FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > moving on OH when im out of room - grrrr
moving on OH when im out of room - grrrr
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hate this. pre play chat is fine then I might need to go to loo, or take off coat and outside of room and next thing the bloke is starting things when I come back (kissing). weve had two meets, both with a single man and this has happened. makes me really peeved.
by doing it behind my back, does the bloke think he has got a chance with my OH outside of the meet? perhaps we will only meet couples from now on?
any advice appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe you ought to set some ground rules before meeting?
 And what is your OH doing? Pushing him off? Enjoying it? Sounds like a lack of communication."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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that sounds a bit rough ! He should at least have the respect to wait until everybodY is present . Don't think i would have the bottle to do it without the go ahead . Is it definately the guy starting things or your OH ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe they feel you have left so it can start.. as others have said.. what's your partner doing during this.. as I would have not been close enough for a guy to kiss me lol |
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"Maybe you ought to set some ground rules before meeting?
And what is your OH doing? Pushing him off? Enjoying it? Sounds like a lack of communication."
u r right. communication needs to be clearer to all parties. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe you ought to set some ground rules before meeting?
And what is your OH doing? Pushing him off? Enjoying it? Sounds like a lack of communication."
This!
Also makes me wonder how good your vetting process is. Although it will also depend on your style of play - if the arrangement is that the single guy is there to play with your partner with no involvement from you other than from a voyeuristic perspective then they may feel they are doing no wrong.
However - if the set up is that it is a threesome then I would question how the pre-meet discussions have gone. All you need to do is lay down the rules that nothing happens when you are out of the room. Simples!!
And if you/your partner are not happy - then it's as much your/her responsibility to make sure any 'guest' understands your boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tbh it's already been said it takes two to tango if its that big an issue why is your oh allowing it ? Does she know this is how you feel have you spoken about it. Have you told the person your meeting no touching while your out the room ? |
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"Maybe they feel you have left so it can start.. as others have said.. what's your partner doing during this.. as I would have not been close enough for a guy to kiss me lol "
both times started kissing her. OH didnt initiate it, was kind of cornered waiting for me to return asap.
communication is the key. we r learning.
next time kissing is definitely off the menu. thats between me and OH. |
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Be proactive. At some point prior to the meet, you need to lay the ground rules for the male joining you and your OH.
Some guys assume play is okay as soon as things settle down. Some won't make a move until your OH initiates contact. Others will expect the two of you to start and then he joins in.
Assume the guy isn't a mind reader and make this clear to him. But before that, talk with your OH and establish what works for you both. |
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"Maybe they feel you have left so it can start.. as others have said.. what's your partner doing during this.. as I would have not been close enough for a guy to kiss me lol
both times started kissing her. OH didnt initiate it, was kind of cornered waiting for me to return asap.
communication is the key. we r learning.
next time kissing is definitely off the menu. thats between me and OH."
"Kind cornered"!!! Did she say 'no' and or push him away? And this had happened twice? |
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"Maybe they feel you have left so it can start.. as others have said.. what's your partner doing during this.. as I would have not been close enough for a guy to kiss me lol
both times started kissing her. OH didnt initiate it, was kind of cornered waiting for me to return asap.
communication is the key. we r learning.
next time kissing is definitely off the menu. thats between me and OH.
"Kind cornered"!!! Did she say 'no' and or push him away? And this had happened twice?"
just the once. as I said. communication between me and OH to start with.
thanks for advice |
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I think folks are being a little harsh here, sure with experience this problem could be avoided but it is in order to benefit from that experience the OP posted.
I have certainly observed that many guys will not approach us but wait till I am away or she goes to the loo to casually bump in to her on the way and start chatting to her.
