FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > why so pushy...?
why so pushy...?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I havent been on here long and would love to meet a nice bloke for regular meets.
However... i get quite a few messages which just say 'hi' or 'wanna bang u' or something equally unintetesting. When i look at profiles, theres no verifications, minimal pictures, and 'fill this in later' instead of information, so, as you can imagine, i dont reply.
I also may not reply if i dont find the person attractive, if they live 200 miles away or if they dont have similar interests to me.
Heres my problem...
....when i dont reply i get more and more messages off the same blokes asking me why im not replying, and sometimes getting a bit nasty and certainly very pushy. My block list is as long as my arm.
Is there some etiquette im missing? Am i meant to reply to everyone who messages me even of im not interested?
I'd be interested to know if im doing anything wrong and does this happen to anyone else?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First and foremost never take anything personally.
Second, use this site how you wish to. I only respond to messages if someone has proved they've taken the effort to read my profile and compose a message to ME (as opposed to a potential hole). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Welcome to FAB 
On a positive note , there are some bloomin lovely great guys. They just take a bit of hunting down sometimes. If you're being bombarded keep blocking and the nuisance will get less  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reply if you are interested in them. I've had similar and my block list is soooo long now. You're not doing anything wrong there are alot of pushy men and there are also nice men too (few and far between) and I'm sure you will find them too. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course you don't need to reply to every message! Maybe a wee tip would be to block those who message you and don't fit your criteria, before they can pester you with repeat messages? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks...i dont take it personally. I wouldnt be here if i did cos some msgs have got quite nasty
Do you ever get this problem? I get about 40 msgs a day so im struggling to filter out the ones who i might want to meet after all the crap from those who dont bother reading my profile...as you say x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks...i dont take it personally. I wouldnt be here if i did cos some msgs have got quite nasty
Do you ever get this problem? I get about 40 msgs a day so im struggling to filter out the ones who i might want to meet after all the crap from those who dont bother reading my profile...as you say x"
Ask for their phone number that gets rid of half if you ring in the evening that get rids of a third of what's left lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's extremely full-on on here, to be honest I don't even actively look for anyone or message anyone as I know they'll be getting 100s. I'd say just block single guys and look for ones yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks...i dont take it personally. I wouldnt be here if i did cos some msgs have got quite nasty
Do you ever get this problem? I get about 40 msgs a day so im struggling to filter out the ones who i might want to meet after all the crap from those who dont bother reading my profile...as you say x"
Ok you have two specific things on your profile that would jump out at me straight away:-
- your age range requirements
- you won't meet smokers
So as a tip, before you open the message look at the profile to see if this is correct. If not block and delete. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You could always filter unverified profiles. Why not put on your profile that if they only send one liners or if they're not what your looking for you'll delete their messages. That's what I do. Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the replies. My filters are absolutly fully on!
If i look at their profile it causes another message with a sarky comment about me being too fussy or stuck up or even a bitch for not replying after looking.
Perhaps its just the way it is...just wondered if it happened to others really.
Really starting to want to just leave fab because of it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You could always filter unverified profiles. Why not put on your profile that if they only send one liners or if they're not what your looking for you'll delete their messages. That's what I do. Good luck "
Thanks legs. I might have to be a but more bossy in my profile!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the replies. My filters are absolutly fully on!
If i look at their profile it causes another message with a sarky comment about me being too fussy or stuck up or even a bitch for not replying after looking.
Perhaps its just the way it is...just wondered if it happened to others really.
Really starting to want to just leave fab because of it x"
Notts suggestion is a good one.
Don't let the arsehole types grind you down... There are some great people here (probably all in the forum). |
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"Thanks...i dont take it personally. I wouldnt be here if i did cos some msgs have got quite nasty
Do you ever get this problem? I get about 40 msgs a day so im struggling to filter out the ones who i might want to meet after all the crap from those who dont bother reading my profile...as you say x
Ask for their phone number that gets rid of half if you ring in the evening that get rids of a third of what's left lol"
Brill |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they are abusive, report them. Just like in the real world, there's cool people and not so cool.
It can be easier to just go look for who you want to meet rather than waiting for mail.
If you delete everyrhing off your 'looking for' section you won't show up in searches and that will stop a lot of mail.
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just block them,the block button will become your best mate.
we will go through looked at me and block any unverifieds that looks
this is no place to worry about peoples feelings |
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If i look at their profile it causes another message with a sarky comment about me being too fussy or stuck up or even a bitch for not replying after looking.
why not set your looking at to stealth mode then they will not know you looked at them ..connie x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You could always filter unverified profiles. Why not put on your profile that if they only send one liners or if they're not what your looking for you'll delete their messages. That's what I do. Good luck
Thanks legs. I might have to be a but more bossy in my profile! "
You're welcome and you don't have to sound bossy. Just put it in a nice way and if they come back and are rude, block the little darlings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I havent been on here long and would love to meet a nice bloke for regular meets.
