FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > How local is "too close" for a meet?
How local is "too close" for a meet?
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Disclaimer: this isn't a whine thread, just interested in getting the general forum mindset on this.
A while back, i got chatting with a couple. Things were going well, both parties were happy and some meet plans were made. However, they eventually cancelled said plans a few days before when we discovered that we lived not far from each other (within a couple of miles)
Now the above is fine. I'm no stranger to people not wanting to meet anyone close to their home for all sorts of reasons. However over the next few weeks, their status updates followed a very predictable pattern:
Fridays: "Looking for local meets, get in touch"
Saturdays: "Where are all the local single men?"
Sundays: "Thinking of leaving the site due to lack of local meets (insert expletives here)
So i'm left scratching my head mainly because of how contradictory this seemed to me. They were clearly after local meets primarily for convenience. And yet, someone compatible within a couple of miles is deemed "too close to home"
So to the forum, at what point does local become "too local" for meeting people? Especially when convenience is an important part of overall criteria. I suspect this might differ wildly between singles and couples, but i'm interested in responses all the same  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we meet people very local to us...we've even met people in our very small village mainly because we're not much a part of village life here but oddly to some, won't meet people from the town where I work because that just feels too risky... |
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"we meet people very local to us...we've even met people in our very small village mainly because we're not much a part of village life here but oddly to some, won't meet people from the town where I work because that just feels too risky..."
Interesting. I usually assume that people who live in small towns or villages avoid meeting others very close to them for discretion reasons mostly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am at the moment talking to a guy that lives in my town, from talking to him tho we havnt exchanged addresses from things he has said he lives within a few streets of me, he's a really nice guy, good looking, nice body etc even accommodates, but I just don't know wether to meet or not, I just feel a few streets away is a bit to close |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Prefer not to be too near. Would never meet from our village or local town.But have met couples from as far north as Inverness and as far south as Swansea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both as a single fella and previously as part of (two) couples' profiles I've met with couples and singles from round the corner almost. I've never really seen an issue with it but ex wife did get a shock once bumping into somebody we had a meet with a few days previously whilst he was taking his son to the same school that ours were at  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its mainly the OH that feels the need to avoid local people,small town gossipy syndrome,I think too local would be within 10 miles,but why would someone would decide that a potential meet is too local yet then moan about lack of local people 
id like some of my playmates to move closer and make my life easier
 |
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"but why would someone would decide that a potential meet is too local yet then moan about lack of local people
id like some of my playmates to move closer and make my life easier
"
Beats me, it did seem very confusing. In any case, i just left them to it. They eventually cut their losses and left the site.
In my ideal world, my playmates would be closer too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We usually stay over at our local club (about an hours drive a way). One night we shared a room with another couple, turns out that not only were we from the same town but the two ladies both worked for the same firm (but had never met). We had a right laugh and still say hello when in shopping at our local supermarket.
Think it's all about confidence, your worries about meeting someone you might know are the same worries they will have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we meet people very local to us...we've even met people in our very small village mainly because we're not much a part of village life here but oddly to some, won't meet people from the town where I work because that just feels too risky...
Interesting. I usually assume that people who live in small towns or villages avoid meeting others very close to them for discretion reasons mostly."
Maybe we're just odd...
We're not active members of the local community, the only people we know here are the swingers...lol
Unlike the career suicide that would occur if a meet turned out to be either a member of my staff or a service user or relative from my work... |
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"The same block of flats was just too close  "
See, part of me would find that a thrill (and incredibly convenient too). However, it is totally understandable for a whole host of reasons, the main one being if they turn out to be a bit...loony
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well are we not all on here for the same thing? So why be embarrassed ? "
For us it has nothing to do with embarrasment and everything to do with discretion and trust,some people have not yet learnt the art of keeping their mouths closed when they should |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd guess the majority of women on here wouldn't meet up with a guy that was, shall we say, a street or two away due to discretion and such, i.e. Bumping into them in the supermarket, at the school! But, guys would meet their next door neighbour given the chance! Not because we aren't discrete, but just because we are GUYS! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Next door would be too close. Next door but one would be fine. X"
Lol. My next door neighbour but one is a little old lady that falls outside my age range though!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have met local peeps many times and actually prefer it.
