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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Female half here...might be an unusual look at how I meet people but wondered if any other women felt the same?
I haven't had many long meets (my swinger friends tell me that 3-4 hr meets are the norm) and I've been on fab for the best part of 10 years so I'm quite "experienced" in the world I guess but anyone else find long drawn out meets or the thought of them off putting?
I like the idea of dinner/drinks, playing and having a nice chat after but playing almost constantly in that time feels me with absolute dread, I mean I know there is downtime in-between.
Please say I'm not the only one.
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure I completely understand the post but… I never go into playing instantly on a first meet.
(Or didn’t in the past, I don’t play alone these days).
But I liked to build a rapport, become at ease, engage and know something about the person I might potentially get off with.
That said I wouldn’t drag it out either. Some idle chit chat and then a decision based on instinct and perception. If yes, it depended on the sexual chemistry as to whether it was long and drawn out or not, or just a quick fumble and off we both go.
If you feel dread that’s your inner gut telling you you’re tense. Maybe have a chat first before you agree to meet. Chat on the phone a few times. Become at ease with your potential fabber.
Am I way off the beaten track here? If so I apologise I may have misread the question |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
Best times we remember has been very long meets but separating play time: Drinks - Chat/flirt - Sex - postsex Naked Chat - Shower / Get dressed - Dinner- Chat/Drinks - Sex - Chat - Sex - Good bye kisses
4 hours solid play not for us either, so you are not alone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure I completely understand the post but… I never go into playing instantly on a first meet.
(Or didn’t in the past, I don’t play alone these days).
But I liked to build a rapport, become at ease, engage and know something about the person I might potentially get off with.
That said I wouldn’t drag it out either. Some idle chit chat and then a decision based on instinct and perception. If yes, it depended on the sexual chemistry as to whether it was long and drawn out or not, or just a quick fumble and off we both go.
If you feel dread that’s your inner gut telling you you’re tense. Maybe have a chat first before you agree to meet. Chat on the phone a few times. Become at ease with your potential fabber.
Am I way off the beaten track here? If so I apologise I may have misread the question "
I probably didn't word it right, apologies.
I'm not a lover or lover of the idea of long drawn out sex sessions, it's more the social aspect I like, along side the sexual, I feel like I'm an inadequate swinger because the thought of being in a bedroom having sex isn't really my cup of tea, I mean longer that 24 mins but not over an hour lol.
Danish x |
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Just for clarity are you talking about long meets in terms of overall time with lots of variety of different phases jumping back and forth? Lots of shorter sex phases and messing around in-between the other stuff (such as dinner and hanging out) rather than the sex being grouped in to one long session?
If so that sounds far more like it. We like variety and things just flowing naturally from one thing to another. There is sometimes a point where sex sessions can become a little to drawn out. You suspect you're not the only one starring to think its becoming a bit drawn out. But it feels like no one wants to want to be that guy who calls it and says let's have a cup of tea, a chill and some hugs. But there is absolutely no rule that says the fun has to stop if you stop for a bit to enjoy each others company another way. It's a shame sometimes things seem so regimented and structured. |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
I don’t know if it’s just me but I’m finding it very difficult to understand what you mean exactly. You say that your friends tell you the norm for a meet is 3 to 4 hours but do you mean 3 to 4 hours of sex or does that time include drinks, pre chat, post chat etc? And you say that you haven’t had any long meets, so if you’re saying that 3 to 4 hours is the norm do you mean meets that are longer than the norm when you say long meets, or do you consider 3 to 4 hours to be a long meet?
It doesn’t sound like you enjoy sexual interaction much, you even say that being in the bedroom and having sex isn’t your cup of tea, so I’m really wondering why you are interested in swinging. If you enjoy chatting over some drinks and having a meal together but don’t enjoy the sex afterwards then why don’t you just go out for drinks and a meal with friends? Or I’m sure there are social clubs you can get involved with that just meet for a chat over some food and drinks.
