FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Are men scared to admit they are bi-curious?
Are men scared to admit they are bi-curious?
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 ). At the end of the day, we're not likely to play with anyone who doesn't know all these things about us first, so it hasn't been a problem to date.
But a lot of people won't necessarily have this confidence, and yet they will still have their own feelings to consider. For some of them, keeping a straight profile, whilst looking/hoping to find some bi opportunities may well be the best way for them to manage things.
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"mmmmm So does that mean that they think that a woman who enjoys another woman is not a woman?? "no they just like 2 think they r manly lol | |||
"Why is it fine for a woman to freely admit she likes the idea of licking another womans pussy but not so cool if a guy says he would like to try sucking a cock?? "every guy is curious to whats going on | |||
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"By the way my question was not meant to be read in an aggressive tone, I can understand you not wanting to be inundated. "think ur post was didnt sound aggressive xx | |||
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"?? because he is scared of being called a bent shot poof like us real ones and not being queer bashed??" .. possibly and maybe probably, but they don't need to meet anyone they don't like the look and sound of, and can report/block anyone who is verbally abusive on here or anywhere else... stick and stones etc? Part of it may also be that it's almost 'trendy' to be a bi woman these days, but definitely not for most, average guys. Again, this is a cultural problem, and it won't change easily, except by open discussion like this in suitable forums, where gradually more people may be encourage to be open about their sexuality and preferences. | |||
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"Why is it fine for a woman to freely admit she likes the idea of licking another womans pussy but not so cool if a guy says he would like to try sucking a cock?? "Titillation!! For a woman to perform for a man, well, that's fine, however, not if she's full lesbian. this has been accepted slowly but surely for many years, with porn adding to that. now. women being Bi for their own satisfaction is good too. For a man to admit it isn't always so easy, not right now anyway, give it time and things will change, like the bi fems, slowly and surely we will see a difference, just as we already are doing. Besides that, I'm aware of some Bi females that hide that fact. Women had their liberation fight years ago, men have started theirs more recently. | |||
"Why is it fine for a woman to freely admit she likes the idea of licking another womans pussy but not so cool if a guy says he would like to try sucking a cock?? "Sometimes it could be because they do not want to be found out that they are bi by people in their hometown or at work. So they say straight but really want to be Bi  | |||
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"Men don’t admit to being bi so they can attract a bigger audience, that’s our opinion anyway, if you cannot state your sexuality on a swinging site, then where can you state it? we're not falling for the, some people become abusive so we hide it sob story, jesus some people become abusive for just being told no thanks, would you really want to meet these people anyway? It’s all about success, or it is on swinging sites. If it was about anything else, or even because its not socially acceptable to be a bisexual man, then surely they would just pass by profiles that state NO BI MALES in flashing neon lights??? But they don’t, they message away, just like they message profiles of openly bisexual people, pleading they’re really bisexual when their profile says they’re straight. Either way, if someone wants to hide behind any label, they should be able to, we respect their choice, however it would also be nice if everyone’s choices and preferences could be respected, it should always work both ways. " Well said! | |||
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"although not stated on my profile i am bi curious if the situation were to arise i would have no problem getting stuck in. "why dont you state it on your profile? | |||
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Feck me! Does that mean everyone has to detail everything they have ever fantasised about on their profile? | |||
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"although never tried it I would happily play with another guys cock in the moment!however I can't win as when I say I am bi curious couples tell me they not interested in case I try shag the male!!believe me it's not the case.but bi couples turn me down if I claim to be straight.I can't win. ..." You can't win because they are obviously not open minded and like to make you fit into a compartment in 'their' minimalist box set of sexuality. | |||
If we had more options like bi playful, orally bi, or any other for that matter, most would still use the straight label 
Perhaps there should only be 3 choices, straight, gay and open minded | |||
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"I think it's a shame that on a swinging site, in fact any adult site, men feel the need to lie!! We all have personal preferences who we play with - tall, short, slim, bbw - sad that some men have to hide it! Daft really! "Excellent post! | |||
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"Why is it fine for a woman to freely admit she likes the idea of licking another womans pussy but not so cool if a guy says he would like to try sucking a cock?? "Some guys do but most of us think the male body isnt a patch on a womans | |||
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"Had a message conversation last week with the male of a couple that were both bi, asking if I would meet with them. When I pointed out that I was straight, he replied he always 'tries it on' (with people they actualy want to meet) as so many men on FAB say straight on thier profiles but are actualy bi but are afraid to put it in their profile.