Only once have I seen it the other way around.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't see the guy at fault here, this is an issue between you and your OH. "
^^^^ agreed
I love it when that happens but then we enjoy seperate room and when i have to nip to the loo or make a drink i encourage them to play mmmmmmm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I don't see your 'visitor' as being at fault! If the gentleman initiates a snog it is your good lady's responsibility to say summat like - ' let's do all that as soon as my partner returns ' - that is neither a put off or a put down'  |
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"I think folks are being a little harsh here, sure with experience this problem could be avoided but it is in order to benefit from that experience the OP posted.
I have certainly observed that many guys will not approach us but wait till I am away or she goes to the loo to casually bump in to her on the way and start chatting to her.
Only once have I seen it the other way around.
"
Not harsh....just realism. Communication between a couple is a given, regardless of how new to the scene/ lifestyle they might be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've also seen couples posting that this is the way they start things off...if he has had no clear boundaries discussed and this is his previous experience-he may not be at fault as much as it first appears...although I would not take kindly to being cornered whatever his perception of what is acceptable is... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think folks are being a little harsh here, sure with experience this problem could be avoided but it is in order to benefit from that experience the OP posted.
I have certainly observed that many guys will not approach us but wait till I am away or she goes to the loo to casually bump in to her on the way and start chatting to her.
Only once have I seen it the other way around.
Not harsh....just realism. Communication between a couple is a given, regardless of how new to the scene/ lifestyle they might be."
Agreed. It amazes me that people don't communicate, don't set boundaries andseem incapable of saying no or stopping play if they aren't comfortable and blame others for their failings. This is nothing to do with experience, if anything these points are even more valid for newbies. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"hate this. pre play chat is fine then I might need to go to loo, or take off coat and outside of room and next thing the bloke is starting things when I come back (kissing). weve had two meets, both with a single man and this has happened. makes me really peeved.
by doing it behind my back, does the bloke think he has got a chance with my OH outside of the meet? perhaps we will only meet couples from now on?
any advice appreciated."
Just meeting couples won't solve your problem. They are just as capable of making a first move.
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"I think folks are being a little harsh here, sure with experience this problem could be avoided but it is in order to benefit from that experience the OP posted.
I have certainly observed that many guys will not approach us but wait till I am away or she goes to the loo to casually bump in to her on the way and start chatting to her.
Only once have I seen it the other way around.
Not harsh....just realism. Communication between a couple is a given, regardless of how new to the scene/ lifestyle they might be.
Agreed. It amazes me that people don't communicate, don't set boundaries andseem incapable of saying no or stopping play if they aren't comfortable and blame others for their failings. This is nothing to do with experience, if anything these points are even more valid for newbies."
Agrees |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't see the guy at fault here, this is an issue between you and your OH.
Why is your wife not stopping them? "
Why is account single mans not a couple account? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Communication between a couple is a given, regardless of how new to the scene/ lifestyle they might be."
If it were a given, this thread wouldn't have seen the light of day
A must, a necessity... |
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"Maybe your other half started it when you was put to make less pressure for the guy"
maybe. either way, we will talk it through and establish ground rules.
as an aside, separate but related question. I was receiving a BJ off OH while other male was having spit roast fun behind her when he pulled her head up by hair as part of rough play leaving me out of the loop. he did this twice. peeved me right off but let it slip. i know its not good to reply but later i did it to him when she was BJ him, he went to pull her head back but stopped (probably knew he had crossed a line) neither of us were happy about it after and dont see him again.
was he being selfish?
advice please. thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am sorry If I am wrong, but you advertise that you meet as a dominant and sub couple.. maybe that was why he pulled her hair.. although pulling off I would have just pulled back down myself...
I think you need to set clearer boundaries.. and make someone aware of what's not wanted.
I know guys often pull my hair etc.. |
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"I am sorry If I am wrong, but you advertise that you meet as a dominant and sub couple.. maybe that was why he pulled her hair.. although pulling off I would have just pulled back down myself...
I think you need to set clearer boundaries.. and make someone aware of what's not wanted.
