FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > is it wrong to be expected to be taken out for a socail meet first before deciding if you want to pl
is it wrong to be expected to be taken out for a socail meet first before deciding if you want to pl
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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are you saying you expect people to take you out?
or do you mean you just like to meet people for a social before play?
If its the latter it's not wrong. If you're expecting people to come and pick you up and wine and dine you, yes I think you're expecting a bit much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am with View on this one, what do you mean by taken out?
Meeting socially is normal, even in a club - you are in a social setting and decide if you want to play or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I always meet socially first to see if we click. Happy to play if we get on - but I don't guarantee it.
Even after chatting you're not sure til you meet someone. Anyone who says otherwise - just pass them by  |
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Also wondering about the taken out bit. I have seen profiles on here with people saying they expect to be taken out for a meal and a drink before they will make a decision about playing. Not to meet for one or go out for one but be taken out for one which certainly has the connotation of the other person footing the bill. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I insist on a social meet ..lots of people are not entirely honest about what they really look like. I've had old photos and just the face at an angle and turned up being a bariatric heffer. Both sides need an out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No, if they won't social meet without expectations then they won't get to meet me at all.
A simple drink is all it takes and there are a few reasons for it.
Safety
Connection
Attraction |
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I always meet for social first. Usually just a coffee and I don't always pay for the coffee! But I would, I can and I have paid for my own coffee.
But you can use the site as you like. If you want to be wined and dined before you'll play that's your choice. Just as it's the choice of whoever you approach to think that's not ok and decline and possibly even suggest you're out for some kind of reciprocation for playing.
That may not be your intention but it is easy to see how others might think it was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's"
Thing is and I'm not trying to nit pick but we only have your say that she Pmd you. Sometimes I understand posts don't come out the way we mean them to and then run the wrath of things going downhill very quickly. If the Op was to clarify what she means then the thread would stay on track. Mind that would be a first on here. Anyone fancy a biscuit  |
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"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's"
But if they've started a discussion and asked for opinions they usually come back to see how it's going ... otherwise, what's the point of asking?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have always met socially first, tho i'm happy to play on a first meet if we get on all my meets have been on a meet for a drink and see how it goes basis, why would anyone agree to shag someone they had never met? |
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We set our own rules and agendas, then look for others that respect those. If you're not progressing from there, then it's worth checking things out, perhaps as you're doing here.
It's perfectly fairly standard to meet socially, perhaps a little way from your home, where you can discuss things publicly, without your neighbours etc being able to overhear your swinging interests.
Whilst many don't _iew profiles fully, or even at all, it's still worthwhile having any guidelines for prospective meets on there, as it helps manage expectations. It will some out, and you'll always find some meet now only people on here, who are not what you want. Ignore them.
What we need is never wrong, as long as others find this mutually good. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's"
Then maybe they should as it might save people time typing if they have all the information. |
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"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's"
Then they must take the rough with the smooth. If you ask for comment from a wider audience but interact in private with only a few you can't expect people to know the full story. |
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I'd expect to meet socially first either as just a social or as a start to later 'events' if the social goes well. As for being 'taken out', if I am expected to pay for the meet its a big no from me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's
But if they've started a discussion and asked for opinions they usually come back to see how it's going ... otherwise, what's the point of asking? "
It's usually because nobody agrees with what they've said...I'm waiting for the white knights to latch onto this one...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So... if you have a meet with the person do they pay, if your reject them, do you pay?
Personally I wouldn't even take you through macdonalds drive through...
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"any comments"
Do you mean taken out as in like a date and all paid for? Or meet socially for a drink or coffee before deciding to carry on?
My answer would be different depending on which one. |
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It's not wrong to want a social meet but it is wrong to expext everyone to play this game to your rules.
If someone doesn't want to meet socially don't get ardent about it just move on to someone who does.
When I met I rarely met anyone for a social because I just wanted sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"any comments
Do you mean taken out as in like a date and all paid for? Or meet socially for a drink or coffee before deciding to carry on?
My answer would be different depending on which one."
I read (wrongly maybe) being taken on date and wined and dined by a George Cluny type, reading the profile.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always meet for social first. Usually just a coffee and I don't always pay for the coffee! But I would, I can and I have paid for my own coffee.