"Difficult one - may be his way of testing the water? Not sure we would agree to the way he goes about it, honesty is better, then there won t be any unpleasant surprises and evenings gone sour? | |||
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"Have some of you ever considered some guys don't say they are bi because they don't think they are bi... not according to their definition. And your definition may be different to theirs? I am not trying to say all straight men are straight... I know for a fact some are not. I also know not all bi-guys are bi.... some are gay but a bi-curious male may be put off meeting a gay guy. Pretending to be something you are not - I don't agree with. Being pushed to proclaim a sexuality label you don't even identify with just because some fella gave you a wank once or because you thought about a guy sucking your cock ... is equally wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!" Good post - wondering whether or not we actually need labels at all? | |||
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No offence to anyone who's gay or bisexual but it just isn't my thing. Which is a shame in a way because single bi guys probably have a better chance with meets than what the single straight guys do.
I've had guys kiss me on the cheek and vice versa or given a guy a smack on the lips for a laugh or in a manner of just being affectionate but that's it. I'll confess to having gone through a breif phase in my teens but i think most guys go through that at some stage of their teen years.
I've had MMF threesomes in the past but under the strict understanding that their will be no screwin' around going on between me and the guy. Its just the two of us being with the one woman. I would ofcourse never turn down the chance of being in a MFF threesome course, especially if the two ladies in question are pleasuring each as well.;-)and they feel comfy doing it. Its not an ego thing with me as like i said i've been in MMF threesome before. Its just totally not my thing.
I would never be pushed in to being made to think i was something or not and if anyone did i would have to wonder why? I think some (and i mean small minority of bi and gay men/woman)like to think that all of us are at least bi. And those who say otherwise
are in some denial. That or they're those who will wind up a straight guy for a laugh . That i don't mind if its done in all good funa and the guy is kind of aware that its a bit of banter (because jokes can go too far, particularly when the one on the recieving end isn't so sure its a joke). But any way. I think maybe a small minority like to think we're all bi because maybe they think it validates to them that we're not all so sexually differentI'm sorry but we're just not and its out differences that as always should be accepted and celebrated.After all, isn't it the French who coined the phrase Viva la' difference! | |||
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I don't think anyone has assumed what people do in the bedroom and voiced it on the forums the way you say.
I also think that most people are adult enough to know that not every person will like everything to do with sex, and that by leaving one part of sex out of the equation won't make you any less or more bi, straight or gay.
To be honest, I think you are analyzing it way too much.
Be proud and honest of whatever sexual preference you are and enjoy it. | |||
"I think for someone who is saying people do a lot of assuming that you are making a lot of assumptions yourself
I don't think anyone has assumed what people do in the bedroom and voiced it on the forums the way you say.
..."May be not so much in this thread but in threads gone by there has been assumptions by the bucket load. And if people are not assuming being a bi male means anything in particular... why do people keep making an issue of men NOT calling themselves bi? | |||
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"I think for someone who is saying people do a lot of assuming that you are making a lot of assumptions yourself
I don't think anyone has assumed what people do in the bedroom and voiced it on the forums the way you say.
...
May be not so much in this thread but in threads gone by there has been assumptions by the bucket load.
And if people are not assuming being a bi male means anything in particular... why do people keep making an issue of men NOT calling themselves bi?"Personally I take issue with it as I state on my profile I'm not interested in bi men - my preference. Therefore if someone contacts me saying they are straight but in subsequent conversations it transpires they have had bi experiences then I would be annoyed!
The same way I would be if someone said they didn't smoke but when we met they smelt like an ashtray, a man porporting to be single but was in fact married...
I don't contact men when I'm looking I make it clear what I'm looking for. Therefore I don't think it's unreasonable to expect said man to read and note what my specific requirements are and exclude himself if he doesn't match! 