I know guys often pull my hair etc.. "
good point. not much room for politeness and etiquette when rough sex gets underway I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am sorry If I am wrong, but you advertise that you meet as a dominant and sub couple.. maybe that was why he pulled her hair.. although pulling off I would have just pulled back down myself...
I think you need to set clearer boundaries.. and make someone aware of what's not wanted.
I know guys often pull my hair etc.. "
OP you really need to communicate more
And to be honest I think you have jealousy issues |
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"I am sorry If I am wrong, but you advertise that you meet as a dominant and sub couple.. maybe that was why he pulled her hair.. although pulling off I would have just pulled back down myself...
I think you need to set clearer boundaries.. and make someone aware of what's not wanted.
I know guys often pull my hair etc..
OP you really need to communicate more
And to be honest I think you have jealousy issues"
another good point. will talk with OH about all of this. thanks for the advice. |
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"
good point. not much room for politeness and etiquette when rough sex gets underway I guess. "
Surely you agree soft and hard limits before any BDSM or 'rough' sex? If you are not you seriously need to look at your play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find the whole 'chatting stuff' pretty boring as does my mrs, after a few mins I leave for a pretend toilet trip for a few mins. If I return and he's still not pounced I just come out and say 'get on with it then' and laugh, leave them to it for another 5 mins and then returning I'll find her sucking his cock. Works for us  |
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"hate this. pre play chat is fine then I might need to go to loo, or take off coat and outside of room and next thing the bloke is starting things when I come back (kissing). weve had two meets, both with a single man and this has happened. makes me really peeved.
by doing it behind my back, does the bloke think he has got a chance with my OH outside of the meet? perhaps we will only meet couples from now on?
any advice appreciated."
You said only happened once but in your original post you say two meets where this has happened. Just a bit confused.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I wouldn't expect someone joining in if I was in full sub mode to pull me about without having asked my dominant first.
Same as my dominant would not help himself to someone else's sub.. rough sex has the potential to get out of hand very quickly.
Communication,communication and more communication... Then when your done talking, talk some more..
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"hate this. pre play chat is fine then I might need to go to loo, or take off coat and outside of room and next thing the bloke is starting things when I come back (kissing). weve had two meets, both with a single man and this has happened. makes me really peeved.
by doing it behind my back, does the bloke think he has got a chance with my OH outside of the meet? perhaps we will only meet couples from now on?
any advice appreciated."
...and your other half is doing...?!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You really should have both set your boundaries well before any play takes place... Then tell who ever is joining you your boundaries.
As others have said communication is key when you enter the swinging lifestyle
Hope future meets go better for you |
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When we have a meet with single male we discuss what we want from meet and message the male with a scenario and our boundaries and ask his opinion of what he wants and thinks so when we meet we all know the dos and don'ts .... its all about communication between you allx ... it also turns on discussing what we want to happen mmmm x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I truly don't understand how adults in an intimate situation are unable to voice their wants, set boundaries and express displeasure, stop play if not happy!  "
I totally agree with you.... I really don't understand why anyone feels that they can't say "no" or sorry but I am not comfortable with x y z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I truly don't understand how adults in an intimate situation are unable to voice their wants, set boundaries and express displeasure, stop play if not happy!
I totally agree with you.... I really don't understand why anyone feels that they can't say "no" or sorry but I am not comfortable with x y z "
suppose there is that expectation of, if nothing has been discussed as not being taboo, then everything is on the table and acceptable.
sure, we have phone sex on our likes, so we get people expecting V to do it with them.
just because we like doing it, doesnt mean we have to with anyone that wants it, so as has been said many times over, communication is the key to a happy time |
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will take on board everything mentioned. we did a post meet talk after each and discussed things we didnt like and were in agreement. I think we need to be clearer to all parties on what we want/dont want so talking more with them will always help. also, not playing on the dom/sub side so much might help, we can always up a gear at the tine. I enjoy my OH having multi men attention and love to take part (and couples fun too), and we know it is just fun so I dont think jealousy is a factor. we are learning and hioe to have plenty more fun times, but obviously with agreenent for all parties.
