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How to spot swingers in the vanilla world
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So, a question we always ask ourselves when out in a vanilla setting? Is there a definitive way of being able to identify (other than fantasising) individuals who are open to this world when out in the local pub. What do people think? |
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I heard that an upside down pineapple used to be a symbol used for this. Also wearing some type of anklets. The biggest problem with these ideas is that it's hard to keep it a secret. At some point, even vanilla people will know about this and we can't use it anymore. |
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I recently recognised a Fabster in the Vanilla world and having seen them state in the forums on here that they are open to approaches in such situations, I waited until there was no one to hear, and said that I thought I recognised them from a website.
They said OH, and I said their screen name...
We chatted for a good while after keeping it to publicly passable conversation.
So great to finally meet them. |
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There are definitely signs, but there’s a huge risk of confusion. Most anklets are worn simply because the wearer likes them. Stuff with pineapples are sold all over the place, and pampas grass is usually grown for reasons other than signalling to us pervy types!
We make the assumption that people don’t swing unless we’ve seen them in clubs or chatted to them on here. Of course, that doesn’t stop us being outrageous flirts with people we like the look of  |
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"Personally if someone approached me in the vanilla world I wouldn't be impressed to say the least.
Mrs "
Completely, which is why I'd only do it if someone had intimated on here or their profile that they were open to approach and then in a discrete way. |
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You definitely develop a radar over the years. I (Mr) have been in the fetish and kink scene for 40 years, and over time you learn to subconsciously pick up signs and cues, especially from women.
It’s difficult to quantify, and there is no hard and fast rule, but having always had swinging and fetish partners, you get to know. |
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Was sitting with a fab friend in a well known restaurant chain over the festive period when a couple got up to leave.
It took me a second to place the chap but I realised that they were a couple I had seen on here. Obviously I waited until they had left to mention it to my friend. No obvious signs I think in vanilla world.
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I've seen fellow fabbers out and about in their regular lives so I just leave them alone to be honest. If we have met before we just say, "Hi" and smile then go on with our lives. Maybe we're odd but we keep our swing lives and real lives separate but have good friends in both. |
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We prefer to blend in and go un-noticed, we might scare the vanilla folks! Or what if they try to convert us ?!
I think if we wanted to stand out in public as non vanilla types the best way we could possibly do this would be (game of thrones style) hire someone in a grey habit to follow us around the neighbourhood and wherever we go, ringing a bell and yelling “shame!”  |
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"They seem to turn the pineapples upside down in my local Waitrose
When we shop we always put one in the trolley upside down then place back once we have finished. Had no approach us "
I think I might try this x |
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"They seem to turn the pineapples upside down in my local Waitrose
When we shop we always put one in the trolley upside down then place back once we have finished. Had no approach us
I think I might try this x"
I often do it in my local but, never expect anyone to notice |
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"We prefer to blend in and go un-noticed, we might scare the vanilla folks! Or what if they try to convert us ?!
I think if we wanted to stand out in public as non vanilla types the best way we could possibly do this would be (game of thrones style) hire someone in a grey habit to follow us around the neighbourhood and wherever we go, ringing a bell and yelling “shame!” "
I'm not too far away so could follow you around (not a stalker clearly). Just let me know and I'll google where to buy a grey habit as I don't currently have one |
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We keep it very discreet unless on holiday
We have a pineapple beech towel and pineapple beech bag
It’s attracted afternoon before
On the evening in PDI we just go to one of the many swingers bars
Don’t think you need to advertise it all the time |
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I found big chances are, statistically, if you’re in a circle of people who are unapologetically open minded, free thinking and liberated, they will be more likely to be here or elsewhere in the scene. |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
"They seem to turn the pineapples upside down in my local Waitrose
When we shop we always put one in the trolley upside down then place back once we have finished. Had no approach us "
__
Can't figure out how to put in a trolley an upside down pineapple. The green leaves makes it unstable so it falls to stay on it's side.
Ah well... We'll have to resign ourselves to never pull in Lidl. |
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"They seem to turn the pineapples upside down in my local Waitrose
When we shop we always put one in the trolley upside down then place back once we have finished. Had no approach us
I think I might try this x"
I’ll look out for you in Asda ha ha |
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"We keep it very discreet unless on holiday
We have a pineapple beech towel and pineapple beech bag
It’s attracted afternoon before
On the evening in PDI we just go to one of the many swingers bars
Don’t think you need to advertise it all the time "
We have one of them and my mrs is definitely not on board she would be mortified ha ha |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
OP, fabsters often post about signs to identify swingers. Rarely anyone asks about why would anyone wear them in a vanilla setting.
I noticed you don't show your faces in your profile and neither do we. My guess is that you don't want to be recognised in public. If there was a universally agreed sign, we would not wear it.
Some swingers would not mind, but many would definitely mind.
After nearly 2 years in FaFab and having read the things I have, I shudder at the prospect of a random person identifying us in a pub, openly, when we are with friends, family, our children, etc. You can't control what other people will do or say, or assume good intentions and discretion. Even less in a pub with alcohol on tap.
The surefire sign for us to identify and being identified is going to a club or party. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It wasn’t a question we would follow through with, we just sometimes sit there and wonder. Both of our lifestyles are kept very different and we always want to keep it that way, was just curious what people’s thoughts were x |
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"They seem to turn the pineapples upside down in my local Waitrose "
I worked for John Lewis on Oxford Street and they probably started using this sign first. There is a very kinky world behind those grey suits. |
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"It wasn’t a question we would follow through with, we just sometimes sit there and wonder. Both of our lifestyles are kept very different and we always want to keep it that way, was just curious what people’s thoughts were x"
I think there are little hints out there if you keep your eyes peeled. I was in a restaurant and at the table opposite there was an older couple having dinner with a much younger girl. Totally different demographic and The older man had his hand on the young girl's thigh.
I thought stingers straightaway |
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Interesting thread.
I sometimes put "See who's near" on when we're at a pub or hotel.
I don't think we've ever had a message sent to us having done so, but I would have thought it perfectly okay for somebody to send a message based on being in close proximity, rather than walking up to the person and tapping them on the shoulder so to speak.
I don't think I'd consider it rude or offensive at all, but I can understand that many people have a strict boundary where their vanilla life ends, and their alternative life begins!
If We were in a pub, for example, and had "See who's near" on, and a message came through from somebody nearby, I'd think that that would be acceptable.
Rushing over and talking to the other person I don't think is acceptable though. |
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