I can only speak for myself, what other people do or who they do is not of interest to me, all I expect is honesty from those that contact me! | |||
"May be if a few more people stopped assuming they know more about an individual’s sexual behaviour than the individual does (yes, individual… because we all are and should be treated as such) then may be a few more guys would feel more comfortable in being a little more open without being pre-judged. " Brilliantly said hun, let hope more people take notice | |||
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" Personally I take issue with it as I state on my profile I'm not interested in bi men - my preference. Therefore if someone contacts me saying they are straight but in subsequent conversations it transpires they have had bi experiences then I would be annoyed!
"I am not knocking your preference... it's yours and your right. I am curious though what difference it makes to you if a guy in a group situation has received a hand job from another guy? I can understand the example of someone saying they are not a smoker and then turning up smelling of smoke. I am not so sure of the difference it makes if they say they are not a smoker but enjoy a cigar at Christmas? | |||
"I think a lot of men feel it emasculates them if they admit they like having sex with other men, and will put off couples and some women if they admit they enjoy it What i never get is when clubs have bi and none bi nights yet its still ok for women to openly play together on none bi nights, same gender sex is just that, i really can't see the difference "Good point - I'd forgot about clubs and bi-nights. | |||
"I think a lot of men feel it emasculates them if they admit they like having sex with other men, and will put off couples and some women if they admit they enjoy it What i never get is when clubs have bi and none bi nights yet its still ok for women to openly play together on none bi nights, same gender sex is just that, i really can't see the difference "if only the rest had felt the same way, I dont know why its acceptable for women to play together but its frowned upon when two guys play together, in my experience with contacting couple, I get pigeon holed straight away and the assumptions are there, the guy assumes I want to do everything possible to him as well as his partner and thats never the case, boundaries are always discussed before any playing begins, I've met straight couples and respected their wishes but on the occasion I've been surprised by the "straight guy" giving me oral but I just go with the flow, indeed, you admit your bi and you do get less opportunities that those who declare they are straight on their profile, I like to be truthful from the start so those who do contact me (I say those but to be honest, I dont get many messages) know what they are getting, it is frustrating though when single "straight" guys or even the guy from a couple who contacts me cause his mrs is out and wants a quick fix | |||
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"Henry has only ever had sexual experiences with women. But he does have a huge gay porn collection, his favourite being ‘The Postman Always Rims Twice’. He finds himself sexually attracted to both genders. In the chatrooms he often struggles with deciding who to watch on cam… the ladies or the guys wanking… he does love the sight of a long straight shaft being hand pumped. Defining sexuality by the sexual acts we do with others…. Henry is straight, even though it is obvious he is bisexual. Charlie often meets a couple for a 3some. He’d met the couple several times when on one occasion he noticed the hubby was holding Charlie’s cock for the wife to suck and cupping his balls so she could lick them. He was a little phased by this but at the time he was so horny and it was such a good blowjob that he let them continue. They discussed this afterwards and Charlie said he could cope with what had happened but he didn’t wish to do the same for the hubby or for the hubby to go any further than he did. Defining sexuality by the sexual acts we do with others…. Henry is bisexual, even though it is obvious (to me anyway) he is a straight guy who was just horny as a horn-dog and tried to block out the gender of the person holding his cock whilst he enjoyed a woman sucking it. Depending on how you define sexuality, both could claim to be straight and both could claim to be bi... but there is a world of difference between them. " And that world of difference is denial, so the question is why? because theres someone for everyone out there, Its a real shame that on a sex site, putting straight on your profile leaves you open to interpretation because so many shuffle behind that label, we might not like being labeled, but thats why they are there, it's the dishonestly thats the major problem to most people and not the fact they're actually bisexual. | |||
"Henry has only ever had sexual experiences with women. But he does have a huge gay porn collection, his favourite being ‘The Postman Always Rims Twice’. He finds himself sexually attracted to both genders. In the chatrooms he often struggles with deciding who to watch on cam… the ladies or the guys wanking… he does love the sight of a long straight shaft being hand pumped. Defining sexuality by the sexual acts we do with others…. Henry is straight, even though it is obvious he is bisexual. Charlie often meets a couple for a 3some. He’d met the couple several times when on one occasion he noticed the hubby was holding Charlie’s cock for the wife to suck and cupping his balls so she could lick them. He was a little phased by this but at the time he was so horny and it was such a good blowjob that he let them continue. They discussed this afterwards and Charlie said he could cope with what had happened but he didn’t wish to do the same for the hubby or for the hubby to go any further than he did. Defining sexuality by the sexual acts we do with others…. Henry is bisexual, even though it is obvious (to me anyway) he is a straight guy who was just horny as a horn-dog and tried to block out the gender of the person holding his cock whilst he enjoyed a woman sucking it. Depending on how you define sexuality, both could claim to be straight and both could claim to be bi... but there is a world of difference between them. And that world of difference is denial, so the question is why? because theres someone for everyone out there, Its a real shame that on a sex site, putting straight on your profile leaves you open to interpretation because so many shuffle behind that label, we might not like being labeled, but thats why they are there, it's the dishonestly thats the major problem to most people and not the fact they're actually bisexual. " Which one is in denial? | |||
There are things I question: to myself ie why do straight single men want to play with straight couples, the male half is redundant surely, but that's not for me to question in forums.
