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Swinging and neurodivergency
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I've broached this subject before and it is always interesting to discuss. Having been in the lifestyle a few years now I have noticed a large number of people in the lifestyle are nuerospicy, is this because we love a bit of impulsive behaviour or do we think it keeps the ADHD sex boredom at bay? I myself have ADHD (Mrs), and only recently learned about the Neurospicy sex boredom thing. I've never experienced it myself but then again I like to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Discuss away fellow neurospicys x |
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"What’s this about ADHD sex boredom?"
OK, I'll be serious! apparently, some people with ADHD find sex boring mid act due to lack of focus. Others can experience Hyposexuality which is a loss of instrest in sex altogether. |
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Male here, Hi I clinically diagnosed with “ off the scale” ADHD that was the phycologists exact words 4 years ago during private diagnosis' it was life changing for me to finally get help and medication but on the sexual front I think there is definitely some connection. Studies have shown that people with ADHD show signs of a higher libido, a more frequent or more often desire to masterbate. For me sexually and neurospicy wise it’s the lack of rules neither of us are really into the swinging scene but totally open minded and enjoy our bi sides too. |
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Hmmm, perhaps a bit of confirmation bias occurring here (either you or me) because I (part of a highly neurospicy couple) am always on the lookout for other similar folks yet I tend to be shown a sea of beige and neuronormals. I'm always stoked when I come across a spicy profile.
Soooo... either you are finding them because you are looking or I'm confirming my (everyone is beige) bias.
Definitely an interesting discussion though!!! |
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I'm the neurospicy half of our couple. I saw Lori Beth Busby get asked this question at a talk on kink and her reply was just that the higher awareness of neuro diversity just makes it look that way, tend to believe her. |
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"Hmmm, perhaps a bit of confirmation bias occurring here (either you or me) because I (part of a highly neurospicy couple) am always on the lookout for other similar folks yet I tend to be shown a sea of beige and neuronormals. I'm always stoked when I come across a spicy profile.
Soooo... either you are finding them because you are looking or I'm confirming my (everyone is beige) bias.
Definitely an interesting discussion though!!!"
I tend to be able to spot a neurodivergent person from a mile off, I seem to be drawn to them. I only discover they are neurodivergent once I strike up a conversation with them. I must say it happens a lot to me. Maybe it's a regional thing? Who knows, but I tend to find them everywhere I go. |
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"I've broached this subject before and it is always interesting to discuss. Having been in the lifestyle a few years now I have noticed a large number of people in the lifestyle are nuerospicy, is this because we love a bit of impulsive behaviour or do we think it keeps the ADHD sex boredom at bay? I myself have ADHD (Mrs), and only recently learned about the Neurospicy sex boredom thing. I've never experienced it myself but then again I like to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Discuss away fellow neurospicys x"
Autistic, with BPD/EUPD and CPTSD and domestic marital abuse survivor
I feel safer in a club than one on one for reasons above.
I miss social cues so explicit rules and consent norms help me.
I don't feel judged if I need a time out from being overstimulated.
I do play alone with some men but it's taken a lot of trust and meetings to feel comfortable alone with them and I still get anxious about it.
I have major trust issues (for reasons above)so I prefer to be single. Less opportunity for people to hurt me or I hurt them...intentionally or unintentionally.
I cringe at dating traditionally. It makes me feel very uncomfortable especially when the men say things that are red flag/triggers.
One guy said to me that rules are boring. This particular rule was I do not get into strangers' cars without anyone knowing who I'm with and their licence plate and phone number. So something that is meant to protect me is boring to him. Definitely meant to me that he would not care about my safety or me feeling safe.
I'm too old and too late diagnosed autistic to continue masking and making myself uncomfortable for other people and the societal status quo.
I feel free in the nudist and swinging scene especially when there is no pressure to have sex and people respect the word no and don't ask before touching. cringe. One acquaintance called me a cactus because I don't like hugging. No, I don't like hugging for no reason especially random strangers that I've just met.
If we agree to have sex, okay body touching expected and accepted....If it's just a random hug...um...no. I'd like to keep my bodily autonomy most of the time. |
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"I've broached this subject before and it is always interesting to discuss. Having been in the lifestyle a few years now I have noticed a large number of people in the lifestyle are nuerospicy, is this because we love a bit of impulsive behaviour or do we think it keeps the ADHD sex boredom at bay? I myself have ADHD (Mrs), and only recently learned about the Neurospicy sex boredom thing. I've never experienced it myself but then again I like to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Discuss away fellow neurospicys x
Autistic, with BPD/EUPD and CPTSD and domestic marital abuse survivor
I feel safer in a club than one on one for reasons above.
I miss social cues so explicit rules and consent norms help me.
