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Intro to light BDSM type stuff
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry for my ignorance I've never really been with a woman (dating etc) that has been into this scene. I'm kind if seeing a girl now who's very into being dominated, tied up, strangled, spanked, etc, and I'm getting more into it but I guess It's taken a bit if getting used to because I like to think I treat people nicely and it's not something I'd naturally do.
Anyone like to share their experiences of this sort of thing and give me any pointers about how best to proceed, things to try etc.
Pretty experienced sexually but this kind if Dom/sub role play physical stuff is all a bit new. Fun though but in just a little trepidatious
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of good info out there if you search the web. Many good books. Try fet life . com (remove spaces) and find some local socials to go to. Research is my motto. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah I will to just like to hear people's experiences here too, was funny because she asked me to choke her and I did and then she kept reaching for my hands so I was stopping and asking if she was ok; then she said she had been reaching to try and get me to do it harder lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah I will to just like to hear people's experiences here too, was funny because she asked me to choke her and I did and then she kept reaching for my hands so I was stopping and asking if she was ok; then she said she had been reaching to try and get me to do it harder lol."
You need to be talking to her a hell of a lot more than this post suggests that you are.
Communicate. Discuss what she likes and what you are comfortable with, but mot importantly discuss it when you aren't having sex or horny.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah I will to just like to hear people's experiences here too, was funny because she asked me to choke her and I did and then she kept reaching for my hands so I was stopping and asking if she was ok; then she said she had been reaching to try and get me to do it harder lol.
You need to be talking to her a hell of a lot more than this post suggests that you are.
Communicate. Discuss what she likes and what you are comfortable with, but mot importantly discuss it when you aren't having sex or horny.
"
Like above has said TALK is the main one, get some ground rules and boundaries, also the use of a safe word would put a end to the mix up you had in the choking.
Attend events, join a more fetish site like one mentioned, and attend the local munches,
all you can do is learn so read up, practise safely and watch other play to learn the tricks. |
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".... tied up,"
Fair enough
"spanked,"
sure perfectly cool
"strangled, "
ah, that's the point where you get it wrong or are just unlucky and a few months later you are the girlfriend of Psycho Pete the king of B wing.
Please be careful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of communication - what does she want what doesn't she want what do you want what don't you want
what can be pushed what shouldn't be approached
Edge play (in your case the strangling) in any form has risks - build up slowly and just take your time.
You say that you might find it hard not being nice to her but you shouldn't think of it like that - if she is getting off on it then its nice for her right
confidence will grow and you will learn each others likes and it will build from there. loads of things to learn from the sites mentioned as well - you should always be learning as no one can know it all.
most importantly just enjoy it and don't worry about how other think it should be - it should be whatever is comfortable for you and her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots of good info out there if you search the web. Many good books. Try fet life . com (remove spaces) and find some local socials to go to. Research is my motto."
Haha thought you might chip your 2 pence worth in ...well actually I suspect your advice is worth a hell of a lot more than that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why can't I stay away from BDSM threads!? I'm involved in BDSM quite a lot, my relationship is a D/s one and I'm on the other site too!
Breath control play is something I do quite a lot and you must know the person you are involved with well enough to know their limits, discuss things, you both need to understand subspace and aftercare (they are really important and my last Dominant taught me about them in a way that I understand their importance)
There are books out there but for goodness sake please don't read 50 Shades and think that's what BDSM is, similarly don't go to the opposite extreme and think its heavy stuff. Its a continuum of levels. Some people use it in a roleplay situation, some in a play situation (there are differences) and some in a lifestyle situation.
Find your level and enjoy it. Explore the BDSM sites online and read up, reading is really important, there's so much information on the internet to help you with your journey. Enjoy it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok I've thought long and hard about this. Breath play is dangerous and Im not sure what more scary a sub that thinks the time to suggest it is mid fuck or a wannabie dom that hasn't got the sense to say no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I've thought long and hard about this. Breath play is dangerous and Im not sure what more scary a sub that thinks the time to suggest it is mid fuck or a wannabie dom that hasn't got the sense to say no."
Forgive me for adding to your post (I'm a pain I know!) but also using a safe word is something that shouldn't be done straight away, J and I have only just started using safeword play, we are both fairly experienced in BDSM and we've been seeing each other for a few months. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I've thought long and hard about this. Breath play is dangerous and Im not sure what more scary a sub that thinks the time to suggest it is mid fuck or a wannabie dom that hasn't got the sense to say no."
I agree. Wasn't going to post on this thread, but had to agree with this. And in answer to the OP, breathplay and strangulation play of any kind is edgeplay by definition, not a light intro to bondage - it's not to be undertaken without a great deal of thought, insight and learning both about your shared dynamic with your sub and your abilities as a Dominant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I've thought long and hard about this. Breath play is dangerous and Im not sure what more scary a sub that thinks the time to suggest it is mid fuck or a wannabie dom that hasn't got the sense to say no.
Forgive me for adding to your post (I'm a pain I know!) but also using a safe word is something that shouldn't be done straight away, J and I have only just started using safeword play, we are both fairly experienced in BDSM and we've been seeing each other for a few months."
crystal adding now!!! Safewords are good for people who are playing in such a way the sub is still capable of using such a signal but for those seeking to try breath play (and other high risk play), safewords are useless when play goes beyond a certain point. How can you expect a sub to say bermuda when she is blue in the face and has run out of oxygen?!!!
With high risk play, a Dom/top needs to be highly aware of his sub/bottom and the signs that they may make when they're getting towards a dangerous point. This awareness and knowledge can only come from experience and from getting to know your sub/bottom which takes time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok I've thought long and hard about this. Breath play is dangerous and Im not sure what more scary a sub that thinks the time to suggest it is mid fuck or a wannabie dom that hasn't got the sense to say no.
Forgive me for adding to your post (I'm a pain I know!) but also using a safe word is something that shouldn't be done straight away, J and I have only just started using safeword play, we are both fairly experienced in BDSM and we've been seeing each other for a few months.
crystal adding now!!! Safewords are good for people who are playing in such a way the sub is still capable of using such a signal but for those seeking to try breath play (and other high risk play), safewords are useless when play goes beyond a certain point. How can you expect a sub to say bermuda when she is blue in the face and has run out of oxygen?!!!
With high risk play, a Dom/top needs to be highly aware of his sub/bottom and the signs that they may make when they're getting towards a dangerous point. This awareness and knowledge can only come from experience and from getting to know your sub/bottom which takes time. "
Back to me now lol!! Having been on the receiving end of a Dom who didn't stop when I safe worded (bananas not Bermuda for him lol) It really has to be put in place when you trust someone enough and they know you enough to stop. I'm the Queen of keep going, J knows when I've had enough even if my defiant side says keep going, my body is clearly saying enough. |
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