FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Can you cheat on your partner and still be in love with them?
Can you cheat on your partner and still be in love with them?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I adore my partner and am crazy about her but still find myself looking at other girls, flirting and sometimes fucking other girls but it doesn't make my feelings for my gf any less!
Does anybody else find this?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's never black and white. I think it is possible to love someone and cheat on them. It depends on the situation and circumstances, but there are many people who have managed to keep a relationship going after cheating and come out stronger and still in love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No.don't see how you can say you love your girl.yet still fuck other women.is your sex life dull with her.do she know your on here.have you talk to her about swinging.how would you feel if she did this to you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I adore my partner and am crazy about her but still find myself looking at other girls, flirting and sometimes fucking other girls but it doesn't make my feelings for my gf any less!
Does anybody else find this??"
If you found out that your girlfriend was shagging other men would you feel less loved?
to me I think that finding out someone you love and trust has been lying to you is the most hurtful thing, if she found out would she be devastated? yet your still willing to carry on and risk ripping her heart out, can you call this love?
im not against people who cheat I have met a few but I cant see how you can risk hurting your partner in such a way and still claim to love her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I adore my partner and am crazy about her but still find myself looking at other girls, flirting and sometimes fucking other girls but it doesn't make my feelings for my gf any less!
Does anybody else find this??
If you found out that your girlfriend was shagging other men would you feel less loved?
to me I think that finding out someone you love and trust has been lying to you is the most hurtful thing, if she found out would she be devastated? yet your still willing to carry on and risk ripping her heart out, can you call this love?
im not against people who cheat I have met a few but I cant see how you can risk hurting your partner in such a way and still claim to love her"
This ^^^
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It depends on the situation.
A lot of married guys and women seek a bit more than their partner wants to give.
My situation is this, but I love her totally. She won't discuss spicing up our sex life, nor the concept of swinging. She throws the "normal" card.
So NSA gets me the fun and friendship to fill the gap.
The other alternative is divorce. It's the 21st century but some of us are married to people with ideas firmly set in the past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is a difference between a one off mistake, say on a night out and got carried away. But to be on a site like this and cheating in a calculated way, no I dont think you can be in love with her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there is a difference between a one off mistake, say on a night out and got carried away. But to be on a site like this and cheating in a calculated way, no I dont think you can be in love with her. "
I agree with that
if I was married and my fella went out and got pissed and copped off in a d*unken state I think I could maybe forgive him for that, if I loved him
no matter how much I loved him if I found out that he had joined a swinging site, made the effort to meet someone then spent our money on taking her for a drink and getting a hotel to fuck her it would be over, end of |
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I agree with the fact that if you are cheating and you know that if you were found out your actions would upset the person you profess to love then you don't love them like you think!
Surely truly loving someone means to not want to do anything that you know would hurt them.
Just my opinion though. |
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"I think there is a difference between a one off mistake, say on a night out and got carried away. But to be on a site like this and cheating in a calculated way, no I dont think you can be in love with her.
I agree with that
if I was married and my fella went out and got pissed and copped off in a d*unken state I think I could maybe forgive him for that, if I loved him
no matter how much I loved him if I found out that he had joined a swinging site, made the effort to meet someone then spent our money on taking her for a drink and getting a hotel to fuck her it would be over, end of"
 |
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been cheated out really hurts.
my hubby cheated on me and then divorced me, so i not know if i will ever get over the pain of that ,
try talking my ex ddint have the decency to sit down and talk about it , just blamed it all on me , which has destroyed me and i'm lucky to be still here to write this its been hell  |
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Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?"
you do what you feel right
im not saying I think people shouldn't cheat, but that does not mean I understand why they would cheat on someone they claim to love
I really would sooner have my fella be honest with me and leave me than lie and sneak about behind my back looking for what I cant give him, but that does not mean everyone feels the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?"
