FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Couples - why is the man usually in charge?
Couples - why is the man usually in charge?
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By (user no longer on site) OP 41 weeks ago
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I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic? |
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"I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic?"
I’ve had a couple of male partners who I swung with and I only did so because it was joint fun, and not led by them.
I do get a lot of guys asking me if I want to partner up with them and be a swinging couple, but it always seems to be about their fun.
I suspect men mostly lead the fun because it’s sold to us in society as a male fantasy to have lots of group sex. |
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By *UFSWoman 41 weeks ago
belfast |
I would imagine,like most women in life, the lady of the couple has 1001 other things to fill her day,before pandering to wishful men on a swingers site.
When I was a couple on here with my ex husband,although he looked after most of the admin,we never met anybody without my prior knowledge |
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We both join in the forums, 90% of messages are replied to by me (Mrs) the profile is written by me, usually if we wink or message someone it's me.
When we 1st joined and asked for profile advice at least two people said it read as if the man wrote it  it was still me.
Mrs |
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"I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic?"
men are more neurologically built for fabmin (generalisation, with exceptions of course). but mrs v chooses any guy we meet. i might foward possibles on to her having triaged them.
can't speak for others |
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Someone mentioned already - Fabmin!
Mr WW on here 90% of time. We arrange to meet in clubs and keep the pre chat to a minimum, we’re not here to make pen friends. Mrs WW will check pictures and dictate messages from the couch (some twisted power play)! so she knows what’s going on. We make it clear that it’s not an exclusive club date, just to manage everyone’s expectations, we don’t want to glue ourselves to someone’s coat tails if we don’t click in person and visa versa
In the club it’s a level playing field and we decide together whether or not to progress based on how we get on. |
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i leave the admin to my other half ,he can handle any abusive messages that come through which is quite regular..,im not keen on viewing those type of messages,but we both read and use fab together ,any potential meets then i read through them,so its a safety thing for us.
we are a couple.. so its led by both of us with the same intentions rather than the old boring cleché that most assume,wrong!!  |
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By *ornycougaWoman 41 weeks ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
I had a couples profile on here for a while. We both wrote the text and the pics were of us both - individually and together. I asked him to run it because most of the messages were from single guys - sometimes double messaging on there and on my single woman profile. He knows what I look for in a guy so I gave him full permission to delete. I just didn't want the Fabmin on another account. |
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"I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic?"
I play on here with my as a couple. She runs the profile. I dip in occasionally to read messages and answer those she wants my input on. Something im happy to do as my solo profile is languishing in the dulldrums. Probably my fault for losing interest in messaging couples and single. I just comment on the odd forum post and leave her to make her own decisions. Tbf she answers most messages but the numbers are increasing so I understand the problem couples have. Thats why I decided to wait for soneone to message me. at least that way i know i havent offended anyone and thet have interest. |
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By *ara58Woman 41 weeks ago
DERBY |
"I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic?"
Im a single female and sometimes join couples. I've had meets where that has become obvious.
Even messages from the woman are often the man. So now I do more checks ie. actually speak with the woman on the phone. |
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"I’ve noticed that a lot of couples profiles on here seem to be led by men (even though usually all of the photos are the woman).
Most of the time I get a message from a couple, it’s just a man asking me to sleep with his wife. It comes across as HIS fantasy rather than hers.
It’s got me wondering - couples/women, how many of are you are on here primarily to please your husband/bf? Is that a common dynamic?
Im a single female and sometimes join couples. I've had meets where that has become obvious.
Even messages from the woman are often the man. So now I do more checks ie. actually speak with the woman on the phone."
This is a sensible approach. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"I’ve been told it’s to protect the women from the bombardment of male dm’s and filter out those who who don’t respect their wishes.. "
we met on fab, usually on here about 60/40 (mr more than mrs) although its usually to filter out the idiots as pointed out above. just because shes a woman who enjoys her sex drive its not fair she should put up with some of the crap on here.
when it comes to chatting we let people know who there chatting with and meets we both have input into and both have a veto, neither of us should be expected to take 1 for the team. |
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Male manages the profile here as female procrastinates, and also hates dealing with a lot of rubbish messages. So I deal with the side, plus the telegram and discord groups, share the chat and info and she happily just rocks up for the meets and club events.
