FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Explaining sharing to someone
Explaining sharing to someone
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Ive come across a few people lately that seem to think that if you share your partner that you can't really love them etc and that something is missing from the relationship...
A view I am in polar opposite thoughts.... ie I think that it has nothing to do with that..and that sharing someone you love sexually with another is so sexy and hot... and that just because they may or may not have sex with someone else.. doesn't mean they don't have an amazing sex life with their primary partner.
How do you explain this to someone.... as it seems an increasingly popular view, especially amongst single guys on here. That wouldn't want to share their lady but happy to share others and feel it's because something is lacking/ wrong in the couples relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive come across a few people lately that seem to think that if you share your partner that you can't really love them etc and that something is missing from the relationship...
A view I am in polar opposite thoughts.... ie I think that it has nothing to do with that..and that sharing someone you love sexually with another is so sexy and hot... and that just because they may or may not have sex with someone else.. doesn't mean they don't have an amazing sex life with their primary partner.
How do you explain this to someone.... as it seems an increasingly popular view, especially amongst single guys on here. That wouldn't want to share their lady but happy to share others and feel it's because something is lacking/ wrong in the couples relationship "
I have been in two open relationships and consider sex and love two different things  |
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It's hard to explain there was a bloke in the forums the other week basically saying you must have something missing from your relationship as much as I tried to explain I don't think it got through - the way I try explaining it is that swinging takes a huge amount of trust and communication, we are open and honest about what we want, we have amazing sex together and want to explore further, we aren't missing anything in our relationship we like to try new things, make new connections and friends and we both love sex so why not.
Just because your in a relationship doesn't mean you can't be turned on by the thought of the Mr with another or a threesome or foresome, I think the couples that do take the leap tend to me much stronger in their relationships than the monogamous who generally wouldn't dare admit even being slightly attracted to someone else never mind wanting sex with other, they keep that part hidden and generally becomes an issue or they sneak about (not all monogamous)
Honesty and good communication is hot, seeing my partner enjoy himself is hot, getting boobs and cock at the same time is amazing
Mrs |
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First of all, you owe no one an explanation. People tends to fear what they dont understand or relate to, and that's understandable. However, if you are interested in explaining to promote the lifestyle, then by all mean give it your best, but don't set your expectations high. |
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"Can I point out these are people I've met in the lifestyle. Either at clubs or via the forums "
Singles in the lifestyle? They just maybe don't understand from a couples perspective I've seen many singles on here saying they wouldn't share if they were in a relationship.
If it's couples maybe they are in it for the wrong reasons & are looking for some kind of validation.
Mrs |
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"Also part two.
Where do they get off commenting on other people's relationship?"
I think it's more they are judging on the "norm" and for me if I can help someone at least think in a broader term...then it's all good.
There have been misconceptions even I've been guilty of over the years... from upbringing..my own social circle etc xx yet over the years I've questioned and reevaluated some of the ways I look at things x
|
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"Also part two.
Where do they get off commenting on other people's relationship?I think it's more they are judging on the "norm" and for me if I can help someone at least think in a broader term...then it's all good.
There have been misconceptions even I've been guilty of over the years... from upbringing..my own social circle etc xx yet over the years I've questioned and reevaluated some of the ways I look at things x
"
I'm not patient enough to explain. I'll happily discuss things in broad terms but the minute anyone questions our relationship I'm out of the conversation. |
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"Can I point out these are people I've met in the lifestyle. Either at clubs or via the forums
Singles in the lifestyle? They just maybe don't understand from a couples perspective I've seen many singles on here saying they wouldn't share if they were in a relationship.
If it's couples maybe they are in it for the wrong reasons & are looking for some kind of validation.
Mrs "
Makes a great filter doesn't it? |
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"It's hard to explain there was a bloke in the forums the other week basically saying you must have something missing from your relationship as much as I tried to explain I don't think it got through - the way I try explaining it is that swinging takes a huge amount of trust and communication, we are open and honest about what we want, we have amazing sex together and want to explore further, we aren't missing anything in our relationship we like to try new things, make new connections and friends and we both love sex so why not.
