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Taking one for the team
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We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do? |
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We have found in the past the same problem.
We chatted about it and only went ahead if both of us were happy.
We started meeting separately as well as a couple because of this, also over time we found out we enjoy certain things that are better separate.
But it makes for great conversation when we tell each other about what happened.
Honesty and talking are the key |
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By *rpeggioCouple 10 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
___
Agree with the bit about not taking one for the team. We've never done it. But I (Mr) totally disagree with "you can't find a personality attractive". Maybe you two cannot. And that's fine. And it's not shallow, it's very normal. But many people out there only get aroused after meeting people and getting a connection with them. I know a couple of women that do not care much about looks, but personality, and how the other people made them feel sexy and desired for real (not just saying so to fuck them). And if they feel that way they get aroused. We are not all the same. |
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100% it’s not easy to find another couple You both find attractive and you both want to progress with but Under no circumstances will either of us take one for the team.
It’s especially hard on here because you only see a very small part of that couple and you can’t tell everything from a picture.
We love a social first which can lead onto something the same night If everyone really gets on . With social you get to find out a lot more and 10 minutes of a social is worth 10 hours messaging on here .
The worst comes to the worst it’s been a nice day/night out.
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"It’s pretty impossible to find other couples that all four suit, so there is sometimes no choice about taking one for the team  "
There’s always a choice, you’ve got to be desperate for there not to be. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
And dont forget, they both have to find both of you attractive too. I once had a profile on here as a couple and it was so difficult to get all four opinions aligned when looking for other couples. Head to a club and see who you can meet there, thats always an option. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
Think you're being a bit harsh. Personalities are far more attractive than looks, the looks are just a bonus. Give us stunners with poor personalies and we're out of there, give us an average looking couple with a fantastic personality and we're all over them. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
it depends.. sometimes we just say we don't want to..sometimes we have got to know them and perhaps the gent that wasn't to my liking initially has grown on me. ( I'll admit it's often me that isn't to keen on the guy)
Other times we have basically done a 3 sum.. with either me watching Mr or him watching me with the couple.
I won't take one for the team. I'm actually likely to say no completely if the woman isn't right for us.. and this can be a variety of reasons that can have nothing to do with looks.
Cali |
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There’s got to be that initial attraction to both for me, whilst afterwards a lot is about personality there has to be that first reason for messaging.
I’d that makes it harder to meet then that’s fine.  |
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"There’s got to be that initial attraction to both for me, whilst afterwards a lot is about personality there has to be that first reason for messaging.
I’d that makes it harder to meet then that’s fine. "
this is why we don't arrange meets via here.. just go to clubs.. as we have met ans had fabulous times with people I know had they messaged us for a meet, I'd have probably said no. X |
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By *bi HaiveMan 10 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I have no trouble finding personalities attractive. 🤷♂️
The old saying 'you don't fuck a personality' is BS. Everyone has a personality.
Many people aren't as bothered by aesthetics as others. Nobody is perfect. We all like different things. Sure, nobody should ever take one for the team, but if all you're going on is photos and visuals then it's going to be significantly harder for you to find those perfect couples. And of course, there's always the chance they might only fancy one of you too. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
Exactly the same... you need to want to rip someone's clothes off! |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?
Think you're being a bit harsh. Personalities are far more attractive than looks, the looks are just a bonus. Give us stunners with poor personalies and we're out of there, give us an average looking couple with a fantastic personality and we're all over them."
Exactly this ⬆️ 👏 |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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We agree with the sentiment that a great personality is far more attractive than just looks.. however, does judging personalities not becomes infinitely harder than just good by looks? Terrible example but Like choosing a packet of biscuits with an attractive wrapper than the taste  for full disclosure we aren’t dazzling in the looks department so can only hope to wow people with words… scary I know |
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"We agree with the sentiment that a great personality is far more attractive than just looks.. however, does judging personalities not becomes infinitely harder than just good by looks? Terrible example but Like choosing a packet of biscuits with an attractive wrapper than the taste for full disclosure we aren’t dazzling in the looks department so can only hope to wow people with words… scary I know "
You can't really tell personality from pictures or messages. It's not possible to know someone well from brief socials.
I don't know how people decide to meet on personality alone really. Looks to me are very important but of course 9 don't discount personality.
Just be attractive to me and hide your worst personality traits for the time we're together |
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I'm half a couple, but I'm way more picky than my other half is, so he's probably missed out due to this (we meet seperately though).
If there isn't attraction for us both, it wouldn't happen.
I'd hope it's the same for others, I'd hate to think someone was taking one for the team with me or my partner either. |
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Taking one for the team when it comes to sex is a phrase that feels gross.
Me and my partner do our own thing with swinging so it's never come up but I would never want or expect her to have sex with someone she didn't want to in any context. |
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We have completely different tastes which unfortunately rarely come together in another couple, so we often end up taking one for the team to be totally honest.
Neither of us minds mainly because we're interested in each other being fulfilled and we're not that picky about looks and age, we can have fun with all kinds of people |
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I won't take one for the team.
