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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"Would you be offended and off put if a stranger didn’t trust your word and asked for proof of a recent sti check"
No, not at all. If they wanted to double check prior to meeting, then that's up to them.
Some people want that extra bit of safety, especially those with multiple connections. Decreases the risk and all that. |
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By *_qatt OP Man 15 weeks ago
perth |
"Would you be offended and off put if a stranger didn’t trust your word and asked for proof of a recent sti check
No, not at all. If they wanted to double check prior to meeting, then that's up to them.
Some people want that extra bit of safety, especially those with multiple connections. Decreases the risk and all that."
I enjoy having fun as much as the next guy but my health is top priority.
Thinking that my attention to the matter would be appreciated, instead I get a fuck you and blocked  |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"I enjoy having fun as much as the next guy but my health is top priority.
Thinking that my attention to the matter would be appreciated, instead I get a fuck you and blocked "
Oh, you were the one asking for verification?
Yeah, no need for that response to such a simple question. It's either yes or no, then continue talking or part ways. Very simple and doesn't need any hostility whatsoever.
Baffles me why some get all arsey about stuff, especially when it's something like health or feeling safe.
Oh, well. Onwards to the next one, mate. |
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By *_qatt OP Man 15 weeks ago
perth |
"It's a cornerstone of our meets, but we tend to discuss it in the planning stage, rather than just spring it on someone "
For me it’s something that must be discussed before I even consider meeting. Many times I’ve brought it up it’s been the conversation ender or created some sort of unease that now I’m beginning to think it’s a grey area that must never be touched. Surely not though. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"For me it’s something that must be discussed before I even consider meeting. Many times I’ve brought it up it’s been the conversation ender or created some sort of unease that now I’m beginning to think it’s a grey area that must never be touched. Surely not though. "
If people are serious about meeting and want to do a health check, then I think it's a good idea. Shame that it ends conversation for some though, but I guess they just feel strongly against it, for whatever reason. Which is somewhat irrelevant, because it doesn't match your preferences anyhow.
No idea about the ratio of people regarding tests. Sounds like you've just been unlucky with getting those who are sensitive to the idea. 🤔 |
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By *_qatt OP Man 15 weeks ago
perth |
"For me it’s something that must be discussed before I even consider meeting. Many times I’ve brought it up it’s been the conversation ender or created some sort of unease that now I’m beginning to think it’s a grey area that must never be touched. Surely not though.
If people are serious about meeting and want to do a health check, then I think it's a good idea. Shame that it ends conversation for some though, but I guess they just feel strongly against it, for whatever reason. Which is somewhat irrelevant, because it doesn't match your preferences anyhow.
No idea about the ratio of people regarding tests. Sounds like you've just been unlucky with getting those who are sensitive to the idea. 🤔"
Maybe so, either they have something to hide or not serious about meeting. |
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I'd consider someone who just takes a complete strangers word on such things not a safe enough option to consider anyway.
The service up here only sends a simple text with Test results all OK anyway. It's not like it's a particularly invasive thing to show 💜 |
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I do find it an interesting topic. Obviously if you’re swinging you need to be aware of the risks. Getting tested is fine but if that’s to work it more or less has to be after every meet. Saying you were clear 3 months ago really doesn’t mean very much if you’re highly active. |
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"It's a cornerstone of our meets, but we tend to discuss it in the planning stage, rather than just spring it on someone
For me it’s something that must be discussed before I even consider meeting. Many times I’ve brought it up it’s been the conversation ender or created some sort of unease that now I’m beginning to think it’s a grey area that must never be touched. Surely not though. "
Oh I think you're correct on that op. It's one of those things people like to say.. Oh swingers are safer as they are more open and get tested more etc... Maybe some are. Some aren't. Stick to your guns mate. And it's a good thread to discuss it more. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"Would you be offended and off put if a stranger didn’t trust your word and asked for proof of a recent sti check"
Not at all and I'll happily provide one, and then expect the same of them. |
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Not at all.
We would be pleased that they’re taking sexual health seriously.