Certainly not male led as we only ever play together and it's her fun also. Just admin !  |
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Works both ways at times though also!
As our profile clearly states not to presume who you are talking to, and that we will sign off with either a J or M, yet 90% of the time the message will be addressed to Jeni!! Unless they think I have a gorgeous arse also…… 
Mx |
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I take the lead with chatting to people as I like talking and asking questions and general. Iv found the opposite that alot of couples/men tend to address my husband about me. It's only when u ask to speak to the (f) it changes.
Riley  |
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On my couples account, we both sign in and use it, we'll say which one of us it is chatting or using the forum.
My other half fabs more pics than me, but we both answer messages and equally decide who we meet or chat to etc.
We don't get v much mail though, alwe block single men because we're only looking to meet other couples. |
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By *enatton2Couple 41 weeks ago
West Midlands |
I like posting on here and reading the responses to our profile but as soon as it comes to chatting to a possible play partner, I hand over to Ben. I don’t like too much talk and build up or I’ll talk myself out of it. |
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We never do anything unless we are both 100% with it and do it together. I ( Johnny ) do most of the perving here and reading story’s and looking out for what I know Baby likes. In the evening I’d fill her in on all the activities here and what story’s I thought we funny, horny or just way out mad and we would read them again together and chat about them and if I have seen anyone I think she would fancy I’d show her and see what she thinks. (Usually I get it right) Really I’m happy if she’s happy and we meet up with people she decides. Unless for some rare reason I did not want to meet them
But for me it’s all about seeing baby enjoying herself and having lots of fun together. She loves girl on girl and that’s the reason we joined here. She loves going to clubs and meeting people face to face so she can make her mind up on someone. She looks for Personality, attractive, sexy and she loves nice boobs. On here you don’t get the opportunity to see all that and she finds it boring but we have chatted to people off here with the intention of a social meet first. |
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"I would imagine,like most women in life, the lady of the couple has 1001 other things to fill her day,before pandering to wishful men on a swingers site.
When I was a couple on here with my ex husband,although he looked after most of the admin,we never met anybody without my prior knowledge "
That ^ just that.
The F here works hard and long hours and frankly would not be interested in dealing with some of the lovley messages we all get on here. She does come on and check messages and see pictures and chat with good matches and organise plans.
The last thing she wants after an 11 hour shift is do is fab admin etc. About 90% of contact is not for us and shes not really into 9 word messages describing /promising to do stuff to her she isnt keen on (weird I know) |
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"Someone mentioned already - Fabmin!
Mr WW on here 90% of time. We arrange to meet in clubs and keep the pre chat to a minimum, we’re not here to make pen friends. Mrs WW will check pictures and dictate messages from the couch (some twisted power play)! so she knows what’s going on. We make it clear that it’s not an exclusive club date, just to manage everyone’s expectations, we don’t want to glue ourselves to someone’s coat tails if we don’t click in person and visa versa
In the club it’s a level playing field and we decide together whether or not to progress based on how we get on. "
Exactly what we do these days... had so many timewasters (singles and cpls) in the past when arranging local 1-2-1 meets - simply do not have the time or patience these days.. |
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Male half screens all the messages as quite frankly 95% of what we get would weld my legs shut.
I then take over with actual messaging in the main, or if male replies we make it clear.
Our profile is written from my perspective and i run it.
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"Male half screens all the messages as quite frankly 95% of what we get would weld my legs shut.
I then take over with actual messaging in the main, or if male replies we make it clear.
Our profile is written from my perspective and i run it.
"
Very similar to us, I (Mr) filter out the creepy and fake accounts. After a few messages back and forth Mrs CT will usually take over.
Doesn’t take long for the time wasters to get bored and move on |
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By *oxy jWoman 41 weeks ago
taunton somerset |
i or we as a couple avoid most male led couples online or in clubs as we have found over our time with the scene that alot of male halfs are where most the unwanted drama is ...
even us as a cuckold couple we are both involved when it comes to couples
its why we filtered out couples online i got sick of the male halfs wanting fun without there partners knowing
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