FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Avoiding mistakes.
Avoiding mistakes.
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"What’s the biggest risks and mistake you can make when swinging, or enjoying yourself on Fab? And how would you advise people how to avoid them?  "
Biggest mistake is meeting someone you’re unsure of. I’ve done it before, more than once, and it’s always ended in disaster.
Trust your gut. If there’s something in the back of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite right, then don’t meet. |
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"What’s the biggest risks and mistake you can make when swinging, or enjoying yourself on Fab? And how would you advise people how to avoid them?
Biggest mistake is meeting someone you’re unsure of. I’ve done it before, more than once, and it’s always ended in disaster.
Trust your gut. If there’s something in the back of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite right, then don’t meet."
I would say this, never happened to us yet but definitely trust your instincts |
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"What’s the biggest risks and mistake you can make when swinging, or enjoying yourself on Fab? And how would you advise people how to avoid them?
Biggest mistake is meeting someone you’re unsure of. I’ve done it before, more than once, and it’s always ended in disaster.
Trust your gut. If there’s something in the back of your mind telling you that something isn’t quite right, then don’t meet."
Absolutely right with that. And even walk away if you get as far as meeting and it doesn't feel right. The only time I didn't walk away when I should was quite the worst ever and gave me an STI. |
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For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 52 weeks ago
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs "
I’m now getting to the point I don’t ever want to be the one who asks 1st.  once a year is enough, and I’ve just hit my quota today.  |
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs "
I know how you feel about being put off about starting a conversation, I definitely feel the same way. And if I've met then for a social and there's no chemistry for me, it's harder to say no thanks. I've even had blokes, have a go at me when I say no thanks to their face. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs "
Same. I understand it's a sex site but I can find people interesting as a person but not want to fuck them. Doesn't mean they are anything less. (They should be relieved ffs!)
It's pretty much put me off interacting in messages. |
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By *eliWoman 52 weeks ago
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The biggest mistake for me would be not listening to how I really feel about something.
I don't think my way of doing things on Fab is better than others. I also don't think it's worst. It's about what works for me. Listening to and knowing yourself, what you want, what you're comfortable with, any negative emotions and how you handle them? That's important.
So I'd advise people to be true to who they are. Not to think they have to change because it doesn't fit the status quo. Not to hide it because they want sex. |
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs
I know how you feel about being put off about starting a conversation, I definitely feel the same way. And if I've met then for a social and there's no chemistry for me, it's harder to say no thanks. I've even had blokes, have a go at me when I say no thanks to their face."
It is so much harder post social, I'm totally with you there, it's put me off even arranging socials, I think I'll stick to organised social events for meeting people it's so much easier at face value & I don't feel under as much pressure.
Mrs |
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs
Same. I understand it's a sex site but I can find people interesting as a person but not want to fuck them. Doesn't mean they are anything less. (They should be relieved ffs!)
It's pretty much put me off interacting in messages."
Yes I'm totally with you here too, I'll happily chat to people I find interesting but it does seem that some see it as more, it's not, then it's super awkward to say no.
Mrs |
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As a couple I'd say taking one for the team is a bad mistake. It can be really frustrating when 3 out of 4 attractions are there, but you have to accept it if your partner isn't feeling it, and move on. This is from harsh experience and caused us to stop swinging for a few years. Mr |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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Never meet anyone unless you've either received a live photo or vid in poses you ask for....K*k has a live pic/vid feature....or else live vid call....
(Saves on Cat-Fishing which can be a disturbing nasty experience)....
Always go with your gut instinct too....if something doesn't feel right chances are it isn't.... |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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Be aware of set ups - singles (who you’ve previously declined) who become couples then try and approach you or couples who then split up and one of the two or both proceed to try and involve you in their acrimonious antics. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"Believing someone who says they're single  "
^^^^^^^ This Too ....I was seeing a guy who led me to believe he was single....when he was a cheating married Man....fkin left right & center unbeknownst to me....
I could never figure out why he could only ever see me between 9am & 11am....I detest morning meets & I fell for his excuses each & every time as to why we could never meet in the evening or meet for drinks....shame on me for falling for his lies & deceit  |
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"Believing someone who says they're single
^^^^^^^ This Too ....I was seeing a guy who led me to believe he was single....when he was a cheating married Man....fkin left right & center unbeknownst to me....
