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Presumptions
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
Just wondering if many people find that once they’ve played with someone in the past, there’s a presumption that you’ll automatically want to play with them again. I’m specifically referring to club settings.
We’ve had several occasions where I (female half) have played with an individual previously and when our paths cross again they seem put out and at times angry that I don’t want to play a second time. |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
Never happened to us, and we would find that sort of expectation pretentious and arrogant. Even with couples that we consider "friends" and we arrange a meet after having played with them several times, them and us always ask each other if they/us want to play that evening, since they might have had a bad day at the office or not being in the mood for other reasons.
In your case, it's even worst, the presumption of "possession" (I fucked her first), of having acquired usage rights, and that you are not entitled to make your own decisions and choose another playmate since they are there cock-ready. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've not experienced it at clubs yet, but that's probably because we tend to rotate around a cluster of clubs and not always there to play.
But it is something we've experienced with single guys on here. The assumption that because we've played before, that if we're posting a status looking for a fun night they assume we have them in mind lol. Gets abit awkward.
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"Yes I have found this in clubs too. "
It’s when a hint isn’t taken or even clear instructions that I won’t be playing with them and every time I look up they’re there lurking. I’m confident enough to say no thanks, but when you’re stood with your boobs out and heels off it’s a test to be taken seriously lol. Obviously my husbands there to give a firmer hint, but it’s a shame when it happens as it spoils the mood. |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"We've not experienced it at clubs yet, but that's probably because we tend to rotate around a cluster of clubs and not always there to play.
But it is something we've experienced with single guys on here. The assumption that because we've played before, that if we're posting a status looking for a fun night they assume we have them in mind lol. Gets abit awkward.
"
It’s the awkward bit after when you pass them and they either give you dirty looks or see if you’ve changed your mind within the last ten minutes |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"Never happened to us, and we would find that sort of expectation pretentious and arrogant. Even with couples that we consider "friends" and we arrange a meet after having played with them several times, them and us always ask each other if they/us want to play that evening, since they might have had a bad day at the office or not being in the mood for other reasons.
In your case, it's even worst, the presumption of "possession" (I fucked her first), of having acquired usage rights, and that you are not entitled to make your own decisions and choose another playmate since they are there cock-ready."
While I’m absolutely not saying it’s all men, do you think when you refer to couples, the fact that the female half is there, that the males are more respectful and restrained and obviously capable of having a relationship which to me shows they can engage with women more appropriately. |
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I wouldn't like that, not that we've met at clubs but anyone presuming to have sex just because they have before would immediately make me not want to & the whole being out out I'd probably never want to again, it seems slightly possessive.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had this with one guy who we played with previously; constantly turning up on the nights we said we were going to a club and hanging around us like a dog on heat. He was told to clear off when he tried to stuck his cock in S's face hoping for a BJ. We don't see as much him now thankfully. |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"I wouldn't like that, not that we've met at clubs but anyone presuming to have sex just because they have before would immediately make me not want to & the whole being out out I'd probably never want to again, it seems slightly possessive.
Mrs "
By no means am I wanting to put people off clubs, most of the time the men are great and when there has been instances where one won’t take a hint I’ve had the men I’m playing with intervene if my husbands not about. It’s just a shame that one or two can completely change the mood for the night. |
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"Just wondering if many people find that once they’ve played with someone in the past, there’s a presumption that you’ll automatically want to play with them again. I’m specifically referring to club settings.
We’ve had several occasions where I (female half) have played with an individual previously and when our paths cross again they seem put out and at times angry that I don’t want to play a second time. "
The answer for that is in your mirror mydear you are gorgest . |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
"Never happened to us, and we would find that sort of expectation pretentious and arrogant. Even with couples that we consider "friends" and we arrange a meet after having played with them several times, them and us always ask each other if they/us want to play that evening, since they might have had a bad day at the office or not being in the mood for other reasons.
In your case, it's even worst, the presumption of "possession" (I fucked her first), of having acquired usage rights, and that you are not entitled to make your own decisions and choose another playmate since they are there cock-ready.