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the only people that can answer this question are those that have cheated on their partner. If you have never done this, how can you say whether it is possible or not? |
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ok i will answer this simply my ex didnt have a boring sex life ,never went without
it even complained if he went from sun to sat without it was a swinger meeting couples single guys going to clubs for 15 years .did lots of other things too ,i gave him everything i could but he still ran off with another woman ,
so define a boring sex life !!! |
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites. "
This lady gets the issue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok i will answer this simply my ex didnt have a boring sex life ,never went without
it even complained if he went from sun to sat without it was a swinger meeting couples single guys going to clubs for 15 years .did lots of other things too ,i gave him everything i could but he still ran off with another woman ,
so define a boring sex life !!!"
bloody hell was we married to the same man lol
we was the same, I was in a swinging relationship with my ex, we used to meet together and alone, went to clubs etc and it turned out he was meeting behind my back
never understood why he would meet behind my back when we both used to meet alone
I obviously wasn't what he wanted anymore but rather than having the balls to tell me and leave he choose to do it behind my back
I think with a lot of men its comfort
keep the wife at home to cook, clean and look after the kids but meet women he really like's without her knowing, best of both worlds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok i will answer this simply my ex didnt have a boring sex life ,never went without
it even complained if he went from sun to sat without it was a swinger meeting couples single guys going to clubs for 15 years .did lots of other things too ,i gave him everything i could but he still ran off with another woman ,
so define a boring sex life !!!"
It sounds like in your case sex was not the issue. Couples break up, fall out of love, get fed up for other reasons as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the only people that can answer this question are those that have cheated on their partner. If you have never done this, how can you say whether it is possible or not? "
I never cheated on my ex because I was in love with him. If I wasn't I definitely would have. His own words were, you must have really loved me for staying so long and putting up with everything I did to you. If you love someone you won't want to do anything to hurt them. In my opinion only, which is what we have been asked for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue "
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think you can tell yourself your feeling havent changed about your partner, but if you look deep down, they actually have to have, otherwise you wouldnt be changing the way you behave towards her.
do you really love her, do you you love the security a relationship affords you?
the home
the company when nothing else is available?
the sex when you both want it (or you cant get it elsewhere)
if you have to find something elsewhere that isnt in your relationship then you have some pretty searching questions to ask yourself, and your partner, and the answers can be very unpallatable, which is why most avoid asking them, and behave in the manner they do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I adore my partner and am crazy about her but still find myself looking at other girls, flirting and sometimes fucking other girls but it doesn't make my feelings for my gf any less!
Does anybody else find this??
If you found out that your girlfriend was shagging other men would you feel less loved?
to me I think that finding out someone you love and trust has been lying to you is the most hurtful thing, if she found out would she be devastated? yet your still willing to carry on and risk ripping her heart out, can you call this love?
im not against people who cheat I have met a few but I cant see how you can risk hurting your partner in such a way and still claim to love her
This ^^
"
Agreed. If you're doing something that would cause someome else pain and hurt, you don't love them.
Open/polyamoury relationships are different, you can love different people in different ways, but you're not lying or hurting them, you're both happy each other is happy.
Respect, honesty, trust and communication are a part of love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i've been cheated on in a past relationship, the hurt was the lies and deceit. but yes i think its still possible to love someone and cheat on them ( you can still love someone but have no respect for them or yourself )
Paul |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?"
you have to be bold in your approach.
the 'we need to talk about this because it will cost us our relationship' talk is much better than the 'why did you slityour wrists? it was only sex, she meant nothing to me' talk after she has found out.
which, btw, in my mind is the WORST kind of betrayal.
i would rather my partner sleep with someone else they thought they were in love with than ruin our relationship for a shag. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the op is no longer on site must have gone to talk it all over with his gf  "
Reading this post ...... I bet he had a lot to think about and left ..... And will be be back ? Not sure but a lot think the grass is greener on the other side and its not always. |
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites. "
this..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok i will answer this simply my ex didnt have a boring sex life ,never went without
it even complained if he went from sun to sat without it was a swinger meeting couples single guys going to clubs for 15 years .did lots of other things too ,i gave him everything i could but he still ran off with another woman ,
so define a boring sex life !!!
