FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Does everyone just…Jump straight in?
Does everyone just…Jump straight in?
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
So our time on this site has me wondering, when couples are first starting out do u just jump straight into the threesome and be done with lol?
So me and Mr R have been discussing all this for a long while as I’m bi and previously done stuff before I met him a long time ago now, so I’m very eager to start again however to ensure all is good we want to take things slow.
We want to have a connection with someone.
Someone who we/I can be social with to start then a little added ff light fun to start things slowly before jumping in.
We love sharing pics etc and naughty chat, we had a cam experience before which we enjoyed and would like to do again.
I have permission for some soft ff stuff alone but nothing too heavy yet to see how he finds it all.
Are there actually women out there willing to take things slow?
Everyone just wants a meet straight away and we are just not ready yet.. is taking it slow just not how it’s done 
Mrs L x |
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By *oxy jWoman 14 weeks ago
somerset |
everybody has their own pace
so the best thing to do is stick to your pace and hope someone matches.. theirs really no magic answer we are all different in how we play...
i only play with experience women but ive 30 years of that under my belt im not here for newbies but their are plenty that are and do take thing slow |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"everybody has their own pace
so the best thing to do is stick to your pace and hope someone matches.. theirs really no magic answer we are all different in how we play...
i only play with experience women but ive 30 years of that under my belt im not here for newbies but their are plenty that are and do take thing slow"
Fingers crossed for that match then I guess lol.
Thanks for the reply x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"Agree with above replies
Plenty of people who share eachothers ways. "
Hopefully we find some one who also likes to go slow then lol cause messaging is just full of meet now requests! Like we’re just not ready for full on yet that’s all x |
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We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go  |
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We’ve done the opposite. We signed up new year time but instead of throwing ourselves at it, spent some time researching clubs etc and getting to know a few people first. Picking some brains on here. It does make it seem more daunting the longer we wait though I must say |
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"We’ve done the opposite. We signed up new year time but instead of throwing ourselves at it, spent some time researching clubs etc and getting to know a few people first. Picking some brains on here. It does make it seem more daunting the longer we wait though I must say "
We really wish we would have done the same. There is a part of us that really regrets missing the years we did because we got it so wrong to start with. Thinking of the potential fun we could have missed out on! |
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Great advice above.
Trust your instincts and take it at your own pace.
I've had alot of experience with couples and the ones who truly talk, take time and know their boundaries.
Make the best lovers as they are truly connected and enhances the experience for all parties.
I would see about popping to a softer swingers night ones for couples and ladies only.
Stay away from to much Dutch courage, you can go and chat with others, just watch and see how it goes. Once you both know your boundaries and desires first.
But I will give another bit of advice as a single female on the scene.
There is nothing worse then a couple just concentrating on their desires and not taking into consideration the female.
I've turned down so many couples on here and in clubs because it was all about their selfish needs and that I didn't matter.
|
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go "
This is exactly what I don’t want to happen, rush into it then go oooo no actually maybe not!
We’re kinda almost at the rip the plaster of stage, but maybe half rip it off to start 
We have been sitting on the edge of actual physical stuff for a long while and now feel more ready but still don’t want to jump straight in ya know.
Nice and slow!
Thanks for the insight, really helps! X |
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"Everyone just wants a meet straight away and we are just not ready yet.. is taking it slow just not how it’s done "
There might be a bit of selection bias going on there. The people who want to rush things are more likely to be forward about it. To message you, and so on. |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"We’ve done the opposite. We signed up new year time but instead of throwing ourselves at it, spent some time researching clubs etc and getting to know a few people first. Picking some brains on here. It does make it seem more daunting the longer we wait though I must say "
Nice to see others taking there time too.. was feeling lonely lol x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
" Great advice above.
Trust your instincts and take it at your own pace.
I've had alot of experience with couples and the ones who truly talk, take time and know their boundaries.
Make the best lovers as they are truly connected and enhances the experience for all parties.
I would see about popping to a softer swingers night ones for couples and ladies only.
Stay away from to much Dutch courage, you can go and chat with others, just watch and see how it goes. Once you both know your boundaries and desires first.
But I will give another bit of advice as a single female on the scene.
There is nothing worse then a couple just concentrating on their desires and not taking into consideration the female.
I've turned down so many couples on here and in clubs because it was all about their selfish needs and that I didn't matter.