We're here to have fun, there'll ALWAYS be someone to play with just be honest with what you want and who you are and enjoy!
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"I think for someone who is saying people do a lot of assuming that you are making a lot of assumptions yourself
I don't think anyone has assumed what people do in the bedroom and voiced it on the forums the way you say.
...
May be not so much in this thread but in threads gone by there has been assumptions by the bucket load.
And if people are not assuming being a bi male means anything in particular... why do people keep making an issue of men NOT calling themselves bi?"Assumptions will always be made, but I would be very surprised to the depth you suggest. You look at a profile, you see a straight couple, you can't tell me you then think, I wonder if they have done oral or anal or snogged etc, so why do you think people looked at a profile, see a bi male, and think to themselves I wonder wether they have sucked fucked or been fucked from a man. You just look at a profile and decide if you fancy it. I really am at a loss now as to what or who you are getting at anymore. We have had lots of mails from people saying they are bi but put straight on their profile , we don't ask them why they do it, but because they are not being honest with that, then we can't be sure they are being honest with anything else, ie that they will turn up so we say no thanks. As long as people are honest with themselves and the people they meet, I can't see what the problem is. | |||
"I think too much over analysing is going on here and I don't think any one should have to justify how or who they play with. I'm here for fun with certain types of people. If I wanted to simply get laid all I'd need is to put on my profile "woman" and hire a social secretary!
There are things I question: to myself ie why do straight single men want to play with straight couples, the male half is redundant surely, but that's not for me to question in forums.
We're here to have fun, there'll ALWAYS be someone to play with just be honest with what you want and who you are and enjoy!
"And there was me thinking you'd help me understand your point of view. | |||
"Which one is in denial?" Charlie, but you’re over analysing again, the only other label we need here if any, is “really straight” because straight people get confused when they read these threads. | |||
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you have a hard job finding a 'straight -straight' couple's profile on here!) but the male dominated culture we live in gives men who express a bi leaning such a hard time that many bury their feelings or are cautious about how they list themselves.
You see a lot of profiles from couples and women who state that bi males/couples with a bi male need not apply, but rarely see any warning off bi fems/couples.
As Shag says, of course there ARE loads of straight guys, not hiding their bi side, but the factor that influences the others the most is the pervading, cultural, macho bollocks that bi or gay guys are less manly than the straight ones.
And it pisses me off that my wife can lick pussy any night of the week in any club, but if I want to play with a willing guy's cock, other than in a locked room, I'll be committing a breach of etiquette! Fucking hypocrisy!
right, off me soap box now! That feels a lot better!
M | |||
" As long as people are honest with themselves and the people they meet, I can't see what the problem is." And that is my point... some people who may have experienced same gender contact and wouldn't rule it out 100% in the future are being honest with themselves and others when they say 'straight'. | |||
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"And that is my point... some people who may have experienced same gender contact and wouldn't rule it out 100% in the future are being honest with themselves and others when they say 'straight'." So when do they become bi curious? | |||
"Which one is in denial? Charlie, but you’re over analysing again, the only other label we need here if any, is “really straight” because straight people get confused when they read these threads. " So because a man touched his cock once he is in denial about being a bisexual male? 
