"Have you ever felt guilty for being a swinger and if you have, what might have made you feel this way?"
Yes.
Sorry but this might turn out to be a long post...
I've not been on the scene for very long. I joined this site after my wife and I had split up last year. One of several reasons why we separated was because we weren't getting on together sexually. There are a couple of reasons for this, but it was mostly because after having been together for so many years our sex life had become predictable and our desire for each other had gone stale.
As a result of this, over a period of many months we'd talked and talked and Mrs Carambar mentioned that she'd never really been a believer in monogamy. This wasn't really news to me but I'd always dismissed it before as I had no reason to really give it any thought.
As our relationship was ending, however, this became more of an issue. Whilst we were still together, Mrs Carambar met and fucked someone else. At that time, this was a real blow to me (no pun intended) and I went through every emotion possible - I felt humiliated, rejected, disrespected, hurt... but also turned on.
It was at this point that we agreed that we would be in a polyamorous relationship - Mrs Carambar doesn't like the terms swingers and swinging. Over the next few months, Mrs Carambar met and fucked 2 other men, although I didn't see anybody else during that time. I was still getting to grips with the idea of being polygamous and polyamorous.
Later in the year our relationship broke down further - although not as a result of Mrs Carambar's sexual antics - and we separated. Funnily enough, it was only once we had split up that I felt ready to see other women. Until that point I had always considered me having sex with another woman as 'cheating', even if Mrs Carambar would have been told what was happening and would have agreed to it. I didn't consider it as 'cheating' when she did it, only when I thought about me doing it. I know that's nonsensical but I'm male so I don't always make sense.
In December I spent the day with someone I met on here. She knows who she is and I can say that she was fabulous. We played together although we didn't have penetrative sex on that meet. At various times during the day whilst I was having fun with my new friend I couldn't help but think about Mrs Carambar. Even though we had separated I somehow felt guilty for some reason... it's not even as if I'm religious! But because I enjoyed being with the person I was with so much I didn't want to stop so I carried on having fun.
Today, Mrs Carambar and I are attempting to resolve our problems. We're back together, and our relationship is stronger than it was previously. The lid to Pandora's box has most definitely been opened, however, and we've both sampled its delights and want more. However, once I had popped my swinging cherry, so to speak, my whole outlook on what defines 'cheating' changed. I now see the act of having sex with someone else as being just that - it's not a surrogate relationship... it's just having sex with someone else.
Having sex with another swinger, provided you're open and honest about it with your partner if they're not participating, is not cheating. It has taken me a bloody long time to truly appreciate that. Contrary to how I was previously, I wouldn't feel guilty now about doing it.
Flippin' heck that was a long post. Hopefully you can see what I'm trying to explain though... I could've said I felt guilty about being unfaithful when I first met someone, but that would've missed out all the context.
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xx
