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Asking "too soon"
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I have a query that often perplexes me on here re: why asking "too soon" to exchange numbers becomes the death knell for the conversation.
Sometimes I will get into regular messaging where mutual physical attraction has been established, the vibe is good, the all round mutual interest is there on a range of things including possible stuff we might do...
I then say, would you like to swap numbers and the woman goes quiet for a bit, so I politely nudge her for an answer confirming that I won't be upset if it's a no, just keen to know.
And then she either full on ghosts or says "no, too soon", which inevitably kills the vibe.
I suppose I am not getting why asking for a number "too soon" is so taboo. Surely she can just say I am interested but it's too soon? That would avoid any awkwardness and keep the conversation open, which was showing potential before! |
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By *bi HaiveMan 44 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I have a query that often perplexes me on here re: why asking "too soon" to exchange numbers becomes the death knell for the conversation.
Sometimes I will get into regular messaging where mutual physical attraction has been established, the vibe is good, the all round mutual interest is there on a range of things including possible stuff we might do...
I then say, would you like to swap numbers and the woman goes quiet for a bit, so I politely nudge her for an answer confirming that I won't be upset if it's a no, just keen to know.
And then she either full on ghosts or says "no, too soon", which inevitably kills the vibe.
I suppose I am not getting why asking for a number "too soon" is so taboo. Surely she can just say I am interested but it's too soon? That would avoid any awkwardness and keep the conversation open, which was showing potential before!"
The outcome of 'too soon' and 'I'm still interested but it's too soon' is the same.
Maybe she wants more time before dishing out her number.
Maybe she wants to keep all chat on here til you've met in person.
Maybe she is interested but isn't 100% sure yet.
Or maybe it's like the plot twist of 'The Crying Game'........  |
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It's not taboo but it's not a question I've ever asked in 8 years here.
Many people will be reluctant to move away to chat on a different platform and many more will never give out their phone number.
I include myself in that.
If we haven't already met you ain't getting my number. |
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In my experience, Kik and Telegram are where conversations go to die lol. Like being sent to Coventry. No offence to people from Cov!
Point being, there's no particular advantage to conversing on those apps... if anything, the conversation dies even quicker because at least Fab is focused on a specific purpose, so everyone goes there for a reason.
Kik/Telegram is just a bunch of random anonymous conversations that are forgotten from one day to the next! You look at Kik when you are bored, not to maintain an exciting conversation! |
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"Probably because like a lot of things on fab it often leads to abuse if you say no or too soon.
Some assume (wrongly) that ‘you’re clearly not interested enough’ or have something to hide."
Yes, that makes sense re: not wanting abuse, but I do try to reassure that I won't be losing my shit, I would genuinely just like to know!
If it's a clear no, then say so and we move on. Seems really difficult for people to be honest and clear and that feels strange if all the ingredients were good otherwise.
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"In my experience, Kik and Telegram are where conversations go to die lol. Like being sent to Coventry. No offence to people from Cov!
Point being, there's no particular advantage to conversing on those apps... if anything, the conversation dies even quicker because at least Fab is focused on a specific purpose, so everyone goes there for a reason.
Kik/Telegram is just a bunch of random anonymous conversations that are forgotten from one day to the next! You look at Kik when you are bored, not to maintain an exciting conversation!"
How many conversations are you having at the same time?
When I'm meeting I don't chat to more than one person at a time and never about sex so the platform is irrelevant but again I would never and have never asked anyone for their phone number. |
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By *WB85Man 44 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
It's a funny topic with no right answer.
But if the couples or singles we do this with aren't prepared to use telegram or a similar platform we move on.
Fab is great for the initial connection, after that it's much easier on telegram or WhatsApp.
Not for everyone, but that's our preference. |
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By *ojo2joWoman 44 weeks ago
Penclawdd |
"Probably because like a lot of things on fab it often leads to abuse if you say no or too soon.
Some assume (wrongly) that ‘you’re clearly not interested enough’ or have something to hide.
Yes, that makes sense re: not wanting abuse, but I do try to reassure that I won't be losing my shit, I would genuinely just like to know!
Because whatever you answer you’re likely to get abuse from some people.
Too many people take the exchange of numbers to mean they have free rein to send all manner or cr*p.
If it's a clear no, then say so and we move on. Seems really difficult for people to be honest and clear and that feels strange if all the ingredients were good otherwise.