We have met 1 guy from 1 street up then met another from 1 street down 
Was on another site I have to say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met a guy earlier this year from another site for a coffee/chat with a view to a play session. During the conversation it turned out his daughter is 'bestest friends' with our niece/godchild who we had met several times. He was a really nice guy but never heard from him again.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well are we not all on here for the same thing? So why be embarrassed ?
For us it has nothing to do with embarrasment and everything to do with discretion and trust,some people have not yet learnt the art of keeping their mouths closed when they should "
Hear hear  |
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I have met someone who lived on the same street. We were both single, had little chance of bumping into each other with any degree of regularity due to the long hours we both worked and we connected on a number of levels. We met a few times but then she found a significant other.
I can work but the circumstances need to be right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you agree on the criteria - I.e. it's purely just sex right from the start, I see nothing wrong with having sex with the girl from 3 doors down, and one from 6 doors down. I do regularly. They both know. They don't ask and we all have fun. Isn't that what swinging is about? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we meet people very local to us...we've even met people in our very small village mainly because we're not much a part of village life here but oddly to some, won't meet people from the town where I work because that just feels too risky...
Interesting. I usually assume that people who live in small towns or villages avoid meeting others very close to them for discretion reasons mostly.
Maybe we're just odd...
We're not active members of the local community, the only people we know here are the swingers...lol
Unlike the career suicide that would occur if a meet turned out to be either a member of my staff or a service user or relative from my work..."
Very similar to us. We have no relatives around here and most of our friends are London based. Pretty much without exception our only local friends are via the kink and/or swinging scenes often from munches as opposed to previous playmates.
Our only concern locally is people I know from work (and I've had one near miss when I was a single), we have looked for meets near where crystal is originally from but it's not worth the risk as we've spotted several profiles that where she's recognised people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The same block of flats was just too close "
Wouldn't be too close for me... specially as the girl in the flat directly opposite me comes out on her balcony in a nice, see thru nightie every morning now the weather is nice and sunny.... she can come round any time.....
I shall now return to perve corner...
ted.  |
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I have an apartment in a small block, once had a lady turn up for a GB who remarked she used to come for fun times with a swinger on the floor below who had moved out a year before. I often thought it would have been easy for both of us. I've never really seen the problem, I have met someone outside in a supermarket, we just had a brief chat, no problems. I can't imagine anyone shouting out across the tills at Asda, 'Great gang bang last night'!!! Surely in this game it's discretion on the part of all parties? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have an apartment in a small block, once had a lady turn up for a GB who remarked she used to come for fun times with a swinger on the floor below who had moved out a year before. I often thought it would have been easy for both of us. I've never really seen the problem, I have met someone outside in a supermarket, we just had a brief chat, no problems. I can't imagine anyone shouting out across the tills at Asda, 'Great gang bang last night'!!! Surely in this game it's discretion on the part of all parties?"
The problem comes when you fall out... I saw this happen between two couples, both of whom used to go to the same house parties as me and my then GF, donkeys years ago. One couple all-but destroyed the other and, if memory serves, the couple who suffered ended up moving away from where they lived etc, etc. They lived on the same new housing estate and had previously been joking about how good it was that they could 'pop round each others for a quickie'... Neither of them gave a moments thought to what could happen...
I don't blame anyone wanting to limit potential fall-out in any way if a Swinging relationship should collapse.
ted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have given this some though and we wouldn't meet anyone that lived on our doorstep, having grown up in this area there would probably be a chance that some of the local swingers could possibly be old school friends and old work colleagues, and we don't want to meet them either, so we don't meet local people. |
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I'm lazy and can't be arsed traipsing around the country for sex, so the closer the better. I've bumped into playmates in Sainsbury's, on the train, in six years not once has a playmate been anything but discrete.
Long may my local meets continue! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Living on the outskirts of Leicestershire means we can meet what we consider local people, eg anyone from Leicester as it is a good 20 mins drive away.
If there were any swingers in the village I wouldn't want to meet them as it is too close for my liking.
On a different site last year we did see one couple from our village and spend ages guessing if we knew them, at one stage we thought it might be our next door neighbour.
Security for me eg distance is more important to me than the convenience of locality.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Living on the outskirts of Leicestershire means we can meet what we consider local people, eg anyone from Leicester as it is a good 20 mins drive away.
