FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Whats so wrong with a socail meet first?
Whats so wrong with a socail meet first?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Personally as a genuine single guys I am more than happy to meet a couple or single female for a social meet to see if we get on and if there is any attraction.
IMO if any guy or couple isn't or does not want to have a social first then it does put a question mark against you. I have met couples and single ladies socially I had no desire to meet and again and vice versa.
There is no pressure on either party to go further with a social meet and you know they are genuine and they can see I am genuine. Surely if you are a genuine guy you would be happy to meet socially first.
I understand however if there is a fair distance involved to attend a meet its perhaps difficult to travel a long way just for a social. Personally I don't mind traveling for an hour or so for a social meet after that it depends.
I once travelled for 2 hours to meet a couple who never showed  I am reluctant to travel for so long unless I am more or less 100% they will show. Shame on those who don't show after arranging a social meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first 
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples.  "
All have to get on, in order for play to happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always meet socially first... Somewhere on neutral ground  then If everyone is happy 
It's play time
So social can turn into lots of fun on the same night |
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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago
London |
We never do social meets, come to think of it we don't do meets ..
We have met somebody in a pub before but having to wear long coats over play clothes puts a damper on it
After about 30 mins we know whether we want to take it further and get naked, so we just ask if they are playing tonight
Occasionally we have said, we are sorry but we don't think we are playing tonight, thank them and leave
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well IMO a social meet first is sensible and at a social meet you can walk away. I nearly always say to the couple or single "I won't contact you I will leave it up to you to contact me if you would like to take it further" I don't pester anybody it's counter productive anyway. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"All meets are social at the start,theres never any guarantee of anything regardless of where you're meeting be it a coffee shop or a club
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I meet at mine with the understanding that the only guarantee is tea or coffee. |
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We like to meet socially first unless we meet at a club or out dogging. We get quite a few messages from couples that don't want to meet socially which usually makes us suspect that they are single guys! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can walk away as well from a House meet
Nobody has a gun to our heads"
You can of course but for many its embarrassing it seems and depending on your personality you may just end up going through with the meet even though hey don't really want to. I have known couples do just that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
same here, unless we meet whilst at a club
Do you not spend time talking to them first though?"
yeah! but it's not a social meet.
It has to work for all concerned. |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"You can walk away as well from a House meet
Nobody has a gun to our heads
You can of course but for many its embarrassing it seems and depending on your personality you may just end up going through with the meet even though hey don't really want to. I have known couples do just that."
Not me. I've turned guys down and they have left. Usually after a chat it's fairly obvious if it's going to happen or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
same here, unless we meet whilst at a club
Do you not spend time talking to them first though?
yeah! but it's not a social meet.
It has to work for all concerned."
Need to clarify, we'd never arrange a club meet with anyone. We just turn up for a good night out together and see who's there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples. "
It's their choice. Not sure of the need to be so judgmental and critical. People meet as they see fit, if it works for them what does it matter? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can walk away as well from a House meet
Nobody has a gun to our heads
You can of course but for many its embarrassing it seems and depending on your personality you may just end up going through with the meet even though hey don't really want to. I have known couples do just that.
Not me. I've turned guys down and they have left. Usually after a chat it's fairly obvious if it's going to happen or not. "
Not for you and not for others however there are those I know who find it difficult to say thanks but no thanks which is a shame. Some might even feel intimidated by say a single guy if they refuse and want to walk away. Again I have known this with couples who experienced such. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples.
It's their choice. Not sure of the need to be so judgmental and critical. People meet as they see fit, if it works for them what does it matter?"
Did somebody say its not their choice? Being surprised is hardly being judgmental or critical. How very strange to think that way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples. "
Rarely meet socially as a couple...definitely not if it's single guy.
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"Always meet socially first or chat on phone see how we get on !"
