FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Why discreet?
Why discreet?
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This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx |
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"Not everyone wants their friends/family/workplace to know about their sex lives "
This! I'm not ashamed of being a sexually liberated female, but I don't want every Dick, Tom and Harry know what I look like and think that, just because I'm on this site, I am going to open their legs for them any time they ask!
Also, as I don't mix work and pleasure, my colleagues don't need to know what I do in my private life. |
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By *ullyMan
over a year ago
Near Clacton |
To me discretion is not making a song and dance about ones sexual preferences and excluding those who have no need to know.
For instance dressing up in totally sexual gear to go knock on a strangers door you have arranged to meet on here and screaming hello darlings at the top of ones voice! |
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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
Swinging might just be the last taboo and people do judge. Pretty sure if we had come out 10 years then some parents of our kids friends would have kept them away from us. Don’t think much has changed. It’s still safer to be discreet. For us anyway |
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
I respect your opinion but disagree.
We're not ashamed but are very discreet and expect people we meet to be discreet too. Just because you don't feel the need to be discreet doesn't mean other people are ashamed or have anything to hide.
Also we both find it very easy to separate love and sex. |
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
So why aren't you showing your faces? |
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We are a married couple and both have professional career's. We have nothing to hide from each other and most of our friends know what we do but... from professional perspective some people in the work place would probably have an issue in our after work activities |
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
We have always said that we couldn't care less who might see us on here, we are very open in talking about our lifestyle with family, we are both concenting adults and its our life, we choose how we live it, if people don't like it then it's their problem! It's sex at the end of the day, it's not illegal and nobody is being harmed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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given the attitude and messages we get from alot of men that think they can just come take what they want, the fact that our kids dont need to know about their parents sex lives discretion is required for a peaceful life |
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"I very much avoid the life out of ever being made to feel like some dirty little secret.
If you need discretion, I'm not for you  "
This^
I love being loud and proud. I’m not shy and I’m an open book. Obviously we keep it mature and such but I don’t see the point in pretending im not on here, not interested in learning more about swinging or the fact i think this is hot as fuck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know for a fact both our children and our parents would be absolutely mortified and wouldn't understand so yes my husband and I will continue to value our discretion. |
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By *vcathTV/TS
over a year ago
south coast |
"Not everyone wants their friends/family/workplace to know about their sex lives
This! I'm not ashamed of being a sexually liberated female, but I don't want every Dick, Tom and Harry know what I look like and think that, just because I'm on this site, I am going to open their legs for them any time they ask!
Also, as I don't mix work and pleasure, my colleagues don't need to know what I do in my private life. "
 |
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My private life is just that.. private.
I keep my sex life, my political votes and my finances to my self as they have sod all to do with anyone else.
I have a friend who was far to open with her private life about being on here… and the parties she attended. Once she got an ingrown hair “down there” which turned septic because she left it too long making her quite poorly plus she was in agony.
It needed removing and due to the placement and her physical caring job was signed off work to be told by her boss it was more likely an STI!
Sadly in the vanilla world there is still a stigma where men are treated like gods and women are just slags. |
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Because my sex life isn't anyone else's business.
Because I don't want my family seeing photos of me having sex.
Because it could call for a case of bringing my profession into disrepute.
Because I have small children and I don't want my choices impacting them, adults can be very prudish.
Because it's absolutely no one else's business but mine, I don't want the world and his mates seeing me naked in its entirety, when they can't put a face to a body it gives me more confidence posting.
And lastly because it's my choice to be anonymous.
Mrs |
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
Thirdly as you are preaching, why is your face covered/cropped, you are staying stand up and be proud while remaining anonymous it's slightly hypocritical.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
I have nothing to hide or to be ashamed about, but that’s just me, some people like to keep this lifestyle secret in fear of getting upset or thought of as dirty or a slag |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apparently wife and I are now fake because we don't show face pics, WhatsApp or video call right away to complete strangers.
Who knew we had to prove ourselves and discretion = deceit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Because my sex life isn't anyone else's business.
Because I don't want my family seeing photos of me having sex.
Because it could call for a case of bringing my profession into disrepute.
Because I have small children and I don't want my choices impacting them, adults can be very prudish.
Because it's absolutely no one else's business but mine, I don't want the world and his mates seeing me naked in its entirety, when they can't put a face to a body it gives me more confidence posting.
And lastly because it's my choice to be anonymous.
Mrs "
^ This 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apparently wife and I are now fake because we don't show face pics, WhatsApp or video call right away to complete strangers.
Who knew we had to prove ourselves and discretion = deceit?"
Ahhhh that old chestnut. I've had that thrown at me too. Laughable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is the 21st Century, why do you need to be discreet? That’s what the gay folk had to be last century. We’re doing nothing wrong, there’s no need to be discreet unless you’re here doing stuff behind your partner’s knowledge.
Stand up and be proud that you can separate sex from love.
J&J xx "
You go first , make all your face pictures public ….. stand up and be proud remember |
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I keep what I get up to on here to myself.
I have friends and family who just would not understand.
And it would be a waste of time to try and explain it to them.
I think saying I am not discreet would put more people off meeting me than saying I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Part of the fun for us is having our secret secy life away from the normal hum-drum, it would be far less erotic if every man and his dog knew we enjoyed fucking strangers. |
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We would both lose our jobs in a heartbeat 
Also, this isn't our life. We very much like having the opportunity to turn it on and off when we feel like it (or not) and hide it away again. If we were 'loud and proud' about it then we would lose that and always be that swinger couple. |
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It's a strangely divisive point.
