FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Argh! The nasty side to swinging
Argh! The nasty side to swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm fairly new to swinging, it all came about when I realised I could no longer be bothered with 'dating' one too many bad experiences made me decide that I want the fun with no strings. And I have met some great men BUT I have also discovered the bad side.
The men who are completely fake and lie there way through life/meets then have the audacity to bad mouth the women they meet to other women.
It has just made me more wary and thus ignoring potential genuine decent men. So I am looking for a bit of advice...
What is the best way of really getting into the 'community'? as feel my chances of meeting the genuine ones are improved if I stick to those who are part of the community, I feel a little intimidated by it but I am intrigued. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Common sense goes a long way. Look at the way you filter out potential meets and tighten these up.
If you're finding a certain age group is bad mouthing you (age can sometimes hint at maturity  ), then raise your age preference.
If you choose bad meets at a time when you are at your horniest, stick to toys until you're more rational in your selection.
Good luck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guys bad mouthing youafter a meet is do disrespectful. But guess its a similar type of guy who makes snide remarks about othets posts on the forums. They do it as they feel it gives them some sort of kudos and makes them more attractive to other femsles... Sad but true |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I tend to meet older men, but as with dating I have noticed that men in their 40's seem to be worse for having 'issues with respect' and the men I have met in their 50's have all been pleasant before and after.
I've only been bad mouthed on here once(as far as I am aware)but have received abusive messages from those I have rejected (most in their 40's) so maybe it is an age thing 
I am quite picky but clearly not picky enough  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am a 40yo and i would never bad mouth anyone on.here either through rejection or any other problem, i am honest in.everything i do.on here even.down to my profile which does stop ppl contacting me, maybe am a little to honest lol, but i hope the ppl in the 40's who have disrespected/badmouthed you are few and far between as no one deserves to be mistreated by anybody x so.i bid you good luck in your swinging quest and if ever near blackpool.look me up lol xc |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do.  |
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Mirroring what everyone else has said really.
In the clubs and socials you are face to face. It's much, much easier to judge someone when you are standing talking to them.
I would definitely look for another one of the girls to go with I am sure there must be one or two in your area.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do. "
I believe he has bad mouthed me as he bad mouthed another woman to me when we met, claimed the verification she left was a lie (but had left her one too) as usually I would be wary but having seen what he is capable of I believe what the other woman is saying.
The man has real issues, cheating on his disabled girlfriend but lies about his whole life eg claims to be single etc but sees nothing wrong with lying his way to meeting women.
The message he sent this morning just shows the issues he has as he believes his own lies, believes he is innocent and has tried to pin the blame on me 
I accept the world is full of liars but it is the lies he is spreading that have upset me, this is supposed to be fun but right now I feel like packing it all in and just being a nun. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do.
I believe he has bad mouthed me as he bad mouthed another woman to me when we met, claimed the verification she left was a lie (but had left her one too) as usually I would be wary but having seen what he is capable of I believe what the other woman is saying.
The man has real issues, cheating on his disabled girlfriend but lies about his whole life eg claims to be single etc but sees nothing wrong with lying his way to meeting women.
The message he sent this morning just shows the issues he has as he believes his own lies, believes he is innocent and has tried to pin the blame on me
I accept the world is full of liars but it is the lies he is spreading that have upset me, this is supposed to be fun but right now I feel like packing it all in and just being a nun. "
cool, if it is one guy and he is doing this, block him and stop all contact
good luck |
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It takes all sorts I am afraid - there are always some nasty bastards around !
Scary that guys in their 40's have low respect - I had always assumed it was the low 20's with that attitude !! umm
Anyway I will mirror what has been said above - get to the clubs - you say you want no strings fun - at a club you can have fun without even divulging your name (shallow me? never !!) - none of the hassle afterwards. Although in a fair number of clubs single ladies do go alone if you can find a lady to go with - or maybe even a couple or dare I say a 50 year old guy - at least for the first time then maybe you will find what you are looking for - fun without the hassle ! |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
Whether you meet someone at a club /social or privately they can still put on an act and lie through their teeth.
Some people (I'm including men, women & couples) will tell you anything to get what they want and that's not just in swinging.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whether you meet someone at a club /social or privately they can still put on an act and lie through their teeth.
Some people (I'm including men, women & couples) will tell you anything to get what they want and that's not just in swinging.