But you can use the site as you like. If you want to be wined and dined before you'll play that's your choice. Just as it's the choice of whoever you approach to think that's not ok and decline and possibly even suggest you're out for some kind of reciprocation for playing.
That may not be your intention but it is easy to see how others might think it was."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not wrong to want a social meet but it is wrong to expext everyone to play this game to your rules.
If someone doesn't want to meet socially don't get ardent about it just move on to someone who does.
When I met I rarely met anyone for a social because I just wanted sex. "
I wouldn't meet someone just for a social, I like to meet socially first them play if we get on but I see no point in meeting someone, liking each other, both wanting to play but going home to arrange that another time, makes no sense at all to me that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not wrong to want a social meet but it is wrong to expext everyone to play this game to your rules.
If someone doesn't want to meet socially don't get ardent about it just move on to someone who does.
When I met I rarely met anyone for a social because I just wanted sex.
I wouldn't meet someone just for a social, I like to meet socially first them play if we get on but I see no point in meeting someone, liking each other, both wanting to play but going home to arrange that another time, makes no sense at all to me that"
That's the thing you see, we all do things our own way and what we feel comfortable doing. I think it also depends how well you have got to know them before the social |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not wrong to want a social meet but it is wrong to expext everyone to play this game to your rules.
If someone doesn't want to meet socially don't get ardent about it just move on to someone who does.
When I met I rarely met anyone for a social because I just wanted sex.
I wouldn't meet someone just for a social, I like to meet socially first them play if we get on but I see no point in meeting someone, liking each other, both wanting to play but going home to arrange that another time, makes no sense at all to me that
That's the thing you see, we all do things our own way and what we feel comfortable doing. I think it also depends how well you have got to know them before the social "
of course, I wouldn't play with anyone I met unless I wanted to, I don't do obligated sex, but if we are both horny and like each other I want a shag now not next Tuesday |
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I think people should do exactly as they please and if the lady likes nice hotel rooms and needs to be taken for lunch or dinner that is her prerogative and her partners to go along with it. It is also everyone elses prerogative to choose to pass them by if they don't want to get involved.
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"Absolutely nothing wrong with that! I always meet socially first to see if we click. Happy to play if we get on - but I don't guarantee it.
Even after chatting you're not sure til you meet someone. Anyone who says otherwise - just pass them by "
Couldn't agree more ... I have had quite a few socials which have remained just that ... lovely individuals but really not for me ... really depends if you are just after a quick fuck or a bit more interaction !!!! |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I've not got a problem with a social meet first. My only queries would be regarding the suitability of me being dressed at that time, location and whether they happy to be seen out with a tranny. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother me
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've not got a problem with a social meet first. My only queries would be regarding the suitability of me being dressed at that time, location and whether they happy to be seen out with a tranny. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother me
"
Had this recently and I honestly didn't know what to say without sounding offensive or saying the wrong thing! |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"
Had this recently and I honestly didn't know what to say without sounding offensive or saying the wrong thing! "
It can be tricky. On one hand, some girlys dress 24/7 and go anywhere and everywhere and don't see any limits. Others are that shy that they only dress at home behind locked doors, closed curtains, raised drawbridge....
I'd much rather someone be honest |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"iam not after a quick fuck i am a person who expects to be treated like one first but if we get on then all hell could break loose x"
If you clarify what you expect out of a first meeting we may be able to answer without having to guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a lady
I see and what would you call those of us who don't expect what you do? Being a lady is about a great deal more than fine dining and nice hotel rooms."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't see what the big deal is regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see what the big deal is regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x "
But you are not forcing that expectation |
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"I don't see what the big deal isI. regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x "
I think the difference is expectation. iWouldn't expect someone to pay for everything but unwound accept if they insisted. Some on here expect guys to jump through expensive hoops and what's worse is some mugs do it!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see what the big deal is regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x
But you are not forcing that expectation"
Nobody is  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps the OP should apply to go on "Come dine with me"... might be more fulfilling....
Cake anyone?
Someone mention cake? 
Yes and you are buying for all the ladies "
That'll be a cheap round! 
