FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Do you feel sorry for "vanilla" couples?
Do you feel sorry for "vanilla" couples?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had a friend going out on a date a few days ago, made the usual comment about don't do anything I wouldn't do..... she commented that that wouldn't leave her many options.......I felt quite amused that she has absolutely no idea  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Had a friend going out on a date a few days ago, made the usual comment about don't do anything I wouldn't do..... she commented that that wouldn't leave her many options.......I felt quite amused that she has absolutely no idea "
Lol, you must give off the "naughty aura " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
Got to say we do, we are not big swingers at all, but even the thought of doing it is a big turn on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
how very selfish, you could make a fortune, enriching peoples lives, helping people keep their marriages going, Yes I can see it now, weekly lessons at the village hall, forget jam making, come and learn how to swing !  |
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Vanilla is the slightly patronising term used to describe people who don't swing.
People who swing have crap sex lives I've seen threads on it recently. People who don't swing have sex lives ranging from crap to fantastic, swinging is just another facet of sex not a better one. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
how very selfish, you could make a fortune, enriching peoples lives, helping people keep their marriages going, Yes I can see it now, weekly lessons at the village hall, forget jam making, come and learn how to swing ! "
Hmmm, fancy pitching this on dragons den??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Will someone please tell me what a vanilla couple or person is? X
A person with no sex organs
No dick !!!
Thats NOT what it means  "
I figured it wasn't either of those lol, thanks for clearing it up x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lots of people become swingers because they have been hurt and are damaged from past experience, and turn to swinging for self gratification, and to be in charge of their sex life. rather than the traditional love and emotional route to sex. |
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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago
portsmouth |
"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lots of people become swingers because they have been hurt and are damaged from past experience, and turn to swinging for self gratification, and to be in charge of their sex life. rather than the traditional love and emotional route to sex."
With what you've just written in mind then - do you believe that swingers have incredible sex, swinging enhances relationships and would never damage them. |
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By *GR2014Man
over a year ago
England |
"Vanilla is the slightly patronising term used to describe people who don't swing.
People who swing have crap sex lives I've seen threads on it recently. People who don't swing have sex lives ranging from crap to fantastic, swinging is just another facet of sex not a better one."
Vanilla means plain....swinging BDSM dogging are 3 none vanilla lifestyles I know a teacher who's into BDSM and she says she's vanila by day!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
No why would I if they have a good relationship then that great for them. As for not handling it well there a re a hell of a lot of couples who do swing and don't handle it well at all but go through it to please their partners. |
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do you advertise the fact your swingers to your friends ?
My point is they maybe well be masking is they could well be swingers too trying to mask the fact by how boring their sex lifes are ...think about it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"do you advertise the fact your swingers to your friends ?
My point is they maybe well be masking is they could well be swingers too trying to mask the fact by how boring their sex lifes are ...think about it "
No that's not the case, I'm talking about guys who make a joke about how their sex lives have become mundane over the years |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
all bar one of my 'vanilla' relationships have been pretty good in the bedroom .. swapping or not - good sex is what it comes down to, though the excitment of a meet doesnt compare I suppose |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself.
No why would I if they have a good relationship then that great for them. As for not handling it well there a re a hell of a lot of couples who do swing and don't handle it well at all but go through it to please their partners. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of us marrieds on here would give their right arm for even vanilla sex at home. I know I would!"
This is the issue.
Not so much a question of vanilla vs swingers but it is all about the quality and quantity of sex ppl are having.
I have vanilla friends who are married and have a happy sex life and others who are miserable and where wives put up with occasional sex because they feel they have to.
It is these people I feel sorry for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i do feel sorry for some married couples, i dont see how they cant get bored with each other, their lives look tedious to me, in a lot of ways, not all though.
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people don't help themselves either. I used to work with a guy years ago who's idea of seduction was to have a shower, put his dressing gown on, go downstairs and open the dressing gown and ask his wife "Anything here you fancy tonight"
And he wondered why his sex life was crap...... |
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"Some of us marrieds on here would give their right arm for even vanilla sex at home. I know I would!
This is the issue.
Not so much a question of vanilla vs swingers but it is all about the quality and quantity of sex ppl are having.
I have vanilla friends who are married and have a happy sex life and others who are miserable and where wives put up with occasional sex because they feel they have to.
It is these people I feel sorry for."