We’d be annoyed if it was brought up at last minute but would cope as we test every 6 weeks when active and have recent results on our phones. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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Test results are a guarantee of nothing unless the person has been celibate and away from skin contact for some time before the tests and all the time afterwards. Are you also going to ask to see proof of lack of sexual activity?
It's nonsensical to not trust someone to have told you their test results but trust them to have told you about their sex life.
Then, these irrelevant results, are going to be for different things in different places on the body according to the service used. And typically not be addressed to anyone's Fab name anyway.
Mentioning testing in conversation is one thing - although usually when I'm asked it's because the person in question is hoping for bareback casual sex so is incompatible with me anyway.
Asking for test results is like asking for proof a pedestrian crossing was car free yesterday. You still need to look both ways today.
Clear test results have no bearing on responsible behaviour today. |
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"Would you be offended and off put if a stranger didn’t trust your word and asked for proof of a recent sti check
No, not at all. If they wanted to double check prior to meeting, then that's up to them.
Some people want that extra bit of safety, especially those with multiple connections. Decreases the risk and all that."
Bit bonkers unless you got the result that day, you could catch something of the next person you had sex with |
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"
Bit bonkers unless you got the result that day, you could catch something of the next person you had sex with "
I hate this type of logic.
1. When someone says this it always seems like they are trying to worm their way out of getting tested themselves.
2. It shows a lack of understanding of sexual health and probability.
3. It implies that the person making this statement also doesn’t care whether or not the person they are with is tested recently.
If you’re tested in the last 3 months then yeah maybe there’s a tiny chance in the last 3 months you may have caught something. But at least that person knows that 3 months ago they DEFINITELY didn’t have anything, and the finite number of people they’ve been with are likely not to have given them anything.
Whereas someone who has NEVER been treated has a whole life time of partners worth of sex, during which they could have caught many things (or not) but will be totally none the wiser.
So yeah I’d rather have a recent test vs nothing at all and it’s not pointless or “bonkers”.
Since joining this site I’ve been shocked at the number of profiles with very visible infections in their photos (mostly men) - so I’d totally ask for tests from certain profiles on here. |
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"Test results are a guarantee of nothing unless the person has been celibate and away from skin contact for some time before the tests and all the time afterwards. Are you also going to ask to see proof of lack of sexual activity?
It's nonsensical to not trust someone to have told you their test results but trust them to have told you about their sex life.
Then, these irrelevant results, are going to be for different things in different places on the body according to the service used. And typically not be addressed to anyone's Fab name anyway.
Mentioning testing in conversation is one thing - although usually when I'm asked it's because the person in question is hoping for bareback casual sex so is incompatible with me anyway.
Asking for test results is like asking for proof a pedestrian crossing was car free yesterday. You still need to look both ways today.
Clear test results have no bearing on responsible behaviour today. "
Yes they do have a bearing. Clear test results show a clear indication of recent health, past behaviour and care about one’s sexual health (ie caring enough to get regular testing).
All of those things greatly reduce the likelihood of having something in the current moment and in future. Especially compared to a person who never gets tested and comes up with all kinds of weird excuses about why they think they don’t need or want them. |
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Regular testing is essential, and yes, you're only as sexually healthy as the the last people you played wit.
If they can prove they are responsible and test regularly and are prepared to share that information, then all good, if not and they and aren't willing to prove so, then avoid at all costs anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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"...
Clear test results have no bearing on responsible behaviour today.
Yes they do have a bearing. Clear test results show a clear indication of recent health, past behaviour and care about one’s sexual health (ie caring enough to get regular testing).
All of those things greatly reduce the likelihood of having something in the current moment and in future. Especially compared to a person who never gets tested and comes up with all kinds of weird excuses about why they think they don’t need or want them."
I said they have no bearing on responsible behaviour today. As in I will not be having unsafe sex anyway. There is *no* potential for me to change my responsible behaviour based on someone else's clear test results.