*runs and hides in cake shop!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We love social meets first and foremost but only when we can afford it, we get very uncomfortable when someone offers to pay and we wonder what they want in return  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps the OP should apply to go on "Come dine with me"... might be more fulfilling....
Cake anyone?
Someone mention cake?
Yes and you are buying for all the ladies
That'll be a cheap round!
*runs and hides in cake shop!! "
Can I have Carrot cake. I'm on a diet |
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socials are great, as it gives you a sense of what they are like, if you can actually hold a convo without looking at your watch.
As i'd feel like i was getting used by a couple. It should be about all parties getting what they want, often on here i've found some couples want me to forfill a fantasy and then asked to leave, which really makes a girl feel wanted lol.
When a social is going great is pressure is removed and then you can just say "I'm going to the loo, so if you don't wanna take it further then thats the time to leave"
It's alot better than having a couple on your sofa and find the male thinking he can just jump right it. |
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"socials are great, as it gives you a sense of what they are like, if you can actually hold a convo without looking at your watch.
As i'd feel like i was getting used by a couple. It should be about all parties getting what they want, often on here i've found some couples want me to forfill a fantasy and then asked to leave, which really makes a girl feel wanted lol.
When a social is going great is pressure is removed and then you can just say "I'm going to the loo, so if you don't wanna take it further then thats the time to leave"
It's alot better than having a couple on your sofa and find the male thinking he can just jump right it."
The asked to leave after fulfilling the fantasy bit just sounds totally ignorant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"iam not after a quick fuck i am a person who expects to be treated like one first but if we get on then all hell could break loose x"
So you expect them to pay for meal etc |
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I have had great social meets over a cup of coffee (average cost £2:50) with guys I have decided I don't want to play with.
When it's just a cup of coffee there are no hard feelings over the price of it no matter who pays. And if he was all he claimed in his profile and was pleasant but I simply didn't feel any lust then he'll get a verification too.
I have had guys offer to take me for a meal even when I've stressed that coffee is fine and it rarely works. If you have a great time but don't feel the lust then they can be miffed. And just as bad is being stuck in a restaurant for an hour or so with someone who you can't maintain a conversation or are downright uncomfortable with!
So if they keep asking to take me to dinner I say coffee first and if we get on then you can feed me once we've worked up an appetite. 
But it does bother me that some guys think they have to do this - it's a swinging site not a dating site!  |
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"
The asked to leave after fulfilling the fantasy bit just sounds totally ignorant."
alot of couples on here, act like single fems are hookers and then moan when i don't wanna be part of a roleplay fantasy.
Even in a couple i wouldn't expect a shag. I like to chat at the bar and see what happens, even if it's talking and then exchanging numbers.
But sadly it;s one of the main reasons i've found myself sticking with people i knows as i know i'd get treated right.I've got to the stage where i know what i want and want to avoid.
As i know it would wreak my head. The good people stand out a mile and the worse just keep on moaning about not finding a meet.
I have the _iew alot is down to the male pushing his wife to go bi. If a women is interested in being bi, then she asks friends first and then try girl/girl to see if see likes it before doing a 3sum
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"I have had great social meets over a cup of coffee (average cost £2:50) with guys I have decided I don't want to play with.
When it's just a cup of coffee there are no hard feelings over the price of it no matter who pays. And if he was all he claimed in his profile and was pleasant but I simply didn't feel any lust then he'll get a verification too.
I have had guys offer to take me for a meal even when I've stressed that coffee is fine and it rarely works. If you have a great time but don't feel the lust then they can be miffed. And just as bad is being stuck in a restaurant for an hour or so with someone who you can't maintain a conversation or are downright uncomfortable with!
So if they keep asking to take me to dinner I say coffee first and if we get on then you can feed me once we've worked up an appetite.
But it does bother me that some guys think they have to do this - it's a swinging site not a dating site! "
Very true, I think you can decide with a chat with a coffee or glass of wine whether you fancy working up and appetite with someone |
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"
The asked to leave after fulfilling the fantasy bit just sounds totally ignorant.
alot of couples on here, act like single fems are hookers and then moan when i don't wanna be part of a roleplay fantasy.
Even in a couple i wouldn't expect a shag. I like to chat at the bar and see what happens, even if it's talking and then exchanging numbers.
