Op it makes you neither.
Dom/Sub is generally about BDSM play, as is Switch.
Normally involves some form of restraint or impact play, could be wax.
I’m a Rope Top, Impact Dom, Wax Top, Brat Tamer.
M is a Rope Bunny/Bottom, Impact Sub, Wax Bottom, Brat.
Depending on what scenario we are playing.
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Sub but very rarely meet doms I vibe with.
Female Dommes are rare and male doms get lost in the noise of 'alpha' nonsense.
Just wanna be tied up and railed by an attractive, intelligent and emotionally mature person, is that too much to ask? |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
There does seem to be many uses of Dom and sub. For this conversation I would suggest two uses.
There is hedonist/swinger use of the term which primarily involves sex and includes rough or forceful sex or someone in control in regard to sex and bedroom activities.
The second is the use in the BDSM community which does not involve sex as the primary factor. People have different definitions outside that and I take the view that D/s is about power or authority exchange which is more than one off scenes and is relationship based. D/s can take many different forms such as simple obedience to domestic service to ropes, restraint, or sex and nudity (see CMNF). But to me the hallmark is power/ authority exchange. Where that does not exist or it is occaisional scenes it is Topping and bottoming which is all good. I describe myself on Lord Voldermort Life as a Rope Top. |
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I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it
So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm |
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"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it
So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm "
There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it
So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm
There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner
"
In D/s I tend to see it as finding the right partner for your dynamic. I do what I do because that's what I enjoy. I do it for my desires and pleasure, but being ethical the key and hard bit is finding the right person. This means the other person being into what I am into, is the kind of person I would want to do things with and to, and who I can get on with before and after.
Whereas if I am Topping, it is the same discussion and negotiation less on the relationship. i e I have tied and flogged people at clubs who then return to their partners. Here I would agree it is finding the right dynamic. But everyone has their own view, but discussion and negotiation are critical.
In regard to the service question. A service sub is not really my thing, but my understanding is thar they get pleasure by doing things for the Dom. This will include doing things they don't like but they enjoy the transfer of power of being told what to do. I believe domestic service is similar. |
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"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it
So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm
There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner
In D/s I tend to see it as finding the right partner for your dynamic. I do what I do because that's what I enjoy. I do it for my desires and pleasure, but being ethical the key and hard bit is finding the right person. This means the other person being into what I am into, is the kind of person I would want to do things with and to, and who I can get on with before and after.
Whereas if I am Topping, it is the same discussion and negotiation less on the relationship. i e I have tied and flogged people at clubs who then return to their partners. Here I would agree it is finding the right dynamic. But everyone has their own view, but discussion and negotiation are critical.
In regard to the service question. A service sub is not really my thing, but my understanding is thar they get pleasure by doing things for the Dom. This will include doing things they don't like but they enjoy the transfer of power of being told what to do. I believe domestic service is similar."
Well written fella. And yeah as I understand the meaning of service/ domestic sub been what you said. So not necessarily about who's chains and ropes |
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"Even more confusing now"
A dom doesn't often like to be sub. A sub doesn't often like to be dom.
They are distinct roles and mindsets.
Some do like to reverse it around but doesn't make them genuinely reverse roles.
Switching is role reversal. I tend to be dom and I don't like being sub. Tried a few times but it generally doesn't get me hyper.
There is nothing wrong in switching but it won't be everyones thing. |
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Op as you seem a little confused I'd take it you neither Dom or Sub, Being dominant or taking the lead in the bedroom doesn't make you a Dom and not taking the lead doesn't make you a Sub either,
Switch, best of both worlds in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm free flowing in my sexual expression that's how I label myself.
Being a dominant or a submissive isn't either of those things, it's so much more than that . Just do what feels right between you and the other people that your sleeping with. |
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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago
walsall |
My suggestion is to do some research on it all. Theres lots of reading on it all and different veiws. Alot of people like to put a label on things weve been down the route of researching it and talking to different people  |
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"The thing is though people on this site ask for one or the other how do I label myself? Should I label myself will it deter people?"
Do you feel like you need a label OP?
Just be yourself. Do what you enjoy and try to find like minded people who will enjoy the same  |
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People will always have different definitions for all this stuff, so I’d worry less about the label and just talk to people.
For me, topping and bottoming is about action - the top does something to the bottom. D/s is more about the intent, the whys and wherefores, and who ‘drives’ the activities in the scene. You can totally have topping and bottoming in kink without the power dynamic side of D/s. |
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"People will always have different definitions for all this stuff, so I’d worry less about the label and just talk to people.
For me, topping and bottoming is about action - the top does something to the bottom. D/s is more about the intent, the whys and wherefores, and who ‘drives’ the activities in the scene. You can totally have topping and bottoming in kink without the power dynamic side of D/s. "
Totally agree. I’m 100% submissive but could never be a bottom. Ever  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh ok..sorry
It’s not a problem at all. Always happy to explain. And if you press the reply+quote button everyone will know who you’re replying to "
again my apologies |
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