It sounds like in your case sex was not the issue. Couples break up, fall out of love, get fed up for other reasons as well."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!! |
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"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!"
equally they may have just changed their mind and decided to leave..? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!"
Some quite bitter people about thats for sure, and we only get to hear their side of the story. |
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want"
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want"
Money
Family
Friends
Kids
Fear
Many many many reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"maybe he wasn't getting nasty messages (its a possibility  ) but the thread just gave him food for thought and he decided his partner was more important "
or maybe has more then one profile and just getting this off his chest .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!"
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
"
Maybe your friend feel safe and don't wish to rock the boat , as in a routine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
"
I think some people do have a need to be with someone where as others are happy to be alone
I get loads of people always asking me if im in a relationship yet, like its some kind of need to be with someone and they look quite shocked when I tell them after 5 years...no im still alone but for some they would rather be with anyone than nooone so stay in relationships they arnt that happy in rather than face the future alone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!"
I totally agree with you I think there is an air of double standards coming out? Besides cheating or not cheating when it comes down to it... we are all animals at heart and getting down to brass tacks it is human nature that the male of the species does what is totally natural.He does his bit 'to have his genes' live on. To keep the human race alive etc.. get the idea? There that should provoke a reaction or two lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was married for many years... He was a tw t.. I stayed not much choice at the time, when the chance arose i left..I certainly didn't love him towards the latter end... I cheated...
My partner now.. of 8yrs I love! Therefore wouldn't even envisage cheating on him.. I have no reason to do so... I guess it depends on ones perception of love?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!I totally agree with you I think there is an air of double standards coming out? Besides cheating or not cheating when it comes down to it... we are all animals at heart and getting down to brass tacks it is human nature that the male of the species does what is totally natural.He does his bit 'to have his genes' live on. To keep the human race alive etc.. get the idea? There that should provoke a reaction or two lol"
totally agree
humans are no different to any other animals when it comes to sex and reproducing, our instincts drive us, what does set us apart though is the ability to rational thinking  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I adore my partner and am crazy about her but still find myself looking at other girls, flirting and sometimes fucking other girls but it doesn't make my feelings for my gf any less!
Does anybody else find this??"
No point in replying then if the OP has now left the building  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!I totally agree with you I think there is an air of double standards coming out? Besides cheating or not cheating when it comes down to it... we are all animals at heart and getting down to brass tacks it is human nature that the male of the species does what is totally natural.He does his bit 'to have his genes' live on. To keep the human race alive etc.. get the idea? There that should provoke a reaction or two lol"
Guess what, being individuals we are allowed a different moral compass. Cheats R us can go elsewhere
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?"
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
Cheaters here incurr the wrath of some forumites much more than anybody else.
You prefer blacks? OK, it's preference.
You drink piss? OK, horses for courses.
You like fucking 50 guys in a night? Well done you greedy girl!
You grope strangers in the pub? Good on you!
You make your husband lick his own cum against his will? Fine, each to their own.
But cheating, no!! So much for an open mind... |
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" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
Maybe your friend feel safe and don't wish to rock the boat , as in a routine."
It's my sister, they have nothing in common, they do little together. They have nothing together, they really don't like each other and as a family we're fascinated why they stay together.
I won't be surprised if I turn on the news one day to read one or other of them have killed the other: a very toxic relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!I totally agree with you I think there is an air of double standards coming out? Besides cheating or not cheating when it comes down to it... we are all animals at heart and getting down to brass tacks it is human nature that the male of the species does what is totally natural.He does his bit 'to have his genes' live on. To keep the human race alive etc.. get the idea? There that should provoke a reaction or two lol
totally agree
humans are no different to any other animals when it comes to sex and reproducing, our instincts drive us, what does set us apart though is the ability to rational thinking "
I agree but maybe some people are more in tune with the natural instinct for sex with those who are willing.......by the way nice profile pic 'naughtynymphos' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
Maybe your friend feel safe and don't wish to rock the boat , as in a routine.
It's my sister, they have nothing in common, they do little together. They have nothing together, they really don't like each other and as a family we're fascinated why they stay together.