Just because your in a relationship doesn't mean you can't be turned on by the thought of the Mr with another or a threesome or foresome, I think the couples that do take the leap tend to me much stronger in their relationships than the monogamous who generally wouldn't dare admit even being slightly attracted to someone else never mind wanting sex with other, they keep that part hidden and generally becomes an issue or they sneak about (not all monogamous)
Honesty and good communication is hot, seeing my partner enjoy himself is hot, getting boobs and cock at the same time is amazing
Mrs "
This is a perfect explanation IMO |
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This is why Mr has a particular suspicion and dislike of men that are cheating on here.
He feels that why should he share his partner when they're not willing to share theirs.
Obviously objectively he understands there is many reasons why that may be the case but especially the ones that come at at with an attitude of well your partner's lacking so I'll give you one.
Which isn't why we're (or many/any of us) here. |
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I have to say having been playing in the lifestyle for more than 20 years and have met many couples and in my opinion the vast majority of them have the most honest and stable relationships I've ever seen
Nothing to explain you either get it or you don't |
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"It is one of our immediate red flags. You really shouldn't need to explain that to anyone on here. "
My opinion is you needn't explain how your relationship works to anybody. Our daughter and her husband regularly take holidays without each other. This has lead to people openly questioning their commitment. Someone emailed me specifically to ask why she wasn't wearing her wedding ring in a photo (she was).
It's rude. |
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By *igT-Time-4-FunMan
over a year ago
BEDFORDSHIRE areas SOCIAL or fun let's chat |
"Also part two.
Where do they get off commenting on other people's relationship?"
--------
Forum mod
Lots on fab do feel they have a defined right to tell you your
"in the wrong"
"Out of order"
"a disgrace"
Especially someone like me in my situation.
That's life you just need to learn to live with it and still SMILE EVERY MINUTE.
And use BLOCK if there a pain in the BUM LOL
Be happy all, life is good 24/7 if you work hard at it.
T
T |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
We're not at all keen on the expression "sharing your partner". To us sharing implies an element of ownership. We don't "share" each other when we swing, what we share is each other's enjoyment and sexual excitement. |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
"We're not at all keen on the expression "sharing your partner". To us sharing implies an element of ownership. We don't "share" each other when we swing, what we share is each other's enjoyment and sexual excitement. "
Building on this, we agree we do not see ourselves as each other's property, so we think of swinging as participating TOGETHER in something we enjoy doing TOGETHER: a social, a foursome, attending a club, a house party. Some of that, of course, involves having sex with others but we always decide as individual parts of the couple when, how and with whom.
And those in the lifestyle questioning "sharing" should perhaps be the ones in the best position to explain to themselves why their partners (or past/potential partners) are "sharing" them so they meet others as singles, in many cases behind the back of the only "sharing" partner in their relationship. Bet that is they're caught they would ask for forgiveness and claim "it was only sex", "I really love you". |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
"Why explain it? It’s something someone either agrees with or they don’t. And you don’t need to justify what the parameters of love and your relationship are to anyone."
100% this we've had our fair share of people who for some reason want to pick apart our very happy marriage and lifestyle swinging and cuckolding ... we just dont rise to them they dont need to understand its not their relationship and its normally from people who are jealous or not happy in thier own relationships ... nobody needs to explain anything to anyone |
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Few different sides to this.
1. Having something missing isn't necessarily a bad sign. My cock is smaller than my gf would like, but she also likes variety, so me lacking a big cock fits well.
2. It's a bit like having a best mate. Just because you go for a pint with another mate doesn't mean your best mate isn't your best mate any more.
3. Our relationship is a bit more cuck than traditional sharing, and I aliken it to going to the gym. You can go to the gym with your partner and love it, but your partner can't quite push you to the level that PT instructor can.
Or
4. You love your partners home cooked food, but sometimes you just want that dirty kebab or take away pizza.
For us, a key aspect is that what she gets else where needs to be different to what's at home. |
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You expect the swinging scene to be a really open minded environment. Sadly it has its fair share of bigots just like the rest of society. I wouldn’t try to challenge or change their fixed mindset but spend my time and energy finding people with a similarly broad outlook on life.
