FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Afraid of getting feelings for people

Afraid of getting feelings for people

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi all

I may be to sensitive for this mad lifestyle. Whilst I find it sexually exciting I have gained feelings for ladies while having fun. I know that is not the game but I can't help it. Anyone feel the same or are you hardened sex focussed swingers only . I need the feelings to get hard otherwise mechanical does not work alone

I welcome thoughts

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *andWCouple over a year ago

Pontypridd

As a couple I'm not sure if we are qualified to comment, I guess if we were playing as singles it could be something that would happen x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hummmm

I got told when I first joined here if you don't meet lots of guys and you're only looking for one guy then I'm not using this site correctly ....

Like you I need to feel something for the guy to be able to relax and enjoy and have lots of fun .....

So for me feelings are required

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've met some wonderful friends from being on this site. You would need a heart of stone not to feel sonmething

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've met some wonderful friends from being on this site. You would need a heart of stone not to feel sonmething

Very very true

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hocksandmissusCouple over a year ago

Chester-ish

I would say the feelings are something different are you saying your falling in love with every one you meet or are they just sexual feeling cos they are just poles apart I love my husband but do find myself quite sexually attractive to the ppl we decide to meet xxxxxxx

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *adyH and GrissomCouple over a year ago

Llantarnum

Yes it's nsa sex but goddam I'm not a machine lol so require some level of emotional connection for the best sessions

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if it's guy i see once or twice then no , feelings don't enter into it ...but i do have a guy i see regular and i have deep feelings for him ,,the sex with him is far better because we have a connection

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ayandess1Couple over a year ago

bridgwater

Its very difficult to have regular sex with someone and not become attached in some way. Its the way that we as humans are wiredup. If your falling in love then back off for a while. If your emotionally connected then hell that's normal.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

having feelings for someone you are having sex with makes it all that much better. I personally cant just open up my legs and wam bam. I like to connect and have a laugh with the person. mental stimulation as well as sexual is a good thing x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ixmaMan over a year ago

Birmingham

As said previously it's normal to have some feelings with the person your playing with BUT and a big but, just remember it is a no strings site as I learnt very quickly as the first time I had a great meet with a woman and two days later you see she had played with someone else. None of us have exclusivity with anyone we meet so remember although you may have a very intimate connection when you play with someone at the end if the day it's just sexual no strings fun and she could have that connection with several people she plays with so enjoy but don't misread the fun you have with them as something more

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's physically impossible to be that intimate with another human being and not feel some emotional attachment.

we are hardwired to become bonded to our partners, it's genetics to create a stable and safe environment for offspring. Its the same in a lot of the animal kingdom as well.

It takes a very special kind of person to just switch off all that and just do it without feeling. Im not one of them. Have i loved every woman i have had sex with? yes to some degree or another.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" although you may have a very intimate connection when you play with someone at the end if the day it's just sexual no strings fun and she could have that connection with several people she plays with so enjoy but don't misread the fun you have with them as something more"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's happens.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Feelings, regardless of when they arise, are a bad idea

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Didnt feel anything at first but the moment i put my tounge in her qwivering mound of love pudding i was in love.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Depends what kind of feelings. If its feelings between friends then i think its fine. But if its love and intimacy..then you may have to take it slow and be careful.

The heart is a delicate piece of flesh. No matter how much of a man you are, its still going to fuck you up.

I dont do relationships, so im safe lol. But im a caring soul. Care about people too much, even strangers..thats another emotion lol

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hrisBlkGuyMan over a year ago

Birmingham

"As said previously it's normal to have some feelings with the person your playing with BUT and a big but, just remember it is a no strings site as I learnt very quickly as the first time I had a great meet with a woman and two days later you see she had played with someone else. None of us have exclusivity with anyone we meet so remember although you may have a very intimate connection when you play with someone at the end if the day it's just sexual no strings fun and she could have that connection with several people she plays with so enjoy but don't misread the fun you have with them as something more"

I think the OP has a big problem, because if he develops feelings for a woman he's played with, how will he cope when he sees later that same woman's just had an even better time fucking another guy?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *nfieldishCouple over a year ago

Enfield

Feelings = fondness...