I’m in no way telling you what you should or shouldn’t do as it’s obviously your choice but I’m struggling to understand why someone who admits to sex not being her cup of tea would get involved in swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t know if it’s just me but I’m finding it very difficult to understand what you mean exactly. You say that your friends tell you the norm for a meet is 3 to 4 hours but do you mean 3 to 4 hours of sex or does that time include drinks, pre chat, post chat etc? And you say that you haven’t had any long meets, so if you’re saying that 3 to 4 hours is the norm do you mean meets that are longer than the norm when you say long meets, or do you consider 3 to 4 hours to be a long meet?
It doesn’t sound like you enjoy sexual interaction much, you even say that being in the bedroom and having sex isn’t your cup of tea, so I’m really wondering why you are interested in swinging. If you enjoy chatting over some drinks and having a meal together but don’t enjoy the sex afterwards then why don’t you just go out for drinks and a meal with friends? Or I’m sure there are social clubs you can get involved with that just meet for a chat over some food and drinks.
I’m in no way telling you what you should or shouldn’t do as it’s obviously your choice but I’m struggling to understand why someone who admits to sex not being her cup of tea would get involved in swinging. "
I do enjoy sex, hence why I am here and have been for a very long time (under different profiles before this one), I have just realised that I don't enjoy long foreplay sessions, sex where the man thinks he is a porn star etc but I'm told quite a bit that this isn't normal in swinging, that a session must be longer rather than "bj, maybe licked, sex" it must be long foreplay etc. I was asking if anyone else feels the same, they like sex but not something that lasts for ages. I hope it makes sense now.
I do enjoy the social side of this lifestyle probably more than the sexual side as I enjoy showing myself off etc, I think we all swing in different ways and what is comfortable.
Which is why when a guy wants to travel from a distance, I think "oh god no" because he will probably want something that I don't really want to give him, which I am clear about.
Maybe I'm not understanding the term "3-4 hr meeting", I know there will be drink breaks etc it's not constant banging etc but for me a 3-4 hr meet for me would be to meet up, have some food and drinks, chat, go to the bedroom and then have drinks and a good chat after.
My ideal meet though is probably just meeting (obviously after a social etc, I don't just meet people, not like I did when I was single) and it lasting no longer than an hour.
I really hope I made sense now, part of me wishes I never made this post now as I thought I explained it quite well but I didn't in my opening post 
Danish x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good god yes. An hour to two maximum, even two is pushing it for me. "
Oh that is nice to know, I was starting to feel like I might be the only one lol
Danish x |
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By *neforutoMan
over a year ago
Fantasy land in the SW |
Im with you on this one OP and not just because Im a bloke.... I like the social side of this lifestyle (although havent been around others like me for a few yrs) and def enjoy chatting before and after the main event. Have a groovy day  |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
OP, as my previous answer, I thought you were very clear. Don't bother about what others do or expect regarding the duration of a continuous sex session, 3-4 hours of continuous sex is not average for couples or at parties.
Focus on what you like and feel it's right for you. Quality, rather than quantity. Then communicate that with your swinging partners before the meet so everyone is clear of what you like the meeting to be. Then happy swinging  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In general our plays with others last anywhere from 20 minutes with a single guy to 40 minutes with a single lady or couple, anything longer than that we would need to stop for a snack  |
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This is something we have wondered…. We have yet to do anything with others… our own “sessions” can vary in time but we know one another and what we want/like…
If S was playing with someone, and P was watching what would he do for 2-3 hours haha! Obviously if all were involved then I guess it’s ok??
But I think we would like quickies at first maybe ?? |
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I know what you mean, I once started a meet (with original intention of staying over) at 2pm. Fucking for that entire time would have been no problem for the woman I was meeting (I'm convinced she is some kind of sex cyborg), but after our first session of a couple of hours, I realised I'd have to handle a lot of downtime and small talk between many sessions, and also that I'd be absolutely exhausted by about 8pm.
So in summary I think overnighters are great as it gives you a good excuse to get some well earned sleep between sessions. Know your limits regarding time dedicated to a meet though! |
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Think it depends on the people ..As a couple and when we are with others we enjoy long sessions with breaks in between.
We’ve done the short ones but I’m always left feeling like I still haven’t scratched that itch if you know what I mean  .
You shouldn’t really compare yourself to how others do things as long as you enjoy yourself that’s all that matters .. |
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