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Cheating
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Such a shit thing to do! If you’re not happy then put your adult pants on and have a conversation with them. It’s literally that simple and saves someone getting absolutely heartbroken over the others wants/needs. |
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The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
People are so judgmental, everyone is measuring others with the same shit tape, we are all adults here and we all know what we do with our lives. No one should judge what we do and why…….. |
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
I would suggest a more modern definition of cheating.
It is behaving in a way that is outside of your negotiated or assumed relationship boundaries/terms.
If your partner assumes you are faithful, or if you declared it in your wedding vows and have had no discussion about not being faithful, then you have broken the boundaries/terms of your relationship and that is cheating.
However, people will always find and use the definition that most suits what they want to achieve. |
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
I absolutely agree with this, it’s great that there is so much more to your relationship than sex
As long as your wife knows and you are honest about this on your profile then all is good.
For me this lifestyle is all about trust and honesty. If everyone was honest, no one would be cheating and I wouldn’t unknowingly risk hurting someone’s wife.
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
If that makes you feel better…
But most people consider cheating as having sex or any form of intimacy behind your partners back.
If it’s not cheating she’d know about it.  |
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Are we supposed to carry out a full investigation or check references etc whenever we meet a single guy?
A huge percentage of both men and women on here are attached and cheating and whilst nobody wants an angry spouse kicking a hotel door in we’re not the guardians of public morality. |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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I have never cheated and wouldn’t knowingly be a part of it, I’ve been cheated on so I know how it feels.
People always say “don’t judge” but it’s human nature to judge and everyone does it even when they don’t notice, no matter the circumstance if the other half isn’t aware then it’s cheating and it’s deceit, I won’t castrate someone but I won’t participate in it either.
People will justify their actions in any way they can in order to deal with the reality. Each to their own, but not for me. |
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By *ikos81 OP Man 51 weeks ago
Glasgow |
"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
You are right. |
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others?
I would suggest a more modern definition of cheating.
It is behaving in a way that is outside of your negotiated or assumed relationship boundaries/terms.
If your partner assumes you are faithful, or if you declared it in your wedding vows and have had no discussion about not being faithful, then you have broken the boundaries/terms of your relationship and that is cheating.
However, people will always find and use the definition that most suits what they want to achieve."
How about if the assumed boundaries and terms included sex? Why in relationships that have become sexless is it assumed that the person who still would like to be sexual is the one breaking the boundaries?
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I never cheated. Been cheated on few times. My idea is if you are not happy in a relationship to a point you have to find that happiness with different person. End that relationship. Its that easy. One night stands because you get d*unk is not a excuse. If you are in open relationship go ahead but if you have to get a shag behind your partner back you are just a regular cunt |
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How about if the assumed boundaries and terms included sex? Why in relationships that have become sexless is it assumed that the person who still would like to be sexual is the one breaking the boundaries?
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We got rid of the entitlement of a partner to have sex as a part of the relationship in 1991 when, marital r??? was made illegal.
If you can't imagine a relationship without sex, then you should be clear about that boundary when you enter a committed relationship. If you require it once a week, then you should set that boundary and communicate the consequence (i.e. you will cheat).
Any requirements in a relationship must be communicated fully. Any boundaries in a relationship must be communicated fully.
If you are unsure if something is a boundary (i.e you don't know if your partner would mind if you cheated) then you should talk to them about it. |
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How about if the assumed boundaries and terms included sex? Why in relationships that have become sexless is it assumed that the person who still would like to be sexual is the one breaking the boundaries?
We got rid of the entitlement of a partner to have sex as a part of the relationship in 1991 when, marital r??? was made illegal.
If you can't imagine a relationship without sex, then you should be clear about that boundary when you enter a committed relationship. If you require it once a week, then you should set that boundary and communicate the consequence (i.e. you will cheat).
Any requirements in a relationship must be communicated fully. Any boundaries in a relationship must be communicated fully.
If you are unsure if something is a boundary (i.e you don't know if your partner would mind if you cheated) then you should talk to them about it."
