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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Hi guys,
I just met someone in the vanilla world (yes, it exists!!  ) and I just realised that she is probably as kinky as I am!! (Needless to say, I'm a happy bunny, haaha)
But the thing is: she seems to really be into submission play... I can be a bit dominant when the situation needs it but I'm not a natural bull! 
So, I'd love to get some advices about domination games... PLeaaaaaaaaaaase?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Domination as in D/s isnt a role it isnt a game its a state of mind and a natural state of being.
The most important thing to talk to her about is what being submissive is for her.
Does she want to please you be controlled and used. Does she want beating does she want tying up, is it a pain thing....talk and learn what her submission means to you then make sure you build a level of trust that will allow her to give it to you and once you have that you are away.
but communication is KEY |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Already started with the communication part: it is just that I'm not really sure about where the limits are... and it seems she doesn't know neither (it seems to be quite new for her too!)
And well, in that case, it is a play/a game: I mean, neither of us see domination as an essential part of sex and even less as a way of life.
I don't think there is only one shade in anything(no reference to 50 shades of shit intended , btw) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sounds like you are on it
start slow and push, the exploring is the fun part, there is no rule book just remember keep it sane, safe and consensual and have fun |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
theres no one shade. A woman that likes her hair pulled might not like to be spanked. One that likes to be spanked might not like paddles. One that likes ropes might not like might not like clamps. One that likes vibrators, another may like penetration. One may have sensitive tits another you can chew. One may like marks another may be outchy.
It sounds like she's essentially vanilla so you dont want to go wild as you may scare her off in seconds - just likes you to take the lead.
You'd know if she was a submissive as she would know exactly what she likes and tell you i.e. humilliation, pain, control, forced, torture, denail, gagging, anal, dehumanisation, exhibitionism, watersports or whatever... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well, as I said, she is not "submissive" per se, just more submissive than the women I met before and willing to explore this way...
What actually frightens me,and you're right on that, is to go too far! |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
As others have said, the bdsm scene so to speak is interpreted so differently by every woman who is sub and yes I am one of them!
I have a regular who is in my head and know's what I like, I tried someone new a few weeks ago and I hated his interpretation of what he thought I would like based on his previous experience, so I will not be meeting him again, so yes, you will only find out by speaking or listening to her body language, so stick with it, it will hopefully be a great experience for you both  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"As others have said, the bdsm scene so to speak is interpreted so differently by every woman who is sub and yes I am one of them!
I have a regular who is in my head and know's what I like, I tried someone new a few weeks ago and I hated his interpretation of what he thought I would like based on his previous experience, so I will not be meeting him again, so yes, you will only find out by speaking or listening to her body language, so stick with it, it will hopefully be a great experience for you both "
And as you mention. Interpreted differently by every guy too.
There are absolute extremes that is an absolute dichotomy between domination and dominant and submission and submissive.
All can be absolutely mixed up and have either great or disaterous results |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am a collared Sub....
Every Sub/Do relationship is different and there is never a right or wrong way of doing things. It is up to each individual, their limits and boundaries.
I would be happy to have a chat with you, if you want to message me x |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I am a collared Sub....
Every Sub/Do relationship is different and there is never a right or wrong way of doing things. It is up to each individual, their limits and boundaries.
I would be happy to have a chat with you, if you want to message me x"
no its ok, I'm just about to put the telebbox on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
but communication is KEY"
Discuss likes and dislikes. And if you want to try new kink research it first before you try. Ask advice of others in the scene. And don't rush at anything. Enjoy yourselves  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a collared Sub....
Every Sub/Do relationship is different and there is never a right or wrong way of doing things. It is up to each individual, their limits and boundaries.
I would be happy to have a chat with you, if you want to message me x
no its ok, I'm just about to put the telebbox on "
Haha! Cheeky  |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"As others have said, the bdsm scene so to speak is interpreted so differently by every woman who is sub and yes I am one of them!
I have a regular who is in my head and know's what I like, I tried someone new a few weeks ago and I hated his interpretation of what he thought I would like based on his previous experience, so I will not be meeting him again, so yes, you will only find out by speaking or listening to her body language, so stick with it, it will hopefully be a great experience for you both
And as you mention. Interpreted differently by every guy too.
There are absolute extremes that is an absolute dichotomy between domination and dominant and submission and submissive.
All can be absolutely mixed up and have either great or disaterous results"
Exactly! So, no kinks on here for the formidable future for me!
I've learnt the hard way, but only because the interpretation was taken differently by both sexes even though it was 'sort of' discussed before hand! Just obviously not enough!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't agree with ChunkyMan more. Start slow & communicate, exploring the boundaries a little. As the trust grows so the boundaries will come down and then more exploring & discovering can follow.
Just remember that a Sub is not a weak person but rather the opposite. She is giving you a gift, cherish it & enjoy it. xx |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"
Exactly! So, no kinks on here for the formidable future for me!
I've learnt the hard way, but only because the interpretation was taken differently by both sexes even though it was 'sort of' discussed before hand! Just obviously not enough! "
If you've got a general idea of what you want I wouldn't let it put you off There's good and bad meets no matter what you do, just get edges sorted before the boots come off |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I can't agree with ChunkyMan more. Start slow & communicate, exploring the boundaries a little. As the trust grows so the boundaries will come down and then more exploring & discovering can follow.
Just remember that a Sub is not a weak person but rather the opposite. She is giving you a gift, cherish it & enjoy it. xx"
She's submissive, not a sub. There is no gift as they are just fucking |
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This was a vanilla meet thou so maybe it was more then a fuck. When it comes to play true bdsm followers don't usually bring sex into the dungeon or play areas. Some fetish clubs are now saying they are non contact so who knows any more. |
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"When it comes to play true bdsm followers don't usually bring sex into the dungeon or play areas."
True? as in 'the one true way'?
Sorry but that is crap, for a hell of a lot of BDSM'ers play is very sexual.
And in BDSM circles it's usually spelt 'Twue' |
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"When it comes to play true bdsm followers don't usually bring sex into the dungeon or play areas.
True? as in 'the one true way'?
Sorry but that is crap, for a hell of a lot of BDSM'ers play is very sexual.
And in BDSM circles it's usually spelt 'Twue'"
No I meant I have met some who don't mix the sex (as in penetration) I didn't say it wasnt a very sexual experience, of course it is, it's one of the most erotic experiences and natural endoephine kicks you get, closest thing to sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Domination as in D/s isnt a role it isnt a game its a state of mind and a natural state of being.
The most important thing to talk to her about is what being submissive is for her.
Does she want to please you be controlled and used. Does she want beating does she want tying up, is it a pain thing....talk and learn what her submission means to you then make sure you build a level of trust that will allow her to give it to you and once you have that you are away.
but communication is KEY"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When it comes to play true bdsm followers don't usually bring sex into the dungeon or play areas.
True? as in 'the one true way'?
Sorry but that is crap, for a hell of a lot of BDSM'ers play is very sexual.
And in BDSM circles it's usually spelt 'Twue'
No I meant I have met some who don't mix the sex (as in penetration) I didn't say it wasnt a very sexual experience, of course it is, it's one of the most erotic experiences and natural endoephine kicks you get, closest thing to sex. "
But sex isn't just penetration (unless you are Bill Clinton  ) |
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