I won't be surprised if I turn on the news one day to read one or other of them have killed the other: a very toxic relationship. "
You ever had a sister to sister chat or do you keep right out as her life ? me and my sister chat about life and family and my mum , We are very different in our views. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
..."
Why?
Everybody has different experiences in life and these shape their choices, preferences, moral compass and further experiences.
Some people have shared their experiences and it is clear why they would be anti this group within the community.
There is no correlation between the hypothetical sex situations and opinions on whether we should view cheaters with "kindness". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!I totally agree with you I think there is an air of double standards coming out? Besides cheating or not cheating when it comes down to it... we are all animals at heart and getting down to brass tacks it is human nature that the male of the species does what is totally natural.He does his bit 'to have his genes' live on. To keep the human race alive etc.. get the idea? There that should provoke a reaction or two lol"
some of us have evolved much further than the single celled protozoa that crawled out of the slime.
and some are quite happy staying there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
...
Why?
Everybody has different experiences in life and these shape their choices, preferences, moral compass and further experiences.
Some people have shared their experiences and it is clear why they would be anti this group within the community.
There is no correlation between the hypothetical sex situations and opinions on whether we should view cheaters with "kindness"."
That is where we differ, I believe in treating everyone kindly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
...
Why?
Everybody has different experiences in life and these shape their choices, preferences, moral compass and further experiences.
Some people have shared their experiences and it is clear why they would be anti this group within the community.
There is no correlation between the hypothetical sex situations and opinions on whether we should view cheaters with "kindness".
That is where we differ, I believe in treating everyone kindly."
I agree with you on that on... we should not tar everyone with the same brush but treat everyone with kindness and as individuals |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would not enter into a relationship if my partner wasn't going to cheat and see other guys... That would be part of the deal
Would still lover though.."
My missus has been with about a dozen different guys in our six years together and I still love her and wouldn't have it any other way... It's a real turn on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would not enter into a relationship if my partner wasn't going to cheat and see other guys... That would be part of the deal
Would still lover though.."
If she has your consent, then it is not cheating.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
...
Why?
Everybody has different experiences in life and these shape their choices, preferences, moral compass and further experiences.
Some people have shared their experiences and it is clear why they would be anti this group within the community.
There is no correlation between the hypothetical sex situations and opinions on whether we should view cheaters with "kindness".
That is where we differ, I believe in treating everyone kindly.I agree with you on that on... we should not tar everyone with the same brush but treat everyone with kindness and as individuals "
Oddly enough I treat people in the real world with kindness but they don't all end up in my knickers  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
...
Why?
Everybody has different experiences in life and these shape their choices, preferences, moral compass and further experiences.
Some people have shared their experiences and it is clear why they would be anti this group within the community.
There is no correlation between the hypothetical sex situations and opinions on whether we should view cheaters with "kindness".
That is where we differ, I believe in treating everyone kindly."
As long as they don't have different opinions to you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
So you believe all swingers should have the same moral compass?
Give or take yes...
It's about being kind and understanding on one's predicament.
Cheaters here incurr the wrath of some forumites much more than anybody else.
You prefer blacks? OK, it's preference.
You drink piss? OK, horses for courses.
You like fucking 50 guys in a night? Well done you greedy girl!
You grope strangers in the pub? Good on you!
You make your husband lick his own cum against his will? Fine, each to their own.
But cheating, no!! So much for an open mind..."
I would guess that most of the people here (myself included) who are anti-cheaters have been cheated on before and know how awful it is. So no, I don't think someone who deliberately does something that they know could potentially devastate the person they claim to love, deserves a fist bump or a hand shake. And in my opinion they certainly don't deserve to be in a relationship.
What if the OP was married to your sister or your best friend? If he was out cheating on them and they ended up hurt would he still deserve your kindness? |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
"I would not enter into a relationship if my partner wasn't going to cheat and see other guys... That would be part of the deal
Would still lover though..
If she has your consent, then it is not cheating. "
Ohhh dont spoil all the fun... right she dosent bloody well have my consent Grrrr:
Now get out there woman and partaaaay !!
|
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!"
