FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Know your own lane
Know your own lane
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
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I'm very much sapiosexual, it's why clubs aren't for me, I can see someone as attractive but am not sexually attracted until I get to know someone, body type, gender, race are all secondary but not unimportant, I'm attracted to a lot of different things combined so it's difficult to quantify but never an aesthetic alone that pulls me in. |
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I have no interest in anyone who sees things in lanes regardless of whether that is on fab or elsewhere.
I don't see people as above or below me and have no time for anyone who doesn't speak to others as equals.
Then again, like many people on fab I don't class myself as a swinger and if one of the criteria is advising people to know their place, I'm very glad I'm not a swinger.
Hot is also subjective. What others see as hot I often see as lukewarm or not much to write home about.
Anyone describing themselves as hot in anything other than a tongue in cheek manner needs to get into whatever lane is furthest away from me. |
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I think the idea of “staying in your lane” is ludicrous. I think it is a shallow concept and pretty much the opposite of what I have seen in the community over the years. People find different things attractive and I am not even sure that anyone would agree on who is “hot” and who isn’t.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd dislike it if someone said "stay in your lane" as a way to put another down. I'd not like that at all. But I'm quite realistic about not being hot and see no point in lusting after very attractive men. I just turn it off. |
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"I'm very much sapiosexual, it's why clubs aren't for me, I can see someone as attractive but am not sexually attracted until I get to know someone, body type, gender, race are all secondary but not unimportant, I'm attracted to a lot of different things combined so it's difficult to quantify but never an aesthetic alone that pulls me in. "
I'd say im similar in being sapio/demi sexual but it's not always practical or expedient so I look for people who i have a vibe with and we can banter and have a laugh. I need someone with wit to do that and it's a good measure of possible bedroom chemistry |
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We don't go to clubs, parties, holidays and feel we are in a lane or any other classification but I do get OP's drift.
We turn up with an open mind, a sense of trepidation mixed with excitement and a smile on our faces.
If we click with someone that's great, if not we still have a good time and live to fight another day.
We, like others, tend to gravitate to likeminded people and maybe some would say a clique would develop, and maybe it would be there you go.
We tend to keep clear of loud, opinionated and "friends of the owner" types.
Smiley, open and bursting with optimism, not filled with angst, grief and drama, suits us sir.
To be fair, this swingers game has opened our eyes. Our vanilla life tends to orbit around long term friends, colleagues and folks who live local and know us. Meaning they know our home, financial level, kids etc etc. Swinging is our secret life so far away from our day to day personas and behaviour and that's what floats our boat.
If you understand this, we maybe for you, if not, probably just say hi and move on.
The angst, drama and grief that permeates peoples lives who we have met at parties, clubs etc, has opened our eyes and found to some degree quite saddening.
Whatever lane you navigate, have a great time, we do....
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"Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
"
I know that there were occasions at Chams where I had to pinch myself...guy in his 40s with a dad bod having the time of his life with some gorgeous 20/30/40s lady who Is have generally put in the "out of my league" lane. Same on another site..had meets with absolute stunners who I thought twice about even approaching thinking they'd be inundated. It's like the advice to go and talk to the most beautiful woman at a party because most are to afraid to go near her |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We don't go to clubs, parties, holidays and feel we are in a lane or any other classification but I do get OP's drift.
We turn up with an open mind, a sense of trepidation mixed with excitement and a smile on our faces.
If we click with someone that's great, if not we still have a good time and live to fight another day.
We, like others, tend to gravitate to likeminded people and maybe some would say a clique would develop, and maybe it would be there you go.
We tend to keep clear of loud, opinionated and "friends of the owner" types.
Smiley, open and bursting with optimism, not filled with angst, grief and drama, suits us sir.
To be fair, this swingers game has opened our eyes. Our vanilla life tends to orbit around long term friends, colleagues and folks who live local and know us. Meaning they know our home, financial level, kids etc etc. Swinging is our secret life so far away from our day to day personas and behaviour and that's what floats our boat.
If you understand this, we maybe for you, if not, probably just say hi and move on.
The angst, drama and grief that permeates peoples lives who we have met at parties, clubs etc, has opened our eyes and found to some degree quite saddening.
Whatever lane you navigate, have a great time, we do....
"
Love this |
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"Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
"
So is this your interpretation of "know your lane" or what the pod casters actually meant.
I'd take it to mean that you need to own and be comfortable with what you are and want. For us, that's single bi guys, it definitely isn't all that common for a couple, in our experience, to exclusively play with (bi) guys.
We don't go to our local club and try and be everyone's cup of tea but we also don't expect everyone to be out cup of tea either.
We enjoy what we enjoy and have no desires to fit around other people's desires just as we don't expect anyone to fit around ours.
