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Partner isn’t affectionate
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m looking for some advice, I truely love my partner however she is not affectionate or inclined to have sex with me.
On the very rare occasion we have sex there is no kissing no foreplay and I’m only allowed to put in the tip because she says it’s too sore and uncomfortable because it hits her bladder ( I’m not big)
Once she cums I’m not allowed to touch her because it’s to sensitive and that’s sex finished for months.
I feel like I have tried everything to try make it different because I’m really really struggling
I don’t know what to do? |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
Have you actually attempted to truely discuss this with her?
I don't just mean mention it, I mean actually sit down and talk it through. Zig not then nothing else anyone says will change anything or been good advice.
Honestly even if you have done that without much more context and detail any other advice is going to be very biased towards the person giving it, it won't accurately reflect your situation. |
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Get her to join with a single ladies profile like you have she'll have a blast.
If it hurts her or hurts, she'll need to see a Dr.
If she's too sensitive after respect that, it's horrible when your overly sensitive and someone is trying to keep touching, allow her a bit of time to loose some sensitivity.
The biggest advice is talk it over or do what most men do & cheat because that's the easier option than being open & honest right.
Mrs |
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You can only communicate, to improve the understanding of each others' needs. You could potentially separate some affection from sex, so that it's not seen as a pressure. Keep being open and fully honest. |
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"I’m looking for some advice, I truely love my partner however she is not affectionate or inclined to have sex with me.
On the very rare occasion we have sex there is no kissing no foreplay and I’m only allowed to put in the tip because she says it’s too sore and uncomfortable because it hits her bladder ( I’m not big)
Once she cums I’m not allowed to touch her because it’s to sensitive and that’s sex finished for months.
I feel like I have tried everything to try make it different because I’m really really struggling
I don’t know what to do?"
You will no doubt get plenty of rude comments about being on here and your wife not knowing so be prepared.
On a more constructive note.... has she been to the doctors, it shouldn't be that sore and uncomfortable for her and if she feels that you are hitting her bladder when that shallow she may have some genuine medical issues. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No she is perfectly healthy, Iv brought it up multiple times , she just isn’t feeling it. She’s not a sexual person. She looks incredible dresses really nice but won’t kiss etc it’s frustrating |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Away for Christmas |
"No she is perfectly healthy, Iv brought it up multiple times , she just isn’t feeling it. She’s not a sexual person. She looks incredible dresses really nice but won’t kiss etc it’s frustrating "
And she isn't interested in any kind of compromise and solution?t
In that case leave her. Or at the very least tell her you are looking for sex elsewhere and she can choose to do what she likes with that information.
Its a relationship that should be a two way thing, she shouldn't have to put out sex if she doesn't want it BUT she shouldn't expect you to just have to go without either. |
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"No she is perfectly healthy, Iv brought it up multiple times , she just isn’t feeling it. She’s not a sexual person. She looks incredible dresses really nice but won’t kiss etc it’s frustrating "
What was she like when you married her? |
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My ex had sex with me 5 times in 5 years (3 years dry) after giving birth. So you're still a bit luckier.
1. Have a serious talk (I did multiple times)
2. Cheat on (I couldn't)
3. Divorce (We did and she's probably my best friend without benefits)
Sometimes people just don't match or lose interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she's perfectly healthy it shouldn't "hit her bladder", unless it's some kind of acrobatic position, which it doesn't sound like one.
Has she always been like this? If not, is she under immense stress at the moment?
If not, she just doesn't want you, and uses you for her rare needs.
It's either a very serious conversation, leading to a change, or moving on for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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God, sounds awful and like she's not even concerned about if you are happy during sex. I couldn't have sex with someone who had no desire for how I felt.
What does she say when you speak to her about it? |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
She is telling you sex is hurting. It’s the most common reason for people to stop having sex. And she is not doing the work to figure out the problem. It might be she’s asexual. Either way, she is not committed to sex with you.
In your situation, I would push for a conversation because this is a big deal. If that didn’t leave me feeling better, I might end my relationship because it’s not working for me. |
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Bin this account,close it stop thinking about you or her think about both.
Buy her some flowers, and chocolate take her on a date with no pressure or expectations of sex and tell her that.
Take her shopping and treat her to something she likes not buying something for her that you like.