There's a base level of discretion expected of course. Basic decency says you don't shout it across the street or wave pictures of your meets in the faces of randon passersby.
Work have asked that I keep my face and workplace off here, and that's a perfectly reasonable ask. I don't think of that as me needing to be discreet, it's just common sense.
My problem is when people are ashamed of wanting this at all. When people are hiding it from the people it is relevant to especially. And most profiles that go on about discretion always come across as cheating assholes to me.
I don't expect people to scream across a crowded vanilla room about how much they enjoyed my cunt last night. But I also don't expect to be completely blanked, hidden away and refused to be acknowledged with at least a nod or some general politeness if we pass in public.
The whole world doesn't need to know your sex life. But I'm not someone's dirty little secret. And if you're not willing to at least be civil and say hi in public around your normal friends, who do not need to know details, then I don't want to be involved |
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Thank you all for your thoughts on this. It does seem that enjoying certain aspects of sex between consenting adults is very taboo yet someone can decide to be any sex they like, one of dozens apparently, they can push new laws to make their lives ‘fit in’ to the norm yet a couple meeting another person behind closed doors is wrong. Strange ol’ world eh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't want extended family and friends to know the ins and outs of your sexual life and see x-rated pictures of ones self.
It's like don't mix business with pleasure.
Or a another scenario if people don't have nothing to hide in their homes from others why do they have blinds or curtains in their windows? It's called PRIVACY. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always think if they want discretion they're prob married  "
Not necessarily. Some people like to keep their sex life private because of work, extended family, friends etc.
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I don’t show my face on public profile due to where I work, they would view it as bringing them into disrepute even though I’m doing nothing wrong.
Usually send a face pic with first or second message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Also women here always complain about getting bombarded with dick pictures, men can't take no for answer, constantly message them.
Can you imagine if one these characters lived on your street and new you were into swinging could constantly harass you.
Bit like what Theo is doing to Stacy on EastEnders. |
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For us, part of the excitement is that noone, or very few people we know in our every day lives know about our swinger/fetish side.
Yes, we've bumped into people we know in clubs and we have a friend we met out of the lifestyle who we introduced to the scene and go to clubs with, but apart from that it's our escapism, our little secret... nothing dirty or to be ashamed of, but something just for us and we love that. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It might suit you to be public about your sex life but personally coming from a small village where everyone knows everyone and a public facing career I don’t want my employers or colleagues knowing I thoroughly love fucking married women and have lots of fetishes.
I’m glad it works for you but don’t jump to negative assumptions when we all have different lifestyles and experiences.
I’ve met others in high public facing roles who I recognise on tv and in the paper occasionally, I totally understand and empathise when half the people in the world want to ban shmushmorshans and control women’s sexuality. |
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I admire couples and women who are open about swinging - and sex in general. (I don't see it as a big deal for single men - everyone knows and accepts that they shag around).
But as someone said earlier, swinging is the last taboo. You can be gay, trans, whatever and it's generally accepted (except by nasty bigots). But say you swing and people think you're weird. It would definitely be an issue at work for both of us. So we keep it private - like many gay people did 50 years ago.
Hopefully in a decade or three things will change as they have for other groups. |
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We just keep our faces and identity discreet because we don’t want family to know or it to affect our jobs - I think it’s just choice. Discretion is different for family and work privacy to those cheating I feel  we like our secret  |
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I don't want anyone to know I enjoy cbt or breathplay or needleplay or have guys round for a wank group. No one would really understand it. I'm not in the habit of talking about my activities outwith my very very close friends. I'm a normal person with a normal life and I'm happy for it to stay that way |
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"I don't want anyone to know I enjoy cbt or breathplay or needleplay or have guys round for a wank group. No one would really understand it. I'm not in the habit of talking about my activities outwith my very very close friends. I'm a normal person with a normal life and I'm happy for it to stay that way "
Exactly this |
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"Thank you all for your thoughts on this. It does seem that enjoying certain aspects of sex between consenting adults is very taboo yet someone can decide to be any sex they like, one of dozens apparently, they can push new laws to make their lives ‘fit in’ to the norm yet a couple meeting another person behind closed doors is wrong. Strange ol’ world eh. "
Not one person has said it's wrong everyone has given a valid point for remaining anonymous, you are preaching to not be anonymous and stand up and be proud all while hiding behind your anonymous profile.
Pot calling kettle!
Your comparing people's gender with people's sexual choices it's not comparable.
You've posted and yet not listened to people's responses and come up to some random it's wrong conclusion.
You yourself are being hypocritical you're hiding your face, you've cropped it out all while telling everyone else there's no need to be discreet  and to stand up & be proud, maybe practice what you preach.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn’t that how most single mens profiles read!
Yes a few couples put it up but normally due to their work situation
We can only speculate on why single men state it |
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By *t0600Man
over a year ago
elvedon |
"Thank you all for your thoughts on this. It does seem that enjoying certain aspects of sex between consenting adults is very taboo yet someone can decide to be any sex they like, one of dozens apparently, they can push new laws to make their lives ‘fit in’ to the norm yet a couple meeting another person behind closed doors is wrong. Strange ol’ world eh.
Not one person has said it's wrong everyone has given a valid point for remaining anonymous, you are preaching to not be anonymous and stand up and be proud all while hiding behind your anonymous profile.
Pot calling kettle!
Your comparing people's gender with people's sexual choices it's not comparable.
You've posted and yet not listened to people's responses and come up to some random it's wrong conclusion.
You yourself are being hypocritical you're hiding your face, you've cropped it out all while telling everyone else there's no need to be discreet and to stand up & be proud, maybe practice what you preach.
Mrs "
Love this |
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