Okay, so... We are a happily married couple returning to the scene..have been here prior to COVID for years...
We are looking for friends with benefits, either couples or singles (male or female).
Mr is straight, Mrs is bi curious.
Mr struggles with performance anxiety, and has been blighted with ED recently, despite taking medication...
So, Mr is happy to play softplay (no pun intended) with females, as it removes the "performance anxiety", but Mrs is still happy to full swap (and Mr is happy to watch) and join in with Mrs....
Mr has never had any issues playing with Mrs, just with new playmates..and is probably overthinking things, causing the issue...
Should we re- define ourselves as a Hot wife couple ? Is that a more accurate description of our current situation?
Mr is hopeful his "issue" will rectify once we have met regular playmates..
Helpful advice appreciated.. |
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No need to attach a label yourself (unless you wish to)
You set the rules and way you like to play, no need to put pressure on yourself or explain to others.
One thing we would say is to have conversations up from about your dynamic, just so as not to waste anyone’s time. If F full swaps and M doesn’t we would want to know that upfront rather than invest time and then find out later. We would never ask the reasons why
Have fun
Xx |
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Thank you for your advice, the thing is... If the magic happens, Mr is happy to play,he just doesn't want to disappoint if it doesn't happen... So we are wanting to adjust the expectations for participants..
So it's kind of a weird situation..
The more he thinks about it the worse it gets, but am sure he will get over it... |
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As above. I don't think you need to change labels or anything. As long as you are clear in your communications with the potential meet partners then everyone knows the dynamic and can see how it goes. I'm sure it will all sort itself out for Mr - maybe lots of practice needed  |
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"Thank you for your advice, the thing is... If the magic happens, Mr is happy to play,he just doesn't want to disappoint if it doesn't happen... So we are wanting to adjust the expectations for participants..
So it's kind of a weird situation..
The more he thinks about it the worse it gets, but am sure he will get over it..."
It’s not a weird situation. If you say it you’ll hear it, if you hear it you’ll believe it. Don’t fulfill your own prophecy ! |
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I found overthinking to be the big issue in what was a very unsettling period in my life…..a close friend actually calmed me with some of the ?tantric breathing techniques she’d learnt…..calming the mind really helps and I’ve not had any issues since. I’d actually like to learn more about it myself tbh. I wonder if your husband would benefit maybe…..at the very least it could be fun for you two finding out.. |
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I agree with pretty much everyone above - describe yourself as you want to and don’t over think it. Let whoever you want to play with know the situation and if it works for you all then just have fun! |
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