FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Married/attached men

Married/attached men

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I was having a long hard think about the married men haters on here.I have come to the conclusion that it is a little bit hypocritical for married couples to moralise about married guys. Surely it can be considered immoral for married people to enter into sex play with others. What happened to "forsake all others" etc ? Surely the whole swinging scene is totally immoral in many peoples eyes.Personally I believe it is a whole lot safer for the married guy to play away in the swinging scene than just going out and having an affair ? Surely it just shows that he is accepting that what he is doing is technically wrong, but he is not looking to leave his wife/partner, just seeks some sexual stimulation, which he maybe doesn't have in his marriage. That's not to say he doesn't love his wife. He is human with human weaknesses and needs. There have been times in my marriage when sex just wasn't there and I openly admit that had a sexy liaison with no strings come my way,I would have taken the decision to accept. But at no stage in my marriage have I ever considered leaving my wife.I married her for better or worse but I, like everyone here, am only human. I know this is going to kick off but hey ho.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

I am sure they will appreciate your support

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I had a long hard 'think' in the shower this morning

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I am sure they will appreciate your support"

Is that your _iew, _iew?

What I want to do is stand somewhere with you and look into the distance and say "Hey, View, what's your _iew on the _iew you can _iew?"

Reason? I'm a sad git.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I see the forsake all others bit but there is a big difference in married/living together loving couples choosing to swing together (or as singles with the others knowledge) to those who are cheating and on here on their own without their other half knowing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Playing together and one person playing behind the other's back are completely different situations.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have no problem meeting married/attached guys (in reality most are anyhow)...... as long as they are happy with our meeting requirements.

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By *_MariusMan over a year ago

Currently Faraway

some rules in society are arbitrary. they are man-made and have no basis on logic. like your example about swinging being immoral. It may be immoral in the eyes of the church and organised religion but in real life, it's perfectly moral as long as it involves fully consenting people -again my own _iew here- who are not harming anybody. Similarly some swingers see it as unacceptable for a man to play behind his wife's/partner's back, perhaps because they think that the man is not being honest to his partner, while they are, and maybe they don't want to be part of it...Yet again, there is the perspective of guys like you, who rightly so, say that they love their wives to bits but they also want to satisfy their instincts because sex and love are not the same, which again is fair enough. I guess what I am trying to say is, we all have our individual arbitrary dos and don'ts. No intention of coming across as "against you" though x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Playing together and one person playing behind the other's back are completely different situations."

I agree. They are different situations. I wasn't looking to annoy or provoke anyone. I was just voicing my honest feelings. Of course I realised there would be strong _iews for and against.

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By *r Mahogany70Man over a year ago

Leicester

Why is it always the married men who continually get stick in the forums? Have you seen the amount of 'single' women profiles that openly admit to being married? A few are frequent contributors to these pages.

If the moralists (so strange on a site that facilitates promiscuity) are going to slate the marrieds who are playing away, then please exercise some parity and not be so misandristic.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Why is it always the married men who continually get stick in the forums? Have you seen the amount of 'single' women profiles that openly admit to being married? A few are frequent contributors to these pages.

If the moralists (so strange on a site that facilitates promiscuity) are going to slate the marrieds who are playing away, then please exercise some parity and not be so misandristic."

the same as most posts posed by women will be answered differently to men

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By *r Mahogany70Man over a year ago

Leicester

If the moralists (so strange on a site that facilitates promiscuity) are going to slate the marrieds who are playing away, then please exercise some parity and not be so misandristic.

the same as most posts posed by women will be answered differently to men"

Have you addressed the question posed in my post or have you answered one that's in your head?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I read the half the OP and sorry did'nt read it all.......Im not a married man or woman basher,people are adults and will understand the consequences of their actions but don't give me that old twaddle about married couples forsaking all others to try and justify the actions of one person deceiving someone else because it just does'nt wash with me

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

If the moralists (so strange on a site that facilitates promiscuity) are going to slate the marrieds who are playing away, then please exercise some parity and not be so misandristic.

the same as most posts posed by women will be answered differently to men

Have you addressed the question posed in my post or have you answered one that's in your head? "

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By *r Mahogany70Man over a year ago

Leicester

"I read the half the OP and sorry did'nt read it all.......Im not a married man or woman basher,people are adults and will understand the consequences of their actions but don't give me that old twaddle about married couples forsaking all others to try and justify the actions of one person deceiving someone else because it just does'nt wash with me