Personally I think it’s the ultimate statement of true love. To love someone so much that you want them to experience pleasure even if it’s not primarily from you. |
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"Few different sides to this.
1. Having something missing isn't necessarily a bad sign. My cock is smaller than my gf would like, but she also likes variety, so me lacking a big cock fits well.
2. It's a bit like having a best mate. Just because you go for a pint with another mate doesn't mean your best mate isn't your best mate any more.
3. Our relationship is a bit more cuck than traditional sharing, and I aliken it to going to the gym. You can go to the gym with your partner and love it, but your partner can't quite push you to the level that PT instructor can.
Or
4. You love your partners home cooked food, but sometimes you just want that dirty kebab or take away pizza.
For us, a key aspect is that what she gets else where needs to be different to what's at home."
Good points
We liked it to a track day experience where she gets to drive a super car for a few laps…
Then we come home in our own car.
Dick size and stamina counts x |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
Simply the new and unknown..
The excitement of sharing those first date 'flutters' together.
The ability to fulfill the fantasies we can't with just the two of us.. The list goes on
|
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"Simply the new and unknown..
The excitement of sharing those first date 'flutters' together.
The ability to fulfill the fantasies we can't with just the two of us.. The list goes on
"
Beautiful way to put it x
Sharing those flutters together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My view is every relationship is different (and very much part of the fun) with degrees of limits and boundaries, most of the time we keep our life private. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex with each other is making love, sex with others is just sex.
We met while swinging so nothing was missing at all.
Both of us enjoy watching each other with others.  |
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Maybe slightly off topic.
We were once in a club and are quite happy to be left alone, smoke break, bar break etc. A single guy moved in on Mrs when I went to bar and apparently told her he could give her what I couldn't. Told me later she wasted 10 mins trying to explain that he could never possibly get near what I gave her etc. Said she gave up an told him to f#"k off.
Basically I think what I'm trying to say ia that if you know, you know.
There are swingers & there are sex pests.  |
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"Maybe slightly off topic.
We were once in a club and are quite happy to be left alone, smoke break, bar break etc. A single guy moved in on Mrs when I went to bar and apparently told her he could give her what I couldn't. Told me later she wasted 10 mins trying to explain that he could never possibly get near what I gave her etc. Said she gave up an told him to f#"k off.
Basically I think what I'm trying to say ia that if you know, you know.
There are swingers & there are sex pests. "
I think this is precisely on topic and perfect last sentence. |
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Some people get it and some don't, especially jealous people. I (Disco Balls) describe myself as not being jealous but being protective and there's a big difference.
It can also be down to fantasies. Some are able to discuss them and explore them. Some would love to but can't discuss them with their significant other. Some can't be honest or open with their significant other and explore their fantasies with others by cheating. It can depend on the dynamic within the relationship.
One analogy that I have used, (but don't like the element of ownership / objectification), is having a Ferrari, which is you pride and joy. Someone else has an equal appreciation for Ferraris but can't afford one and constantly chats with you about yours and admires it. One day you give them the keys and tell them that they can take it for a spin around the block, whilst at the same time telling them that you're not giving it to them, it's still yours they must respect it and it comes back to your garage.) It'd a poor analogy in many respects but might convey some of the elements of sharing.
To share your partner requires a strong and sound relationship, not because something is lacking and if your partner wants to do something, if you love them and they love you, why wouldn't you want them to be able to explore.
If someone doesn't understand the concept, we wouldn't want to play with them. |
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"Ive come across a few people lately that seem to think that if you share your partner that you can't really love them etc and that something is missing from the relationship...
A view I am in polar opposite thoughts.... ie I think that it has nothing to do with that..and that sharing someone you love sexually with another is so sexy and hot... and that just because they may or may not have sex with someone else.. doesn't mean they don't have an amazing sex life with their primary partner.
How do you explain this to someone.... as it seems an increasingly popular view, especially amongst single guys on here. That wouldn't want to share their lady but happy to share others and feel it's because something is lacking/ wrong in the couples relationship "
We’ve been in a loving marriage for over 30 years and had our ups and downs but we are still here working at it.