Make her feel special and wanted, maybe see a councillor she may have intimacy issues due to some hidden event in her past ?
But just trying talking will help one way or another.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people opt for cheating rather than communication.
Good luck OP.
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I was in a monogomous relationship and I began to go off sex, feel uncomfortable, sensetive and withdrew affection from my partner. I then found out that my partner was cheating on me. On relection, I think I knew that I wasn't 'safe' with him anymore and my body wisely responded.
I wonder if something similar here?
I don't want to make presumptions about how ethical your non monogomy is.. But if there is an element of mistrust in your relationship, I can guarantee that will affect your partners behaviour whether she is aware of it or not..
Talk to her.. Put your attention on your wife and take it from there.
The physical aspect of her bladder.. Has she been to the docs? Pain during sex of course is going to put her off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual |
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There are a number of questions I would ask, but the first one would be, when did this start? Fundamentally you are not nourishing each other physically which is now impacting you both emotionally. Tracing one’s steps back to when these situations began is usually the first stage in discovering where your relationship started to falter. I would recommend counselling for you both, but to get to that point you are going to have to communicate openly and honestly with each other and agree that something is “wrong”.
I’d ditch your profile here too, as it is preventing you from sorting out this issue, you won’t focus on what you can do to make your relationship better if you have an emergency exit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual "
Why are you together? Was it an arranged marriage?
She may be asexual. |
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual "
I was friendly with a woman who thought that sex was something you had to put up with when you were married. Her husband had several sisters who all thought the same way. It's not as unusual as you think |
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"I’m looking for some advice, I truely love my partner however she is not affectionate or inclined to have sex with me.
On the very rare occasion we have sex there is no kissing no foreplay and I’m only allowed to put in the tip because she says it’s too sore and uncomfortable because it hits her bladder ( I’m not big)
Once she cums I’m not allowed to touch her because it’s to sensitive and that’s sex finished for months.
I feel like I have tried everything to try make it different because I’m really really struggling
I don’t know what to do?"
Hormonal maybe ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual
I was friendly with a woman who thought that sex was something you had to put up with when you were married. Her husband had several sisters who all thought the same way. It's not as unusual as you think"
Men perpetuate the idea that women who enjoy sex are slags... then complain when women don't like sex...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual "
Break up with her. It’s not that simple but you need to find the strength to leave her. You’re not happy. |
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual
I was friendly with a woman who thought that sex was something you had to put up with when you were married. Her husband had several sisters who all thought the same way. It's not as unusual as you think
Men perpetuate the idea that women who enjoy sex are slags... then complain when women don't like sex......"
Well, yes there is that. I think most men are happy for women to enjoy sex with them though, just not too kinky or unusual... that's for the casual hook ups.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv not cheated on her, my verification was not sex it was an innocent social
The temptation to use this site to get a chat and some interesting flirting is really high.
She has never been interested in me physically tho she says she fancies me. I have spoken to her about it so many times but she doesn’t think it is unusual
I was friendly with a woman who thought that sex was something you had to put up with when you were married. Her husband had several sisters who all thought the same way. It's not as unusual as you think
Men perpetuate the idea that women who enjoy sex are slags... then complain when women don't like sex......
Well, yes there is that. I think most men are happy for women to enjoy sex with them though, just not too kinky or unusual... that's for the casual hook ups. "
Fuck em and drop em.
Girlfriends don't put it in their mouths.  |
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I would love to be able to throw some light onto this problem for you, but it's not as easy as that unfortunately.
Can I ask some personal questions?
Do you have children?
How long have you been together?
For the record, I don't believe cheating is ever the answer, unless it has the blessing of the other party.
Whilst physical problems are real for some.
Many more are as a result of a mental issue. I don't mean she's mad obviously, but it can often be a psychological problem. A traumatic past experience, which can trigger all sorts of mental blocks. Especially if the trauma has been kept a secret, the claim of physical pain means the trauma can safely remain a secret. If that makes sense?
To put it another way, all the time she's claiming it's painful means the real problem (psychological) won't have to come out and therefore be dealt with or in the open.
The only way to truly find out what's wrong, is to talk, talk and talk. And when you're all talked out, talk some more. Be prepared to hear answers you might not like, as painful as they are to hear, imagine how much more painful voicing it is.
So hope you work it out and your relationship can blossom again.
HW
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