If there were any swingers in the village I wouldn't want to meet them as it is too close for my liking.
On a different site last year we did see one couple from our village and spend ages guessing if we knew them, at one stage we thought it might be our next door neighbour.
Security for me eg distance is more important to me than the convenience of locality.
"
* spent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm lazy and can't be arsed traipsing around the country for sex, so the closer the better. I've bumped into playmates in Sainsbury's, on the train, in six years not once has a playmate been anything but discrete.
Long may my local meets continue! "
I wouldn't be worried about discretion more a stalker lol |
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"I'm lazy and can't be arsed traipsing around the country for sex, so the closer the better. I've bumped into playmates in Sainsbury's, on the train, in six years not once has a playmate been anything but discrete.
Long may my local meets continue! "
Hahaha, this mirrors my sentiments almost exactly!
And to touch on a previously made point, i think most of us indulge in this in the hope (or possibly assumption) that everyone else will be as discrete as we would. That illusion is sometimes shattered when you see what some people post on the forums, but for the most part, i've had no problems with bumping into playmates outside of sexual encounters.
Maybe i've just been lucky. |
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By *adcowWoman
over a year ago
kirkcaldy |
the only time "too local " to meet would come into the equation is if they were family, or possible friends of my kids. i know of at least half a dozen swingers whos houses i can see from my bedroom window(and have played with some of them).
think its more about who you can trust not to spill their guts about a meet when down their local. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disclaimer: this isn't a whine thread, just interested in getting the general forum mindset on this.
A while back, i got chatting with a couple. Things were going well, both parties were happy and some meet plans were made. However, they eventually cancelled said plans a few days before when we discovered that we lived not far from each other (within a couple of miles)
Now the above is fine. I'm no stranger to people not wanting to meet anyone close to their home for all sorts of reasons. However over the next few weeks, their status updates followed a very predictable pattern:
Fridays: "Looking for local meets, get in touch"
Saturdays: "Where are all the local single men?"
Sundays: "Thinking of leaving the site due to lack of local meets (insert expletives here)
So i'm left scratching my head mainly because of how contradictory this seemed to me. They were clearly after local meets primarily for convenience. And yet, someone compatible within a couple of miles is deemed "too close to home"
So to the forum, at what point does local become "too local" for meeting people? Especially when convenience is an important part of overall criteria. I suspect this might differ wildly between singles and couples, but i'm interested in responses all the same "
Last year I was exchanging messages with a guy, when I asked where he lived, he said the road, it was a ten minute walk from my house and opp my place of work. Can anyone beat that?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disclaimer: this isn't a whine thread, just interested in getting the general forum mindset on this.
A while back, i got chatting with a couple. Things were going well, both parties were happy and some meet plans were made. However, they eventually cancelled said plans a few days before when we discovered that we lived not far from each other (within a couple of miles)
Now the above is fine. I'm no stranger to people not wanting to meet anyone close to their home for all sorts of reasons. However over the next few weeks, their status updates followed a very predictable pattern:
Fridays: "Looking for local meets, get in touch"
Saturdays: "Where are all the local single men?"
Sundays: "Thinking of leaving the site due to lack of local meets (insert expletives here)
So i'm left scratching my head mainly because of how contradictory this seemed to me. They were clearly after local meets primarily for convenience. And yet, someone compatible within a couple of miles is deemed "too close to home"
So to the forum, at what point does local become "too local" for meeting people? Especially when convenience is an important part of overall criteria. I suspect this might differ wildly between singles and couples, but i'm interested in responses all the same "
I tend to vet people who live near to where we live/work, just in case it's someone from the office. For us, familiarity is more of a concern than locality.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are first one was a guy that lives two streets away. We now see this guy taking his kids to school along with his wife ooooo dear it's a good job the mrs was blond folded all the time lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've met people very close by before but prefer a little distance now following one meet. Met a lovely lady and had great fun but this was kinda spoiled when a few days later I found myself queuing behind her in my local chippy. The combination of seeing her with kids and ordering a saveloy kinda killed any chance of another meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would find it the biggest turn on ever if I recognised somebody I knew! Unfortunately I havent yet lol! I can see the concern with a local meet though x"
Not if like me you was behind them in the chippy. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"I've met people very close by before but prefer a little distance now following one meet. Met a lovely lady and had great fun but this was kinda spoiled when a few days later I found myself queuing behind her in my local chippy. The combination of seeing her with kids and ordering a saveloy kinda killed any chance of another meet."