And I'm the one being told I am making assumptions | |||
" As long as people are honest with themselves and the people they meet, I can't see what the problem is. And that is my point... some people who may have experienced same gender contact and wouldn't rule it out 100% in the future are being honest with themselves and others when they say 'straight'." Sorry I quoted the wrong one before . That is your take on it polo, we all havn't got the same view. I personally would say I was bi if I dabbled and enjoyed it, but thats me. | |||
"I think too much over analysing is going on here and I don't think any one should have to justify how or who they play with. I'm here for fun with certain types of people. If I wanted to simply get laid all I'd need is to put on my profile "woman" and hire a social secretary!
There are things I question: to myself ie why do straight single men want to play with straight couples, the male half is redundant surely, but that's not for me to question in forums.
We're here to have fun, there'll ALWAYS be someone to play with just be honest with what you want and who you are and enjoy!
"errr they are never redundant in our house when I get to play with two males | |||
" As long as people are honest with themselves and the people they meet, I can't see what the problem is. And that is my point... some people who may have experienced same gender contact and wouldn't rule it out 100% in the future are being honest with themselves and others when they say 'straight'. Sorry I quoted the wrong one before . That is your take on it polo, we all havn't got the same view. I personally would say I was bi if I dabbled and enjoyed it, but thats me." And I understand your view and accept it is different to mine. I understand it because I have questioned it before and you have explained how and where you place the defining line. Doesn't mean I won't question it again if I see a possible exception to your rule... just as I have no problem with people questioning my view. | |||
" You can't win because they are obviously not open minded and like to make you fit into a compartment in 'their' minimalist box set of sexuality." If you did indeed accept other peoples views on the subject you wouldn't be calling them narrow minded for having a view on it. | |||
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"I think too much over analysing is going on here and I don't think any one should have to justify how or who they play with. I'm here for fun with certain types of people. If I wanted to simply get laid all I'd need is to put on my profile "woman" and hire a social secretary!
There are things I question: to myself ie why do straight single men want to play with straight couples, the male half is redundant surely, but that's not for me to question in forums.
We're here to have fun, there'll ALWAYS be someone to play with just be honest with what you want and who you are and enjoy!
errr they are never redundant in our house when I get to play with two males" Forgot about greedy girls! | |||
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" You can't win because they are obviously not open minded and like to make you fit into a compartment in 'their' minimalist box set of sexuality. If you did indeed accept other peoples views on the subject you wouldn't be calling them narrow minded for having a view on it. " Some people are though and in the context of the reply and what I was replying to... I stand by that statement. It doesn't mean I feel everyone with a different view is narrow minded... just the narrow minded ones | |||
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"lol sassy, seriously though, we have had many assumptions of what goes on in our meets....the main one being the hubby can't service me as it were so I need others to. Was that yours or a different one? Be honest." Rugby as I said albeit tongue in cheek, didn't look at it from the female perspective. I just couldn't see the point of a straight man or straight woman in the middle of a couple! I certainly didn't assume the male partner had any form of penile dysfunction and needed another man to assist lol! | |||
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"lol yeah, you wasn't thinking that the men are on either end !! "Lol as I said, forgot about greedy girls, especially as I've often fantasised about being spit roasted! Looks like I'm more under the weather than I thought! | |||
"Which one is in denial? Charlie, but you’re over analysing again, the only other label we need here if any, is “really straight” because straight people get confused when they read these threads. So because a man touched his cock once he is in denial about being a bisexual male?
And I'm the one being told I am making assumptions "Polo, I like reading you’re posts, you come across as wise and educated, so I’m totally bemused as to why you cannot see the difference between someone’s opinion and an assumption, why ask the question if you’re going to assume the answers an assumption. Charlie is no different from yourself, he’s comfortable having another man hold his cock in the heat of the moment, be doesn’t want to return the favour, so why would you argue the point Charlie should descibe himself as straight, when you yourself choose not to use the straight label? It’s nothing to do with being narrow-minded, it’s more a case that some of the things being mentioned throughout this thread, not you're posts, is making straight people question what straight actually means, why over complicate things? and add other variations to being straight rather than chose the next available category, whether we like them or not, they’re there for a reason. | |||
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"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone? "Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though? | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though? "All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco? | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though?
