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A few jokes to brighten up your day
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My mate said to me: "Are you still seeing that girl?"
"No, she bled to death from gonorrhoea."
"You don't bleed to death from gonorrhoea."
"You do if you give it to me." I replied.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I drove up to a fit woman in the street and said, "Hey babe, do you fancy a spin?"
She looked at me like I was a kid and replied, "Not really, no."
"Aw what's wrong." I said, "Don't you like Ferraris?"
"Yes", she said, "but not remote controlled toy ones."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:
"How do you two know each other?" I asked.
"We're pen-pals" they replied.
I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:
"How do you two know each other?" I asked.
"We're pen-pals" they replied.
I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."
"
Is it just me or is that offensive?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:
"How do you two know each other?" I asked.
"We're pen-pals" they replied.
I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."
Is it just me or is that offensive? "
No Siman not just you both of us.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I went to a Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting the other day but nobody was there.
I think I came too early."
Lol I've got a lot better than that
There tame lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I thought I’d get a fetish; they seem to be all the rage,
I’ve seen it in my girly mags; it’s on almost every page.
Rubber masks and blow-up dolls, and all that freaky shite,
A plastic shlong that’s 12 inch long and keeps you up all night.
Well, first I thought, a swingers club, that would be just the job,
All those ladies, going crazy, hungry for my knob.
So I found one in my area, and gave those girls a call,
But members can’t be members if their members are too small.
So I thought of Tantric Sex, you can shag for days and days,
But if I found someone who’d stay that long, I’d be fuckin’ well amazed.
And I didn’t like S&M as I found out to my cost,
Whips and chains cause now’t but pain, and my short-term memory’s lost.
I’m not into self-mutilation; it would leave to many scars,
And being gay just and ain’t my way but I do enjoy the bars.
I guess I’ll just have to face it; perversions aren’t my scene,
So, if it’s all right, I’ll stay home tonight, and just play with my jelly bean
Fair dos I can't really think of owt for the last but but worth a try |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I phoned my mate up last night. "Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm on the 8th hole," he replied.
"Eh?", I said, "I didn't think you played golf."
"I don't.... But I do like a Swingers party." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Employee : Sir, you called me?
Boss : Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee : (After few mins) ,done sir
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : Done again, sir.
Boss : Do it once more
Employee : Now I don’t have
stamina for it, sir.
Boss : Very good,here are my car
keys, drop my daughter at home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
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Condoms were first invented by the Greeks.
500 years later the Romans re-invented them to use with women.
In 1808 a Yorkshireman invented the first re-useable condom using the intestine of a sheep.
40 years later a Welshman refined the condom by removing the intestine from the sheep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I’d get a fetish; they seem to be all the rage,
I’ve seen it in my girly mags; it’s on almost every page.
Rubber masks and blow-up dolls, and all that freaky shite,
A plastic shlong that’s 12 inch long and keeps you up all night.
Well, first I thought, a swingers club, that would be just the job,
All those ladies, going crazy, hungry for my knob.
So I found one in my area, and gave those girls a call,
But members can’t be members if their members are too small.
So I thought of Tantric Sex, you can shag for days and days,
But if I found someone who’d stay that long, I’d be fuckin’ well amazed.
And I didn’t like S&M as I found out to my cost,
Whips and chains cause now’t but pain, and my short-term memory’s lost.
I’m not into self-mutilation; it would leave to many scars,
And being gay just and ain’t my way but I do enjoy the bars.
I guess I’ll just have to face it; perversions aren’t my scene,
So, if it’s all right, I’ll stay home tonight, and just play with my jelly bean
Fair dos I can't really think of owt for the last but but worth a try "
Hahahahaha  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’
To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.’ |
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There was a Swedish, an Irish and a Scottish golfing couple.
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of of under-wear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?' Ove demanded.
'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any'
'The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's 50 Euros. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's 20 Euros. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mother of Jeasus, Aggie! Where ta’ friggin’ hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta’ affaird any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yersel up a bit’. |
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