At least one person feels sorry for me then. The conflict between a wife who isn't interested at all and a husband who would be happy for sex just once a week, and to actually feel desired, is a huge issue. It isn't everything about a marriage but it is an important one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not couples who don't swing per se...really hate the term vanilla...I do feel sorry for couples who stay in relationships that clearly aren't happy or fulfilling in any way...and we've met couples like that through swinging too... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lots of people become swingers because they have been hurt and are damaged from past experience, and turn to swinging for self gratification, and to be in charge of their sex life. rather than the traditional love and emotional route to sex."
this Sounds about right
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Vanilla is the slightly patronising term used to describe people who don't swing.
People who swing have crap sex lives I've seen threads on it recently. People who don't swing have sex lives ranging from crap to fantastic, swinging is just another facet of sex not a better one."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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vanilla just means one on one to me, regardless of how dirty it might be
but I wouldnt feel sorry for those who wouldnt swing
I do find it odd that people like watching porn but would never go watch people having sex in real life or slag off swingers
the media already has a dim _iew, despite glorifying it for those that sell them the papers i.e russel brand antics...yay good for him, he had a threesome or two... |
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I love it when finishing work on a Friday and the banter is along the lines of "what's everyone doing this weekend?"
I take a delight in saying that we've got a swinging party to go to or got a 3some arranged.
Get the usual sort of replies, "dream on Dave / you wish / aye right" etc etc
If only they knew. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love it when finishing work on a Friday and the banter is along the lines of "what's everyone doing this weekend?"
I take a delight in saying that we've got a swinging party to go to or got a 3some arranged.
Get the usual sort of replies, "dream on Dave / you wish / aye right" etc etc
If only they knew. "
Hahaha love this! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is quite hard to watch some folks struggle sometimes, but I think the "vanilla" life is a good stable family lifestyle....and folk will come into this lifestyle in their own time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off! |
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"What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off! "
Think you need to read the OP again..they were talking about friends who moan about their sex lives. I'm sure the OP realises that 'vanilla ' people do have great sex lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off!
Think you need to read the OP again..they were talking about friends who moan about their sex lives. I'm sure the OP realises that 'vanilla ' people do have great sex lives. "
Nope. The question was, 'do you feel sorry for vanilla couples'? NOT, 'do you feel sorry for my vanilla friends'? |
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"What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off!
Think you need to read the OP again..they were talking about friends who moan about their sex lives. I'm sure the OP realises that 'vanilla ' people do have great sex lives.
Nope. The question was, 'do you feel sorry for vanilla couples'? NOT, 'do you feel sorry for my vanilla friends'? "
Nope.. that was the header..then qualified in the text..simple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off!
Think you need to read the OP again..they were talking about friends who moan about their sex lives. I'm sure the OP realises that 'vanilla ' people do have great sex lives.
Nope. The question was, 'do you feel sorry for vanilla couples'? NOT, 'do you feel sorry for my vanilla friends'?
Nope.. that was the header..then qualified in the text..simple"
Lol. The header WAS the question, seeing as that part of the op is the ONLY part with a question mark after it! The op then went on to supply an example of what they meant by that questin. Hence, i answered the ops question! |
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"What a patronising term!! I'm pretty positive MOST "vanilla" couples are perfectly happy with their partner and have great sex lives. And MOST would probably feel sorry for the 'swinging' couples that feel they have to add extra 'spice' to their sex lives to get their jollies off!
Think you need to read the OP again..they were talking about friends who moan about their sex lives. I'm sure the OP realises that 'vanilla ' people do have great sex lives.
Nope. The question was, 'do you feel sorry for vanilla couples'? NOT, 'do you feel sorry for my vanilla friends'?
Nope.. that was the header..then qualified in the text..simple
Lol. The header WAS the question, seeing as that part of the op is the ONLY part with a question mark after it! The op then went on to supply an example of what they meant by that questin. Hence, i answered the ops question!"
Yes you did, without regard to the context explained in the post..never a good idea..lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't see vanilla as a derogatory term. As manrider pointed out, it is to do with traditional values.
I'm vanilla in the respect I am monogamous but non-vanilla in the respect of loving the bd, ds of bdsm.
 |
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"I love it when finishing work on a Friday and the banter is along the lines of "what's everyone doing this weekend?"
I take a delight in saying that we've got a swinging party to go to or got a 3some arranged.