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

Don't worry, in the eyes of the law you're married. Some may argue whether you are in the eyes of their God though

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By *lanwoodMan over a year ago

Alton

"I am sure they will appreciate your support"

I do indeed, not least for its rarity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 14/09/13 21:22:56]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

Don't worry, in the eyes of the law you're married. Some may argue whether you are in the eyes of their God though

Well they can argue their arses off on my behalf if they like......Ill just carry on having fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A couple who swing make the decision to do so together, a man or woman who is on here and "swings" without their partners knowledge and therefore not thinking of their significant other and the emotional upset and putting their relationship at risk for the sake of a shag is completely different.

Vows or not, it is irrelevant, it is the simple fact couples who swing together have complete trust whereas a person cheating on their loved one take all decision away from the other and they have no choice and the trust is completely broken through the actions of one.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

Agree with you. Totally not the same thing. (I didn't have a religious service when I got married either!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

I totally agree that you may be as married as the next person with no religious beliefs whatsoever. Just find it difficult to understand why people moralise on a site that encourages a promiscuous lifestyle. OK, it is a bad human trait that some people deceive their partners but let's face it, we are all adults here. We are all human with good and bad in us. We are all capable of hurting others, whether intentional or unintentional. Most of our parents, children, siblings etc. would be shocked ,disappointed, horrified if they discovered our little secret.... Swinging.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

So you are arguing that people who deceive their partners are no worse than people that don't because sex is involved?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So you are arguing that people who deceive their partners are no worse than people that don't because sex is involved?"

I'm not arguing about anything. I am simply stating that I believe that if a guy , or woman for that matter, is going to have sex with someone else behind his partners back, then surely it is better done in a totally "no strings" fashion, that a swinging couple may offer ? Better that than to go into a full blown relationship with a third party that could ultimately hurt far more people. Of course the guy may still end up separating from his wife/partner, but that can, and often does happen anyway.

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By *lanwoodMan over a year ago

Alton

"So you are arguing that people who deceive their partners are no worse than people that don't because sex is involved?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"So you are arguing that people who deceive their partners are no worse than people that don't because sex is involved?

I didn't mean arguing in that sense.

People do what they feel they have to, as long as they don't involve me I don't care. I said on another thread that emotional infidelity in my opinion is far worse than merely sexual infidelity but dishonesty is the worst hurt of all so no I don't believe that no strings sex is "better" than an emotional affair in the long run.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I thought this site was all abt sex and not relationships there are far too many judgemental people on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was having a long hard think about the married men haters on here.I have come to the conclusion that it is a little bit hypocritical for married couples to moralise about married guys. Surely it can be considered immoral for married people to enter into sex play with others. What happened to "forsake all others" etc ? Surely the whole swinging scene is totally immoral in many peoples eyes.Personally I believe it is a whole lot safer for the married guy to play away in the swinging scene than just going out and having an affair ? Surely it just shows that he is accepting that what he is doing is technically wrong, but he is not looking to leave his wife/partner, just seeks some sexual stimulation, which he maybe doesn't have in his marriage. That's not to say he doesn't love his wife. He is human with human weaknesses and needs. There have been times in my marriage when sex just wasn't there and I openly admit that had a sexy liaison with no strings come my way,I would have taken the decision to accept. But at no stage in my marriage have I ever considered leaving my wife.I married her for better or worse but I, like everyone here, am only human. I know this is going to kick off but hey ho."

Well said, as a married man, and player on here, Im having fun, just respect people's wishes about married men, and keep clear of them, there are plenty of fun people who like married men, so keep to them, and no one gets upset.

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By *lanwoodMan over a year ago

Alton

"Well said, as a married man, and player on here, Im having fun, just respect people's wishes about married men, and keep clear of them, there are plenty of fun people who like married men, so keep to them, and no one gets upset."

I am not sure about there being plenty. I get rejected by about 95% of people I send messages to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am not sure about there being plenty. I get rejected by about 95% of people I send messages to."

Take your time, read there profile carefully, and just chat to them, Rome wasn't built in a day, lol

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By *lackCherryCouple over a year ago

Bristol

For those cheating as I have often said we choose not to play with them when we know because of the practical side of it.

You know ? unable to accommodate ? short notice meets, letting you down at the last minute, not able to stay for long, constant clock watching, asking you not to wear perfume that sort of thing.