Yes ..all the time....

Most people are nice

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I have feelings with whoever I have sex with but hold my emotions very much in the background. I'm here mostly for the physical feelings i experiene and like watching the result of my actions on other people and can easily consciously shut off any emotions of love or whatever.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I need to like anyone that I'm going to have sex with and anyone that A is going to have sex with. Love isn't something that comes into it though I know from experience that proper love takes years not hours.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think the OP has a big problem, because if he develops feelings for a woman he's played with, how will he cope when he sees later that same woman's just had an even better time fucking another guy?

I think you have to remain detached on a site like this and see every meet for what it is, no strings casual fun and nothing more. If you do find yourself wanting more then maybe a dating site would probably be better for you."
if you have had reg meets with someone and are getting feelings for them, but they continue to meet others, which is what it's all about, the green-eyed monster rears it's ugly head.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

You can't help where love finds you....some are very good at having sex and connection but not falling for someone...some find someone and have a connection and fall for each other...some fall for someone but the feelings are not requited. It's the nature of the beast when sex and lust are involved. It is however protecting yourself from getting hurt.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I've never had a problem with separating sex and emotion.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little"

It's the nature of the beast on this site....don't get attached at the drop of a hat.some.people don't stick around for long on here...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *aughtywifeandhimCouple over a year ago

bedford

I let wife have quite a few meets with one guy.but she said she was getting to fond of him .so we stopped she only plays with him about once a year now so ee are careful .and I try not to play too often with same women .bar wife lol

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never feel any emotional conection to any guys i met, none at all ! Yes i had to like them and how they looked and behaved but no actual emotional conection at all and wouldnt be bothered if i never saw or spoke to them again.

I had problems with many guys i met who wanted to see me more or want me to only see them as they were jealous of the other guys i met ( i would have many meets each week with many guys, i was a prolific swinger)and many guys who wanted to live with me or marry me ..... no way lol !!!!!

Until i met my now hubby

things changed then but before that it was simply nsa sex no emotional conection at all

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"having feelings for someone you are having sex with makes it all that much better. I personally cant just open up my legs and wam bam. I like to connect and have a laugh with the person. mental stimulation as well as sexual is a good thing x"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't help where love finds you....some are very good at having sex and connection but not falling for someone...some find someone and have a connection and fall for each other...some fall for someone but the feelings are not requited. It's the nature of the beast when sex and lust are involved. It is however protecting yourself from getting hurt. "

I don't think you can protect yourself. Sometimes it just happens. And when it does it's going to hurt.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You need to be honest with yourself about what you're looking for and if you really don't want to develop feelings for people make sure you only meet them once. Most people on here claim to want nsa best assume that's true and act accordingly.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Before we started swinging emotion and sex went hand in hand in my then opinion.

So I can see it could be difficult for singles to remain detached.

However when we meet people to play I have no emotion for them or any attachment, all that is required is that we all get along and like each other, have fun but that is where the line is drawn.

If I felt anything in an emotional sense for men we meet, I'd stop swinging because that to me is a dangerous game and would damage our relationship which is based on love.