Trying to find both of the cpl attractive isn't a major concern BI wise for me cause I'm more than happy to play without FF if not feeling(though I would rather have both)
(Mrs) |
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Well taking "One" for the team or feeling you have to is borderline the word we aren't allowed to type surely ? and who on earth would want to engage sexually with someone in that situation ? and we'd never ever pressure anyone to either !!! and we'd never pressure either of us to ?? the whole concept is just wrong ...xx |
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We're very new to this and haven't actually both agreed on people to meet yet! The venn diagram of attraction is real but it's like finding a needle in the haystack... Then we have to connect past physical attraction too... Sometimes we just get tired of looking but mutual attraction is a non negotiable! |
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We often have this conversation. We have taken one for the team in the past but quickly learnt we will never do that again. We need to feel attracted to people and if this is not present it is not right.
Some people on here may say personality over looks however it's important to remember we all have different definitions of what's attractive so id ask everyone to be respectful to all.
What we have done is used clubs to meet people as you can been instantly attracted to personality or looks there. Also we have also play alone as this combats this issue of mutual attraction. For us solo play adds another level to the dynamic, although I appreciate solo play is not for every couple x
This is jusy our view but I hope this helps? X
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"We have completely different tastes which unfortunately rarely come together in another couple, so we often end up taking one for the team to be totally honest.
Neither of us minds mainly because we're interested in each other being fulfilled and we're not that picky about looks and age, we can have fun with all kinds of people "
Exactly this |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?"
Exactly this.
Attraction needs to go all 4 ways. It’s one of the things that makes finding couples harder work than people realise. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?
Think you're being a bit harsh. Personalities are far more attractive than looks, the looks are just a bonus. Give us stunners with poor personalies and we're out of there, give us an average looking couple with a fantastic personality and we're all over them."
Sorry I meant at first sight you can’t find personalities attractive. You’ve gotta find them attractive and then get to know them that’s when it’s the decider. We’ve met couples who we have found attractive and then their personalities have been not what we want they’ve done from 7-8/10 to a 3-4/10 |
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"Have you ever thought the other couple might be taking one for the team with you as they may not find you attractive? "
Absolutely, we aren’t saying we are everyone’s cup of tea at all. We are just saying we find it hard to find a couples that all four of us are attracted to |
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By *oxy jWoman 10 weeks ago
somerset |
nope never have we took one for the team we made that rule right from the beginning and 30 plus years later still stick to it ... not had to use it often as we are a lifestyle cuckold couple (joint account) and play as a couple or me as a single i get to choose nearly 100% but even hubs as cuck if he really did not want me to meet someone i will not meet them as said very rare ...
rules are so important when it comes to couples break them and the trust goes out the window no matter how strong a couple you are ... stick to your rules  |
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By *rmrs95Couple 10 weeks ago
Chester |
"We agree with the sentiment that a great personality is far more attractive than just looks.. however, does judging personalities not becomes infinitely harder than just good by looks? Terrible example but Like choosing a packet of biscuits with an attractive wrapper than the taste for full disclosure we aren’t dazzling in the looks department so can only hope to wow people with words… scary I know "
Agreed, we have been lucky enough to make some good friends from this lifestyle but to be honest we generally go to a club for a night out and to get to know new people in the lifestyle. If we don't click sexualy with anyone on the night, we still find it hot to have sex whilst being watched and watching others anyway
What I think I'm trying to say is no we never take one for the team lol |
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We decided when we joined fab we'd only meet as a couple and thus far have only swapped with one other couple due to exactly that, not attracted to both of them.
However, we don't feel ready/want to meet separately so will strive to find another couple we both like. On the other hand, we've met some lovely couples who we've become friends with and it's great to be able to meet and chat about the lifestyle among other things |
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I agree that there has to be a physical attraction but on so many occasions I have found that someone/couple that I wasn’t initially physically attracted to, have become borderline irresistable once we have chatted for a while, go figure.Personality? Maybe, attitude ? for sure,behaviour ?beyond doubt.
Has also worked the other way round, physically amazing, just my idea type, but no connection 
Means I’m very happy to engage with anyone, you never know what you are going to think and what’s the downside, a nice chat or quick rebuff, what have you lost, nuffing |
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"It’s pretty impossible to find other couples that all four suit, so there is sometimes no choice about taking one for the team "
There is always the option of not choosing to fuck someone you don't want to fuck.
I'd rather have no sex than pity sex, or sex where I'm just a gateway to get to my partner. They're both shitty.
I'd hate to make a partner feel like they had to do that. I'd hate to be either the tolerable pig or let my partner be treated that way.
When meeting either alone or with a partner I'm not going to engage physically with someone who doesn't excite me. And I don't want to be touched by someone who doesn't actually want me 💜 |
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Being a bi couple and only meeting other bi couples makes it extra hard to find that 4 way attraction.
We don't meet on here anymore as we find even pictures can be deceiving.
We only meet now at group socials and clubs.Their definitely has to be some sort of connection but for us that don't nessasaraly have to be physical.