Take that out of it the fact that you equate lying and cheating to what loving couples do together under the guise of swinging is a bit of an odd attitude and that doesnt include the pain it can cause the person they are cheating on when and if they find out, do you want that on you for a shag ?

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

In the main, this site is inhabited by adults, and the choices and actions they make are theirs and nobody else's business.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"In the main, this site is inhabited by adults, and the choices and actions they make are theirs and nobody else's business.

This is true but sometimes those people choose to make it other peoples business by asking their opinion or involving them in some other way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So you are arguing that people who deceive their partners are no worse than people that don't because sex is involved?

But what you originally said was that married couples who don't want to play with cheaters are hypocrites.

That's a separate issue to saying that swinging is better than having an affair.

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By *lackCherryCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"In the main, this site is inhabited by adults, and the choices and actions they make are theirs and nobody else's business.

So those that dont want to play with married folk are making a choice and action and that's no one else's business either ?

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By *oiluvfunMan over a year ago

Penrith

"In the main, this site is inhabited by adults, and the choices and actions they make are theirs and nobody else's business.

So those that dont want to play with married folk are making a choice and action and that's no one else's business either ?

Of course

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

can't we all just get along.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What twaddle. Morality is quite diverse and changes according to society and any moment in time. You're acting as if only one moral exists. Shall we discuss abortion? Shall we discuss the death penalty? Shall we discuss Euthanasia? Our moral compass may be guided by society, but it is personal to us and normally influenced by our own experiences. Swinging couples are not hypocritical for choosing not to play with married or attached men, it is their choice. As for "haters"... A little strong don't you think? Otherwise I'd be a hater of short guys and bald guys etc.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A married couple or a couple together that talk about it and decide to join this lifestyle = swingers.

A person that decides to lie and sneak around behind there wife/husband/partners back = a cheat.

The 2 things are totally different and should never be confused with eachother.

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By *emmefataleWoman over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

"A married couple or a couple together that talk about it and decide to join this lifestyle = swingers.

A person that decides to lie and sneak around behind there wife/husband/partners back = a cheat.

The 2 things are totally different and should never be confused with eachother."
People that cheat and swingers= adulterers.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have noticed that it's always assumed that there is a negative reason for a married person to play without the knowledge of their spouse. Also that couples that play together are always seen as doing so from a positive stance.

I've known people with very noble reasons for staying married but who feel incredibly lonely and crave human contact and having it saves the relationship. I have also known couples where one party is pressured into playing and does so to please the other and keep the relationship. Basically cheating with semi forced consent.

Things aren't always cut and dry. Blanket statements about a person's situation and motives aren't fair Play with who you want to and for whatever reasons you have but let's not go around labelling people as the wrong type of swinger. We all have our own reasons for playing and shouldn't be judged for it. Especially when people dont have the full story.

And I'm not married btw.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am sure they will appreciate your support

Is that your _iew, _iew?

What I want to do is stand somewhere with you and look into the distance and say "Hey, View, what's your _iew on the _iew you can _iew?"

Reason? I'm a sad git. "

yes you really are

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have noticed that it's always assumed that there is a negative reason for a married person to play without the knowledge of their spouse. Also that couples that play together are always seen as doing so from a positive stance.

And I'm not married btw. "

what could be noble?

You make a commitment for better or worse. Not for better and better for myself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We have no problem meeting married/attached guys (in reality most are anyhow)...... as long as they are happy with our meeting requirements."

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By *mallteaserWoman over a year ago

Central

We all make choices in life x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Society and religion condition people from an early age to believe sexual fidelity is important and this is reflected in many posts on here.

In the days before contraception perhaps it was important but now it is far less important as exampled by the loving couples who share sex with others.

Perhaps society should rethink the importance it places on sexual fidelity?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I always knew this topic was going to be controversial. I do understand peoples concerns one way or the other. At no point have I said it is right or wrong for an attached person to play away without his/her partners knowledge. My point is that it happened anyway, whether we like it or not. I maybe made a wrong choice of words when stating that its hypocritical to dislike these actions.

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By *r Mahogany70Man over a year ago

Leicester

"Society and religion condition people from an early age to believe sexual fidelity is important and this is reflected in many posts on here.

In the days before contraception perhaps it was important but now it is far less important as exampled by the loving couples who share sex with others.

Perhaps society should rethink the importance it places on sexual fidelity?