"
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"If I'm interested to move the conversation off Fab, it's because I'm intending to chat with a view to probably meeting. If it dies a death then so be it. Chat via just Fab is tediously slow "
Couldn't agree more Penny. Need more forthright types like you. |
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Sometimes if chat gets moved to a more accessible platform it opens up the constant barrage of messaging. Keeping it here keeps it at a level of comfort for some. Also saves phone pinging constantly with new messages.
I would never give my phone number unless I've already met the person. |
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By *iasubTV/TS 44 weeks ago
Ilkeston |
I personally dont move off of fab. I dont understand the ease? Fab gives you everything any other platform does. Its just a red flag for me.
There’s people ive met for months who dont have my number its just not needed |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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"I have a query that often perplexes me on here re: why asking "too soon" to exchange numbers becomes the death knell for the conversation.
Sometimes I will get into regular messaging where mutual physical attraction has been established, the vibe is good, the all round mutual interest is there on a range of things including possible stuff we might do...
I then say, would you like to swap numbers and the woman goes quiet for a bit, so I politely nudge her for an answer confirming that I won't be upset if it's a no, just keen to know.
And then she either full on ghosts or says "no, too soon", which inevitably kills the vibe.
I suppose I am not getting why asking for a number "too soon" is so taboo. Surely she can just say I am interested but it's too soon? That would avoid any awkwardness and keep the conversation open, which was showing potential before!"
You’ve not mentioned how much time has passed between you speaking to the woman and asking for a home number? That context is crucial.
Next ask yourself why do you want their number and is it necessary? Then finally ask yourself why a woman (or anyone) would be uncomfortable giving someone they barely know their personal details. |
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We get asked to go to KIK quite often
Why?
If the convo is going ok here why move it to another platform?
NB we only share a burner phone number when a meet is actually agreed for real time updates. |
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No desire to move to Kik or similar, as previously explained, but in answer to your question re: wishing to move away from this site, the hope is for some closer attention which a phone conversation could provide because we all know women and couples are deluged on here, so can easily get distracted, or fed up or both. That is no criticism of the women or couples, it's just a fact! |
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"Sometimes if chat gets moved to a more accessible platform it opens up the constant barrage of messaging. Keeping it here keeps it at a level of comfort for some. Also saves phone pinging constantly with new messages.
I would never give my phone number unless I've already met the person."
This for me too.
I my number out to someone years ago, when single & he turned into a total pest. I had to have my phone on as my dad wasn't too well & he was contacting me at all hours.
I like communicating here, because I can choose when I want to chat/read messages.
I don't like being accessible to people all the time. |
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Thanks to all for your different perspectives. I respect your opinions and it is clear that there are a variety of takes, but many are in favour of not giving out their number which is understandable, I guess. |
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If it's a one on one conversation why do you need to do it elsewhere?
We do swap numbers (although that's stopping) it telegram but that's purely because 3/4 way conversations are hard on here.
I don't exchange details with anyone I chat to 1 on 1, there's just no need.
Mrs |
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"Thanks to all for your different perspectives. I respect your opinions and it is clear that there are a variety of takes, but many are in favour of not giving out their number which is understandable, I guess."
How many single women have said they are happy to give out their number before meeting ? |
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I find that guys who want to get off this site quickly can be very demanding and keep insisting that we meet sooner than I’m comfortable with (or able to).
I don’t see any reason to use WhatsApp rather than fabs other than when we meet in person besause it can be a bit easier when trying to locate someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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We used to use WhatsApp and it would be a nightmare. Guys being added to a group with us both then just leaving the group and spamming the Mrs with messages. We learnt our lesson and only use the messaging on site now. |
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"Thanks to all for your different perspectives. I respect your opinions and it is clear that there are a variety of takes, but many are in favour of not giving out their number which is understandable, I guess.
How many single women have said they are happy to give out their number before meeting ?"
I guess I have been spoiled. If you connect well, then I personally don't think it is weird to ask because a fair few of my fab conversations have/do progress to phone chats whether by text or voice.
My original point was more to do with wanting to understand why that request can kill a vibe, but the answers on here have provided some useful perspective.
I definitely get that people see it differently. There are lots of reasons and circumstances behind why people are meeting on here, so it is inevitable that the readiness of women and/or couples to give their number out will vary. |
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