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Submissives - Any advice?
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So over the years I've come to realise I like to be a little submissive, let someone else take control as in my day to day life I'm always the one making decisions.
I dont really know where to go with it as I have very little experience in that side of the world - any tips? Any other subs wanna guide a girl into the world or doms who do more than just "fuck you hard"? I'm sure there's more to it than that lol |
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"Sub and master is a mind game, not always about just sex
Oh I 100% agree - but a lot of what I receive in messages is sexually dominant"
I understand that it should be about you giving in to someone and feeling a little bit powerless |
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"Sub and master is a mind game, not always about just sex
Oh I 100% agree - but a lot of what I receive in messages is sexually dominantI understand that it should be about you giving in to someone and feeling a little bit powerless "
Me and my husband play this role quite often. I enjoy playing the role of his sub. I choose to be powerless under my terms, I also have the power to refuse something I'm not comfortable with. It's trust between you that's what's most important |
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"Sub and master is a mind game, not always about just sex
Oh I 100% agree - but a lot of what I receive in messages is sexually dominantI understand that it should be about you giving in to someone and feeling a little bit powerless
Me and my husband play this role quite often. I enjoy playing the role of his sub. I choose to be powerless under my terms, I also have the power to refuse something I'm not comfortable with. It's trust between you that's what's most important "
yes that's the key...trust |
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I would make an alternative suggestion.
First work out your wants and needs, hard and soft limits, don't call it submission. But break down, what you will provide to the partner and also what you expect from a partner. You can look online for "submissive checklists, and play lists and negotiation lists.
I always find the online bdsm tes t as a handy broad guide but is not definitive.
Read around the subjective,there are great recommended books such as:
The New Bottoming Book by Easton, Lizst, and Hardy
Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns by Devon and Miller
SM101 Jay Wiseman
If you are visual person, on YouTube try Evie Lupine or Morgan Thorne.
The reason why I say do the work is because the words 'submissive" and "dominant" have become meaningless. Therefore you need to articulate clearly what you want.
I compare saying "I am submissive" to saying "I am a car". OK what type of car are you, a saloon, hatchback, what engine size, what kind of owner do you want, careful, boy or girl racer, suburban driver etc.
I am not a fan of the site alluded to for meeting people. It is a great site for information generally and for information for events but I would be wary of meeting people from it unless met IRL first.
Likewise not all munches are created equal and not all people attending have your best interests at heart. I would always recommend applying the usual safety criteria in regard to giving out personal information.
Rather than trust being the key, I prefer the foundations of communication, honesty, getting informed and getting to know people. Being part of community helps.
I would also suggest looking up the terms "Topping" and "bottoming".
Finally there is no need to rush anything, it's a marathon not a sprint. Treat it like any other relationship get to know people. You are your own safety officer. |
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By *icentiousCouple 4 days ago
Up on them there hills |
"So over the years I've come to realise I like to be a little submissive, let someone else take control as in my day to day life I'm always the one making decisions.
I dont really know where to go with it as I have very little experience in that side of the world - any tips? Any other subs wanna guide a girl into the world or doms who do more than just "fuck you hard"? I'm sure there's more to it than that lol"
Talk to submissive natured people, not Doms. |
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Agree with Zensual especially on the giving out info, organised meets/events from reputable accounts on the other site are definitely safer than some random. But I would assume you would apply the same safety principles you would to Fab in meeting someone.
There have been cases on the scene of a few badly intentioned types especially one dom, but the community was very quick to identify him and warn others.
That said a sub who says “you can do anything to me” would also make alarms bells ring. |
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"You may want to have a little explore on that FETish LIFEstyle website, find a few munches to go along to to meet others in the scene/community."
You will find many like yourself on there, and me. A safe place to talk with like minded souls |
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Chelsea and I live a full time s/D dynamic.
She calls me daddy and wears my collar with pride 24/7.
Chelsea lives by the rules I set her, both in the bedroom and in every day life and she feels it helps with structure, and also takes away some of the stress and anxiety that life can throw at us.
It took time, patience, love and trust to find our way and I believe anything meaningful should take time.
We are both firm believers that submission is something that is given, not taken, so finding the right partner/s who respect the honour of this gift and appreciate the courage it takes to give yourself, is not so easy.
Very happy to chat privately if you would like to x |
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By *end1Man 4 days ago
southend on sea |
"So over the years I've come to realise I like to be a little submissive, let someone else take control as in my day to day life I'm always the one making decisions.
I dont really know where to go with it as I have very little experience in that side of the world - any tips? Any other subs wanna guide a girl into the world or doms who do more than just "fuck you hard"? I'm sure there's more to it than that lol"
too key words OP trust and respect! Every sub/dom relationship is different it's not just about sex. Lots of wannabe doms out there who have a small perception of dominance. I used to have a submissive who craved 24/7 control she would have tasks set during the daytime. So I would say to you take your time have your boundaries but be willing to push your boundaries and what works for you. |
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"submissive is not always about dom.sub dynamics or bdsm... im quite submissive sexually with men i know well no bdsm or forced stuff just assertive guys taking control of the bedroom"
An alternative view would be, what you describe is part of the increasing trend to use BDSM terms for vanilla activities.
To the extent that "dominant" and "submissive" are now near meaningless.
When instead of saying "submissive" words such as "compliant'or "obedient" even "deferential" could be used.
To me it's like saying I play soccer but don't use a round ball,I also disapply the usual rules of soccer.
The bedrock of modern BDSM and D/s is freely given fully informed consent, nothing should be forced. People who do not comply with this standard are not "dominants" but abusers.
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