Get the usual sort of replies, "dream on Dave / you wish / aye right" etc etc
If only they knew. "
'The best way to hide the truth is to tell it'. It's amazing what truths people will dismiss...... Now, where did I park that space craft? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone who has just got into a monogamous relationship I can assure you the sex is definitely not vanilla.
I wonder how much ire would be generated at a thread called 'I feel sorry for all the swingles who don't share a deep profound love and connection with a significant other...'  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I wonder how much ire would be generated at a thread called 'I feel sorry for all the swingles who don't share a deep profound love and connection with a significant other...' "
Yeah I feel sorry for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As someone who has just got into a monogamous relationship I can assure you the sex is definitely not vanilla.
I wonder how much ire would be generated at a thread called 'I feel sorry for all the swingles who don't share a deep profound love and connection with a significant other...' "
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
I do feel sorry for any couple who aren't having a happy fulfilling sex life, 'vanilla' or swinger, for us though our secret to a good one isn't swinging, it just enhanced an already fantastic one x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I do feel sorry for "vanilla couples", having been part of one years ago. Now, my "relationships" are transient through choice, and practically always with other swingers, be they with a single or a couple. My swinging meets are always exciting, erotic, incredibly sexual and very passionate indeed. Each meet is different, and fantastic, and invariably I form strong ties with the people I've been with. In contrast, and this is just from my perspective, "vanilla coupling" by its very limitation ceases to be exciting as time goes by, whereas swinging continues to be exciting, with each new single/couple I meet. Long may it continue  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's also practically impossible to discuss options like FAB when you're in a long term relationship that's lost the sexual spark. Huge risks attached to it. Best to keep it secret I think.... |
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"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
My _iews too! |
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"Vanilla is the slightly patronising term used to describe people who don't swing.
People who swing have crap sex lives I've seen threads on it recently. People who don't swing have sex lives ranging from crap to fantastic, swinging is just another facet of sex not a better one."
"Slightly?"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In answer to the OP no I don't. I would love a fulfilling relationship, I turned to swinging when I needed a boost in confidence and then I found kink. My best friend has been with her partner since we were 16, we talk about sex, and I know she has a good sex life with her husband.
As for the term vanilla, I like vanilla sex, just as I like kinky sex. So long as the sex is good I'm a happy Ruby! |
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"As someone who has just got into a monogamous relationship I can assure you the sex is definitely not vanilla.
I wonder how much ire would be generated at a thread called 'I feel sorry for all the swingles who don't share a deep profound love and connection with a significant other...' "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
100% true....
Sometimes wonder if swinging couple feel more pressure to "perform" than non swinging...
For a lot.....and I'd include ourselves in that....it's the buzz of the social side we like....we are soft swap and have a great sex life without fully swinging...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No....
Plenty of so called "vanilla" people have better sex lives than most on here "
you are so right would say 80% of the people on this site are single men been members for over a year and never meet any one vanillas may not play like us but most do play once or twice a week.
but saying that when people do talk about sex we just smile
and lets just say we would never play the game truth or dare with them |
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"Not couples who don't swing per se...really hate the term vanilla...I do feel sorry for couples who stay in relationships that clearly aren't happy or fulfilling in any way...and we've met couples like that through swinging too..."
Well said...
I don't judge any other couple! People should be happy and fulfilled with what suits them.
No moral high ground here, just a lucky gal
Ruby x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love it when finishing work on a Friday and the banter is along the lines of "what's everyone doing this weekend?"
I take a delight in saying that we've got a swinging party to go to or got a 3some arranged.
Get the usual sort of replies, "dream on Dave / you wish / aye right" etc etc
If only they knew. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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can we have some new Forums please admin
1. Forum for people on here that just want to argue and fight .
2. Forum for people who want to meet sexy new friends and have highly enjoyable sexual experiences . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No....