Forgive me ... but chatting on the phone is not the same as meeting face to face ... for me there has to be that kick you in the stomach chemistry for things to work ... and you invariably only get that face to face !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I only get to meet once per month (if I'm lucky) so I dont do social meets. Meet at mine with the agreement that if the chemistry isn't there then he just goes home |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"I only get to meet once per month (if I'm lucky) so I dont do social meets. Meet at mine with the agreement that if the chemistry isn't there then he just goes home "
Ditto. Though can play once a week usually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Full balls = empty head.
sometimes when you want sex, you just need a hole, and a social meet is the last thing you want, some of the married guys I meet, call me, and say are you available now, just dropped the kids of at dance class etc, if I say can we meet socially for a coffee or drink, they hang up and that's that, I suppose it depends what you want, (_O_) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as distance isnt too far then I think havin a brew and a chat is great...pre arranged that if there is no spark then dont leave your car in park |
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"What is the point of a social meet? Seems to me a waste of time and money, or at least all those I've ever had have been. I am on here looking for sex, I thought that was the whole idea? "
This place is for coffe mornings and tea with the vicar |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of the time I insist on a social meet first and almost all guys have been happy with this, only a few have said no, and I respect their choice. There have been a few occasions where I've simply been horny and skipped the social meet and invited them over. It's worked out most of the time, they've been who they've claimed to be but there has been the odd disaster, their face pic seriously out of date, they've been smokers when their profile says they're not and my biggest no no, horrible teeth, bleurgh, I hate horrible teeth, or missing front teeth, on a guy.  |
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"What is the point of a social meet? Seems to me a waste of time and money, or at least all those I've ever had have been. I am on here looking for sex, I thought that was the whole idea?
This place is for coffe mornings and tea with the vicar "
Oh bugger, no wonder I've not had a shag! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Social meet has worked for me. Met a couple for a drink and after a little time for consideration we've agreed to set up another meet but hotel this time. At any point during the social we could have walked away, so yes, a social meet first is a good idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples.
It's their choice. Not sure of the need to be so judgmental and critical. People meet as they see fit, if it works for them what does it matter?
Did somebody say its not their choice? Being surprised is hardly being judgmental or critical. How very strange to think that way "
To me it seems judgemental to criticise people for meeting in a way that doesn't fit with how you would go about things. If people message you that don't want a social meet first then meet people that do.
Personally it doesn't sit me comfortable with me the use of the word "genuine" so frequently in your post. Why imply that those people that are happy to play on a first meet are somehow less genuine than those that want a social?
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Whilst I meet socially first, sometimes several times before meeting to play, I realise some people just want to fuck and go: no preamble.
Therefore I don't bother my pretty little head about how others choose to conduct their sex lives. |
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples.
It's their choice. Not sure of the need to be so judgmental and critical. People meet as they see fit, if it works for them what does it matter?"
Precisely! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Social first, always, even if only a quick coffee. For safety reasons but also gives both parties the opportunity to politely decline. Far more comfortable doing that at Costa rather than in your home.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually like and enjoy social meets its always nice to meet new people. But would totally agree social first play later it's just got to be a quick coffee anyone diving straight into a play meet is asking for trouble. |
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"What is the point of a social meet? Seems to me a waste of time and money, or at least all those I've ever had have been. I am on here looking for sex, I thought that was the whole idea? "
I meet in my home: a home I share with my two daughters. I need to be comfortable with whom I invite into my home.
From my meets point of view, they're entering the home of a woman nearly twice their weight who plays with gags, restraints, cuffs, wax, sharp things, chains and hooks.
I ask you, if you were on your own would you blindly let someone into your home you don't know or allow yourself to be chained to a hook, blindfolded and gagged?!!
Didn't think so. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Always meet socially first
Good for you. I am surprised at the number who don't ask for a social meet first esp couples.
It's their choice. Not sure of the need to be so judgmental and critical. People meet as they see fit, if it works for them what does it matter?
Did somebody say its not their choice? Being surprised is hardly being judgmental or critical. How very strange to think that way
To me it seems judgemental to criticise people for meeting in a way that doesn't fit with how you would go about things. If people message you that don't want a social meet first then meet people that do.