All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco? "I do now! | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though?
All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco?
I do now! "I'll see you by the fire exit next to the weetabix | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though?
All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco?
I do now!
I'll see you by the fire exit next to the weetabix "Ahh, my favourite aisle, how did you know? | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though?
All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco?
I do now!
I'll see you by the fire exit next to the weetabix
Ahh, my favourite aisle, how did you know? "Womens intuition ... didn't have you down as a rice krispie man | |||
"This all seems a tad confusing, particularly I would imagine to people new to the scene. My hubby Paul is not homophobic but is straight, he wouldn't freak if in the heat of playing, another guy accidentally brushed past or something but he wouldn't want any other type of contact either. I describe myself as bi playful, by that I mean I am comfortable playing fully with other women, but I don't go to tesco and want to drag other women into bed, I like men too much lol .... confused anyone?
Nope... do you drag men in from tesco though?
All the time ... do you shop in our local tesco?
I do now!
I'll see you by the fire exit next to the weetabix
Ahh, my favourite aisle, how did you know?
Womens intuition ... didn't have you down as a rice krispie man "I go for the shreddies.... but I stay for the coco pops | |||
"Which one is in denial? Charlie, but you’re over analysing again, the only other label we need here if any, is “really straight” because straight people get confused when they read these threads. So because a man touched his cock once he is in denial about being a bisexual male?
And I'm the one being told I am making assumptions
Polo, I like reading you’re posts, you come across as wise and educated, so I’m totally bemused as to why you cannot see the difference between someone’s opinion and an assumption, why ask the question if you’re going to assume the answers an assumption.
Charlie is no different from yourself, he’s comfortable having another man hold his cock in the heat of the moment, be doesn’t want to return the favour, so why would you argue the point Charlie should descibe himself as straight, when you yourself choose not to use the straight label?
It’s nothing to do with being narrow-minded, it’s more a case that some of the things being mentioned throughout this thread, not you're posts, is making straight people question what straight actually means, why over complicate things? and add other variations to being straight rather than chose the next available category, whether we like them or not, they’re there for a reason.
"Firstly my apologies, the assumptions comment was not a truly a direct response to you but more a flippant remark regarding other comments on the thread… it was naughty of me. The subject of what is bisexuality, why men don’t say they are bi etc has been discussed many times on many swinging forums, so whilst there may not be any of the best examples of assumptions about bi males in this thread… they are out there nevertheless. I also know people make assumptions about sexuality by the conversation I have with couples and singles who contact me because I have ticked the bisexual box on my profile. Usually “sorry we assumed you were a real bisexual” and often followed by “you shouldn’t advertise yourself as bi”. Whether I tick a box on a profile or not… I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Straight people say I am bi and bi people say I am not. Yes I chose the box I ticked. But I tell people I am straight and for sometime now I have been considering changing it back to straight on my profile. So why did I choose it in the first place? Well it was a combination of things: Being pressurised by people who kept insisting they knew my sexuality better that I did. So I didn’t have to listen to people trying to tell me I am in denial. Picking the lesser of two evils… at least this way I don’t get ignorant women saying “eeewww you never said you fancy women”… when I don’t fancy women in the slightest. If I tick that I am straight I risk putting off the couples who would like to both be able to play with their female guest… and understand my situation. And I then risk attracting more of the type of couples I don’t want to meet than the ones I do. And it seemed just less hassle. Why shouldn’t straight people question what straight is? It’s exactly what this thread and many like it ask bisexuals (or what