Plenty of so called "vanilla" people have better sex lives than most on here "
I have to agree, the arrogant assumption that swinging leads to better sexual experience is so shortsighted its unreal... any common mutt in the street can rutt away endlessly with bitch after bitch....do you think his skills and pleasure increase and improve with each thrust?
consider a tantric couple who lost their virginity to each other and have never been with another...and consider that over years with a deep and passionate love for each other, a rare honesty and openess, an intimacy so raw and unpolluted that their refined lovemaking over the years has developed to a point that when they both choose far surpasses anything you or i will ever encounter....
quantity will never, ever be a substitute for quality, thats what seperates us from the common beasts in the dirt....(not that that isnt fun sometimes too xx) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I do feel sorry for "vanilla couples", having been part of one years ago. Now, my "relationships" are transient through choice, and practically always with other swingers, be they with a single or a couple. My swinging meets are always exciting, erotic, incredibly sexual and very passionate indeed. Each meet is different, and fantastic, and invariably I form strong ties with the people I've been with. In contrast, and this is just from my perspective, "vanilla coupling" by its very limitation ceases to be exciting as time goes by, whereas swinging continues to be exciting, with each new single/couple I meet. Long may it continue "
 |
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"Yes, I do feel sorry for "vanilla couples", having been part of one years ago. Now, my "relationships" are transient through choice, and practically always with other swingers, be they with a single or a couple. My swinging meets are always exciting, erotic, incredibly sexual and very passionate indeed. Each meet is different, and fantastic, and invariably I form strong ties with the people I've been with. In contrast, and this is just from my perspective, "vanilla coupling" by its very limitation ceases to be exciting as time goes by, whereas swinging continues to be exciting, with each new single/couple I meet. Long may it continue "
That is exactly why I came on here and what I am still trying to find. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vanilla couples must have great sex lives not bored with shagging eachother.
If they had boring sex lives they be on a swingers site to boost their flagging sex lives.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself.
No why would I if they have a good relationship then that great for them. As for not handling it well there a re a hell of a lot of couples who do swing and don't handle it well at all but go through it to please their partners. "
Well said I agree with that |
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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago
south staffs |
"Some people don't help themselves either. I used to work with a guy years ago who's idea of seduction was to have a shower, put his dressing gown on, go downstairs and open the dressing gown and ask his wife "Anything here you fancy tonight"
And he wondered why his sex life was crap......"
Hey ! At least he had a shower !!!
Jane x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Seems that some have misunderstood my question.
I was being specific to some couples we know who arnt happy with their sex lives ,the reason for which is unknown to us and quite possibly to themselves.
I always wonder if they explored other avenues ,maybe it would help them and rejuvenate their interest in each other .
I'd love to be able to suggest swinging to them, wether it be just visiting a club and playing together or full swapping, but I know it's not appropriate or my place to do so.
I wasn't asking if the swinging lifestyle was "better" to a monogamist relationship, each to their own . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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never really had the conversation with couple friends, however, the ones i have known not have lots of sex between them, one or the other partner is usually getting it elsewhere, so who knows |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"never really had the conversation with couple friends, however, the ones i have known not have lots of sex between them, one or the other partner is usually getting it elsewhere, so who knows"
Often the case unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"never really had the conversation with couple friends, however, the ones i have known not have lots of sex between them, one or the other partner is usually getting it elsewhere, so who knows
Often the case unfortunately "
you say unfortunately, but i suppose each to their own.
as long as neither involve me in their lies then its not up to me to judge how they conduct their affairs, as it were |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"never really had the conversation with couple friends, however, the ones i have known not have lots of sex between them, one or the other partner is usually getting it elsewhere, so who knows"
Maybe they are swingers? Or maybe just one half of the couple. Or cuckold?
Just because they don't tell other people about their sex lives, doesn't necessarily mean they are unhappy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a few long time married friends who moan about their sex lives, I always feel a little smug knowing how great our sex lives are and would love to share "the secret", but know most wouldn't be able to handle swinging and also ,we live in a small town, so I just smile and keep it to myself. "
We're vanilla (when we're not swinging!!) |
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By *D40Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
Well said, i spent 22 years vanilla and had some great sex.... Being monogamous in a committed relationship isn't all doom and gloom!
Shame on you judgemental lot...
Julie xx
ps, can't wait for next meet, we always have superb sex post meetup |
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By *D40Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"Vanilla couples must have great sex lives not bored with shagging eachother.
If they had boring sex lives they be on a swingers site to boost their flagging sex lives.
"
I disagree. My sex life is not flagging & we know which buttons to push. Occasionally we find it fun to have a different person driving the train is all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I don't feel sorry for vanilla couples. I'm sure many are having amazing sex and would find that having sex with strangers a disturbing rather than erotic thing to do.
It is not true that only swingers can have great quality sex. "
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