But sadly it;s one of the main reasons i've found myself sticking with people i knows as i know i'd get treated right.I've got to the stage where i know what i want and want to avoid.
As i know it would wreak my head. The good people stand out a mile and the worse just keep on moaning about not finding a meet.
I have the _iew alot is down to the male pushing his wife to go bi. If a women is interested in being bi, then she asks friends first and then try girl/girl to see if see likes it before doing a 3sum
"
It is often down to the guy wanting his wife to do the bi thing. Talking to a lot of women over the years most women's fantasy is having 2 men |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's wrong to expect it but you can state it as a preference and those that want to pay for a shag...sorry meal...can then make the choice as to whether they want to meet or look elsewhere.
Being taken out doesn't change how much of a 'lady' a woman is. I don't need to be wined and dined to 69, but all my meets show me respect and I respect them too. I can understand those who insist on a social but would think both parties would at the very least offer to split the bill seeing as it's for the benefit of both...although I'd offer to split the bill on a date too |
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"I can understand those who insist on a social but would think both parties would at the very least offer to split the bill seeing as it's for the benefit of both...although I'd offer to split the bill on a date too"
That is quite normal when dating someone these days, so why some should think it should be different in terms of swinging I don't know??? |
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"It's wrong to expect it but you can state it as a preference "
I would but the people who can't be bothered to take a few minutes to read my profile are then clearly the ones i should avoid.
Thoses who show respect get respect in return |
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"It's wrong to expect it but you can state it as a preference
I would but the people who can't be bothered to take a few minutes to read my profile are then clearly the ones i should avoid.
"
This will be the profile you've hidden |
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"
This will be the profile you've hidden "
Yes, have it hidden at the moment, as just don't really the time and baby sitters disappear as the days move closure to the hols.
Another little pain is when i remove the hidden people i don't know message me, I'm assuming they have added me to their hotlist, which does my head in at times as i'd prefer a wink or poak in the right place |
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"I have wining and dining as a preference. I enjoy dating but not relationships.
I don't meet many 'new' people tho."
dito, i think after a while you want something more and thats when friendships become important.
I don't think i could do the whole run around with messages and then be let down by then wanting something different. I don't mind being introduced to other couples,fem,males via friends, as cuts out the bs factor |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's wrong to expect it but you can state it as a preference
I would but the people who can't be bothered to take a few minutes to read my profile are then clearly the ones i should avoid.
Thoses who show respect get respect in return"
Think there's been confusion about what I was posting about...I was posting about the OP which is why I hadn't quoted anyone!
However...if you've put something on your profile and it has clearly been ignored by the person messaging simply hit 'delete'. You can't expect someone to know something that hasn't been made clear, but if they are clearly ignoring something you have stated you would want/not want then they aren't showing respect and so yes, I would avoid them. |
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We meet socially, sometimes for a drink first then follow up with a meal in a restaurant or in someones house (ours it theirs), we always pay half or take wine etc if going as guests. We've had some great evenings chatting and flirting over dinner moving on to other pleasures but we would never expect or want to be paid for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see what the big deal is regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x "
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"I don't see what the big deal is regarding who pays what. I've been out for dinner a few times and not paid a penny because they have insisted they pay. I've also paid half, and paid the full bill a few times before. Its all down to each individual and who they meet x
"
It is and even if you expect to be paid for it is still down to the individual who is meeting you to decide if that is acceptable to them. I'm not keen on the idea that the criteria for being treated like a lady is being wined and dined. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A social could be for example as happened once the couple turned up as arranged we all agreed before no expectation of play so made it easier. On this occasion we just did not click but they stayed and we had good natter and parted as friends nothing lost tryong.
As for the o p whilst social aim is good i like i guess majority are after a good sex session and its a bonus to get repeats and become mates.
Personally i would not bother meeting the o p based on the post made. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can i clarify my last post i get the impression the o p expects to be paid for no chance i hardly did that for ex wife
Equality in my eyes means same rules or should be same for everyone. When i have met folk if not at either of our houses i willingly will pay for a brew etc but unless i am on a promise thats it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not keen on the idea that the criteria for being treated like a lady is being wined and dined."