"
For sure, we talk very openly and discuss boundaries etc, we have been together 13 years so our relationship comes before anything, that’s why we’re going slow because the relationship is so much more important and I would never risk it and I don’t want to ruin an experience by just jumping in ya know.
Oh 100% it would be about the female too, the only thing ever asked from another girl is that she respects our boundaries and she will be just as happy as we are lol. We don’t want just anyone, we want someone who will be a friend too, have a connection ya know and can trust and treat good.. would be as much about her as us.. she just needs to be patient with us lol.. if she exists lol x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"Everyone just wants a meet straight away and we are just not ready yet.. is taking it slow just not how it’s done
There might be a bit of selection bias going on there. The people who want to rush things are more likely to be forward about it. To message you, and so on."
I’ve sent a fair few messages out explaining us too and they just get ignored usually lol.. feels like sometimes we can’t give what girls want  |
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"We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go
This is exactly what I don’t want to happen, rush into it then go oooo no actually maybe not!
We’re kinda almost at the rip the plaster of stage, but maybe half rip it off to start
We have been sitting on the edge of actual physical stuff for a long while and now feel more ready but still don’t want to jump straight in ya know.
Nice and slow!
Thanks for the insight, really helps! X"
As people have said, going at your own pace definitely the way to go, and you should never feel as though you are doing it just because you've been waiting and you feel you should.
But it is also very easy to just get stuck, and talk yourself out of it too.
It's a big brave step however long it takes, but everyone has been there. We still get super nervous now meeting someone for the first time or going into a new club etc.
We were helped by meeting someone with a bit more experience. They were very considerate and conscious not to rush us, but also helped set the pace a little and we're the ones that initiated going to a room in the club etc.
Good chance we would have just sat there and talked unless they did!
Good luck! Hope it's everything you want it to be, but also don't over analyse the first time either, it could be mind blowing, it could be meh... could be better or worse second time |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go
This is exactly what I don’t want to happen, rush into it then go oooo no actually maybe not!
We’re kinda almost at the rip the plaster of stage, but maybe half rip it off to start
We have been sitting on the edge of actual physical stuff for a long while and now feel more ready but still don’t want to jump straight in ya know.
Nice and slow!
Thanks for the insight, really helps! X
As people have said, going at your own pace definitely the way to go, and you should never feel as though you are doing it just because you've been waiting and you feel you should.
But it is also very easy to just get stuck, and talk yourself out of it too.
It's a big brave step however long it takes, but everyone has been there. We still get super nervous now meeting someone for the first time or going into a new club etc.
We were helped by meeting someone with a bit more experience. They were very considerate and conscious not to rush us, but also helped set the pace a little and we're the ones that initiated going to a room in the club etc.
Good chance we would have just sat there and talked unless they did!
Good luck! Hope it's everything you want it to be, but also don't over analyse the first time either, it could be mind blowing, it could be meh... could be better or worse second time "
The Mr could very easily get stuck and back out because he is totally new to any of this- I’ve introduced him to this world lol and so far so good with the stuff we have done so now we’re ready for the next step, but it’s a baby step not a giant leap, giant leaps are a bit too much atm lol.
I just hope we manage to find someone who is patient with us lol.
Thanks so much for the advice, much appreciated x |
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Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
|
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I think clubs are the best place to start, which can sound quite overwhelming.
But attending a club together, with no expectations to play or anything.
But you’ll be surrounded by people who are experienced but all do it differently.
It’s nice to just go, have a drink, socialise and you’ll speak to and meet people who have all different types of relationships or boundaries.
It’s great x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
"
We are thinking of me doing soft stuff alone with a woman first so then that way he gets a taste of the feeling, he will then know how he feels about me being with another woman and it saves the full on awkward scenario of things going wrong and leaving the poor other woman in a shite awkward situation, I would hate that. So that’s our kinda first baby step to avoid any kind of issues.
Worst case then I’ve had a bit of a fumble with his consent and he then decides actually the fantasy yea the real thing no.. no harm done. Plus doesn’t put the other woman in a situation either. Best case it goes well and onto the next step which we then sit and discuss again.
Sounded sensible to us..x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"I think clubs are the best place to start, which can sound quite overwhelming.
But attending a club together, with no expectations to play or anything.
But you’ll be surrounded by people who are experienced but all do it differently.
