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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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Hi Everyone.
Like alot of people I think the life Is what we crave but don't always have the confidence to just walk through the door. Mine probably comes from my own personality traits, I'm an overthinker, I'm lots better now than I was years ago but I had severe anxiety. After a diagnosis 8 years ago I decided I wanted no regrets. This is the only one really left that I can't take that leap.
I am working in Birmingham next week, I live way in the countryside so this Is an opportunity for me. I'm trying to convince myself to go to Chams whilst I'm there.
I'm worried a single guy might come across the wrong way. Any advice be appreciated. Or anyone wants to meet for a drink first to chat about it etc. Sorry waffled on a bit. |
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I don't know this club personally but I can empathise with the anxiety having been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder earlier this year.
I think the key is don't go with any preconceived ideas and try to be sociable and chatty which is hard I know with anxiety.
Hope you find the courage and have a smashing time.
Xx |
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Go with an open mind, expect nothing but conversation (often you have to step out your comfort zone and initiate conversation). Treat it as a party with potentially added benefits. Try and avoid following couples around hoping for an invite when tbh it's unlikely unless you've chatted prior.
These are purely my findings and are based on how I'd like to be treated  |
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Clubs are very welcoming and are used to dealing with people being nervous. Speak to the club and tell them you want to come along ans they’ll help you.
Chams is a lovely club but be warned, it’s a dress down straight away club so you go in and then have to go to the locker rooms and get undressed - you can wear a towel or just boxers but everyone is dressed down so it’s not like you’ll stand out for being the only one!
There is also no pressure to move away from the bar area if you don’t want to. I would say that a single guy continually walking around the rooms might not be what people want anyway. The bar area is fairly open and you can either chat to others or stand and try and look interesting.
As a first club I’d say it’s one of the nicer ones to go to.
Go with no expectations and also go with the thought of you just having a drink in a pub, just that this pub might have porn playing or live in front of your eyes porn but everyone is there as they like to feel liberated so you are all just the same.
Have a great time 
K |
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By *iverstMan 15 weeks ago
Rossendale |
As a single guy also new to going to clubs (and also shy and lacking in confidence) I would say this;
Expect nothing.
Treat everyone with respect and that includes other people in the club and the staff.
Be friendly with the staff and try to chat to them. Explain your new and how nervous you are and hopefully they will put you at ease.
Hopefully you can get chatting to other people - but just chat, don’t try to take things further. Find your feet and if things progress they progress.
I have been very lucky with the club I have been to. Such very nice people. The social side is enough but I have been blessed with more.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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Thanks everyone. The advice is great. Tbh I'm not someone that would expect anything, as for my anxiety it can make me talk too much....ha nervous waffling.
I'm more interested in seeing how it all works. I'd have a great night if I just met people chatted had a laugh and went home having the experience. I just Don't always read good things about single men in these clubs.
Thanks everyone |
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By *iverstMan 15 weeks ago
Rossendale |
As has been said, don’t follow people around, just chill at the bar. As you gain experience branch out (I am still struggling with this but I have been blessed with private room invites from a truly lovely lady). I do get told by the staff to go into the open rooms but I always feel I am intruding - which is a bit stupid due to the nature of the clubs. When I pluck up the courage to go further I will report back!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"As has been said, don’t follow people around, just chill at the bar. As you gain experience branch out (I am still struggling with this but I have been blessed with private room invites from a truly lovely lady). I do get told by the staff to go into the open rooms but I always feel I am intruding - which is a bit stupid due to the nature of the clubs. When I pluck up the courage to go further I will report back!! "
You sound exactly like me. U don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. |
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"As has been said, don’t follow people around, just chill at the bar. As you gain experience branch out (I am still struggling with this but I have been blessed with private room invites from a truly lovely lady). I do get told by the staff to go into the open rooms but I always feel I am intruding - which is a bit stupid due to the nature of the clubs. When I pluck up the courage to go further I will report back!!
You sound exactly like me. U don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. "
if you going to chams - ring and check first - i know there was a waiting list for single males |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 15 weeks ago
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"As has been said, don’t follow people around, just chill at the bar. As you gain experience branch out (I am still struggling with this but I have been blessed with private room invites from a truly lovely lady). I do get told by the staff to go into the open rooms but I always feel I am intruding - which is a bit stupid due to the nature of the clubs. When I pluck up the courage to go further I will report back!!
You sound exactly like me. U don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
if you going to chams - ring and check first - i know there was a waiting list for single males "
Thank you. I'm still on the fence. I
|
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"As has been said, don’t follow people around, just chill at the bar. As you gain experience branch out (I am still struggling with this but I have been blessed with private room invites from a truly lovely lady). I do get told by the staff to go into the open rooms but I always feel I am intruding - which is a bit stupid due to the nature of the clubs. When I pluck up the courage to go further I will report back!!
You sound exactly like me. U don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
if you going to chams - ring and check first - i know there was a waiting list for single males
Thank you. I'm still on the fence. I
"
Regret the things you have done rather than the things you were too frightened to try. Go for it OP and please report back how you got on. |
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