Personally it doesn't sit me comfortable with me the use of the word "genuine" so frequently in your post. Why imply that those people that are happy to play on a first meet are somehow less genuine than those that want a social?
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What I am saying is they are less likely to be genuine. Of course not all those who don't want a social meet first are not genuine. Try not to put words in my mouth please. |
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"I actually like and enjoy social meets its always nice to meet new people. But would totally agree social first play later it's just got to be a quick coffee anyone diving straight into a play meet is asking for trouble. "
Again, if that's how some do it fine: that's not how I roll. It's those that seem to belittle how others conduct THEIR business I don't get. |
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Following a few bad experiences I always arrange a social first. Not saying I don't play on a first meet if all goes well, but having had guys completely different to their pics turn up I always want to check who I am meeting and that there is attraction before agreeing to anything. Have had some guys try to alter things or instruct me what to wear for example, which makes me aware they are not after a social really, so I always refuse them. If they are not willing to meet for a social I do not meet them at all. None negotiable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually like and enjoy social meets its always nice to meet new people. But would totally agree social first play later it's just got to be a quick coffee anyone diving straight into a play meet is asking for trouble.
Again, if that's how some do it fine: that's not how I roll. It's those that seem to belittle how others conduct THEIR business I don't get."
This is my issue. And it's not just the belittling, it's the arrogance of implying that the way someone chooses to meet is better than how someone else does it.
When I was single I almost always met for a social, I reckon half of those led to playing on the first meet, but on a couple of occassions I met with the sole intention of having sex, pretty much fuck and go. Those meets were no better or worse, just different.
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I don't do social meets. I'm not a very sociable person. I've been doing the 'meeting people from the net' thing for a long time and consider myself a good judge of character and can pretty much figure out who I'd like to get filthy with by conversing online.
That's right I don't do phone chats either! No social meets, no talk on the phone, I really must be a bloke  |
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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago
South London |
Personally I preer a social meet first so I can meet them in person and see if we can get a long and have a laugh. I need to know if there is chemistry there before dropping my knickers.
More often than not my social meets then become play meets, but I only ever go into them promising a social first and then if something else comes of it during the same meeting then great.
I'm not a fuck and go type person, and need more than just the physical stimulation to get get me going. But that's just me, and it has worked for me so far and it is what I am comfortable with.
But like others have pointed out above, everyone is different and everyone likes to arrange and approach their meets differently. If it works for them why should they change it? And if someone has a different approach to you and happens to be an approcah that you aren't comfortable with then just say no and move on. Doesn't seem difficult to me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was single I almost always met for a social, "
Probably because no social meet no any meet with them and you had little choice but to go to the social meet first if you wanted to get it on. Read what the majority are saying on here about social meeting first. Its not arrogance its being sensible. I have met without a social meet first its true but those couples and single girls that do meet without first having a social are taking a bigger risk than those who do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I was single I almost always met for a social,
Probably because no social meet no any meet with them and you had little choice but to go to the social meet first if you wanted to get it on. Read what the majority are saying on here about social meeting first. Its not arrogance its being sensible. I have met without a social meet first its true but those couples and single girls that do meet without first having a social are taking a bigger risk than those who do. "
You misunderstand, my comments regarding arrogance were not linked to how people meet, but at people who think that how they go about swinging is "the right way" and feel the need to preach to others.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I was single I almost always met for a social,
Probably because no social meet no any meet with them and you had little choice but to go to the social meet first if you wanted to get it on. Read what the majority are saying on here about social meeting first. Its not arrogance its being sensible. I have met without a social meet first its true but those couples and single girls that do meet without first having a social are taking a bigger risk than those who do.
You misunderstand, my comments regarding arrogance were not linked to how people meet, but at people who think that how they go about swinging is "the right way" and feel the need to preach to others.
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Well in which case I think you misunderstood why I raised the debate in the first instance. |
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