I wonder how many people think to discuss this or even imagine it happening at the start of a relationship.
I honestly don't think a person hoping for long term sexual intimacy is quite the same as what you describe |
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"I don't think anyone cheats because they want to. There's reasons for everything and we shouldn't judge. "
We all judge people it's human nature.
By Starting posts about cheating, that person is inviting judgements.
If they're gonna cheat, just get on with it and don't seek justification from people on here, because often you won't find it.
Especially when they slate their partners and we only hear one side of it. |
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"I don't think anyone cheats because they want to. There's reasons for everything and we shouldn't judge. "
That is exactly what it is. Ppl cheat because they want to. Some mysterious force or demigod is make them cheat. Yes there is a reason for everything but there is also reasons not to cheat. Wanting getting your dick wet is not a reason. If something is not right in your relationship do something about it |
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By (user no longer on site) 51 weeks ago
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others?
I would suggest a more modern definition of cheating.
It is behaving in a way that is outside of your negotiated or assumed relationship boundaries/terms.
If your partner assumes you are faithful, or if you declared it in your wedding vows and have had no discussion about not being faithful, then you have broken the boundaries/terms of your relationship and that is cheating.
However, people will always find and use the definition that most suits what they want to achieve."
I agree, I have been in two open relationships where we discussed everything  |
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"
Especially when they slate their partners and we only hear one side of it. "
That's the kicker.
A guy might come on here and say that he's cheating because his wife doesn't put out anymore.
But if we asked the wife, we might find that she's all touched out from having three kids under the age of eight, including a young breastfeeding toddler, and that the husband works 60 hours a week at the office, plays golf every Saturday with his mates, and expects her not only to look after the house and have dinner on the table for him every night (without him doing any of the work, of course), but also to host his family every Sunday for lunch. |
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"
Especially when they slate their partners and we only hear one side of it.
That's the kicker.
A guy might come on here and say that he's cheating because his wife doesn't put out anymore.
But if we asked the wife, we might find that she's all touched out from having three kids under the age of eight, including a young breastfeeding toddler, and that the husband works 60 hours a week at the office, plays golf every Saturday with his mates, and expects her not only to look after the house and have dinner on the table for him every night (without him doing any of the work, of course), but also to host his family every Sunday for lunch."
This is a fantastic point I know lots of men like this and I can see why women get annoyed at the male sex |
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But then following on there are women I'm sure who have there hair done, nails, eyebrows etc leaving the men to do all the hobbies with children - which should be considered the equal of a man playing golf every weekend |
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
Does your partner know you’re having/seeking sex with others? If not it’s cheating and you know it. Can’t get out of it on a technicality. |
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"But then following on there are women I'm sure who have there hair done, nails, eyebrows etc leaving the men to do all the hobbies with children - which should be considered the equal of a man playing golf every weekend "
I worked 2 jobs, skipped meals to afford my exes food while he spent his disposable income on tattoos, I did absolutely everything in the home, cooked cleaned and shopped etc. He could have had my sex on tap but never wanted it. And he still left me for someone else! There is no winning  - Xeno |
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By *lashyMan 51 weeks ago
a lather |
My wife wants sex and I’m not as motivated by it as I used to be. We have been married for well over thirty years, two grown up kids etc. so my wife gets it elsewhere, which I do find a turn on but not to the extent that I want to have sex with her myself. She doesn’t want to have sex with me either. Therefore being comfortably off and not wanting to upset the kids we rub along like this. Overall we get along well enough and she goes out to see other men which I am aware of but don’t know the details of what happens. We have been through the swinging scene, clubs, parties etc and had great experiences. My wife has seen other men since before we had our kids and it has been a significant feature of our marriage. Everyone has different experiences and expectations and one persons cheating is another persons normal. |
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"But then following on there are women I'm sure who have there hair done, nails, eyebrows etc leaving the men to do all the hobbies with children - which should be considered the equal of a man playing golf every weekend
I worked 2 jobs, skipped meals to afford my exes food while he spent his disposable income on tattoos, I did absolutely everything in the home, cooked cleaned and shopped etc. He could have had my sex on tap but never wanted it. And he still left me for someone else! There is no winning - Xeno"
Yeah this guy needs a slap |
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"My wife wants sex and I’m not as motivated by it as I used to be. We have been married for well over thirty years, two grown up kids etc. so my wife gets it elsewhere, which I do find a turn on but not to the extent that I want to have sex with her myself. She doesn’t want to have sex with me either. Therefore being comfortably off and not wanting to upset the kids we rub along like this. Overall we get along well enough and she goes out to see other men which I am aware of but don’t know the details of what happens. We have been through the swinging scene, clubs, parties etc and had great experiences. My wife has seen other men since before we had our kids and it has been a significant feature of our marriage. Everyone has different experiences and expectations and one persons cheating is another persons normal."