Why did in kill any chance of another meet?
Do you not like saveloys?
Have bumped into people a few times while out and about doing everyday things. Has never put us off meeting them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest id love to find someone within streets away what a turn on walking by them fly little smiles then geting them on here sorting out to meet again when they are free |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've met people very close by before but prefer a little distance now following one meet. Met a lovely lady and had great fun but this was kinda spoiled when a few days later I found myself queuing behind her in my local chippy. The combination of seeing her with kids and ordering a saveloy kinda killed any chance of another meet.
Why did in kill any chance of another meet?
Do you not like saveloys?
Have bumped into people a few times while out and about doing everyday things. Has never put us off meeting them again."
Lol I love a saveloy (does that make me bi)? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol. |
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"I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol."
That's the beauty of a site like this; meeting a like-minded neighbour that maybe you've fantasized about but wouldn't dare ask lol
In my own experience though; 90% of the locals I've chatted to won't meet a local person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Too close would be close enough that they may know people we know.
We've already been in that situation once and while it hasn't led to any problems it seems best avoided. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol."
And this is a perfect example of why we don't play local,guys that think that sort of behaviour is acceptable,ive been messaged by people ive recognised,never in a million years would I dream of tellling them information I know about them,it would seriously freak me out if someone did that to me without me knowing who they were
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"we meet people very local to us...we've even met people in our very small village mainly because we're not much a part of village life here but oddly to some, won't meet people from the town where I work because that just feels too risky...
Interesting. I usually assume that people who live in small towns or villages avoid meeting others very close to them for discretion reasons mostly."
Absolutely, I wouldn't meet anyone within 100 miles of where I am, the gossip would spread eventually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We actually chatted with our neighbours on another site before meeting them in real life !!.
Contrary to what most people think - very local people make no difference whatsoever, in fact its more convenient because people just think you are friends because you live close to each other ...... no one suspects a neighbour calling round.
Never posed a problem for us at all... |
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In the village near to where I live it came out recently that some well known people were swingers, bear in my this is a small Highland town, I couldn't bear people to be talking about me and whispering as I walked by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol."
Not sure many people would agree that is "having a little fun at her expense"?
Seems quite a vindictive and pointless thing to do and a world away from being fun.  |
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"I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol.
Not sure many people would agree that is "having a little fun at her expense"?
Seems quite a vindictive and pointless thing to do and a world away from being fun. "
Yes quite horrible really, most people wouldn't like to doing to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dunno howe anything can be TOO close..
the only thing thatd stop me meeting someone via msgs is if I found out we were related!
I meet people in parties,clubs without asking for guests lists etc..who knows my hot upstairs neighbour might be there(slabbering at that prospect already lol)
I just dont see why there has to be such negativity sometime about meetups that might be too close to home..if they get hasslesome to a degree it can be dealt with quickly and efficiently
and hoping of course the other party has as much dignity and self respect to understand that they are on the site for the very same reason
last note: all groups on fab can become arseholes
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By *nix2003Man
over a year ago
houghton le spring |
To close who cares if its discret.
But then you have the problem no one can travel or wants to accom so all works in circles everyone getting nowhere
How many profiles say can travel or accom !!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dunno howe anything can be TOO close..
the only thing thatd stop me meeting someone via msgs is if I found out we were related!
I meet people in parties,clubs without asking for guests lists etc..who knows my hot upstairs neighbour might be there(slabbering at that prospect already lol)
I just dont see why there has to be such negativity sometime about meetups that might be too close to home..if they get hasslesome to a degree it can be dealt with quickly and efficiently
and hoping of course the other party has as much dignity and self respect to understand that they are on the site for the very same reason
last note: all groups on fab can become arseholes
"
If I was single with no children at home it would'nt bother me half as much,as it is im a married woman whos husband lets her fuck other men,its about what is acceptable for you to be happy for the people in your locality to know about you,already in this thread its been proven that not everyone can be trusted to keep info to themselves x |
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"I'm lazy and can't be arsed traipsing around the country for sex, so the closer the better. I've bumped into playmates in Sainsbury's, on the train, in six years not once has a playmate been anything but discrete.