Respect comes in many forms. I'd also not like to feel like I 'owed' him something because he'd taken me out...or have to worry about the reaction of a guy who'd paid for an expensive meal and didn't like being told 'no' afterwards. I'm sure most men would just be a bit miffed but a small few might not leave it at that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, I'd only want to meet for a coffee or in the pub for a drink. The thought of a meal doesn't really appeal to me. If you don't like someone then I wouldn't want to sit through a large meal with them. Likewise if I do like them, I don't want to be jumping into action after a large meal!x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can i clarify my last post i get the impression the o p expects to be paid for no chance i hardly did that for ex wife
Equality in my eyes means same rules or should be same for everyone. When i have met folk if not at either of our houses i willingly will pay for a brew etc but unless i am on a promise thats it "
Agree coffee meet should be all that's needed for a social, OP sounds like she wants men to pay for dates |
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We all look for different things but generally it;s about finding someone who ticks the boxes, without making you feel like he wants a relationship.
Since the start of this year my sex drive has started to rise like mad, my wand is sending my electric bill through the roof lol. one main reason for me is only a few men are able to make me cum and i don't want to start faking it. I have no issues with women, thankfully But I know the men i see know how i like to be fucked long and hard. sounds daft i know, didn't expect to find myself falling into this trap, sodding men lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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no not at all the whole post is going the wrong way i was saying i dont want guys just to cum for sex and go i know its a swinging site but i need to feel like a person not just a peace of meat to be fucked and left |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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no not at all the whole post is going the wrong way i was saying i dont want guys just to cum for sex and go i know its a swinging site but i need to feel like a person not just a peace of meat to be fucked and left |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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whether it be at ours, theirs or a pub we always sit and have a drink and chew the cud.
we arent interested in walking through the door and starting straight away.
we have to have that chat and a feeling of a connection otherwise it makes for a shit meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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must ask, though, having read your profile and the fact you are so picky, i think the subject of this thread is moot as you have obviously picked the right kind of guy that would be happy to get to know you over dinner first.
otherwise maybe you arent being as picky as you suggest lol |
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"no not at all the whole post is going the wrong way i was saying i dont want guys just to cum for sex and go i know its a swinging site but i need to feel like a person not just a peace of meat to be fucked and left"
not many women do, but as I have said lots of times people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you. We insist on meeting socially first sometimes more than once and of that isn't how someone wants to do it we absolutely respect their wishes and move on. We have never had any problem with both men and couples meeting socially and as I said up thread a bit have spent some very pleasant evenings over dinner with the promise of more to come later but we make it a rule to never, ever play on a first meeting. What I am saying in a long winded way is set your rules, make them clear and stick by them.
But I have to say your first couple of posts did come across as if you expected to be wined and dined at someone elses expense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep, but I didn't feel like watching the thread go by without saying anything...some OPs don't bother to come back and explain what they say in PM's"
Then maybe she wasn't that interested in the comments after all.....
either way..ANY expectations from either party at ANY time is foolish, and shows a massive lack of communication, I would be wary of couples insisting on meeting singles this way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"no not at all the whole post is going the wrong way i was saying i dont want guys just to cum for sex and go i know its a swinging site but i need to feel like a person not just a peace of meat to be fucked and left"
Your OP didn't come across that way unfortunately.
If you'd said this at the start the thread would have gone very differently. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont really like stand alone socials - I dont have the time - means two meets per guy ! Lol ! I also dont like guys spending a lot of money on me x I like a quick drink in a bar then fun or a cheap bottle of red at mine sometimes one quick drink can turn into a few if the banter is good and I always pay for a round then ) xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont really like stand alone socials - I dont have the time - means two meets per guy ! Lol ! I also dont like guys spending a lot of money on me x I like a quick drink in a bar then fun or a cheap bottle of red at mine sometimes one quick drink can turn into a few if the banter is good and I always pay for a round then ) xx "
You sound like a party girl to me sweetheart! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Still, I DO enjoy Come dine with me...
But would I be in with a chance for a grand... and could I give you marks out of 10 afterwards....
Also, while we are doing it could the guy the does the "speakover" on Come Dine with Me, comment on the performance?? |
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