One my most hated phases in a club is "we're all here for the same reason". It couldn't be further from the truth.
I honestly don't think know your lane means what you've alluded to? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
So is this your interpretation of "know your lane" or what the pod casters actually meant.
I'd take it to mean that you need to own and be comfortable with what you are and want. For us, that's single bi guys, it definitely isn't all that common for a couple, in our experience, to exclusively play with (bi) guys.
We don't go to our local club and try and be everyone's cup of tea but we also don't expect everyone to be out cup of tea either.
We enjoy what we enjoy and have no desires to fit around other people's desires just as we don't expect anyone to fit around ours.
One my most hated phases in a club is "we're all here for the same reason". It couldn't be further from the truth.
I honestly don't think know your lane means what you've alluded to? "
Just to be clear it’s not my interpretation, the podcasters were saying this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very much sapiosexual, it's why clubs aren't for me, I can see someone as attractive but am not sexually attracted until I get to know someone, body type, gender, race are all secondary but not unimportant, I'm attracted to a lot of different things combined so it's difficult to quantify but never an aesthetic alone that pulls me in. "
The same for me. |
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As we're close to sixty, we don't go to clubs expecting to play with people much younger than ourselves, so to be honest we put most of our efforts into people of similar age.
But it does happen occasionally, much to our surprise. Everyone has their own beauty, it's just a matter of finding it. |
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"Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
So is this your interpretation of "know your lane" or what the pod casters actually meant.
I'd take it to mean that you need to own and be comfortable with what you are and want. For us, that's single bi guys, it definitely isn't all that common for a couple, in our experience, to exclusively play with (bi) guys.
We don't go to our local club and try and be everyone's cup of tea but we also don't expect everyone to be out cup of tea either.
We enjoy what we enjoy and have no desires to fit around other people's desires just as we don't expect anyone to fit around ours.
One my most hated phases in a club is "we're all here for the same reason". It couldn't be further from the truth.
I honestly don't think know your lane means what you've alluded to?
Just to be clear it’s not my interpretation, the podcasters were saying this."
Ah OK. That didn't come across in your first post. In that case I don't agree with them at all. |
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"swinging podcasts = not real just fantasy bullshit ..... please tell me no one takes them seriously ?? its rubbish"
I don't class myself as a swinger so they aren't something I'm keen to listen to.
A few years ago a podcast by a couple of fabbers was repeatedly mentioned in the forums so I looked it up.
I didn't get halfway through the first episode because of the obnoxious and hideous experts. |
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By *bflirtyCouple
over a year ago
Milton Keynes |
We roughly know our lane but more than happy for others to swim in it, we can all say yes or know on the day and have often played with people we wouldn’t have approached ourselves because we didn’t think we’d stand a chance. |
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"swinging podcasts = not real just fantasy bullshit ..... please tell me no one takes them seriously ?? its rubbish"
Well we've met one podcasting couple at a club. They seemed pretty genuine, and the one podcast of theirs we listened to was pretty truthful. |
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Staying in your lane is a ridiculous concept. Attraction is highly subjective. Lots of people who are seen as conventionally hot aren't for me at all, and I might find people who others consider 'average' as really sexy. There is no one size fits all about who is hot or not. |
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"Was listening to a well known swing podcast today and their take home comment was ‘know your own lane’. Now I’m sure most will get what that means but just wondered what other peoples take on it is.
To be successful you need to know your own lane as in seriously fit people are more likely to swing with seriously fit people and normal attractive people more likely to swing with normal attractive people and so on.
I’m not sure if I agree or disagree with this statement. We’ve played with some seriously hot people and some normal people (we class ourselves as normal). I get that you might meet someone in a club and think they’re not for me as in you don’t find them attractive but if they’ve got the humour and a great personality, would that make them more attractive?
Just wondered what others think.
"
Nah. When I was engaged, we played with some ‘traditionally’ incredibly attractive people we both never thought would give us a second glance, and some people around our age with similar looks and physiques. And some older and much fitter people than ourselves. And some our own age fitter than ourselves.
We’ve found there’s no hard and fast rules to gauge who finds you attractive and who you’re attracted to  |
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By *ister_EMan
over a year ago
Hayling Island |
I very much stick to my 'own lane', but not at all in the way OP defines it. I know exactly what I want, what I'm comfortable with and who I like to meet. It has fuck all to do with looks, age or any physical features.
I'm looking for a connection of minds, compatible needs, wants,and desires and sensuality.
I don't compromise, ever, and often turn down offers from people who are traveling in 'different lanes' irrespective of their looks or attraction.....
If I'm not what they're looking for or they're not what I'm looking for what's the point? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found clubs and parties much better, find someone attractive both physically and in terms of personality and its amazing who you end up playing with! |
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