How do you know he had any mails?
The replies he had were in keeping with the question asked and not abusive in any way, maybe he just didn't expect people to be against cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OMG!!! I cannot believe another member has left because of a thread on cheating. I can imagine the type of nasty messages he must have gotten in his Inbox. Shocking!!!
WTF! This is supposed to be an open minded community, we are swingers FFS not the Spanish inquisition!!!
How do you know he had any mails?
The replies he had were in keeping with the question asked and not abusive in any way, maybe he just didn't expect people to be against cheating."
or the posts made had him thinking with the brain in his head and he decided to delete and try with his missus instead of doing what a lot do and continue unperturbed. |
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
"I think it's never black and white. I think it is possible to love someone and cheat on them. It depends on the situation and circumstances, but there are many people who have managed to keep a relationship going after cheating and come out stronger and still in love."
|
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i'll probably get shot down for this but I do believe you can love someone and "cheat" on them at the same time.
My own circumstances, if you want to call it that is that I am married, I love my hubby very much and we have a very good marriage except my hubby cannot perform sexually because of health problems!
I know that should he ever find out I was on a site like this he would be upset but it also upsets him when we talk about the lack of sex between us him and that I have needs which he unfortunately cannot fulfil! At the end of the day I am here to fulfil those sexual needs, that's all it is...sex! It is a carnal desire that needs attention and nothing else!
I know some of you say I should leave him because i'm cheating but why should I leave a perfectly good marriage that is only lacking in ONE element just so I can have sex with your "peace of mind"??
The day that medical science comes up with something that will help him and I to have a healthy sexual relationship again is the day I cancel my membership to this site!! |
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When we first joined this site I honestly believed that unless you we're here with your partner or we're single you shouldn't be here. However time and experience have changed my mind and I can see that there are circumstances in which someone might need to find sex outside of their relationship, the reason we don't meet married people alone is because we have no way of knowing who is genuine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i'll probably get shot down for this but I do believe you can love someone and "cheat" on them at the same time.
My own circumstances, if you want to call it that is that I am married, I love my hubby very much and we have a very good marriage except my hubby cannot perform sexually because of health problems!
I know that should he ever find out I was on a site like this he would be upset but it also upsets him when we talk about the lack of sex between us him and that I have needs which he unfortunately cannot fulfil! At the end of the day I am here to fulfil those sexual needs, that's all it is...sex! It is a carnal desire that needs attention and nothing else!
I know some of you say I should leave him because i'm cheating but why should I leave a perfectly good marriage that is only lacking in ONE element just so I can have sex with your "peace of mind"??
The day that medical science comes up with something that will help him and I to have a healthy sexual relationship again is the day I cancel my membership to this site!!"
|
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"i'll probably get shot down for this but I do believe you can love someone and "cheat" on them at the same time.
My own circumstances, if you want to call it that is that I am married, I love my hubby very much and we have a very good marriage except my hubby cannot perform sexually because of health problems!
I know that should he ever find out I was on a site like this he would be upset but it also upsets him when we talk about the lack of sex between us him and that I have needs which he unfortunately cannot fulfil! At the end of the day I am here to fulfil those sexual needs, that's all it is...sex! It is a carnal desire that needs attention and nothing else!
I know some of you say I should leave him because i'm cheating but why should I leave a perfectly good marriage that is only lacking in ONE element just so I can have sex with your "peace of mind"??
The day that medical science comes up with something that will help him and I to have a healthy sexual relationship again is the day I cancel my membership to this site!!"
I am in a similar situation, except the reason for virtually no sex at home is not medical, more psychological. That probably condemns me more than your position. My wife won't easily talk about it, or seek advice/counselling, and has only recently acknowledged that she has let me down sexually over virtually the whole of our married life, 41 years now. I have a high sex drive but I still love her. Not an easy subject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
yes there are many reasons why it can be ok . sex is sex has nothing to do with the relationship. i think it is fine for both partners to have sex with others without having to tell and you can still love each other, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?
There is no answer apart from separation.