"
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"Whether you meet someone at a club /social or privately they can still put on an act and lie through their teeth.
Some people (I'm including men, women & couples) will tell you anything to get what they want and that's not just in swinging.
"
That was my experience with someone very much into the clubs, so I'm am afraid that is no guarantee. Liars abound everywhere, 'caveat emptor'. It is really difficult to see them coming sometimes, and it really grates if you are an honest person.
But I have met some lovely people from this site already I have to say, my faith has been somewhat restored by it so far!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
"
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Well that's a dumb-assed statement if ever I heard one! And completely false.  "
No I agree all the best swingers are in clubs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer!"
the OP wasnt asking where she can meet people that will fuck her, as she seems to have foudn that already.
the question was, where to find people that wont disrespect her afterwards, and, if im not mistaken, being in a club environment, that would possibly mean someone going from one to the next, and so on, would be seen as a little disrespectful in itself.
each to their own, and all that jazz, but really dont think clubs is the place to find a 'meet' that will show no disrespect to people.
unfortunatly, its a case of hit n miss.
take a chance, and learn from your mistakes.
there are no hard and fast rules as to the best way to find the perfect meet.
can only hope you dont get any more rubbish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do. "
women are the worst for it, not so much badmouthing other people, but definitely telling you someone may be saying something, so you should stay away from them, maybe to keep the best for themselves?
women can be right nasty bastards when they want to be lol |
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer!"
so you've met every single swinger and by process of elimination have discovered that the best of them are in clubs. Blimey, you have been busy! |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer!"
That doesn't make them the best.....just more easily accessible to you!
We only meet privately and have only ever been let down once.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you will always get people who seem nice as pie but are saying nasty things about you behind your back and they do say that if someone is saying things to you about other people then they will do the same thing to you.
i havent met anyone who said nasty things about people, maybe just moaned about timewasters, nothing nasty.
some people can get a bit nasty if you get annoyed or block them, then spread rumours about you.
i try to be careful now about who i invite round to my house as i have met a couple of men who werent as nice as they were described on their verifications, they may have behaved a lot differently with other women they had met, or the other women were used to certain types of behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer!
That doesn't make them the best.....just more easily accessible to you!
We only meet privately and have only ever been let down once.
"
We do both but realise that both differ massively.
Playing in a club often has very little in the way of preamble, mostly nothing more than an exchange on a bed in a room with other like minded couples or even wandering hands in a jacuzzi. Sometimes this starts off in the bar over drinks and a chat but more often than not its totally spontaneous.
Unless there is real desire on either party's part to try and take the experience further by exchanging details etc it is without the very definition of NSA fun.
Meets outside a club rarely go the same way with meets for drinks etc prior to actuallly playing. For some, and certainly for us, there is without doubt a higher lever of intamacy with private meets which we often prefer however for us it ALWAYS is nothing more than NSA.
We expect nothing from meets apart from pleasure and anything else is a bonus, worrying about being bad mouthed etc is just way to far down the priority list |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes theres good and bad in all things and swinging too ........ some can get very jealous and nasty if you're chatting liking same man and yes it should not be part of this .. but is at times. |
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My advice is pick men who have more than three lots feedback and look and see what comments they put about the women they have met.
I would be more than happy if a woman mailed me and asked is a bloke I met was a good guy. I have been on the receiving end of a very nasty man from a regular dating site and it does make you more cautious.
Or perhaps make friends with a couple and go to a club with them.
But I do like the idea of this being a community, I like belonging  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The idea of that does interest me but as a single female and lacking in confidence at times I don't think I have the balls to turn up on my own  "
Yes you can. Ask the club which night isquietest and go then. Don't go expecting to play the first time, or to stay the whole night unless you want to. People are really friendly and will be sympathetic if you are nervous.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that is just a risk that comes with swinging. The same is for the men i think too. Well, for me anyway.
I dont think im like the rest (who doesnt eh), but sometimes its hard to prove how genuine you are when you message someone.
...just a matter of luck i think. And sometimes youn just click with certain people. Not everyones perfect..but theres only so much trust you can place in another.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sorry OP u have confused me a little bit really, I dunno how u can really give credence to the fact this man cheats, ur happy with this as u claim on ur profile, is that is long as they are honest with u?-obviously u learned a little more about his wife than u should have..if I was meeting someone who cheats..I wouldnt even want to know about their partner.
anyway, in a nutshell..there are plenty of decent men on fab...single ones!- and yes clubs are great..but so are most types of meets..all it takes is a rise in how to work the site,choose better and of course have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My advice is pick men who have more than three lots feedback and look and see what comments they put about the women they have met.