While I’m absolutely not saying it’s all men, do you think when you refer to couples, the fact that the female half is there, that the males are more respectful and restrained and obviously capable of having a relationship which to me shows they can engage with women more appropriately. "
That's a great question. I do not think it's the "restrained" effect. It's genuine. The reason why we become "friends" with them is because those couples are genuinely interested in spending time with us besides time in bed. We despise entitlement, arrogance, alpha males, so naturally we gravitate to the couples that the male (and female) is neither if those. Males in couples that are more pushy or selfish, I guess we tend to move on. In summary, yes, in couples we have found "restrained" males but also found many that are genuinely nice.
(Mr.) |
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These are a few of my concerns based on what members who have been to clubs have described to me. I really want to try one but not sure I have the tolerance level for that kind of behaviour.
The weird messages I get when I have a new veri are enough to put me off. |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"We had this with one guy who we played with previously; constantly turning up on the nights we said we were going to a club and hanging around us like a dog on heat. He was told to clear off when he tried to stuck his cock in S's face hoping for a BJ. We don't see as much him now thankfully."
It’s a shame isn’t it. Don’t know about your husband, but when it happens to us mine can’t relax and is constantly ‘on guard’. I’ve had it where they’ve waited for him to go to the bar or toilet and then pounce when I’m alone lol. |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
OP, you asked me a great question. One for you now. Had a quick look at your profile. Do you think the type of males you prefer (let me generalise for the sake of argument), e.g. strong dominant fit, self declared alphas, could be a bias and so more often than not they tend to be arrogant, leading to the presumptions you experience? In other words, that we also experience a bias but on the opposite end, by us moving away from couples where we detect arrogance... |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"These are a few of my concerns based on what members who have been to clubs have described to me. I really want to try one but not sure I have the tolerance level for that kind of behaviour.
The weird messages I get when I have a new veri are enough to put me off. "
I find the problem for me, is that I do on occasion play with a select few repeatedly. Those I’ve got a good connection with or for whatever reason I’m drawn to again and again.
I think that some men see this and presume it’s the case for all I’ve played with. It’s never escalated past a few cross words and like I say, the majority of the men I play with always advocate on my behalf if I’m other wise engaged lol.
Please don’t let my post put you off trying clubs, as a rule I always walk away from them having had a brilliant experience x |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"This has happened to us a few times now too.
They seem so put out when you say no thank you as if they now have the right to do as they please."
That’s the thing, I’m always super polite and I’d hate to upset anyone. I do wonder if I’m perhaps not being blunt enough? I tend to say ‘thanks for the offer, but I’m not playing with you tonight’…some take it that it’s a challenge to change my mind while others 100% accept it |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"OP, you asked me a great question. One for you now. Had a quick look at your profile. Do you think the type of males you prefer (let me generalise for the sake of argument), e.g. strong dominant fit, self declared alphas, could be a bias and so more often than not they tend to be arrogant, leading to the presumptions you experience? In other words, that we also experience a bias but on the opposite end, by us moving away from couples where we detect arrogance..."
Great question!
So we’ve been at this for several years now. I added that particular line to our bio a year back, as I found that it tended to separate the ‘boys from the men’ so to speak. By that I mean that it takes a confident man to play with me in front of my husband. And as a rule I do prefer dominant men. For me personally tho, I don’t think being confident or dominant is an automatic link to arrogant. My husband is very dominant in nature, but he thinks twice before slapping his cock across my face lol. |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"I've been unexpectedly groped by men who I've had some sort of interaction with before. Short greetings and discussions are presumably beyond them. "
I find that the club setting with these types of men seem to exacerbate the situation. |
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This has happened to us once before.
I think the British trait of being polite is the problem.
We’re learning to be more vocal in clubs with what we want and don’t want. In this example we said that we were going to play with another couple. It was a bit awkward and we could tell they were taken aback.
We’re working on being more confident in general, we’ll ask early on in a conversation what the other party is looking for and we’re open with what we want. It is a challenge and you can’t take the response personally if it’s not the one you’re are looking for.
It doesn’t mean we’ll cut off decent conversation if they don’t want to play, but we all know where we stand.
We’ve seen and read comments before along the lines of “is it us? We’ve chatted to loads of couples and when we want to play they say they’re not interested”. Two different thought processes that could have been understood much sooner.