Long may my local meets continue!
I wouldn't be worried about discretion more a stalker lol "
I've got hooks, brackets, whips and not generous with lube: it wouldn't be wise to fuck me off! |
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"I also once recieved a message from a woman who noticed I was local. We chatted for a bit and then went on cam. Her cam came on first and Oh my god she lived across the road. I jumped a mile. I could literally see her house from mine. Had never spoken to her before but was so tempted. Way toooo close. Especially as she was married and he didn't know. I did however have a little fun at her expense. She didn't believe me when I said I knew her so I reeled off her address,car and sons name. My bad lol.
And this is a perfect example of why we don't play local,guys that think that sort of behaviour is acceptable,ive been messaged by people ive recognised,never in a million years would I dream of tellling them information I know about them,it would seriously freak me out if someone did that to me without me knowing who they were
. "
Agreed. I wouldn't have said anything as I'd have the common sense to know it would be unnerving to the other person. |
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"I dunno howe anything can be TOO close..
the only thing thatd stop me meeting someone via msgs is if I found out we were related!
I meet people in parties,clubs without asking for guests lists etc..who knows my hot upstairs neighbour might be there(slabbering at that prospect already lol)
I just dont see why there has to be such negativity sometime about meetups that might be too close to home..if they get hasslesome to a degree it can be dealt with quickly and efficiently
and hoping of course the other party has as much dignity and self respect to understand that they are on the site for the very same reason
last note: all groups on fab can become arseholes
If I was single with no children at home it would'nt bother me half as much,as it is im a married woman whos husband lets her fuck other men,its about what is acceptable for you to be happy for the people in your locality to know about you,already in this thread its been proven that not everyone can be trusted to keep info to themselves x"
I wish I lived closer!! |
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Proximity has never bothered me, but I take time to talk to (at length) and meet people socially first. It gives you more of a clue as to what kind of people they are and if they can be trusted... and the same for them as regards to me aswell!
A play friend in the same town would be lovely, but you'd want to know them very well first I would think. I used to visit a lady 3 streets away but thats because i'd known her for 2 or 3 years prior and she'd suddenly moved close by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm lazy and can't be arsed traipsing around the country for sex, so the closer the better. I've bumped into playmates in Sainsbury's, on the train, in six years not once has a playmate been anything but discrete.
Long may my local meets continue!
I wouldn't be worried about discretion more a stalker lol
I've got hooks, brackets, whips and not generous with lube: it wouldn't be wise to fuck me off! "
Now I know where I am going wrong then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well are we not all on here for the same thing? So why be embarrassed ?
For us it has nothing to do with embarrasment and everything to do with discretion and trust,some people have not yet learnt the art of keeping their mouths closed when they should
Hear hear "
True |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont know why people are worried ??? playing local , after all we are all on here for the same thing "
We might all be here for the same thing but maybe different varieties of it.
Some need discretion more than others. As a single woman living near my parents in a town where my family is well-known I need discretion.
I think it can be different for couples as you have the support of each other.
I have had a man pass my number on to his mate as he thought we'd be compatible.
A woman showed my message to her friend who remembered meeting me.
So not everyone is discreet ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Meeting as a single as while as a couple on our profile, I see four guys that are within a short distance of myself...One is just 2 minutes up the road and he drinks in the same pub as me. But we keep the two separate Friends/Swinging at all times. Ted has had a drink or two with him as well. It just works for us, but not for everyone.  Ruby |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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met our neighbours on here and also loads of local people (even on the same street/estate).... its brilliant and doesent pose any problem whatsoever ........ its not as if we wear "we are swingers, we have shagged them" T-Shirts is it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have met a great guy who lives 2 mins down road from me a few times. It's never bothered me and actually have never bumped into him in public. If I did unless he was alone and I was sure he was I wouldn't talk to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends really on who you are as no matter how close you are if you are looking for the same type of fun and enjoy the same type of pleasures then im sure the fun would happen and both people are going to enjoy and even next door wouldnt bother me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm in two minds...local could be fun and convenient, but at the same time I'd be worried about them getting too attached and quizzing me on any visitors I may have |
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