So you know she gets it elsewhere and you ok with that so by definition is not cheating |
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What's interesting is that I'm in a Facebook group that is exclusively for women and is about trying to bring about equality in your relationships/personal life/career/etc.
The amount of women who post on there who KNOW that their partners are on Fabs or dating apps is incredible. These men think their wives were born yesterday, I swear. |
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I don't and won't cheat I really don't see the point, if you're not happy with your sex life then be single or have a conversation about it and talk about being open, swinging etc. There's no need to cheat! |
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The Ex and I were married for about 37 years. We often talked about swinging but never really did much. But after about 2 years in I caught her with another man in a car and watched her getting done from behind some bushes. Told her I saw her and we never stopped swinging after that, well until we got divorced lol. |
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Morality aside I just think cheating must be physically and mentally exhausting and not worth the effort. Im a single man and even the idea of people in my real life finding out Im on here would be embarassing for me. So for men or women who cheat and lead double lives is it not exhausting constantly worrying about your partner finding out and having to keep your lies straight? |
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"Morality aside I just think cheating must be physically and mentally exhausting and not worth the effort. Im a single man and even the idea of people in my real life finding out Im on here would be embarassing for me. So for men or women who cheat and lead double lives is it not exhausting constantly worrying about your partner finding out and having to keep your lies straight?"
I think for some they actually don't care if they are found out.
It all seems very black and white on paper but it very rarely is. |
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"The definition of cheating is engaging in sexual relations with a person other than one's regular partner in contravention of a previous promise or understanding. I’ve been married for over 30 years, but there’s been no sexual activity between us for over 10 years and minimal activity in the previous 7. So on that basis I don’t have a regular partner and any sexual contact I have with anyone else could not be considered cheating. Why don’t I just leave ? Because there’s more to a relationship than just sex. We make a good team. We have brought up two children who we are proud of. We have a comfortable lifestyle. We have some common interests and support each other’s interests. Sex isn’t about love and love isn’t dependent on sex. Why should I give up a perfectly happy non-sexual relationship simply to pursue a sexual relationship with others? "
So she knows? |
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By *abonTedCouple 51 weeks ago
Midlands & Cheltenham |
Cheating is about being dishonest. Whether you’re playing monopoly or having sex. And it’s up to the individual if they’re comfortable with being/being with someone who is being dishonest.
Of course there are all manner of extenuating circumstances sometimes. And there are all manner of convincing delusions. Bottom line is that it *is* dishonest if you’re not being truthful.
M |
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"Cheating is about being dishonest. Whether you’re playing monopoly or having sex. And it’s up to the individual if they’re comfortable with being/being with someone who is being dishonest.
Of course there are all manner of extenuating circumstances sometimes. And there are all manner of convincing delusions. Bottom line is that it *is* dishonest if you’re not being truthful.
M"
Yes!! |
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By *enatton2Couple 51 weeks ago
West Midlands |
I’m not sure how you can ever be 100% sure somebody is truly single, you can be vigilant to the signs but if we invite a guy we like to our hotel room on a weekend away, we don’t have time for lie detector tests.
We wouldn’t knowingly do it but we’ll hardly grill somebody. They’re here at their own risk |
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If they sneak around behind their partners back they're gonna do it to you too....
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