It's not just the cheater's fault, it takes two people to make a relationship. In your example there is no compromise, both people can't be happy because their wishes are total opposites.
This lady gets the issue
but if your admitting both of you arnt happy why would you stay together?
that's not a dig its a genuine question, I don't understand why people stay together in a relationship neither want
That's what I don't understand either: I have a sister in a relationship with a man she can't stand who loathes her equally. She will book into a spa hotel once a month or so for a break he'll go off on holiday and not tell her.
She's 52 next month, never married no kids. They stay together as both fear being alone and something is better than nothing that's why some stay together I think: sad waste I think...but that's the choice some make!
I think some people do have a need to be with someone where as others are happy to be alone
I get loads of people always asking me if im in a relationship yet, like its some kind of need to be with someone and they look quite shocked when I tell them after 5 years...no im still alone but for some they would rather be with anyone than nooone so stay in relationships they arnt that happy in rather than face the future alone "
I think that's part of the reason people cheat. They're not really happy with their partners but not confident that the person they're having a fling with is open to moving forward.
Also, what's stopping that person from moving on once you've left your other half?
The fear of being alone runs deep... |
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By *uper_gMan
over a year ago
london |
Well I believe it's possible, once you cheat on your partner, you feel like a ass for doing it because you realise if she / he ever did find out what you would actually lose for it!
But it don't seem to stop ya from doing it again!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"yes there are many reasons why it can be ok . sex is sex has nothing to do with the relationship."
But the lies, deceit, lack of respect and loss of trust have everything to do with the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i'll probably get shot down for this but I do believe you can love someone and "cheat" on them at the same time.
My own circumstances, if you want to call it that is that I am married, I love my hubby very much and we have a very good marriage except my hubby cannot perform sexually because of health problems!
I know that should he ever find out I was on a site like this he would be upset but it also upsets him when we talk about the lack of sex between us him and that I have needs which he unfortunately cannot fulfil! At the end of the day I am here to fulfil those sexual needs, that's all it is...sex! It is a carnal desire that needs attention and nothing else!
I know some of you say I should leave him because i'm cheating but why should I leave a perfectly good marriage that is only lacking in ONE element just so I can have sex with your "peace of mind"??
The day that medical science comes up with something that will help him and I to have a healthy sexual relationship again is the day I cancel my membership to this site!!
I am in a similar situation, except the reason for virtually no sex at home is not medical, more psychological. That probably condemns me more than your position. My wife won't easily talk about it, or seek advice/counselling, and has only recently acknowledged that she has let me down sexually over virtually the whole of our married life, 41 years now. I have a high sex drive but I still love her. Not an easy subject."
Same for me, but she said go and do what you need to but don't rub my face in it. She knows, sometimes she is interested to know more, but generally she has no interest in sexual passion. My sexual drive is huge, so I struggle to empathize with her on this.
How can men and women go without the need of sexual passion for decades? ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i'll probably get shot down for this but I do believe you can love someone and "cheat" on them at the same time.
My own circumstances, if you want to call it that is that I am married, I love my hubby very much and we have a very good marriage except my hubby cannot perform sexually because of health problems!
I know that should he ever find out I was on a site like this he would be upset but it also upsets him when we talk about the lack of sex between us him and that I have needs which he unfortunately cannot fulfil! At the end of the day I am here to fulfil those sexual needs, that's all it is...sex! It is a carnal desire that needs attention and nothing else!
I know some of you say I should leave him because i'm cheating but why should I leave a perfectly good marriage that is only lacking in ONE element just so I can have sex with your "peace of mind"??
The day that medical science comes up with something that will help him and I to have a healthy sexual relationship again is the day I cancel my membership to this site!!
I am in a similar situation, except the reason for virtually no sex at home is not medical, more psychological. That probably condemns me more than your position. My wife won't easily talk about it, or seek advice/counselling, and has only recently acknowledged that she has let me down sexually over virtually the whole of our married life, 41 years now. I have a high sex drive but I still love her. Not an easy subject.
Same for me, but she said go and do what you need to but don't rub my face in it. She knows, sometimes she is interested to know more, but generally she has no interest in sexual passion. My sexual drive is huge, so I struggle to empathize with her on this.