Throughout that time Dee has cuckolded on a number of occasions, she love’s attention from other guys and loves to play. It doesn’t make her love me any less or me love her any less, we view sex as an experience of pleasure and if Dee wants to have sec with other guys for a different pleasure experience then we don’t see anything wrong with that.
Others might disagree and say our relationship lacks something, we tend to think that we love each other but don’t own each other and free to make our own choices, is that lacking or just a mutual understanding ? |
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"Also part two.
Where do they get off commenting on other people's relationship?
--------
Forum mod
Lots on fab do feel they have a defined right to tell you your
"in the wrong"
"Out of order"
"a disgrace"
Especially someone like me in my situation.
That's life you just need to learn to live with it and still SMILE EVERY MINUTE.
And use BLOCK if there a pain in the BUM LOL
Be happy all, life is good 24/7 if you work hard at it.
T
T"
Honestly I don't care what other people think about our relationship, neither of us do. Hence we never explain why we do what we do. We never ask them to explain their relationship or why their sex life is the way it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also part two.
Where do they get off commenting on other people's relationship?I think it's more they are judging on the "norm" and for me if I can help someone at least think in a broader term...then it's all good.
There have been misconceptions even I've been guilty of over the years... from upbringing..my own social circle etc xx yet over the years I've questioned and reevaluated some of the ways I look at things x
"
Your post on gangbangs a few years ago helped me to understand.
If the person is arsey about swinging I would just avoid them and not explain. If they are interested I would try.
A man may go to the pub with one set of mates, golfing with another set, to the football with other mates. He likes all his mates but they like different things. It doesn't reduce his friendship for them. Same with swinging/ sex with other people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some couples both have sex with others. Some it's just one of them who has sex with other people while their partner watches or isn't even present.
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing if someone says they couldn't "share" their partner but are happy to e.g. join couples. Perhaps that's just how they are. |
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They are -technically- correct... There's something missing from ALL monogamous couple relationships - threesomes, moresomes, sex with new people, and generally exploring one's sexuality to the fullest! |
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Some people are monogamous when they are in an intimate relationship, but less so when they aren't.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
And I don't think all swinging couples have a stronger relationship than couples who don't swing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people are monogamous when they are in an intimate relationship, but less so when they aren't.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
And I don't think all swinging couples have a stronger relationship than couples who don't swing"
|
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We have a perfect sex life so it’s not through anything lacking why we play with others.
We love giving people a glimpse into our sex lives and enjoy watching and playing with others.
It enhances our relationship as we can be completely open with each other - discuss our fantasies and act upon them. We are stronger because of this lifestyle.
If people don’t get that then it’s not for us to convert them - but the people we play with or are friends with completely get it.
K |
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"Some people are monogamous when they are in an intimate relationship, but less so when they aren't.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
And I don't think all swinging couples have a stronger relationship than couples who don't swing"
Well put & very true.
There are quite a few cpls we've met who are no more.
Suppose that's a subject for another day tho. |
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As a single person who has been to sex
Club but has never had a relationship in this lifestyle I would never judge someone else’s. At one time I maybe did wonder how can you “share” but having seen couples together I have a better understanding of the immense pleasure it can bring watching and being part of that sex with the person you love.
My own personal boundary is due to my own insecurities I would not feel able to enjoy or watch someone I love been fucked… unfortunately past experiences I think have led me to this. But I also have a very selfish side that if I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to watch me with others and join in that would be okay. (Which to me seems selfish haha)
Like I said I’ve never been in a relationship in this lifestyle but admire people who are and are very happy x |
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"As a single person who has been to sex
Club but has never had a relationship in this lifestyle I would never judge someone else’s. At one time I maybe did wonder how can you “share” but having seen couples together I have a better understanding of the immense pleasure it can bring watching and being part of that sex with the person you love.
My own personal boundary is due to my own insecurities I would not feel able to enjoy or watch someone I love been fucked… unfortunately past experiences I think have led me to this. But I also have a very selfish side that if I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to watch me with others and join in that would be okay. (Which to me seems selfish haha)
Like I said I’ve never been in a relationship in this lifestyle but admire people who are and are very happy x
"
In our relationship, there is no "sharing". Mrs likes to play with guys and that's that.
