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Judgmental Boundary Setting
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Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries? |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
I would say everyone of them are 100% valid reasons x |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
Of course its acceptable, that said you'll always find someone who is unhappy or "be the one to change your mind" |
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By *cott14Man 51 weeks ago
Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton |
Absolutely.
I do think it’s being judgemental . It’s more just simply about personal choice and preference.
I don’t want to have sex with with my Nan. I’m not judging her , she was a fine looking lady .
It’s just my choice and preference . X |
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By *essaMayWoman 51 weeks ago
Fairytale Wood |
"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
You can set whatever boundaries you like it is your choice, people will call it judgmental if they are outside your boundaries. Sites like this are full of judgmental and people like to try and make you feel guilty of being judgemental for your choices, it's a form of coercion.
Make your choices, set your boundaries and don't let anyone try to force another outcome than one you have chosen. |
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OP, don't worry about what anyone else is thinking and do what is right for you, in your opinion. We are so worried about offending people that we forget it's our bodies we are offering to others, for our and their pleasure. We have every right to be picky. |
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Whatever the reason is for someone not wanting to have sex with another person, that reason is valid as a reason to not sleep with them.
Is the logic and reasoning behind such choices always ethical or sensible? Fuck no. But it doesn't have to be in so much as they don't have to sleep with people they're not into.
If people are shitty about it, that's a different issue. But choosing not to sleep with someone for any reason at all is absolutely okay  |
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We don’t meet anyone unless we see them at a Club. Once we know they are genuine then happy to meet elsewhere. Also, we have filters on fab, but that is just to limit the volume of messages. We wait till we meet a person to decide if they are knobs or not  It might turn out that we’re the knobs  |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
They are your boundaries, why should you care what others think? |
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We all make judgements, it's human nature to and it can keep us safe.
If someone doesn't want to meet me for whatever reason that's their choice I'd just accept we're not compatible.
I wouldn't meet anyone who is here on the sly,same as I wouldn't chat to blank profiles or those who I feel hold totally opposing views to me.
They are judgements that help me out the people I'm not interested in,but I often find people call others judgey when they're doing/saying something they probably shouldn't be. |
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It’s your profile and your wants. You should put whatever you want and is important to you. Do not worry about any negative comments. We need to do similar. Might help us with some of the folk that get in contact. |
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I set boundaries when I created this profile and previous ones and I've always stuck by them even when challenged on them either privately or publicly here in the forums.
I find it hilarious that people who questioned my boundaries in the past are now very vocal about setting the same boundaries for themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"I don't think we need to tell others what our boundaries or criteria for meeting are "
I agree 100%. This is my profile and I set my own rules. If people don't like it, tough. You do you OP, don't worry what others say, do or think. |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"Your life, your rules. It's really that simple.
I am with this  "
actually. It’s quite right. I have some things that I just can’t accept to come into my life, and that’s where I draw the line.
But when I talk about my boundaries, boundaries can easily move, so I don’t wont tell people them because there’s only I thst needs to know.  |
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"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
It does appear OP you are requesting permission to think and act when planning for a sexual encounter with another consenting adult. Frankly I can’t imagine why you felt the urge to raise the points you have? |
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It’s not judgemental at all, it’s your choice…
But, the issue then arises that some peoples boundaries are deemed to be unpleasant by others.
How many times have we seen a personal preference be criticised as being bigoted.
Race, size, colour, gender etc. All boundaries for some people. |
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Everyone has their own boundaries and standards. Its perfectly fine.
I don't feel the need to list them or tell anyone (apart from MrAbz) since they are personal to me.
Not everyone is for everyone
MrsAbz |
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"
It does appear OP you are requesting permission to think and act when planning for a sexual encounter with another consenting adult. Frankly I can’t imagine why you felt the urge to raise the points you have? "
No, not asking permission.
Just curious how people feel about boundaries, because I’ve recently had some people criticizing mine.
It’s a valid discussion point, no? |
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I used to think I was not judgemental, very open minded blah blah. Then I had a bit of a light bulb moment when I realised we all make judgements, all the time, every single day. That's not a bad thing, it's a human thing.
On here I think people use it as an insult or a defence ("don't judge me") when they have different boundaries to you.
Mrs TMN x |
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"
It does appear OP you are requesting permission to think and act when planning for a sexual encounter with another consenting adult. Frankly I can’t imagine why you felt the urge to raise the points you have?
No, not asking permission.
Just curious how people feel about boundaries, because I’ve recently had some people criticizing mine.
It’s a valid discussion point, no?"
Anyone who challenges your right to set boundaries is frankly not worth expending further oxygen on. Block and move on with your head held high. |
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It’s judgemental to judge other’s boundaries. It’s not judgemental to HAVE boundaries, or preference. It’s absolutely fucking mental that people think others should align to their own swinging boundaries. If that were the case, we would all have to fuck anyone that asks to. Nope, nope, nope. We choose and we have our own boundaries and we know we don’t fall into some people’s category and that’s fine by us. |
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"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?
Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?
Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?
I'm thinking about things like:
- I will not meet people with over 20 veris
- I will not meet people who argue on the forums
- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes
- I will not meet people who are having an affair
Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"
I think it's not judgemental to have them boundaries as if u don't agree with people who cheat that's ur right.
Although I do think your comment about don't want to meet people who have more then 20var which is because you do not want to sleep with people who have been round the block ?! But what about if they have loads of var but not slept with them all.
Ie someone could have 60 var but only actually slept with 5 but rest they just bumped into in club or as a social. |
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"Although I do think your comment about don't want to meet people who have more then 20var which is because you do not want to sleep with people who have been round the block ?! But what about if they have loads of var but not slept with them all.
Ie someone could have 60 var but only actually slept with 5 but rest they just bumped into in club or as a social."
Also, they could have fucked 500 and only 10 people have given them verifications.
Also, if they’ve fucked 500 people, maybe they’re really fucking good at sex… just because you’ve fucked a bunch of people doesn’t mean you’re infected with disease or anything. Regular testing should be a part of everyone’s lifestyle. |
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