I would be more than happy if a woman mailed me and asked is a bloke I met was a good guy. I have been on the receiving end of a very nasty man from a regular dating site and it does make you more cautious.
Or perhaps make friends with a couple and go to a club with them.
But I do like the idea of this being a community, I like belonging "
me N her are the hot arse community |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"sorry OP u have confused me a little bit really, I dunno how u can really give credence to the fact this man cheats, ur happy with this as u claim on ur profile, is that is long as they are honest with u?-obviously u learned a little more about his wife than u should have..if I was meeting someone who cheats..I wouldnt even want to know about their partner.
anyway, in a nutshell..there are plenty of decent men on fab...single ones!- and yes clubs are great..but so are most types of meets..all it takes is a rise in how to work the site,choose better and of course have fun!"
Thing is, he wasn't honest and lies to get meets. I'm not worried about marital status but looking for those who may become friends too so knowing their status enables me to know where I stand.
On the whole is living a double life, wanted a couples profile on here with me but claimed it would only work if we claimed to be married  I'm new to this but not that stupid lol.
Parties sound good and I am very intrigued but I do enjoy passion and not sure I would be satisfied if it was a bit 'cold'
Good convo and being able to chill together after is a big plus for me. I would like quality over quantity, eg a few men I could send the odd 'How are you' text to and meet up for fun every few weeks or so. |
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"All the best swingers are in the clubs.
Really ? Wow how did you come to that conclusion ?
What I was going to ask....
Experience. And you know they won't let you down because they are there with no pants on.
Simple answer!
so you've met every single swinger and by process of elimination have discovered that the best of them are in clubs. Blimey, you have been busy!"
I haven't been to a club in 4 or 5 years but have a very good time on and from here. One of the reasons is that not only am I single but the fact I accommodate easily helps prove, plus veri's. I also go to socials, they're good for meeting people and building up friendships. I don't know what the social scene is in your neck of the woods but in Manchester it's great. Many women seem happy to come on their own and treat purely as a social. If something then moves on from that then great, I'd like to think I've never spoken disrespectfully of anyone woman I've met from here, hope that is the case? |
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"if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do.
women are the worst for it, not so much badmouthing other people, but definitely telling you someone may be saying something, so you should stay away from them, maybe to keep the best for themselves?
women can be right nasty bastards when they want to be lol"
Not all women.... |
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"Clubs and socials can be great."
Make a point on your profile that you want to have an exchange of messages by email, kik or through this site then go for a social meet in a neutral place. You might take a trusted friend, not to be right beside you but to be close by or to ring you at some point in the meeting.
If anyone objects to you wanting to take things slowly and steadily, they are probably not for you (or anyone else really)
Stay safe and have fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whether you meet someone at a club /social or privately they can still put on an act and lie through their teeth.
Some people (I'm including men, women & couples) will tell you anything to get what they want and that's not just in swinging.
"
Things like? I am still wondering what these "lies" could mean  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi was going to private message you, re a club, but female's are blocked. Shame x"
Emm, you can message it to me, then. I'd forward it to her. If black men aren't blocked...that is |
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"
If anyone objects to you wanting to take things slowly and steadily, they are probably not for you (or anyone else really"
Some people I've been in touch with for quite a while before meeting, others it's been a hour or so and then we've met and had fun. Please don't make judgements like that, have you never met people in a bar or club and been fucking within a hour so?  |
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"My advice is pick men who have more than three lots feedback and look and see what comments they put about the women they have met.
I would be more than happy if a woman mailed me and asked is a bloke I met was a good guy. I have been on the receiving end of a very nasty man from a regular dating site and it does make you more cautious.
Or perhaps make friends with a couple and go to a club with them.
But I do like the idea of this being a community, I like belonging
me N her are the hot arse community"
I like the idea of a community of hot asses! |
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"My advice is pick men who have more than three lots feedback and look and see what comments they put about the women they have met.
I would be more than happy if a woman mailed me and asked is a bloke I met was a good guy. I have been on the receiving end of a very nasty man from a regular dating site and it does make you more cautious.
