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Feelings aren't hurt
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If you had arranged a meet with someone but then received a pic/video from them beforehand and realised that they looked slightly different than you imagined and you no longer found them attractive...
How would you let them down without hurting anyone's feelings?
And not be horrible/capable enough to simply ghost them.
Do you be honest and say you're not attracted to them? Which seems harsh. Or do you pull an excuse out of your arse?
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By *ornycougaWoman 35 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I ask for a recent face pic up front to avoid this. However, there have been a couple of occasions when the person hasn't looked like there pics, or where there is no chemistry, and then I have been honest with them. |
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I tend towards honesty where I can.
I wouldn't be outright on the "Ew, no" front, but I'd probably clarify that the first meet is always only promised as a social and I'm not convinced how compatible we'd be.
I'm not a particularly visual creature though. I've never met someone or seen a picture and been immediately turned off if I've already found their personality appealing. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.
Low and behold, totally different.
Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there |
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By *essTTWoman 35 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"If you had arranged a meet with someone but then received a pic/video from them beforehand and realised that they looked slightly different than you imagined and you no longer found them attractive...
How would you let them down without hurting anyone's feelings?
And not be horrible/capable enough to simply ghost them.
Do you be honest and say you're not attracted to them? Which seems harsh. Or do you pull an excuse out of your arse?
"
Would never arrange a meet without seeing pictures, the same way I always send a variety of pics to people I'm interested in so they can't say I look different when they meet me lol |
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Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman. |
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"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.
Low and behold, totally different.
Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there"
Filtered pics are a big warning sign to me. If you need to filter then it makes me wonder what you are hiding. |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman. "
Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.
You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark. |
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"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.
Low and behold, totally different.
Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there"
Yep.. Damn filters. Problem I got is that it's been built up and planned as anything but a social  |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.
Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.
You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark. "
This. We would rather reject on personality than looks as its less harsh in our opinion, simply by saying that elusive “spark” isnt there |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman. "
Wouldn't make any difference to me
I wouldn't be impolite with either, but I would be honest |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.
Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.
You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark. "
Very true. I do like the no spark bit. It's just up until we received pic/video there was very much a spark |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.
Wouldn't make any difference to me
I wouldn't be impolite with either, but I would be honest"
People can generally smell a brush off a mile off |
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It's so lovely the thought you're putting into this. I would just avoid referring to looks if needing to explain.
Maybe just say, it was nice chatting but I've changed my mind about meeting. Sign off in whatever nice way you do. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.
Low and behold, totally different.
Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there
Yep.. Damn filters. Problem I got is that it's been built up and planned as anything but a social "
Regardless of what the plan is there isn’t anything saying you have to agree to it.
You owe them nothing, you do you! |
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"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?
Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.
Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.
You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark.
Very true. I do like the no spark bit. It's just up until we received pic/video there was very much a spark "
Maybe treat this as a learning experience. Don't go too far until you know what someone looks like and realise that you can't reject someone without them feeling a tiny bit bad at least. You might feel bad too but that's life  |
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"It's so lovely the thought you're putting into this. I would just avoid referring to looks if needing to explain.
Maybe just say, it was nice chatting but I've changed my mind about meeting. Sign off in whatever nice way you do."
Yeah keep it simple. I like that response. Thank you |
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By *abonTedCouple 35 weeks ago
Midlands & Cheltenham |
"All done. Weight lifted. Thanks again everyone. Don't know why I find stuff like that so hard but it definitely helped listening to all of your advice "
Honestly has to be the best policy, I’m sure they appreciated it  |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I had to ask someone for pics without sunglasses on ....
And just didn't find them attractive .... so over a couple of days allowed conversation to fizzle and then sent polite message saying I was not feeling the right vibe ... to be fair there was also another reason .. their potential availability didn't align with mine |
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"All done. Weight lifted. Thanks again everyone. Don't know why I find stuff like that so hard but it definitely helped listening to all of your advice
Honestly has to be the best policy, I’m sure they appreciated it "
I hope so. Not had a reply back yet. Just hope it doesn't make them feel too bad |
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"I had to ask someone for pics without sunglasses on ....
And just didn't find them attractive .... so over a couple of days allowed conversation to fizzle and then sent polite message saying I was not feeling the right vibe ... to be fair there was also another reason .. their potential availability didn't align with mine"
Started to panic as it was planned for tomorrow. So advice here was needed urgently. I think the message I sent was nice so hopefully it's not taken to heart |
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