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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & North West |
"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
If you were a true Dom nobody would need to explain it to you!"
I never said I was a true Dom. Jesus, what is wrong with some of you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please."
Aftercare is different for everyone. It cannot be a one answer suits all
It is what the person needs post a play session. From cuddling to talking to being made a drink and food for to anything and everything in between and more.
It’s a safe place to come down from the heightened emotions of playing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
If you were a true Dom nobody would need to explain it to you!"
What is a true Dom? |
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please."
Surely it’s different for everyone.
Lots of communication before, during and after but it’s not something I can simply define, I’m sorry. |
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By *ichelinstar1 OP Man
over a year ago
Peterborough & North West |
"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
Surely it’s different for everyone.
Lots of communication before, during and after but it’s not something I can simply define, I’m sorry. "
No need to apologise. You are right in saying we all work differently. Our minds work differently and so do our physical senses. Sometimes it depends on a person’s mood and sometimes it depends on the level of connection with the other person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
If you were a true Dom nobody would need to explain it to you!
Exactly this...."
Completley agree with this.
There has to be the communication and trust but the aftercare and come down is really important!  |
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please."
like making sure the submissive is ok, making sure they feel safe, happy and comfortable. Not just during but after aswell. It means to be supportive and to listen to them and just being there looking after them. Knowing them more then just an object of desire or lust. After all if they are a submissive to you isn't there well being in your hands. There health and happiness are your responsibility whilst you play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
like making sure the submissive is ok, making sure they feel safe, happy and comfortable. Not just during but after aswell. It means to be supportive and to listen to them and just being there looking after them. Knowing them more then just an object of desire or lust. After all if they are a submissive to you isn't there well being in your hands. There health and happiness are your responsibility whilst you play. "
 |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
Personally, I would start with the position that every submissive is different, therefore you need to get away from the generalities to the requirements of a specific submissive.
However, if I was to generalise, I would say that each individual submissive needs to be able to express their own particular style of submission to the right Dominant (a Dominant whose style of dominance matches the sub's submission). Aftercare may be a part of what a particular sub needs but not all subs need or want it. Therefore discussion and negotiation is required and listening without assumptions.
People take different views on the next point, but I fall into the camp that says there is no such thing as a true dom. We see it as an outdated fictitious stereotype similar to "real men" and "real women". At a basic level a true dom is someone who accepts the power in a power exchange relationship. Anything else is personal preference in regard to a dominant.
One of things I have noticed on Fab is that people in the scene can be a bit harsh with people outside the scene or not so knowledgeable. From the understandable position that an ignorant player can cause physical or psychological harm. However, I feel people who don't know are more ready to learn if they are helped. Otherwise it supports the view that people in the scene are up themselves. Whereas, on Fab, I find kinksters in the main try to be helpful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, I would start with the position that every submissive is different, therefore you need to get away from the generalities to the requirements of a specific submissive.
However, if I was to generalise, I would say that each individual submissive needs to be able to express their own particular style of submission to the right Dominant (a Dominant whose style of dominance matches the sub's submission). Aftercare may be a part of what a particular sub needs but not all subs need or want it. Therefore discussion and negotiation is required and listening without assumptions.
People take different views on the next point, but I fall into the camp that says there is no such thing as a true dom. We see it as an outdated fictitious stereotype similar to "real men" and "real women". At a basic level a true dom is someone who accepts the power in a power exchange relationship. Anything else is personal preference in regard to a dominant.
One of things I have noticed on Fab is that people in the scene can be a bit harsh with people outside the scene or not so knowledgeable. From the understandable position that an ignorant player can cause physical or psychological harm. However, I feel people who don't know are more ready to learn if they are helped. Otherwise it supports the view that people in the scene are up themselves. Whereas, on Fab, I find kinksters in the main try to be helpful. "
This…..
Conversation, openness and building trust is paramount in what I search for, there’s no right or wrong Ds relationship but more two people coming together from opposites sides of the spectrum craving the same thing, one persons needs and desires are completely different to another so we cannot stereo type a Dom or a sub, but I believe it starts with my mind a man who can make my thoughts be about him when he’s not around, someone who can fully win my attention, then my body will follow willingly. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I’d say aftercare. It is more important than people think.
Define aftercare. Please.
like making sure the submissive is ok, making sure they feel safe, happy and comfortable. Not just during but after aswell. It means to be supportive and to listen to them and just being there looking after them. Knowing them more then just an object of desire or lust. After all if they are a submissive to you isn't there well being in your hands. There health and happiness are your responsibility whilst you play. "
An alternative view is what you have described is post play or scene care. If the D/s relationship is of service, DDlg, or one of the many non play types of D/s relationship, aftercare I would suggest is irrelevant.
However, if you are planning to do something intense either physically or psychologically, then aftercare should be discussed as part of the preparation for the scene. But not all submissives want aftercare, and not all dominants can give aftercare, some people that are neuro-divergent find it hard. But it does not make them bad submissives or Dominants, unless they fail to mention their position on aftercare in the pre-scene discussions. |
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