I asked my first meet off here to select a safe word before we met. I don't think she quite grasped the concept as it was the first week of a very hot July and she chose "sunshine". We went with "rhinoceros". |
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"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one."
Yes, but you should still always have one, no matter how rarely, if ever, it is used, and also a safe gesture as stated by crystal wheels above, it is only sensible to do so as a failsafe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. |
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. "
 |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. "
But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would.
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would."
It is only sensible tho, if it is never used, whats the harm in having it? |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would.
It is only sensible tho, if it is never used, whats the harm in having it?"
I don't feel the need at this moment in time.Thats the good thing about different lifestyle choices, we can take from them what we want. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"If you do that again I'm going to rip your fucking head off"
Seriously, it depends on the person I'm playing with. It needs to be something they will remember under stress. Most have their own.
With any sub or bottom I don't know well, however, any version of stop or no would have me either pause or stop to check in with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would.
It is only sensible tho, if it is never used, whats the harm in having it?I don't feel the need at this moment in time.Thats the good thing about different lifestyle choices, we can take from them what we want. "
We are in very different situations Femme. I was safeword trained by my first Dominant and I'm comfortable in that. I wouldn't use a safeword on a first meet, but its how I am confident in playing.
I think safewords have an important position in D/s, in the early stages. |
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would.
It is only sensible tho, if it is never used, whats the harm in having it?I don't feel the need at this moment in time.Thats the good thing about different lifestyle choices, we can take from them what we want. "
Absolutely, very very rarely used in my case as I do not ever go 'full on' with a sub till trust has been developed, however when testing limits and for generally play I like a sub to have the security of knowing it is there and will always be respected |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one.
Sorry but that is plain wrong. Maybe you don't need one with an established partner but it's a simple safety factor for casual play.
"
Its not wrong for THAT person. |
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"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one.
Sorry but that is plain wrong. Maybe you don't need one with an established partner but it's a simple safety factor for casual play.
Its not wrong for THAT person."
It is if you get a dim-dom that manages to persuade a newbie sub that they don't need one. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one.
Sorry but that is plain wrong. Maybe you don't need one with an established partner but it's a simple safety factor for casual play.
Its not wrong for THAT person.
It is if you get a dim-dom that manages to persuade a newbie sub that they don't need one."
Why insult people that you have no clue about?Whilst I agree that an inexperienced sub and dom can be dangerous I really don't see the need to tar someone who is inexperienced , with people that think the word master and sir are the be all and end all of this complex relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one."
Is disagree and say in the hands of a skilled dominant they would stop before you used it as they would know you but only after time.
You should have one... |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one.
Sorry but that is plain wrong. Maybe you don't need one with an established partner but it's a simple safety factor for casual play.
"
It's casual play!
I think I'm missing something of peoples casual play here!!! sign. me. up! lol |
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We haven't safe worded more than twice since we started and that was right at the beginning.
Now I know D inside out and she never gets to that point.
But it is still there. Either of us can safe word any time we want to. It's just simple 'belt and braces' safety.
There can be no mistakes made if you are clear on safe words/signals/gestures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In the hands of skilled dominants you shouldn't need one.
Is disagree and say in the hands of a skilled dominant they would stop before you used it as they would know you but only after time.
You should have one... "
I agree all Ds or bdsm play should have a safe word unless all parties agree not to use one in which case all bets are off. This is not something I would do.
As for saying that if a safe word has been spoken that play must have gone to far, I disagree. Some people want to be pushed and when you are walking in to new areas etc how can you possibly know when somethingnhas gone to far. You can read another persons mind? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not found the need for 1, he seems to know from the look in my eye. He always seems to stop at the right time. xx"
we have said this - never needed it but we know each other well enough to know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and we use the traffic light system for simplicity and to avoid confusion in the heat of play. Easy to forget a safe word when you have fireworks going off in you head."
I find the traffic light system to be a very helpful tool when pushing boundries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can someone please define casual play?While we are at it, can we define what is adult, and taking responsibility for ones own actions/decisions as well please?  "
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I simply see it as why take the risk a mistake will be made? Unless you are prepared to take anything as a submissive that is.
I understand knowing your submissive well enough, but a Dominant is still human and therefore can make a mistake and I think nieve to think otherwise.
You 'should' know your submissive well enough to never need a safe word.
Trouble is not everyone actually does. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't safeword play in casual play! In casual play, no means no, stop means stop!
I've never used a safeword in a D/s relationship, but I've known its been there if I need it.
I can totally understand that some couples do not use safeword play as they have a strong bond and can read each other, probably better than they can read themselves!
I think its important that everyone respects each others' play and the choices they make. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I simply see it as why take the risk a mistake will be made? Unless you are prepared to take anything as a submissive that is.
I understand knowing your submissive well enough, but a Dominant is still human and therefore can make a mistake and I think nieve to think otherwise.
You 'should' know your submissive well enough to never need a safe word.
Trouble is not everyone actually does."
this is very very true. For us a safe word is just safety.The fact is if its not in place and I got it wrong then she could get hurt and that would be bloody awful! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"
I think its important that everyone respects each others' play and the choices they make. "
Exactly, I would never castigate someone for using a safeword, but I really dislike people telling me I should have one, I am a grown up, I make my own decisions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think its important that everyone respects each others' play and the choices they make. Exactly, I would never castigate someone for using a safeword, but I really dislike people telling me I should have one, I am a grown up, I make my own decisions. "
I totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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bubbles - but try saying it with a ball gag in - i got my arse battered for 2 1/2 hrs before she sussed i was trying to say bubbles not wonderful…… ffs!! |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"We don't do BDSM but our codeword for "lets get away from these people" is for either of us to say "I really fancy a drink, let's go to the bar." Useful in clubs!"
to which they follow you and end up costing you a round  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. But you play that way Ruby...if I was a single femme and playing that way with meets I would.
It is only sensible tho, if it is never used, whats the harm in having it?I don't feel the need at this moment in time.Thats the good thing about different lifestyle choices, we can take from them what we want.
We are in very different situations Femme. I was safeword trained by my first Dominant and I'm comfortable in that. I wouldn't use a safeword on a first meet, but its how I am confident in playing.
I think safewords have an important position in D/s, in the early stages. "
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Each to their own and it has to be right for those playing.
Personally I feel happier with one, I hate using it on the rare occasions I have to but actually it allows me to allow myself to be pushed further knowing Master will stop if I can't take any more.
Agree on the hand gesture/visual version too.
He reads me very well and it's rarely been uttered but hope that the security of having one means he's prepared to push further too.
There was a court case at the beginning of the year with a man accused of assault. They had arranged bdsm play and agreed a safe word yet she admitted to not using it so he continued. She was then hurt. It only works if it's respected equally by both involved IMHO
Ruby x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To hear that people don't think, in the hands of a skilled Dominant, you don't need one, clearly shows they are not one of the aforementioned skilled Dominants. I would NEVER submit to a Dominant who didn't use safeword play. "
x 100!!! |
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