I've never felt like I share her, probably a couple of reasons, but mainly because I don't feel like I'm compromising or missing out when she's with guys.
I get everything and more than I need from her, I have zero interest in other women, although we do play with guys together because I like cock and she loves watching.
If she wanted a 2nd boyfriend, or to go on dates etc with guys, then I think that would feel like sharing, but pure sex, specifically sex which is very different to what she can get at home does not feel like sharing at all.
|
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"As a single person who has been to sex
Club but has never had a relationship in this lifestyle I would never judge someone else’s. At one time I maybe did wonder how can you “share” but having seen couples together I have a better understanding of the immense pleasure it can bring watching and being part of that sex with the person you love.
My own personal boundary is due to my own insecurities I would not feel able to enjoy or watch someone I love been fucked… unfortunately past experiences I think have led me to this. But I also have a very selfish side that if I was in a relationship and my partner wanted to watch me with others and join in that would be okay. (Which to me seems selfish haha)
Like I said I’ve never been in a relationship in this lifestyle but admire people who are and are very happy x
In our relationship, there is no "sharing". Mrs likes to play with guys and that's that.
I've never felt like I share her, probably a couple of reasons, but mainly because I don't feel like I'm compromising or missing out when she's with guys.
I get everything and more than I need from her, I have zero interest in other women, although we do play with guys together because I like cock and she loves watching.
If she wanted a 2nd boyfriend, or to go on dates etc with guys, then I think that would feel like sharing, but pure sex, specifically sex which is very different to what she can get at home does not feel like sharing at all.
"
I totally agree it’s not sharing I used that quote as it had been described to someone else as sharing in the above thread etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only explanation I managed to come up with is this
Sex is like dinner
Sometimes we can share dinner, other times have a special one alone, sometimes you see your friends for dinner with or without me and sometimes I do too, sometimes I want a steak, other times I want a burger, it doesn’t mean I don’t like eating with you, or you don’t with me, just means a varied diet
|
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"Some people are monogamous when they are in an intimate relationship, but less so when they aren't.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
And I don't think all swinging couples have a stronger relationship than couples who don't swing"
Neither do I. I think*everyone on this thread excluded* that many couples protest too much. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Simply the new and unknown..
The excitement of sharing those first date 'flutters' together.
The ability to fulfill the fantasies we can't with just the two of us.. The list goes on
Beautiful way to put it x
Sharing those flutters together "
Thank you! His words, he's much better at expressing things than I!! Example he had a sexy single lady very interested in joining us at a vanilla wedding..
Until I walk up to her and said "D's told me where I am going to sit in our room, while I watch him fuck you.."
She ran, #facepalm moment   |
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"The only explanation I managed to come up with is this
Sex is like dinner
Sometimes we can share dinner, other times have a special one alone, sometimes you see your friends for dinner with or without me and sometimes I do too, sometimes I want a steak, other times I want a burger, it doesn’t mean I don’t like eating with you, or you don’t with me, just means a varied diet
"
Is there a place for fast food sometimes??? |
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"
How do you explain this to someone.... as it seems an increasingly popular view, especially amongst single guys on here. That wouldn't want to share their lady but happy to share others and feel it's because something is lacking/ wrong in the couples relationship "
We also hear this a lot which just shows they don't understand what swinging is and therefore these are not the people we would want to be involved with. |
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By *andboyMan
over a year ago
Calne |
No-one who is a genuine swinger should be judged. We do it for our own reasons. When we were meeting as a couple we met exclusively other couples, following some medical issues I now play alone, but there are still rules. I do not prioritise any meeting over being with wifey, so the working day is mainly the time I am off the lead. There are other times when we meet old friends from here as a couple and they are aware of our situation. As a male on here looking for daytime meetings, I am always being judged. |
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"We once asked a (obviously) married guy in a club why he didn't bring his wife.
"God no, she's not a slag"
I kid you not. Word soon spread around the club. "
We were chatting to a much younger guy once and I was seriously considering changing my fairly strict lower age limit until he said "I would never do this with a partner". It wasn't so much what he said as his tone and the fact that he obviously thought we would think he was a good guy for thinking that way. |
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