How can men and women go without the need of sexual passion for decades? ... "
you struggle to empathise with her and yet she empathises with you and simply requests her face isn't rubbed in it. Do you not see you have a diamond!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris"
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect."
being with someone you dont want to be is better than being single? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect."
Cheating is a bit like hedging your bets. You don't want to leave the other person but you're always looking because there might be something better.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect.
being with someone you dont want to be is better than being single?"
It can be, sometimes. Better the devil you know. Someone might be good in bed but then because they are good they are more likely to cheat on you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect.
being with someone you dont want to be is better than being single?
It can be, sometimes. Better the devil you know. Someone might be good in bed but then because they are good they are more likely to cheat on you."
how so? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Being with someone for the sake of it is more hurt full, I'd rather my wife cheat on me than being me just because she didn't want to be alone. And people cheat for all diffrent reason, some to do with sex, some because they depressed and want an escape and some because they get a thrill out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cheating is like hunting you keep hunting till you finally find that one trophy you can hang on your wall to show off "
but you dont show off your 'trophy' you keep it hidden from your wife in order to keep your life as it is/was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris
Agree but sometimes you have to take what you can get or end up being alone.
Nobodys perfect.
being with someone you dont want to be is better than being single?
It can be, sometimes. Better the devil you know. Someone might be good in bed but then because they are good they are more likely to cheat on you.
how so?"
If a man is virile and good in bed, he is more likely to be confident and want sex more often and with different people. |
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the fear of been alone is so hard but to say you should stay with someone so as not to be alone is twaddle ,i dated a guy last year who when he got nasty with me i dumped him cos NO guy will ever treat me like my ex did , so yes its hard and yes i bloody hate it but its better to stand alone than with those that hurt you !!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"the fear of been alone is so hard but to say you should stay with someone so as not to be alone is twaddle ,i dated a guy last year who when he got nasty with me i dumped him cos NO guy will ever treat me like my ex did , so yes its hard and yes i bloody hate it but its better to stand alone than with those that hurt you !!!!!"
We all get nasty with each other sometimes, one way or another though.
Just depends how nasty they are, and does their nice ways make up for the nasty ways. |
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"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris"
In my case, when we got married he did not have health issues and we had a very healthy, active sex life. This has happened since then! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i cant understand why anyone would marry someone with a vastly differing sex drive than themselves, specially when it seems to be very important to that person, and then moan down the line that their partner doesnt like sex.....
thats like buying a Micra then moaning cuz you cant keep up with Ferraris"
People change as does ones desire to have sex. when my husband and I got together it was sex all the time. That gradually dwindled off for me but he continued to want sex just as much. Then we had children and my interest went from wanting it very rarely to not at all. I'm pleased to report I'm now back to wanting more sex, but then husband developed health problems so he wasn't able to keep up with my demands.....through all that though we never stopped loving each other, just some times were hard...see how these things are never black and while. People change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Ok, so to those adamant its wrong answer me this.
What is one side of the relationship supposed to do if the other won't talk about the sexual issues at home and insists the active partner stops and accept a boring sex life?
I don't believe one partner is fully to blame. A relationship is a out give and take, compromise. Something that doesn't happen in a lot of relationships.
So what do the purists suggest?"
Did you date this person or just suddenly end up married to them? Because if you had dated them then this wouldn't have been a surprise. Unless you found swinging after the marriage, and if so why were you looking? Have you tried counselling for example? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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totally agree that love and lust can be separate but it is also true that you can love and lust for the same person - it is the variety of all the different situations and emotions that makes swinging so exciting - the key is to communicate openly so that all parties have a good understanding of what is likely to happen when feelings get involved, m x |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"totally agree that love and lust can be separate but it is also true that you can love and lust for the same person - it is the variety of all the different situations and emotions that makes swinging so exciting - the key is to communicate openly so that all parties have a good understanding of what is likely to happen when feelings get involved, m x"
Agreed communication is vital so everyone understands where things stand. |
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