I don't feel judged if I need a time out from being overstimulated.
I do play alone with some men but it's taken a lot of trust and meetings to feel comfortable alone with them and I still get anxious about it.
I have major trust issues (for reasons above)so I prefer to be single. Less opportunity for people to hurt me or I hurt them...intentionally or unintentionally.
I cringe at dating traditionally. It makes me feel very uncomfortable especially when the men say things that are red flag/triggers.
One guy said to me that rules are boring. This particular rule was I do not get into strangers' cars without anyone knowing who I'm with and their licence plate and phone number. So something that is meant to protect me is boring to him. Definitely meant to me that he would not care about my safety or me feeling safe.
I'm too old and too late diagnosed autistic to continue masking and making myself uncomfortable for other people and the societal status quo.
I feel free in the nudist and swinging scene especially when there is no pressure to have sex and people respect the word no and don't ask before touching. cringe. One acquaintance called me a cactus because I don't like hugging. No, I don't like hugging for no reason especially random strangers that I've just met.
If we agree to have sex, okay body touching expected and accepted....If it's just a random hug...um...no. I'd like to keep my bodily autonomy most of the time."
Always amazes me how offended people get when you refuse a hug from a random stranger, obviously they have no concern for anyone's feelings but their own!. As for "rules being boring" RED FLAG ALERT! LOL!. Boundaries and rules set the tone and make everyone feel safe instead of second guessing what they can or can't do. Some men need to grow up! , seriously!! |
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I cross over between the swinging and fetish worlds. When thinking about recent D/s relationships, two out of three were with women diagnosed with ADHD and related neurospiciness (now that is a word not in the dictionary but it should be).
When I think of the most fulfilling sexual encounters over the last few years it has been with these two women. The depth of their desire, the intense response to stimuli and their enthusiasm to push their boundaries leaves me with feelings of awe (and fulfillment).
I am a neurospicy fan! |
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"I've broached this subject before and it is always interesting to discuss. Having been in the lifestyle a few years now I have noticed a large number of people in the lifestyle are nuerospicy, is this because we love a bit of impulsive behaviour or do we think it keeps the ADHD sex boredom at bay? I myself have ADHD (Mrs), and only recently learned about the Neurospicy sex boredom thing. I've never experienced it myself but then again I like to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Discuss away fellow neurospicys x"
I would say that's a pretty solid theory. Not heard of it before, but it does make sense, something to focus on... |
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"I've broached this subject before and it is always interesting to discuss. Having been in the lifestyle a few years now I have noticed a large number of people in the lifestyle are nuerospicy, is this because we love a bit of impulsive behaviour or do we think it keeps the ADHD sex boredom at bay? I myself have ADHD (Mrs), and only recently learned about the Neurospicy sex boredom thing. I've never experienced it myself but then again I like to keep things spicy in the bedroom. Discuss away fellow neurospicys x
Autistic, with BPD/EUPD and CPTSD and domestic marital abuse survivor
I feel safer in a club than one on one for reasons above.
I miss social cues so explicit rules and consent norms help me.
I don't feel judged if I need a time out from being overstimulated.
I do play alone with some men but it's taken a lot of trust and meetings to feel comfortable alone with them and I still get anxious about it.
I have major trust issues (for reasons above)so I prefer to be single. Less opportunity for people to hurt me or I hurt them...intentionally or unintentionally.
I cringe at dating traditionally. It makes me feel very uncomfortable especially when the men say things that are red flag/triggers.
One guy said to me that rules are boring. This particular rule was I do not get into strangers' cars without anyone knowing who I'm with and their licence plate and phone number. So something that is meant to protect me is boring to him. Definitely meant to me that he would not care about my safety or me feeling safe.
I'm too old and too late diagnosed autistic to continue masking and making myself uncomfortable for other people and the societal status quo.
I feel free in the nudist and swinging scene especially when there is no pressure to have sex and people respect the word no and don't ask before touching. cringe. One acquaintance called me a cactus because I don't like hugging. No, I don't like hugging for no reason especially random strangers that I've just met.
If we agree to have sex, okay body touching expected and accepted....If it's just a random hug...um...no. I'd like to keep my bodily autonomy most of the time.
Always amazes me how offended people get when you refuse a hug from a random stranger, obviously they have no concern for anyone's feelings but their own!. As for "rules being boring" RED FLAG ALERT! LOL!. Boundaries and rules set the tone and make everyone feel safe instead of second guessing what they can or can't do. Some men need to grow up! , seriously!!"
The cactus friend told me I was making her feel bad for not hugging her at every opportunity.... I was like I'm sorry I'm just not that kind of person with all my friends and family. with my romantic or sexual partner yes but everyone else...I need that bodily autonomy...even with sexual and romantic partners, I need time away to recentre, reconnect and ground my body.