The last date who made a virtue of testing regularly (as opposed to just testing regularly like many of us do /without/ wafting results around) was also on prep and playing unsafely with others. His condom usage was infrequent and incompetent due to the feeling of security he gained from tests and protection from one disease. His regular testing had the direct result of making sex with him less safe (and more likely to result in unplanned pregnancy) for me.
I'm playing safe whatever results I do or don't see. And I prefer others who do similar. Prevention over cure  |
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"...
Clear test results have no bearing on responsible behaviour today.
Yes they do have a bearing. Clear test results show a clear indication of recent health, past behaviour and care about one’s sexual health (ie caring enough to get regular testing).
All of those things greatly reduce the likelihood of having something in the current moment and in future. Especially compared to a person who never gets tested and comes up with all kinds of weird excuses about why they think they don’t need or want them.
I said they have no bearing on responsible behaviour today. As in I will not be having unsafe sex anyway. There is *no* potential for me to change my responsible behaviour based on someone else's clear test results.
The last date who made a virtue of testing regularly (as opposed to just testing regularly like many of us do /without/ wafting results around) was also on prep and playing unsafely with others. His condom usage was infrequent and incompetent due to the feeling of security he gained from tests and protection from one disease. His regular testing had the direct result of making sex with him less safe (and more likely to result in unplanned pregnancy) for me.
I'm playing safe whatever results I do or don't see. And I prefer others who do similar. Prevention over cure "
Yes and I said they DO have a bearing over responsible behaviour today and explained why. That’s also a proven fact which is why the government spends so much money on encouraging people to be more aware of their sexual health, which in turn drives consistent in sexual behaviour. |
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I wouldn't be offended. I'd want a way of showing them that didn't involve giving them the link from the online service, or my phone number, if they didn't already have it.
My full name shows on the link to my results and I might not want them to have it. |
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"I wouldn't be offended. I'd want a way of showing them that didn't involve giving them the link from the online service, or my phone number, if they didn't already have it.
My full name shows on the link to my results and I might not want them to have it."
Exactly you'd think there'd be a way of sharing it, similar to the driving record one you have to share with car rental companies |
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"...
Clear test results have no bearing on responsible behaviour today.
Yes they do have a bearing. Clear test results show a clear indication of recent health, past behaviour and care about one’s sexual health (ie caring enough to get regular testing).
All of those things greatly reduce the likelihood of having something in the current moment and in future. Especially compared to a person who never gets tested and comes up with all kinds of weird excuses about why they think they don’t need or want them.
I said they have no bearing on responsible behaviour today. As in I will not be having unsafe sex anyway. There is *no* potential for me to change my responsible behaviour based on someone else's clear test results.
The last date who made a virtue of testing regularly (as opposed to just testing regularly like many of us do /without/ wafting results around) was also on prep and playing unsafely with others. His condom usage was infrequent and incompetent due to the feeling of security he gained from tests and protection from one disease. His regular testing had the direct result of making sex with him less safe (and more likely to result in unplanned pregnancy) for me.
I'm playing safe whatever results I do or don't see. And I prefer others who do similar. Prevention over cure "
Ok, lots of personal opinion on your post and that’s ok.
However, someone who tests regularly has a good attitude toward sexual health and is more likely to respond sensibly if they have a positive test at some point.
In which case, they’re more likely to contact people they’ve interacted with sexually and inevitably stop an infection spreading.
People who refuse to test have no idea of their status and may be asymptomatic of a host of infections. That’s not good for anyone.
Safer sex is the way of course and condom use is best but do you also practice safe oral? Kissing?
There’s always a risk in this lifestyle, we’d rather play with people who understand that and act accordingly. |
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By (user no longer on site) 15 weeks ago
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There's more than one app you can use to share results.
You can also look up the trouble they get in for e.g. "inadvertently" selling people's HIV status data...
Some of us are reasonably well informed and still choose safer practices with people we don't believe lie to us about their results.
I test regularly because "safer" is not the same as safe. Some people test regularly because that's a condition of their free access to prep. Some people test regularly because they only play bare. Not everyone is compatible with everyone they happen to align schedules with.
Regardless the post was about asking to see proof of test results. Not testing per se.
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