If one of us aren't feeling the other couple for whatever reason then we won't take things further we both have to be 100 percent happy. My husband would be mortified if I slept with someone who I wasn't attracted to just because I knew he was attracted to their partner.. |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?
___
Agree with the bit about not taking one for the team. We've never done it. But I (Mr) totally disagree with "you can't find a personality attractive". Maybe you two cannot. And that's fine. And it's not shallow, it's very normal. But many people out there only get aroused after meeting people and getting a connection with them. I know a couple of women that do not care much about looks, but personality, and how the other people made them feel sexy and desired for real (not just saying so to fuck them). And if they feel that way they get aroused. We are not all the same."
Totally agree with this comment. A great personality and a connection will, for us, turn a 6/10 in looks into a 9/10 we'd like to play with. |
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By *oxy jWoman 10 weeks ago
somerset |
i/we would never play with someone just because they have great personality at the end of the day at the very least its sexual attraction first then personality and other things ....
i dont get this fuck anything thing anyone can have a great personality on the night as people tend to act up ... met a few couples who had great personality on the night and then be assholes..
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"We agree with the sentiment that a great personality is far more attractive than just looks.. however, does judging personalities not becomes infinitely harder than just good by looks? Terrible example but Like choosing a packet of biscuits with an attractive wrapper than the taste for full disclosure we aren’t dazzling in the looks department so can only hope to wow people with words… scary I know
Agreed, we have been lucky enough to make some good friends from this lifestyle but to be honest we generally go to a club for a night out and to get to know new people in the lifestyle. If we don't click sexualy with anyone on the night, we still find it hot to have sex whilst being watched and watching others anyway
What I think I'm trying to say is no we never take one for the team lol"
We totally agree we go to clubs to get to know people as well! It’s always great to get to know like minded people and that’s where the personalities shine through and that’s when we know we would play with a couple that we don’t normally go with. Hope that doesn’t sound awful how we’ve worded it. |
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By *etro1940sCouple 10 weeks ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"I agree that there has to be a physical attraction but on so many occasions I have found that someone/couple that I wasn’t initially physically attracted to, have become borderline irresistable once we have chatted for a while, go figure.Personality? Maybe, attitude ? for sure,behaviour ?beyond doubt.
Has also worked the other way round, physically amazing, just my idea type, but no connection
Means I’m very happy to engage with anyone, you never know what you are going to think and what’s the downside, a nice chat or quick rebuff, what have you lost, nuffing"
a perfect perspective that we share - never say never from first glance ... and also you might enjoy that "chance" xx Anne & George |
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"We totally agree we go to clubs to get to know people as well! It’s always great to get to know like minded people and that’s where the personalities shine through and that’s when we know we would play with a couple that we don’t normally go with. Hope that doesn’t sound awful how we’ve worded it."
Oh.
I thought taking one for the team was doing something you didn't particularly want to for the sake of your partner.
If it's just having sex with someone you want to have sex with then isn't that just normal? |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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I'd say majority of profiles I've seen on here, generally the woman looks good but there's either no pics of the bloke or just a dick pic, or worse. Get the feeling as a couple needing to find both people attractive is tricky |
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As a couple, it can be extremely hard to find another who we both find attractive and vice versa. There's even been couples we've chatted to who admit they only fancy/would want one of us and vice versa, so it leads to nothing.
We're here to have fun together, and I know I certainly won't fuck someone I'm not attracted to "just because".
C xoxo |
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"We often come across couples and out of no disrespect we 7/10 only like 1 side of the couple. We aren’t a couple that will take one for the team! We both have to find them attractive. We know it’s not all about looks but you can’t find a personality attractive.
What do other couples do?
___
Agree with the bit about not taking one for the team. We've never done it. But I (Mr) totally disagree with "you can't find a personality attractive". Maybe you two cannot. And that's fine. And it's not shallow, it's very normal. But many people out there only get aroused after meeting people and getting a connection with them. I know a couple of women that do not care much about looks, but personality, and how the other people made them feel sexy and desired for real (not just saying so to fuck them). And if they feel that way they get aroused. We are not all the same."
For me, personality is key. Looks are mainly down to genetics which we have no control over. Personality is who we are and that’s where the connection comes from. I find we can get a vibe from profiles but until we meet, judging any attraction is tricky. Doesn’t make it easy but we are who we are and like what we like. Mrs SW |
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"We agree with the sentiment that a great personality is far more attractive than just looks.. however, does judging personalities not becomes infinitely harder than just good by looks? Terrible example but Like choosing a packet of biscuits with an attractive wrapper than the taste for full disclosure we aren’t dazzling in the looks department so can only hope to wow people with words… scary I know
You can't really tell personality from pictures or messages. It's not possible to know someone well from brief socials.
I don't know how people decide to meet on personality alone really. Looks to me are very important but of course 9 don't discount personality.
Just be attractive to me and hide your worst personality traits for the time we're together "
SW is personality driven, looks are not involved, even to the extent show her 30 pics of guys and ask which she prefers and she’ll say it’s their personality that counts.
If you think it’s a compliment nightmare, well let me tell you it’s beyond that.
Mr |
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