However... i get quite a few messages which just say 'hi' or 'wanna bang u' or something equally unintetesting. When i look at profiles, theres no verifications, minimal pictures, and 'fill this in later' instead of information, so, as you can imagine, i dont reply.
I also may not reply if i dont find the person attractive, if they live 200 miles away or if they dont have similar interests to me.
"
Well not trying to be rude (would have sent private but you've blocked my age range :p) your profile doesn't really give much more than your physical description of yourself/ideal partner plus some basic sexual preferences.
How can a guy start up an interesting conversation with you about interests you share when he doesn't know anything about you other than you like muscly men?
if you're looking for a bit more than just a hook up, somone who you can share things with an have a good chat with maybe add some stuff you enjoy or like doing/would like to talk about to your profile. of course the pushy twats will still ignore it like they do everyone's profile.
but the people who you're actually trying to find will now have something to grab a hold of and start a good convo with you rather than the old clutching at straws of "how are you, what sort of things are you into" line.
Just suggestion, cause i notice a lot of ladies profiles ay "no one liners, give me something interesting to read" but no actual hints as to what their interests are beyond the sexual.
Hope you succeed in finding someone who can hold a conversation, there are a few on here but finding them is like panning for gold :p
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Welcome to FAB
On a positive note , there are some bloomin lovely great guys. They just take a bit of hunting down sometimes. If you're being bombarded keep blocking and the nuisance will get less "
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
"Welcome to FAB
On a positive note , there are some bloomin lovely great guys. They just take a bit of hunting down sometimes. If you're being bombarded keep blocking and the nuisance will get less "
im here!!! |
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By *roggMan
over a year ago
haverfordwest |
I try to be polite and respectful to whoever I send messages to on here and have had a lot of good communication with nice and genuine people and like everyday life there are good and not so good people and impatient and pushy ones . you will not keep everyone happy whatever you do but they should respect your decision whatever it may be without causing any hassle |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the feedback. Im not looking for a message like an essay but ive just had one that said 'oiii' and another said 'hi'. Surely its not out of hw question to expect a little more than that?
Im not really interests in chatting about what my personal intereats are either. That *in my opinion) would be more of dating site etiquette.
Anyway my point was more about the shitty attitude of some bloke and the name calling that happens when i dont reply. But im taking advice as per the responses above and i'll see how it goes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Thanks for the feedback. Im not looking for a message like an essay but ive just had one that said 'oiii' and another said 'hi'. Surely its not out of hw question to expect a little more than that?
Im not really interests in chatting about what my personal intereats are either. That *in my opinion) would be more of dating site etiquette.
Anyway my point was more about the shitty attitude of some bloke and the name calling that happens when i dont reply. But im taking advice as per the responses above and i'll see how it goes!"
.
You get out what you put in. If they can't be arsed , why should you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately this is the nature of the site. I also get repeat messages off the same people. Often, if I don't reply to a message, I find a wink and a friend request off the self same person. It's really annoying.
I have had to be more assertive with regards to dealing with messages. If they haven't bothered to adhere to what I ask for in my profile, then their message gets deleted. Sometimes I block, depending on their profile/attitude in the message. If someone sends me a friend request without messaging me first, I block them. And if I get a repeat message off someone, I block them too.
My block list is HUGE!
However, it can pay off. I am currently about to meet someone this week who is exactly what I'm looking for and is intelligent and funny, and attractive It's worth sticking it out, if you can be tough enough to block when needed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Thanks for the feedback. Im not looking for a message like an essay but ive just had one that said 'oiii' and another said 'hi'. Surely its not out of hw question to expect a little more than that?
Im not really interests in chatting about what my personal intereats are either. That *in my opinion) would be more of dating site etiquette.
Anyway my point was more about the shitty attitude of some bloke and the name calling that happens when i dont reply. But im taking advice as per the responses above and i'll see how it goes!"
Profile update looks good! |
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Easiest way to stop getting rude messages is if you open it and its a one liner or you do not like what they have written or you just do not fancy them then just delete the message then block them as you are not interested in them anyways.
Then whats left you can work your way through and find a good one. |
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By *RYBBWCouple
over a year ago
Leeds. |
"I havent been on here long and would love to meet a nice bloke for regular meets.
However... i get quite a few messages which just say 'hi' or 'wanna bang u' or something equally unintetesting. When i look at profiles, theres no verifications, minimal pictures, and 'fill this in later' instead of information, so, as you can imagine, i dont reply.
I also may not reply if i dont find the person attractive, if they live 200 miles away or if they dont have similar interests to me.
Heres my problem...
....when i dont reply i get more and more messages off the same blokes asking me why im not replying, and sometimes getting a bit nasty and certainly very pushy. My block list is as long as my arm.
Is there some etiquette im missing? Am i meant to reply to everyone who messages me even of im not interested?
I'd be interested to know if im doing anything wrong and does this happen to anyone else? "
This is what happens when you upset the Adonis' and Demi-Gods on this site. But at leasy you find out their true "genuine" nature sooner rather than later.
Just keep smiling and persevere. You'll find the good man you're looking for. |
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