but letting go does not necessarily mean being called a slut and having your arse slapped - there are plenty of other ways to let go!
There are and once again it all comes down to preference
There are but I love those ways, call me anything and more than an arse slap, please"
I hear ya there, it turns me on massively and the dirtier and more derogatoryderogatory the language the better. It's not for anyone else to decide on my behalf whether I should enjoy it it not. I choose to be treated like a fuck toy, choose to be spoken to in the crudest terms and I choose guys that have the utmost respect for women to do it. I think folks just don't understand the dynamics of that kind of relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone else has written, far better than I can, some of us need/love to let go of all control in play
With the right people and 100% trust, its amazing and certainly works for me.
Yes, but letting go does not necessarily mean being called a slut and having your arse slapped - there are plenty of other ways to let go!
There are and once again it all comes down to preference
There are but I love those ways, call me anything and more than an arse slap, please
I hear ya there, it turns me on massively and the dirtier and more derogatoryderogatory the language the better. It's not for anyone else to decide on my behalf whether I should enjoy it it not. I choose to be treated like a fuck toy, choose to be spoken to in the crudest terms and I choose guys that have the utmost respect for women to do it. I think folks just don't understand the dynamics of that kind of relationship."
No they don't. If you find the right guys that 'play' that way they usually are real gentlemen and have real respect and understand the gift of submission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your comments,
Yes I can see how letting yourself go is good, maybe I'm just not wired that way so I can't see how being abused is a turn on lol"
Im the control freak at home, not sexually, we dont do that. But on here and on meets, I dont take control. Id love to let go sometimes, not in a slutty way but would love to be able, mentally, to really be more outgoing. I do do stuff off my own bat, but am very shy in the bedroom. Think ive just shot myself in the foot now, oh well.  |
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Thank you all for your enlightening comments, as a male I will never truly understand, but after reading all the comments I am definitely more open minded than I may have been.
After a deep and maybe long overdue discussion with the love of my life, we have decided to give it a try ourselves and see what happens
Thank you all again hope to have a good discussion again sometime |
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