they think are bisexuals) to do? It’s easy to say ‘why don’t you just accept you fit in this box or that box’… when you have a box you feel comfortable in. Beside me, because nobody knows me and what makes me tick like I do, there are only a few dozen people in this country who are qualified enough to tell me about my sexuality and challenge me from an informed position. I doubt many of those people are posting in this thread. That doesn’t mean other people have no right to an opinion on how they view sexuality or how they would categorise me… it means they are not qualified to tell me I am wrong about my own sexuality. Every time someone states that men (similar to me) are in denial, they are also tarring me with that brush. Do you think this thread is being unfair in making straight people question what is straight… you should try sitting in my seat and have people questioning your sexuality all the time. Until you’ve experienced it, it’s difficult to truly appreciate…. and that’s why I will always post in this type of thread in defence of a minority of guys who are indirectly being labelled and accused of something they don’t believe they are. The ones who know they are bi and just say straight to play the numbers game.. fuck them they are on their own! . . . btw... thanks for the comment on my posts in general x | |||
"As your (polo's) lengthy post above indicates, there are MANY shades of grey in the straight- bi spectrum. Unfortunately, we don't have enough labels to cover each shade, so we use the two or three popular ones. But I dont think it matters. As Rugby says, enjoy what you are, and respect others freedom to live their lives and fantasies as they see fit. "Actually that is what I meant when I asked if we needed labels, only you expressed it a lot better. Yes, we sure do need to state whether we are essentially straight or bi or bi-accessible etc.. We just wondered whether we needed so much labelling for the fine details, the shades of grey you are referring to... it makes the whole matter of swinging a bit too analytical and non-spontaneous. Also agree with... just celebrate what you are... "you" meaning anybody...it is meant to be recreational not governed by self-administered red tape? | |||
"As your (polo's) lengthy post above indicates, there are MANY shades of grey in the straight- bi spectrum. Unfortunately, we don't have enough labels to cover each shade, so we use the two or three popular ones. But I dont think it matters. As Rugby says, enjoy what you are, and respect others freedom to live their lives and fantasies as they see fit.
Actually that is what I meant when I asked if we needed labels, only you expressed it a lot better.
Yes, we sure do need to state whether we are essentially straight or bi or bi-accessible etc..
We just wondered whether we needed so much labelling for the fine details, the shades of grey you are referring to... it makes the whole matter of swinging a bit too analytical and non-spontaneous.
Also agree with... just celebrate what you are... "you" meaning anybody...it is meant to be recreational not governed by self-administered red tape? "Exactly: that's what I was trying to say. Some people seem hell bent on sucking the fun out of this by analysing every...single...permutation and shade of "biness". I'm not looking to date anyone of this site so there's no need to delve so deeply. I say no bi men as I play with men discovering their submissive side. Seeing the look on their faces when they first see my toy chest and feel how their bodies react when they are introduced to anal play is a major turn on for me. I bi male wouldn't give me the same thrill now would he! | |||
Just to clarify…. especially for the confused.
I have not suggested there needs to be any more boxes on profiles to cater for the complexity of sexual identity.
Yes we should use the boxes there are as accurately as we can.
People should celebrate what they are…. without being told they have ticked the wrong box and are in denial, when they have ticked the box they feel DOES best describe their sexuality.
(I say 'people' having looked at one or two profiles where the lady states she is 'straight') | |||
"Anyone else wish to throw in the over analysing card? An interesting card to be played in a debate
Just to clarify…. especially for the confused.
I have not suggested there needs to be any more boxes on profiles to cater for the complexity of sexual identity.
Yes we should use the boxes there are as accurately as we can.
People should celebrate what they are…. without being told they have ticked the wrong box and are in denial, when they have ticked the box they feel DOES best describe their sexuality.