I think people get confused with lust and love, and like nice couple said being with someone for a few hours is not "love" the same as being with a person for a long time.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't think you can protect yourself. Sometimes it just happens. And when it does it's going to hurt. "

I don't know guess it's just me I have self preservation down to a tee

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *adyA01Woman over a year ago

Wellington

It has been 6 months today since I last saw the man who broke my heart! But I am getting there I think! Sometimes you can't help who you fall for! And personally for me there has to be some connection. I think what most of us are afraid of is not the feelings of liking or loving someone, but that they leave you wide open to being hurt!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

It's the nature of the beast on this site....don't get attached at the drop of a hat.some.people don't stick around for long on here..."
I'm learning this, but it happened to me last year, didn't appear to be one-sided either, but moving on as they say

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

It's the nature of the beast on this site....don't get attached at the drop of a hat.some.people don't stick around for long on here... I'm learning this, but it happened to me last year, didn't appear to be one-sided either, but moving on as they say"

No offence to you but as you clearly state you are married. I think if you do have feelings for another then it is time to rethink your home life.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

If you are looking for something to replace the lack of romance or intimacy you are lacking in your home life fab is really not the place to look for that....in fact you can't look for that anywhere apart from within yourself...you really need to sit down and think what will make you happy and take steps to get you there...seeking what you are missing out on on here apart from sex and you are setting yourself up to get hurt... "
when I joined fab I didn't expect to meet anyone and I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't looking for love or emotion, just some people to chat to. There is more to it but I will probably get a ban but 're the feelings I didn't instigate them. Not looking for love, never was but thank you for your advice

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I developed feelings for someone on here a couple of years ago, unfortunately she used this to her advantage on many an occasion, that was a hard lesson learnt very well

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

If you are looking for something to replace the lack of romance or intimacy you are lacking in your home life fab is really not the place to look for that....in fact you can't look for that anywhere apart from within yourself...you really need to sit down and think what will make you happy and take steps to get you there...seeking what you are missing out on on here apart from sex and you are setting yourself up to get hurt... when I joined fab I didn't expect to meet anyone and I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't looking for love or emotion, just some people to chat to. There is more to it but I will probably get a ban but 're the feelings I didn't instigate them. Not looking for love, never was but thank you for your advice"

I was not having a pop....I have been here and developed feelings for someone and they kicked me in the teeth...it happens so I do understand

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lust is the furthest I go to. Its really easy to seperate lust and love.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ohohoWoman over a year ago

Up North

Unfortunately it does happen. Your original plan of just NSA sometimes goes straight out the window. The best sex for me is with people I am emotionally attached to, it can become addictive and the one offs start to look less appealing.

However you learn fast. Seeing the latest verification always does it for me. Just reminds me that they have fun with others as well.

Now I make sure I am not just seeing one guy. Will it work? Well I will have to wait and see.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It has been 6 months today since I last saw the man who broke my heart! But I am getting there I think! Sometimes you can't help who you fall for! And personally for me there has to be some connection. I think what most of us are afraid of is not the feelings of liking or loving someone, but that they leave you wide open to being hurt! "

I got hurt reading your profile, can't you give the white man a go lol x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Emotions and feelings is a natural thing,

I've made some great friends on here who I've developed feelings for and who I've shared things with. They pick me up when I'm down and make me smile and vice versa, I love em to bits... In a none bunny boiling way of course

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you meet somebody regular then its always possible you are going to feel some kind of attraction after all there has to be some sort of attraction to meet regular IMO. I guess it is similar if you work closely with an individual of the opposite sex and an emotional attraction can just as easily form. That's why so many affairs happen in work places. I know of people who have got too close on swinging sites and have run off together, always a danger I guess.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *cottishsexgoddessWoman over a year ago

Glenrothes

"if it's guy i see once or twice then no , feelings don't enter into it ...but i do have a guy i see regular and i have deep feelings for him ,,the sex with him is far better because we have a connection "

Same here.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lackshadow7Man over a year ago

Toronto

Emotions are hard to escape, seeing as we as humans experience and run on them daily.

Feelings within this lifestyle however, especially as a single, aren't something that ever enters the equation for me however.

There's a clear difference between the two.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Emotions and feelings is a natural thing,

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Unfortunately it does happen. Your original plan of just NSA sometimes goes straight out the window. The best sex for me is with people I am emotionally attached to, it can become addictive and the one offs start to look less appealing.

However you learn fast. Seeing the latest verification always does it for me. Just reminds me that they have fun with others as well.