thanks again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you say you arent jealous, but said in one post you were put out when the guy pulled her hair,and vicariously, her mouth off your cock.
if she is having multiple partners, you do know you arent always going to be in her mouth, hand, pussy, arse, earhole, wherever.
at some point you are going to be stood there watching her enjoying other men. |
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"you say you arent jealous, but said in one post you were put out when the guy pulled her hair,and vicariously, her mouth off your cock.
if she is having multiple partners, you do know you arent always going to be in her mouth, hand, pussy, arse, earhole, wherever.
at some point you are going to be stood there watching her enjoying other men."
yep. understood but in first case we were sharing and in a mmf spit roast I consider it a bit selfish for the other guy to stop my pleasure.. he also acknowledged after that he wanted to meet OH on her own (even suggested I drop her off! ) and wasnt really bothered by my involvement. bad call I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you say you arent jealous, but said in one post you were put out when the guy pulled her hair,and vicariously, her mouth off your cock.
if she is having multiple partners, you do know you arent always going to be in her mouth, hand, pussy, arse, earhole, wherever.
at some point you are going to be stood there watching her enjoying other men.
yep. understood but in first case we were sharing and in a mmf spit roast I consider it a bit selfish for the other guy to stop my pleasure.. he also acknowledged after that he wanted to meet OH on her own (even suggested I drop her off! ) and wasnt really bothered by my involvement. bad call I guess."
Hmmmm never mentioned this till now how strange |
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"you say you arent jealous, but said in one post you were put out when the guy pulled her hair,and vicariously, her mouth off your cock.
if she is having multiple partners, you do know you arent always going to be in her mouth, hand, pussy, arse, earhole, wherever.
at some point you are going to be stood there watching her enjoying other men.
yep. understood but in first case we were sharing and in a mmf spit roast I consider it a bit selfish for the other guy to stop my pleasure.. he also acknowledged after that he wanted to meet OH on her own (even suggested I drop her off! ) and wasnt really bothered by my involvement. bad call I guess.
Hmmmm never mentioned this till now how strange "
just came back to me. Apologies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me (and sorry for the bluntness) but you guys shouldnt be swinging, too many issues as a couple we certainly wouldnt entertain you guys knowing what we know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the op is getting a lot of harsh comments. It's hard when you start playing as a couple.
It's hard with so many guys that think if a woman's submissive that they can be pulled around and used and abused...
It's all about finding the right balance. The op seems to be taking the advice on board and realising that things need discussing.
Good luck to the op. Sometimes I think we can forget that we all made mistakes in the early days x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you say you arent jealous, but said in one post you were put out when the guy pulled her hair,and vicariously, her mouth off your cock.
if she is having multiple partners, you do know you arent always going to be in her mouth, hand, pussy, arse, earhole, wherever.
at some point you are going to be stood there watching her enjoying other men.
yep. understood but in first case we were sharing and in a mmf spit roast I consider it a bit selfish for the other guy to stop my pleasure.. he also acknowledged after that he wanted to meet OH on her own (even suggested I drop her off! ) and wasnt really bothered by my involvement. bad call I guess.
Hmmmm never mentioned this till now how strange
just came back to me. Apologies. "
So, a guy kissing your oh sticks in your mind as an improper attitude to swinging, but him asking you to drop her off at his for a 1-1 meet slips your mind?  |
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"I think the op is getting a lot of harsh comments. It's hard when you start playing as a couple.
It's hard with so many guys that think if a woman's submissive that they can be pulled around and used and abused...
It's all about finding the right balance. The op seems to be taking the advice on board and realising that things need discussing.
Good luck to the op. Sometimes I think we can forget that we all made mistakes in the early days x"
many thanks for the support. we will carry on and have fun and ecentually find some people who we really connect with, and be a little bit wiser in the process
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