I'm assuming you're referring to modern forms of contraception as humankind has been using birth control for several millennia, some methods much more effective than others.

Anyway, that aside, I'm curious as to your reasoning that society and religion's promotion of sexual fidelity was only relevant pre (modern?) contraception?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We played with FB's one evening, lovely people great company and great sex.

On the drive home we both started wondering about the poor innocent partners at home, how their finding out what just went on might affect their lives, the kids etc etc and vowed never to knowingly do it again.

We play regularly with a married guy however his wife knows, we met originally as a foursome played and things evolved, so no harm no foul.

For the married folk playing away on here, especially the women who seem to live on the moral high ground on most matters what, in your very honest opinions, would be the effect on your partners, kids, families etc if what you did got out?

Us agin it moralising is one thing but the honest thoughts of those doing it, not the usual trite it's got f@@k all to do with you thing but some honest outpourings as to what your family would think

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I agree with a few of the above posts. My moral code is personal to me and involves harming none and deceiving none, sex doesn't come into it unless by having sex with a person someone would be hurt or deceived. I'm making no judgement on anyones actions but my own, lots of people are prepared to make judgements on me however.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree with a few of the above posts. My moral code is personal to me and involves harming none and deceiving none, sex doesn't come into it unless by having sex with a person someone would be hurt or deceived. I'm making no judgement on anyones actions but my own, lots of people are prepared to make judgements on me however."

Our stance exactly, we have no real opinion on those playing away we simply ignore them in support of their loved ones sat at home oblivious to what's being done to them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Society and religion condition people from an early age to believe sexual fidelity is important and this is reflected in many posts on here.

In the days before contraception perhaps it was important but now it is far less important as exampled by the loving couples who share sex with others.

Perhaps society should rethink the importance it places on sexual fidelity?

I'm assuming you're referring to modern forms of contraception as humankind has been using birth control for several millennia, some methods much more effective than others.

Anyway, that aside, I'm curious as to your reasoning that society and religion's promotion of sexual fidelity was only relevant pre (modern?) contraception? "

Pre-modern conception there was a chance that a man would have to bring up another man's child; which defeated his gene line. Society created rules to try and stop that.

These days humans fuck around worse than rabbits but contaception generally eliminates the offspring.

We have generally stopped covering our neighbours ox now I believe.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

Im married and I did'nt actually have a religious service.....maybe im not properly married

The irony of your post aside: I have no qualms meeting married men if they meet MY needs. They don't, but some are so used to having their cake and eating it they start whiny threads about not getting meets when turned down.

Married women tend not to start threads moaning about lack of meets as there'll always be someone with full sacs that need emptying, no questions asked!

I do find it strange that whenever someone has a contrary _iew it's perceived by some that because we're swingers we automatically leave our own morals at the door: how bizarre!

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

Our take on this is that if you want to involve others in your sex life then it should be on a 'no strings' basis. If you meet a married bloke then you are open to having his partner hastle you on the phone or, worse, in person.

I think this boils down to the different ways men and woman deal with being cheated on. A guy will blame his partner, a woman will blame the other party more often than not.

If you happen to play with a married guy at a club then the chances are he doesn't have contact details and you are spared the bunny-boiler camped on you doorstep or answering machine.

So for us it's not a moral stance, just us wanting a peaceful life.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never married n in this issue a couldn't give a fishes theodolyte for my own opinion or indeed anyone else's on the subject

I don't support the moral army

People make their own choices in life n who am I to question them??

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I've never married n in this issue a couldn't give a fishes theodolyte for my own opinion or indeed anyone else's on the subject

I don't support the moral army

People make their own choices in life n who am I to question them?? "

A fishes theodolite lol.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

I think I love you!!!!

as much as I am here for fun, I am not here to be complicit to someone elses deception...

I always say it is easy to be bold,brassy,bulshy and billy big bollox when the person is an anonymous figure... not so easy to do that when the other person is a voice down the end of a phone, and I am betting no one would do it in front of a angry person face to face

I have seen the hurt, pain and anger it can cause.. it has stuck with me..

I have seen people lash out, heard of people ending up on doorsteps,

you can never judge what someone will do when they are angry and they are hurt, I am not going to put myself in that position...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Divorced myself and was a cheater, hence I do not wish to be involved with another gent who is attached ever again, as I had been there, done that, got the T-shirt etc...

Don't hate them as such, just don't want to get involved and be part of their lies.