Or perhaps make friends with a couple and go to a club with them.
But I do like the idea of this being a community, I like belonging
me N her are the hot arse community
I like the idea of a community of hot asses! "
You can park your bum on my cooker whenever you like, (and yes I did read your profile before looking at your pic's) |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"The idea of that does interest me but as a single female and lacking in confidence at times I don't think I have the balls to turn up on my own "
I turned up for my first social on my own and I was shaking inside....but people are nice, and they talk to you, even if it's to say just hi. You may lose some, but you may win some as well x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm fairly new to swinging, it all came about when I realised I could no longer be bothered with 'dating' one too many bad experiences made me decide that I want the fun with no strings. And I have met some great men BUT I have also discovered the bad side.
The men who are completely fake and lie there way through life/meets then have the audacity to bad mouth the women they meet to other women.
It has just made me more wary and thus ignoring potential genuine decent men. So I am looking for a bit of advice...
What is the best way of really getting into the 'community'? as feel my chances of meeting the genuine ones are improved if I stick to those who are part of the community, I feel a little intimidated by it but I am intrigued. "
Talk get to know people before you think about anything else
That's what I do ,and Christ I am a bloke and we think with our dicks lol |
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Most of us are naive when we first embark on meeting people on the internet. Internet dating opened my eyes to the Walter Mitty types so by the time I got to Fab I'd worked out a way of separating the wheat from the chaffe.
I always meet socially first for lunch or dinner. I've found people tend to relax and be comfortable and reveal a lot about themselves. From such encounters I've discovered the "charming" man has slagged other members off; another has lived with a man for 18 months, but his profile said straight; a few took recreational drugs; a few more had erectile problems; one had a house in Nigeria he shared with his business partner. Their housekeeper was a prostitute and they regularly had a threesome with her (he scared me the most: Eton educated, own business, looked like Timothy Dalton but a dangerous risk taker).
I've also used Google and found a news article on a potential meet. He'd won a golf tournament and was photographed posing with the trophy...with his wife at his side. Google also gave me the email, home address, home telephone number of a potential meet...on the BNP supporters list!
I've found what works for me in deciding who I'm going to invite into my home and body. Nothing is fool proof, but gut feeling and common sense are also key.
Good luck OP. |
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"
If anyone objects to you wanting to take things slowly and steadily, they are probably not for you (or anyone else really
Some people I've been in touch with for quite a while before meeting, others it's been a hour or so and then we've met and had fun. Please don't make judgements like that, have you never met people in a bar or club and been fucking within a hour so? "
Never! |
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"
If anyone objects to you wanting to take things slowly and steadily, they are probably not for you (or anyone else really
Some people I've been in touch with for quite a while before meeting, others it's been a hour or so and then we've met and had fun. Please don't make judgements like that, have you never met people in a bar or club and been fucking within a hour so? "
Yep. After a brief exchange of emails then a phone conversation we met up and were playing that night. The key is that all agreed to that and we had fun. What I have also experienced and found objectionable is where a partner is rushed into doing something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if the other women are telling you that the guys are badmouthing you, I would question 'some' of their motives if I am honest.
and the 'sisterhood' share positives and negatives about guys they have met and that is seen as a good thing to do.
I believe he has bad mouthed me as he bad mouthed another woman to me when we met, claimed the verification she left was a lie (but had left her one too) as usually I would be wary but having seen what he is capable of I believe what the other woman is saying.
The man has real issues, cheating on his disabled girlfriend but lies about his whole life eg claims to be single etc but sees nothing wrong with lying his way to meeting women.
The message he sent this morning just shows the issues he has as he believes his own lies, believes he is innocent and has tried to pin the blame on me
I accept the world is full of liars but it is the lies he is spreading that have upset me, this is supposed to be fun but right now I feel like packing it all in and just being a nun. "
Crumbs, just ignore him and anything he says! Not worth it. There are hundreds of guys in here worth more than that! On your original point - socials, no pressure, always friendly and held in vanilla settings
Easy to go alone unlike a club. Once happy in socials then start considering club visits xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont let one bad egg ruin it for you. If I did that I would have left this site and run for the hills. Unfortunately I cant warn others about him as I will not let myself be seen as the bitter ex and also dont want to give any foundation to his paranoia |
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