I could never figure out why he could only ever see me between 9am & 11am....I detest morning meets & I fell for his excuses each & every time as to why we could never meet in the evening or meet for drinks....shame on me for falling for his lies & deceit "
I didn't even get that much warning. No notice staying overnights, never waited more than an hour for a reply outside of normal work hours, I'd met their friends, none of the usual red flags.
I know how to avoid them usually. Being fucked over by someone that even looking back I can't see where I should have spotted it has proper fucked my faith in people |
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Biggest risk is the guy you meet don’t turn into an animal as in being to rough with you even though there verifications say that the person is nice I could tell a few stories hence why I only now meet at clubs & parties |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"For me, gay bashing or guys getting aggressive afterwards when the straight shame kicks in. "
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This!
And constant male bashing for sending a message after missing a detail in a huge block of text on their profile |
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By *rpeggioCouple 52 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs
Same. I understand it's a sex site but I can find people interesting as a person but not want to fuck them. Doesn't mean they are anything less. (They should be relieved ffs!)
It's pretty much put me off interacting in messages."
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Don't see Fab as a sex site but as a swingers site. We like to meet, chat and interact with swingers, but definitely we do not want to have sex with anyone and everyone.
For us, biggest mistake has been to go ahead and arrange a meet with couples that we were not 100% sure that both of us wanted to meet them. We usually are pretty sure if we like them or not, but in two occasions embarrassingly we said yes and eventually we had to cancel. We felt very ashamed because we hate to waste people's time, and we apologised to them, but we thought better to cancel earlier before any one travelled or made hotel arrangements. Now we say no if any of us feel that a couple is a maybe, rather than a certain yes. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs
Same. I understand it's a sex site but I can find people interesting as a person but not want to fuck them. Doesn't mean they are anything less. (They should be relieved ffs!)
It's pretty much put me off interacting in messages.
__
Don't see Fab as a sex site but as a swingers site. We like to meet, chat and interact with swingers, but definitely we do not want to have sex with anyone and everyone.
For us, biggest mistake has been to go ahead and arrange a meet with couples that we were not 100% sure that both of us wanted to meet them. We usually are pretty sure if we like them or not, but in two occasions embarrassingly we said yes and eventually we had to cancel. We felt very ashamed because we hate to waste people's time, and we apologised to them, but we thought better to cancel earlier before any one travelled or made hotel arrangements. Now we say no if any of us feel that a couple is a maybe, rather than a certain yes."
That's fair enough. I always do socials first as I never know until we meet in person.
Always made clear as I don’t like wasting my or their time. |
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Planning private meet before having a social or at least a video call. Lot of fakes/timewasters.
Focussing too much on the sex part in swingers clubs. I ended up having a great time if I focussed only on socialising with fellow swingers and leaving sex as nice-to-have but not necessary. |
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By (user no longer on site) 52 weeks ago
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"Jumping through hoops ,if they genuinely want to meet u you shouldn't have to jump through 100s of hoops just to please them and they do nothing in return "
 yep,
Avoid falling into the trap of having others make you believe they bring more to the table than you do |
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By *rpeggioCouple 52 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"For me it's people pleasing, I hate to say no, I somehow feel guilty when saying I'm not attracted to you, no thanks I don't want to meet, especially after a bit of chatting and getting to know someone - it's gotten to a point it's putting me off starting conversation on here because I don't want to be the one who says no.
Mrs
Same. I understand it's a sex site but I can find people interesting as a person but not want to fuck them. Doesn't mean they are anything less. (They should be relieved ffs!)
It's pretty much put me off interacting in messages.
__
Don't see Fab as a sex site but as a swingers site. We like to meet, chat and interact with swingers, but definitely we do not want to have sex with anyone and everyone.
For us, biggest mistake has been to go ahead and arrange a meet with couples that we were not 100% sure that both of us wanted to meet them. We usually are pretty sure if we like them or not, but in two occasions embarrassingly we said yes and eventually we had to cancel. We felt very ashamed because we hate to waste people's time, and we apologised to them, but we thought better to cancel earlier before any one travelled or made hotel arrangements. Now we say no if any of us feel that a couple is a maybe, rather than a certain yes.
That's fair enough. I always do socials first as I never know until we meet in person.
Always made clear as I don’t like wasting my or their time. "
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True. Like you, we don't like wasting others time. Unfortunately last year, to our shame, we wasted the time of two couples and we felt very bad and have learnt to avoid that in the future. They were very gracious and accepted our apologies. We are still learning  |
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