Now I make sure I am not just seeing one guy. Will it work? Well I will have to wait and see. "

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

I must have a heart of stone as I've never felt any kind of emotional attachment to meets. There are three men I've been seeing for six years. I enjoy our meets but when they've gone...out of site really is out of mind.

I don't have any emotional baggage, never have, and hope to remarry at some point: old age alone doesn't appeal. But here for me is fantasy and none of my meets, whilst princes, Prince Charming they're not!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have "feelings" for the first couple I ever swung with and we are very good friends. I with them over 3 years ago now when I met a lady and we fell in love alas that is no more. However I still see my friends but we don't swing together. I can't really explain why that should be only that it just seems wrong somehow. We buy one another birthday and Christmas presents and I can go stop with them anytime I want to. I guessed we just moved on even though we are the best of mates now.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lackshadow7Man over a year ago

Toronto

My suspicion/ theory is that some (I said SOME) people, deep down, leave open the possibility of finding "the one" on a site like this. As such, when they find themselves in a situation where potential feelings could develop, they entertain the idea and "let" it happen.

In contrast, people who don't entertain the possibility of the above will either cease contact with that person as soon as they realise what's happening, or they never develop that type or emotional connection with their meets in the first place.

Whichever camp you fit into is fine, as long as you are honest with yourself.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My suspicion/ theory is that some (I said SOME) people, deep down, leave open the possibility of finding "the one" on a site like this. As such, when they find themselves in a situation where potential feelings could develop, they entertain the idea and "let" it happen.

Whichever camp you fit into is fine, as long as you are honest with yourself."

I agree with this

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For us its lust and sex and nothing more we have a couple of regular friends and we like them very much and connect brilliantly during sex we get to know what each of us like and boundaries are pushed with each meet BUT we love each other and are both strong minded enough to seperate swinging and feelings

Happy swinging

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *exyLancs2Couple over a year ago

Manchester

I think the OP has a big problem, because if he develops feelings for a woman he's played with, how will he cope when he sees later that same woman's just had an even better time fucking another guy?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm starting to learn how to do this but deep down when someone you are just starting to get to know disappears it still hurts a little

If you are looking for something to replace the lack of romance or intimacy you are lacking in your home life fab is really not the place to look for that....in fact you can't look for that anywhere apart from within yourself...you really need to sit down and think what will make you happy and take steps to get you there...seeking what you are missing out on on here apart from sex and you are setting yourself up to get hurt... when I joined fab I didn't expect to meet anyone and I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't looking for love or emotion, just some people to chat to. There is more to it but I will probably get a ban but 're the feelings I didn't instigate them. Not looking for love, never was but thank you for your advice

I was not having a pop....I have been here and developed feelings for someone and they kicked me in the teeth...it happens so I do understand

I understood that. I didn't get kicked in the teeth, it was my fault we split

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

so long as you are able to switch those feelings off when you separate and not spend free time thinking about that person or trying to contact them over others all the time then you are ok. detached feelings is what

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Lust is the furthest I go to. Its really easy to seperate lust and love.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've met some wonderful friends from being on this site. You would need a heart of stone not to feel sonmething

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

it's horses for courses surely, we are all different. I only want to play with people I am friends with. I don't do random sex at all.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

I think it is lovely to see people find happiness together.

it is awful to watch it unravel into a tawdry bitch fest when it sadly doesn't last.

to the ones who find love: be happy

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you so much for all the feedback. I think the common theme is that as a couple you need to remain objective and strong . As a single it's a minefield as we are all human and although our motives originally were for sex and excitement . Chemistry is strong and fair smells and eyes and personalities are a different matter. When you have cum then there should still be communication or even before. Am I soft or normal.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I find the person or persons attractive physically and the personality chemistry fits I have no problem with my mojo working...

If the OP can only get hard by getting emotionally attached surely he needs to be on a dating site...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic