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Persuading your partner to swing
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was in a long term relationship with my ex and always wanted her to try swinging with me but could never find a way or the guts to ask/persuade her. How did you lot go about it?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your partner doesn't want to, you should leave it at that, no one should persuade their OH into doing something they don't want to do 
Not a very balanced relationship otherwise! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's why I never had the guts to ask her incase it affected out relationship just wondering how all the couples on her got into it together did it just happen? Did you talk about it ? Or was there any persuading for either half of the couple ? |
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By *RYBBWCouple
over a year ago
Leeds. |
Jackie brought up a fantasy she had about having a threesome. She was genuinely surprised when I said we could try it and see.
But you should never try to convince, coerce or pester someone into doing something they are uncomfortable with. That's surely a recipe for disaster. |
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it was something we'd talked about during private moments, I didn't consider making it reality until A mentioned it, we then talked it over for a lot of hours before doing it. It can either enhance or destroy a relationship so both partners need to really want it and be sure, I would never use the word persuade and would always say keep talking. |
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"I agree "persuade"might not have been the best way to put it "
Lol, never mind I sort of know what you mean and I suspect you really do realise that this is only really successful if both parties are 100% on board, trust me it is very soon obvious when one isn't. |
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When we met i was totally honest about escapades my past few yrs since divorcing and Rachel said well you can carry on on the agreement we did it together. She had previously enjoyed bi sexual experiences and was happy to do so again, better than i could ever wish xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suggested we holiday at a resort with a naked beach option (Couples Resort, Jamaica) which made us more comfortable with being naked around others and you meet others who recount their experiences which start to make you curious about going further. We then went to a fancy dress party at Eureka and you decide how far you want to take it. There are many couples there who don't play but are just there to enjoy each other and perhaps be watched. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suggested we holiday at a resort with a naked beach option (Couples Resort, Jamaica) which made us more comfortable with being naked around others and you meet others who recount their experiences which start to make you curious about going further. We then went to a fancy dress
party at Eureka and you decide how far you want to take it. There are many couples there who don't play but are just there to enjoy each other and perhaps be watched. "
nice place, did you go on the island then? Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I discussed it... lots.. went to a club.... discussed it... joined this site...
rather like when we wanted a wood burner, we discussed it first and agreed....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"nice place, did you go on the island then? Xx"
We did, we also went to Couples San Souci, which we preferred because you could walk to the naked beach rather than wait for the boat.
We also went to N Resort which was a clothing option resort x |
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ive been discussing it with my wife for years... i nearly got her to agree to go to a swing club, where we would watch and only play with each other, but it fell through as she had too much stress at work.. still trying though!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah I tried bringing up the idea of 3somes with her she just said don't be rude couldn't even talk dirty to her at all! That's probably the reason she is my ex. |
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"Yeah I tried bringing up the idea of 3somes with her she just said don't be rude couldn't even talk dirty to her at all! That's probably the reason she is my ex. "
sometimes younger women find it hard to be uninhibited, it can be something that comes as a woman matures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know your partners views on certain subjects, just having general conversations together, it doesn't have to be personal, it can be from watching tv etc, will give you an indication.
I've always been interested in swinging clubs, fetish clubs, transvestite clubs, gay bars, that kind if thing. I would watch programmes about anything to do with this. I remember years ago watching a programme about the Hedonism resort and was fascinated about it, I enjoyed being shocked at antics on there, I certainly couldn't have indulged in anything like that then.
Over the years I still maintained a fascination for it and after talking about it 3 years ago my OH asked if I wanted to go to a swinging club. Took us a while talking about it, whether we dared to go, how to say no if people were to ask us to play, as we didn't want to go that far at first.
We went, we loved it, were amazed by what we saw, couldn't stop talking about it. We kept going, just playing together but getting a bit braver I guess.
You can't make or persuade someone else to do it, and equally shouldn't push others' boundaries if they are unwilling to do so. The only way it can ever work is if both parties are happy with it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gostoso had experience with my ex wife after she once said she'd like to try a MFF. Sadly we never did, but did have a MMF which we both loved.
Gostosa and I were friends for a while before we got together, so knew everything about the swinging. We talked and said we'd combine my love of swinging with her love of BDSM.
It's been a slow process but we've met amazing people and had awesome sex. No regrets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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nobody should have to talk anybody else into anything.
it should be a shared fantasy that is acted upon, rather than 1 party cajoling or guilting the other into risking everything for a short term, cheap sexual thrill |
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Agree you need to be careful using words like persuading or convincing... They are emotive and not the right way to approach it, both people have to want it.
We had discussed kinky fantasies before we met, wanted threesomes. Then one day the subject of a club came up and it's just continued from there!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a long term relationship with my ex and always wanted her to try swinging with me but could never find a way or the guts to ask/persuade her. How did you lot go about it? "
Started with a dare with us |
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Deep sigh........I grown every time (multiple times daily) a guy approaches me asking how I can help him convince his partner to swing.
I now say if you don't feel free to let me talk to her directly don't waste my time. Well I'm not quite that direct about saying they are wasting my time. I tend to say she is not ready, get back to me when she is.
Maybe it's time for me to be a bit more direct lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought it would be good to spice up the relationship as we had been together a long time, she wasn't sure, we went to a club just to watch she had a couple of drinks next thing she was wanting to shag the club was taken a back by it n so was she |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your partner doesn't want to, you should leave it at that, no one should persuade their OH into doing something they don't want to do
Not a very balanced relationship otherwise!"
I do understand what you are saying, but in reality, one person (usually the male) has to do some gentle persuasion. No couple suddenly wakes up one day and both decide together that it would be fun to swing. There must be some kind of build up. I understand what the OP is saying. He is simply asking how one goes about approaching the subject. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your partner doesn't want to, you should leave it at that, no one should persuade their OH into doing something they don't want to do
Not a very balanced relationship otherwise!
I do understand what you are saying, but in reality, one person (usually the male) has to do some gentle persuasion. No couple suddenly wakes up one day and both decide together that it would be fun to swing. There must be some kind of build up. I understand what the OP is saying. He is simply asking how one goes about approaching the subject."
why do people say its usually the male?
any evidence to back that up at all or is it just hearsay and conjecture? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your partner doesn't want to, you should leave it at that, no one should persuade their OH into doing something they don't want to do
Not a very balanced relationship otherwise!
I do understand what you are saying, but in reality, one person (usually the male) has to do some gentle persuasion. No couple suddenly wakes up one day and both decide together that it would be fun to swing. There must be some kind of build up. I understand what the OP is saying. He is simply asking how one goes about approaching the subject.
why do people say its usually the male?
any evidence to back that up at all or is it just hearsay and conjecture?"
In our time as a couple that swing we have met many people and discussed with many people. That is where we have drawn our opinion. I dare say the woman sometimes initiates things, but we have found its usually the man that approaches the subject first. |
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