Be confident and have fun
xx |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"This has happened to us once before.
I think the British trait of being polite is the problem.
We’re learning to be more vocal in clubs with what we want and don’t want. In this example we said that we were going to play with another couple. It was a bit awkward and we could tell they were taken aback.
We’re working on being more confident in general, we’ll ask early on in a conversation what the other party is looking for and we’re open with what we want. It is a challenge and you can’t take the response personally if it’s not the one you’re are looking for.
It doesn’t mean we’ll cut off decent conversation if they don’t want to play, but we all know where we stand.
We’ve seen and read comments before along the lines of “is it us? We’ve chatted to loads of couples and when we want to play they say they’re not interested”. Two different thought processes that could have been understood much sooner.
Be confident and have fun
xx"
You’re absolutely right. I’m usually more concerned with being polite than getting my point across. I’ve been called a ‘cock tease’, because I’ve declined an offer. I’ve even been accused of making someone travel from London to Newcastle and blowing them off, which 100% never happened, he was up here anyway and had posted a meet and I’d specifically said I’d be in touch if I was available. When we bumped into him in a club he told a cracker of a fib to my husband about his wasted trip and disappointment. Presumably to guilt sex out of me… for the record that failed miserably.
I’ll take your last sentence as my new mantra “be confident and have fun” x |
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"These are a few of my concerns based on what members who have been to clubs have described to me. I really want to try one but not sure I have the tolerance level for that kind of behaviour.
The weird messages I get when I have a new veri are enough to put me off.
I find the problem for me, is that I do on occasion play with a select few repeatedly. Those I’ve got a good connection with or for whatever reason I’m drawn to again and again.
I think that some men see this and presume it’s the case for all I’ve played with. It’s never escalated past a few cross words and like I say, the majority of the men I play with always advocate on my behalf if I’m other wise engaged lol.
Please don’t let my post put you off trying clubs, as a rule I always walk away from them having had a brilliant experience x"
Thank you for the reply.
It didn't put me off- I'm a bit apprehensive anyway. I'd rather have more info than less info.
I've had a few I've played with multiple times, got into a type of frequency with. |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"These are a few of my concerns based on what members who have been to clubs have described to me. I really want to try one but not sure I have the tolerance level for that kind of behaviour.
The weird messages I get when I have a new veri are enough to put me off.
I find the problem for me, is that I do on occasion play with a select few repeatedly. Those I’ve got a good connection with or for whatever reason I’m drawn to again and again.
I think that some men see this and presume it’s the case for all I’ve played with. It’s never escalated past a few cross words and like I say, the majority of the men I play with always advocate on my behalf if I’m other wise engaged lol.
Please don’t let my post put you off trying clubs, as a rule I always walk away from them having had a brilliant experience x
Thank you for the reply.
It didn't put me off- I'm a bit apprehensive anyway. I'd rather have more info than less info.
I've had a few I've played with multiple times, got into a type of frequency with. "
While I never attend clubs alone, if I can give any advise it would be if you are going alone, make sure if your playing in an open space and very much in the moment, you’re playing with someone that knows wether or not you want others to join in. As a rule of thumb, if my husbands gone off for a drink and I’m playing in an open room, it’s always with someone that knows to ask me before others join. If your bent over like a pretzel with your mouthful, it’s always good to have someone quite literally watching your back. If it’s your first time at a club a private room is a good way to start off, that way you control the tempo and who you play with. Good luck xx |
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This doesn't just happen in clubs.I've experienced this at a private party on more than one occasion.I find it quite extraordinary that some people actually think this way.I'm not just talking about single men either..
Mike |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"This doesn't just happen in clubs.I've experienced this at a private party on more than one occasion.I find it quite extraordinary that some people actually think this way.I'm not just talking about single men either..
Mike"
Yes, same here. As the male of the couple can I ask… do you find once your other half has said no, that they then ask you later on in the night, presumably in case you can veto your partners decision?
We’ve had several occasions where I’ve said no and they’ve then gone up to my husband asking if they can play with me. His reply is always ‘it’s not my decision mate. If she said no, it’s clearly a no!’