It’s nice to just go, have a drink, socialise and you’ll speak to and meet people who have all different types of relationships or boundaries.
It’s great x"
Will definitely bare that in mind Thankyou x |
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By *nj6969Couple 14 weeks ago
Grimsby |
"We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go "
This was exactly us we met a couple and went full throttle went way too far.
We hadn't discussed boundaries we each other or the couple we met.
Put wifey off and we didn't do it again for 10 years.
Now we talk and have a social always and see if we are comfortable and always make it clear our limits and red lines.
And have had some great fun relaxed and everyone gets their fun.
And no nerves mean no problems with performances.
If all too muchen especially can struggle if uncomfortable but when it's relaxed wow.
Remember YOUR rules the most important IN YOUR meet xxxxx |
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"Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
We are thinking of me doing soft stuff alone with a woman first so then that way he gets a taste of the feeling, he will then know how he feels about me being with another woman and it saves the full on awkward scenario of things going wrong and leaving the poor other woman in a shite awkward situation, I would hate that. So that’s our kinda first baby step to avoid any kind of issues.
Worst case then I’ve had a bit of a fumble with his consent and he then decides actually the fantasy yea the real thing no.. no harm done. Plus doesn’t put the other woman in a situation either. Best case it goes well and onto the next step which we then sit and discuss again.
Sounded sensible to us..x"
Can I ask one question...
You say you will be alone with the female but will this be in your partners presence (him watching) or a seperate meet just you? |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
We are thinking of me doing soft stuff alone with a woman first so then that way he gets a taste of the feeling, he will then know how he feels about me being with another woman and it saves the full on awkward scenario of things going wrong and leaving the poor other woman in a shite awkward situation, I would hate that. So that’s our kinda first baby step to avoid any kind of issues.
Worst case then I’ve had a bit of a fumble with his consent and he then decides actually the fantasy yea the real thing no.. no harm done. Plus doesn’t put the other woman in a situation either. Best case it goes well and onto the next step which we then sit and discuss again.
Sounded sensible to us..x
Can I ask one question...
You say you will be alone with the female but will this be in your partners presence (him watching) or a seperate meet just you? "
Just me.. but he would request a few pics lol x |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"We initially threw ourselves straight into it, as Mrs was terrified (I was pretty damn nervous too) and she went with a 'let's just give it a go before I overthink it and get cold feet'.
In hindsight it was absolutely the wrong approach and resulted in us leaving the scene for about 6 years thinking it wasn't for us.
Second time round, much more considered and thoughtful, did our research, took more time to find the right people, and haven't looked back.
There's a balance between going at your pace, and eventually having to rip the plaster off and give it a go
This was exactly us we met a couple and went full throttle went way too far.
We hadn't discussed boundaries we each other or the couple we met.
Put wifey off and we didn't do it again for 10 years.
Now we talk and have a social always and see if we are comfortable and always make it clear our limits and red lines.
And have had some great fun relaxed and everyone gets their fun.
And no nerves mean no problems with performances.
If all too muchen especially can struggle if uncomfortable but when it's relaxed wow.
Remember YOUR rules the most important IN YOUR meet xxxxx"
1000% reiterates our thinking of going slow! Thankyou! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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" Great advice above.
Trust your instincts and take it at your own pace.
I've had alot of experience with couples and the ones who truly talk, take time and know their boundaries.
Make the best lovers as they are truly connected and enhances the experience for all parties.
I would see about popping to a softer swingers night ones for couples and ladies only.
Stay away from to much Dutch courage, you can go and chat with others, just watch and see how it goes. Once you both know your boundaries and desires first.
But I will give another bit of advice as a single female on the scene.
There is nothing worse then a couple just concentrating on their desires and not taking into consideration the female.
I've turned down so many couples on here and in clubs because it was all about their selfish needs and that I didn't matter.
For sure, we talk very openly and discuss boundaries etc, we have been together 13 years so our relationship comes before anything, that’s why we’re going slow because the relationship is so much more important and I would never risk it and I don’t want to ruin an experience by just jumping in ya know.
