FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Do your nerves always stay with you?
Do your nerves always stay with you?
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By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
Hey everyone, looking to hear your experiences or offer advice please.
We've just had a weekend away for the first time in a very very long time. We've always enjoyed a drink and a dance and this was no different, it was a works do (R, the husbands work and just a night on the town) and we stayed away from home.
Long story short, sorry, it turned into what was only our second threesome. All was absolutely amazing and it ticked one of my fantasy list boxes, but my nerves were absolutely off the charts, pretty much the whole time.
It didn't ruin it as such but it felt hard sometimes to relax a little. We were all together for a long time (all stayed in the same room) so not sure if this played a part?
Do you lose these nerves as you get more experienced, or do some find they are always there and hard to shake?
Any advice greatly appreciated.
J x |
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I would say, embrace the nerves. They are part of what makes sharing your body and your fantasies exciting.
For sure, find people you are comfortable with, that will help you go with the flow and live in the moment, all those wonderful things that make swinging so exciting.
Good luck xx |
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I do think that I've become less nervous over time, especially when playing in clubs or with the same person/people. I don't think they will ever totally go, though it tends to be more excitement than nerves now!
- Mrs P |
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I get nerves all the time, whether it’s a social or an actual meet. I still get nervous as anything when meeting up with someone I’ve been meeting infrequently for over 4 years. I find it adds to the experience, I enjoy it. If I’m not nervous with someone it generally doesn’t go any further than a social, I know that sparks missing . |
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Each to their own, but having the time and space to talk to your partner after and have that reassurance that you're both very happy with what happened, so really important.
I don't really value reclaim sex at all, but having the freedom to talk openly is vital for us.
I can't think of anything worse than not being able to talk after. |
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By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
Some really good advice, thanks everyone 
It seems that some nerves can make it exciting!
I was relaxed enough when it was just dancing and flirting. I think I only started to become nervous after asking R if he would fancy arranging for the other guy to come back with us (if he wanted to of course) so you could say it was self inflicted 
J x |
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By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"We have a guy we meet quite regular. Still exciting but relaxed. The nerves are part of the thrill of meeting new people"
Do you find new people easier to meet than someone you already know?
So for example I didn't know him (I know who he is) R works with him so he knows here's a good guy. I think this made me feel like I knew him maybe?
J x |
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First time I met a couple I was _super_ nervous but you soon realise that they are just people like you and they want the same things.
I don’t think I get nervous anymore but I am definitely excited to meet new people.
My tip would be don’t overthink it. Just enjoy it for what it is and live in the moment. |
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Nervousness and excitement are probably largely overlapping in their experience, part of the difference is our perception. Plus how we perceive and manage things.
My nerves are generally millions of times better than earlier. I take things one step at a time. Slow myself down. And ensure that I have maximum perceived control over what I'm doing. Taking breaks can be helpful, including private time with partner, to reflect and discuss.
Really think things through and plan how you can leverage things in your favour, to reduce nerves. Making some changes will have bigger effects than others, so aim to identify what they are.
You're perfectly fine and will find that most of us have been there.  |
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"Hey everyone, looking to hear your experiences or offer advice please.
We've just had a weekend away for the first time in a very very long time. We've always enjoyed a drink and a dance and this was no different, it was a works do (R, the husbands work and just a night on the town) and we stayed away from home.
Long story short, sorry, it turned into what was only our second threesome. All was absolutely amazing and it ticked one of my fantasy list boxes, but my nerves were absolutely off the charts, pretty much the whole time.
It didn't ruin it as such but it felt hard sometimes to relax a little. We were all together for a long time (all stayed in the same room) so not sure if this played a part?
Do you lose these nerves as you get more experienced, or do some find they are always there and hard to shake?
Any advice greatly appreciated.
J x"
We are both always nervous on first time meets. But usually a second meet with them we are fine. |
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By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"I understand some nerves leading up to something but not really during. That can't be ideal for anyone involved  "
It didn't ruin things don't get me wrong.
He was a really great guy too which of course helped a hell of a lot I think. Being the first guy I've had sex with in almost 20 years may also of played a part
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think perhaps nerves may decrease/reduce in intensity for people with time and experience as they'll be able to navigate the territory of the swinging world much easier, but it's not a bad thing either to be alert in those settings. x |
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I was nervous and ay being humiliated in front of my wife but she was very reassuring and made it clear that it was just a bit of fun for her. I began to find it easier but some of her blokes deliberately enjoyed this side of it and I appreciated the renewed intensity |
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I think it depends on the scenario and the person, everyone is different. I always find a little nerves good, I enjoy the feeling. I can easily see how and why people get that nervous it can ruin some experiences or put people off entirely.
I do find the more you do something the less nerves have an impact. I hope this experience does not put you off. |
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Yeah nerves always stay. I was full of confidence when we went to our first sex and fetish club.
Got overwhelmed and lost my nerve, took another 2-3 times going and just watching and chatting before feeling relaxed enough to play with others. |
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7 years in, the nerves still pop up especially when meeting new people or doing something we haven't done in a while. But we do find the nerves pass quicker and turn to excitement. Nerves are sometimes good to keep you in check. |
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By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago
Lincolnshire |
"I think it depends on the scenario and the person, everyone is different. I always find a little nerves good, I enjoy the feeling. I can easily see how and why people get that nervous it can ruin some experiences or put people off entirely.
I do find the more you do something the less nerves have an impact. I hope this experience does not put you off. "
I don't think it's put me off as such, just made me think a bit more/differently maybe.
That said it was probably the hottest 12 hours or so I've experienced (drinking/dancing/flirting/hotel) so there's plenty to be happy about.
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am always nervous but then I don’t get the chance to meet much. As someone said just keep them under control snd understand that it’s normal and set your boundaries, be clear about them and only change the if YOU feel like changing them. |
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If I haven't met the person or people before then it is a building of nervous tension coupled with excitement - will I like them on meeting and will they like me ? Chatting before helps but doesn't stop it -- but the excitement part is thrilling
When I meet again it is more total excitement - as it must have been good to meet again xx |
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OP I say the nerves are natural. Just enjoy the introductions and chat. Some people seem mor3 confident than others. Yet just concentrate on your experience.
Certain woman love guys like you and will be friendly and fun with you. Due to you being yourself. You may have a very good time. |
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By *ister_EMan
over a year ago
Hayling Island |
I'm always ridiculously nervous before a social, like a shy teenager lol.... Heart racing, anxiety, sweaty palms, the whole lot! Much less so on an actual meet. I guess the added adrenaline and anticipation of what's to come counteract the nerves to a degree so its more a state of nervous excitement!
I find that all the nerves completely disappear the moment that the first intimate contact takes place.
Nothing like a really intense first kiss to soothe and calm the nerves |
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