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had this with one guy who we played with previously; constantly turning up on the nights we said we were going to a club and hanging around us like a dog on heat. He was told to clear off when he tried to stuck his cock in S's face hoping for a BJ. We don't see as much him now thankfully.
It’s a shame isn’t it. Don’t know about your husband, but when it happens to us mine can’t relax and is constantly ‘on guard’. I’ve had it where they’ve waited for him to go to the bar or toilet and then pounce when I’m alone lol. "
Yes it is and can really spoil the mood.
R will usually give a polite no thank you first time someone gets too close, followed by a firm f off, which usually does the trick and we carry on. We also find other guys will help in those situations by also telling the guy to go away as its ruining it not just for us but those watching as well.
It's rare, but it does sometimes ruin the moment and we stop playing and go grab a drink.
Asfor hitting on me when R goes to the loo, it does happen occasionally,but they soon get the message from me and definitely get it from R when he gets back. We try to keep it humorous |
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"This doesn't just happen in clubs.I've experienced this at a private party on more than one occasion.I find it quite extraordinary that some people actually think this way.I'm not just talking about single men either..
Mike
Yes, same here. As the male of the couple can I ask… do you find once your other half has said no, that they then ask you later on in the night, presumably in case you can veto your partners decision?
We’ve had several occasions where I’ve said no and they’ve then gone up to my husband asking if they can play with me. His reply is always ‘it’s not my decision mate. If she said no, it’s clearly a no!’
"
I haven't experienced this personally and I wouldn't dare veto any decision my partner makes! |
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"These are a few of my concerns based on what members who have been to clubs have described to me. I really want to try one but not sure I have the tolerance level for that kind of behaviour.
The weird messages I get when I have a new veri are enough to put me off.
I find the problem for me, is that I do on occasion play with a select few repeatedly. Those I’ve got a good connection with or for whatever reason I’m drawn to again and again.
I think that some men see this and presume it’s the case for all I’ve played with. It’s never escalated past a few cross words and like I say, the majority of the men I play with always advocate on my behalf if I’m other wise engaged lol.
Please don’t let my post put you off trying clubs, as a rule I always walk away from them having had a brilliant experience x
Thank you for the reply.
It didn't put me off- I'm a bit apprehensive anyway. I'd rather have more info than less info.
I've had a few I've played with multiple times, got into a type of frequency with.
While I never attend clubs alone, if I can give any advise it would be if you are going alone, make sure if your playing in an open space and very much in the moment, you’re playing with someone that knows wether or not you want others to join in. As a rule of thumb, if my husbands gone off for a drink and I’m playing in an open room, it’s always with someone that knows to ask me before others join. If your bent over like a pretzel with your mouthful, it’s always good to have someone quite literally watching your back. If it’s your first time at a club a private room is a good way to start off, that way you control the tempo and who you play with. Good luck xx"
That's really good advice, thank you for taking the time. Ideally I'm hoping to build a bond with someone, so we can go to clubs together. Have that support and trust a regular couple would have to watch out for each other.
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
ive learnt over the years that the only way is to be blunt but polite ... i find those that become clingy or played once and think they can again are a turn off its pure entitlement and i and hubs find it with couples just as much as guys especially male halfs of couples who think they are above all just because they are part of a couple ... i one guy a feww weeks back in the end i had to find his wife and tell her to to tell her husband that i said no ... she was not happy with him and they left ....
nothing worse than being pestered by someone you know in a club |
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By * plus S OP Couple
over a year ago
newcastle |
"ive learnt over the years that the only way is to be blunt but polite ... i find those that become clingy or played once and think they can again are a turn off its pure entitlement and i and hubs find it with couples just as much as guys especially male halfs of couples who think they are above all just because they are part of a couple ... i one guy a feww weeks back in the end i had to find his wife and tell her to to tell her husband that i said no ... she was not happy with him and they left ....
nothing worse than being pestered by someone you know in a club "
While it’s sad that this seems a common issue, it is putting me at ease a little that it’s not something I’m doing wrong. Suppose it’s just one of those little annoyances that come with the territory. Thanks for the reply |
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