Oh 100% it would be about the female too, the only thing ever asked from another girl is that she respects our boundaries and she will be just as happy as we are lol. We don’t want just anyone, we want someone who will be a friend too, have a connection ya know and can trust and treat good.. would be as much about her as us.. she just needs to be patient with us lol.. if she exists lol x"
She does exist, xx |
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"Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
We are thinking of me doing soft stuff alone with a woman first so then that way he gets a taste of the feeling, he will then know how he feels about me being with another woman and it saves the full on awkward scenario of things going wrong and leaving the poor other woman in a shite awkward situation, I would hate that. So that’s our kinda first baby step to avoid any kind of issues.
Worst case then I’ve had a bit of a fumble with his consent and he then decides actually the fantasy yea the real thing no.. no harm done. Plus doesn’t put the other woman in a situation either. Best case it goes well and onto the next step which we then sit and discuss again.
Sounded sensible to us..x
Can I ask one question...
You say you will be alone with the female but will this be in your partners presence (him watching) or a seperate meet just you?
Just me.. but he would request a few pics lol x"
OK...
Then I would say that with potential females straight away.
I'd be wary of the pics situation tho.  |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"Also another thing that sadly can be a major stumbling block for couples and I know it has been mentioned by a earlier poster.
I know alot of single females prefer couples who have been on the scene a little while and have had some experience.
I have meet some new couples over the years and it didn't go well.
Many different reasons, they were unprepared for the feelings, one enjoyed it more then other, jealousy.
It's a true mindfield not just for you but the female too.
My newbie couple experiences left me feeling so awkward and cheap. So I agree communication and patience is key.
So I personally prefer to meet established experienced couples in a club setting after a social x
We are thinking of me doing soft stuff alone with a woman first so then that way he gets a taste of the feeling, he will then know how he feels about me being with another woman and it saves the full on awkward scenario of things going wrong and leaving the poor other woman in a shite awkward situation, I would hate that. So that’s our kinda first baby step to avoid any kind of issues.
Worst case then I’ve had a bit of a fumble with his consent and he then decides actually the fantasy yea the real thing no.. no harm done. Plus doesn’t put the other woman in a situation either. Best case it goes well and onto the next step which we then sit and discuss again.
Sounded sensible to us..x
Can I ask one question...
You say you will be alone with the female but will this be in your partners presence (him watching) or a seperate meet just you?
Just me.. but he would request a few pics lol x
OK...
Then I would say that with potential females straight away.
I'd be wary of the pics situation tho. "
What would u be wary about? X |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
" Great advice above.
Trust your instincts and take it at your own pace.
I've had alot of experience with couples and the ones who truly talk, take time and know their boundaries.
Make the best lovers as they are truly connected and enhances the experience for all parties.
I would see about popping to a softer swingers night ones for couples and ladies only.
Stay away from to much Dutch courage, you can go and chat with others, just watch and see how it goes. Once you both know your boundaries and desires first.
But I will give another bit of advice as a single female on the scene.
There is nothing worse then a couple just concentrating on their desires and not taking into consideration the female.
I've turned down so many couples on here and in clubs because it was all about their selfish needs and that I didn't matter.
For sure, we talk very openly and discuss boundaries etc, we have been together 13 years so our relationship comes before anything, that’s why we’re going slow because the relationship is so much more important and I would never risk it and I don’t want to ruin an experience by just jumping in ya know.
Oh 100% it would be about the female too, the only thing ever asked from another girl is that she respects our boundaries and she will be just as happy as we are lol. We don’t want just anyone, we want someone who will be a friend too, have a connection ya know and can trust and treat good.. would be as much about her as us.. she just needs to be patient with us lol.. if she exists lol x
She does exist, xx"
Good to know thanks xx |
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"also you'll find most bi ladies on the scene are into soft sex with women anyway thats swinging bi .... but the real stuff is out there too but more on the LGBT scene"
Good to know, thanks!
Been a while since I did anything so soft is definitely the way to go for me too lol x |
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You seem to be on the right tracks and understand both your desires.
It's clear op that you have the right attitude for this world with your responses on here, you will be a lovely experience for the right female.
You will all love it and I wish you great success in your sexual future explorations
Enjoy x
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By *andR300 OP Couple 14 weeks ago
Hertfordshire |
"You seem to be on the right tracks and understand both your desires.
It's clear op that you have the right attitude for this world with your responses on here, you will be a lovely experience for the right female.
You will all love it and I wish you great success in your sexual future explorations
Enjoy x
"
Honestly that is such a lovely comment! Thankyou so much xx |
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