(I say 'people' having looked at one or two profiles where the lady states she is 'straight') "Agreed in principal.. and the last part of the above statement is a difficult one I think, because I for example consider myself straight as I am attracted to men, their brains, their bodies, their minds (which works quite differently from ours, not being cynical here), their scent (again not being funny... talking pheromones here... I am not sexually attracted to women but can, and have been known to play with genuine, lovely ladies... for me I got a lot of pleasure out of pleasing them but it is not a sexual pleasure.. I do not know how I could possibly label myself as "bi"... for I am not.. but for some folks I would by definition not be straight either. I draw the conclusion to put myself down as straight.. as that is what I consider myself to be. | |||
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"Me? In a play situation, I do enjoy everyone being able to lick, touch or suck whoever they want. It adds to the fun, it creates endless possibilities and can make the fun go on longer. That means, in that kind of situation, I must be bi as I'm happy to play and be played with by the male in the couple. I previously played as one half of a MF couple, and when there was 4 or more likeminded people together - wowser! I am most definitely not gay. I've never, ever fancied a male and I have no wish to play with a male alone. one to one. Given all this, to say I am straight would be a downright lie. Just like finding out that someone I was looking to meet with/had met with was telling lies about themselves, I wouldn't want to play with them, if people found out I was lieing by labelling myself straight I would presume they would run a mile from me. I'm being honest about what I like. It's not saying that is all I'm interested in. It's just like other sexual interests that you can label on here. You may say you like making videos - it doesn't mean you are going to film every session, you'll only do it when you meet people with a similar interest that you feel comfortable with. Likewise other interests, anal, dp, ws whatever. Because you say you do it, doesn't mean you expect it every time you meet someone. By labelling myself bi, I realise that in many people's eyes on here I have a stigma attached. I realise that it means I will potentially meet a lot less people because the more narrow minded think that they can't go with a bi male or else he'll jump on them. And to be frank, I'm glad of that, because if they can't realise or accept that I'm not going to jump on them, then we aren't suited anyway!" ....well said. If this doesnt cover it, I cant imagine what will! Shades of grey folks, shades of grey. | |||
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"is that then any different to a bloke who doesnt fancy other men but has been known to play with other guys?" No, to me it is not.. but that is just my opinion? I am not bothered by the fine detail of the labelling anyway as stated above and can see your point entirely. It is funny how language works and shapes the way we think and perceive our world. If somebody has committed an offence (of whatever kind) it makes him/ her a criminal even though he may have only done it once and regretted it afterwards. So, I would not worry too much about the fine detail, put on your profile what you genuinely believe to be... and with an honest attitude to swinging you probably find like-minded honest open people? | |||
"Think you've hit the nail on the head there _eprobatepair, the selection you choose on here is for the benefit of playmates, and not for how you live your life outside the site/scene, think a lot of people think if they describe themselves as bi curious on a swinging site they have to put it on there cv as well and stand at a street corner with a placard. " Seconded both posts - could not have worded it better. | |||
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"The problem here is one of interpretation. To many heterosexual men, a bisexual male is effectively a homosexual. To many homosexual men a bisexual man is a effectively a homosexual in denial. There seems to be a much less judgemental attitude to women expressing their sexuality with members of the same sex. So, lets be clear here. A lesbian is as physically repulsed by the idea of sex with a man as a heterosexual man is repulsed by the idea of sex with another man. A homosexual man is as repulsed with the idea of sex with a woman as a heterosexual woman is repulsed by the idea of sex with another woman. So, then , there are many areas in between. We have a profile where Mrs R is happy to be classified as bisexual. Mr R prefers to be classified as straight. That does not necessarily mean that Mrs R would find every woman attractive, or that Mr R would reject the idea of male to male contact in a play situation. The fact is there are many shades of grey. We live together in a heterosexual relationship. A play situation is different. The dynamics change. Simply reacting to the individuals in that situation does not label you as gay, straight,bi,lesbian, homosexual or anything else. In the same way that listening to classical music makes you culturally superior to someone who likes The Sugarbabes or Motorhead. (Mrs R is an opera singer Mr R is a rock guitarist). It makes us different in different situations. Labelling people actually labels the labeller more than the labelee. It took a few goes to make sense of this..best go and suck a nice wet...whatever your label prescribes........" Nicely put... | |||
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"Is it the gay thing that worries some men? " i am Bisexual and not once thought of myself as GAY, because i see the distinction between both sexual preferences
GAY men/women prefer same sex
Bi sexual men/women are just greedy buggers lol | |||
"Is it the gay thing that worries some men? i am Bisexual and not once thought of myself as GAY, because i see the distinction between both sexual preferences
GAY men/women prefer same sex
Bi sexual men/women are just greedy buggers lol "What's wrong with that! | |||
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"Is it the gay thing that worries some men? i am Bisexual and not once thought of myself as GAY, because i see the distinction between both sexual preferences
GAY men/women prefer same sex
Bi sexual men/women are just greedy buggers lol
What's wrong with that! " absolutly nothing lol | |||