I think she liked hugging because it was her was of soothing herself and her insecurities. I'm more fiercely independent but I will let my guard down when I feel it's safe and appropriate. Like I hugged her on her birthday. lol!
Some people enjoy pushing boundaries....and are high-risk adrenaline junkies....to the detriment of their family and friends and team members....
I tell being I like boundaries...it keeps me out of hospital ( ICU or psychiatric), jail and the grave. lol!
I can let my autistic self out but my BPD and trauma responses need to be reined in, they are absolutely dangerous to myself and other people.
Which is why I tell people in the scene that I have these conditions because if I freak out or freeze, they need to know mental health first aid and call the police and the ambulance. Work knows this also.
It's not fair to hide it from people who it could severely affect. They need to know how to protect themselves from me but also what to do in a mental health emergency.
Given my experiences, I've had to talk a few people in crisis down to a rational baseline. Two were at train stations making unalive-ing threats and one was confronting and NHS worker in a support group.
Whatever you do don't say "calm down" 
Some people dissociate and go into a trance during sex so they need to be treated with protection and even more care than me in a ranting episode. |
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"I cross over between the swinging and fetish worlds. When thinking about recent D/s relationships, two out of three were with women diagnosed with ADHD and related neurospiciness (now that is a word not in the dictionary but it should be).
When I think of the most fulfilling sexual encounters over the last few years it has been with these two women. The depth of their desire, the intense response to stimuli and their enthusiasm to push their boundaries leaves me with feelings of awe (and fulfillment).
I am a neurospicy fan!"
Yeah I move through all the scenes because I have different special interests: threesomes, rope bunny, bondage and light spanking and naturism because I've always been a "get home and instantly strip" kind of person.
I am happiest wearing the least amount of clothes...which is another reason why I hate winter and having to wear three layers so I can think without my brain responding to being cold all the time.
I'm never going to be that English/Scottish/Welsh/Irish person going swimming on New Year's day! It would take me 4 hours to warm back up!
Plus side of BPD is that I feel all the pleasant emotions more intensely too! So imagine my horror when I read a statistic that women my age had never had an orgasm even if they had children...I'm like how? I was face-deep in Cosmopolitan magazine and Sex and the City in the 90s and 2000's trying out vibrators, touching myself and looking at my vag in a mirror and all the Kamasutra positions that they recommended.
Turns out my neurodivergent brain makes me fairly liberal on things too, despite not liking change. |
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"Guilty and proud. I have adhd, have a therapist and actually really helped explain some of my sexual tendencies and kinks. I agree a lot of people I’ve met on the scene are the same x"
Yeah my therapists and mental health workers are not climbing the walls and ripping out their hair because I'm in the alternative sexual lifestyle.
They question my safety and I explain my safety precautions and it's usually left at that unless I have some difficult/unpleasant emotions surrounding it. Then they help me process what might be going on in my mind and other people's minds. |
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As someone who has recently been diagnosed with autism at 37. Alot of events earlier in my life make alot of sense. Can be challenging. Luckily I've met some lovely people over the years without my condition affecting fun |
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By *CExeCouple 9 weeks ago
Lincoln/Exeter |
Hypersexuality with my Bipolar can be off the walls. It led to my divorce as my poor ex wife couldn't cope with it (prediagnosis) and I was a horrible individual.
Now I'm in control of it, it certainly makes life a lot more fun. I'm sure it adds to the spiciness and explorative side.
Chels is HSP which one wouldn't think works with sexual shenanigans, but she's absolute filth once her nerves dissipate. |
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By *CExeCouple 9 weeks ago
Lincoln/Exeter |
"Guilty and proud. I have adhd, have a therapist and actually really helped explain some of my sexual tendencies and kinks. I agree a lot of people I’ve met on the scene are the same x
Yeah my therapists and mental health workers are not climbing the walls and ripping out their hair because I'm in the alternative sexual lifestyle.
They question my safety and I explain my safety precautions and it's usually left at that unless I have some difficult/unpleasant emotions surrounding it. Then they help me process what might be going on in my mind and other people's minds."
Funnily enough my care coordinator when I had one told me that if I were female he'd have been lecturing me about my sexual goings on, but because I'm male, the risks aren't as great. It really annoyed me as there's certainly a lot of risk around any impulsive sexual activity regardless of gender. Now I'm older and wiser I just wind the MH folks up and have fun with it  |
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By *opinovMan 9 weeks ago
Point Nemo, Cumbria |
I've had a week full of sloshing around in the detritus of my aspiness vs a world of NT... so, much though I'd love to contribute at this point, I've had to go and hide in the tiny dark hole of a total shutdown. |
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