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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m curious about this set up. I like kinky sex and letting someone lead things but I in no way want someone to degrade and bully me and make me feel inferior, call me a slut etc.
I’m interested to hear your experience of playing either role and why you like it.
Did something happen in your life that made you like this or is it a natural personality trait? Discuss  |
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Submission can be the giving up of control, of trusting someone enough to allow them to take over one of more senses, aspects of you, the exploring of your desires and finding new things out about yourself.
Done well it can be an empowering and beautiful experience, there’s way more than simply getting a bit rough and calling someone names.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Submission can be the giving up of control, of trusting someone enough to allow them to take over one of more senses, aspects of you, the exploring of your desires and finding new things out about yourself.
Done well it can be an empowering and beautiful experience, there’s way more than simply getting a bit rough and calling someone names.."
I heard the phrase “daddy dom” tonight and when I questioned it he said it means he is more affectionate and looks after you unlike a usual dom. I guess there are all different types? |
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"
I heard the phrase “daddy dom” tonight and when I questioned it he said it means he is more affectionate and looks after you unlike a usual dom. I guess there are all different types? "
Life most things it can mean different things to different people, often on a sliding scale - from something as simple as an age play dynamic (having a fetish for a much older man for example), all the way through to DDLG play involving age regression play, adult diapers, the lot. |
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"Submission can be the giving up of control, of trusting someone enough to allow them to take over one of more senses, aspects of you, the exploring of your desires and finding new things out about yourself.
Done well it can be an empowering and beautiful experience, there’s way more than simply getting a bit rough and calling someone names..
I heard the phrase “daddy dom” tonight and when I questioned it he said it means he is more affectionate and looks after you unlike a usual dom. I guess there are all different types? "
Yes, my Dom is my Daddy. We don’t do age okay, but it means he is in charge but while he can discipline me he also looks after me and cherishes me |
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There are all sorts of dynamics OP the same as there are all sorts of kinks. What’s right for one person isn’t right for another.
Personally being a submissive isn’t something I just “do”. It’s who I am.
The world of kink is your oyster. Find out for yourself what turns you on  |
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"
Personally being a submissive isn’t something I just “do”. It’s who I am. "
Pretty much this for me, but dom.
Kink is a wonderful world to explore, that I find endlessly fascinating and exciting… |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think you are right about the sliding scale and what fits for some wont fit for others. I think as long as expectations are discussed up front there hopefully won’t be any boundaries broken  |
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"I think you are right about the sliding scale and what fits for some wont fit for others. I think as long as expectations are discussed up front there hopefully won’t be any boundaries broken "
Absolutely. I think being able to have an open discussion with any potential/current partner is key. You’ll find common wants, areas to explore, and hard limits. As long as the latter are always respected, go for it… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the Dom sub interaction is not based on respect it won’t end well. For me it’s simply about taking control to the woman can just relax and not worry about anything like being a mother or wife or daughter or having to act all sexy. She can just allow herself to be taken for both our enjoyment and just be herself. I’m constantly looking at her and her body and I’ll instantly know if she is not happy. Unfortunately there seems to be plenty guys that use it as an excuse to abuse a woman and are only in it for their own pleasure. |
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"If the Dom sub interaction is not based on respect it won’t end well. For me it’s simply about taking control to the woman can just relax
and not worry about anything like being a mother or wife or daughter or having to act all sexy. She can just allow herself to be taken for both our enjoyment and just be herself. I’m constantly looking at her and her body and I’ll instantly know if she is not happy. Unfortunately there seems to be plenty guys that use it as an excuse to abuse a woman and are only in it for their own pleasure. "
Like this...xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If the Dom sub interaction is not based on respect it won’t end well. For me it’s simply about taking control to the woman can just relax and not worry about anything like being a mother or wife or daughter or having to act all sexy. She can just allow herself to be taken for both our enjoyment and just be herself. I’m constantly looking at her and her body and I’ll instantly know if she is not happy. Unfortunately there seems to be plenty guys that use it as an excuse to abuse a woman and are only in it for their own pleasure. "
Yeah that’s my concern someone being really mean or abusive as I’d end up bursting into tears  |
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I agree with _inkyisfunuk. You must have total trust and set your boundaries. It's only about your fantasy and wishes at the end of the day. It's not the Dark Arts and it definitely is not Vanilla.
Find a trusting partner and get some soft play going and build off that xxx enjoy x |
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For me, my brain is my biggest sexual organ. A dynamic like this (although not a fan of labels) is such an intense cerebral connection. I find the mind play and the feelings this brings make me feel very alive, very attractive and very intune with my body. I've certainly learnt a lot about myself that I have embraced.
Every dynamic is different, every person is different. I certainly couldn't have this with just anyone. It is based on a lot of trust and feeling safe with a person.
I also wouldn't want this 24/7. I sometimes feel the need for vanilla sex, or to have a little control. This keeps me balanced. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A D/s relationship is what you make of it and how much you want to put into it..... I see it as 2 people of opposite sides of the spectrum coming together to make some wonderful that suited them both....
I would consider myself exceptionally submissive by nature but we are all different and all have different opinions and that's what makes us unique, if your wanting to dabble do it, you'll never know if you don't give it a whirl. |
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By *an2023Couple
over a year ago
Swansea |
F sub here.
Personally, I find being sub takes all the guess work out of sex for me.
As kinkisfunuk (sorry if I got your name wrong) said earlier, it allows me to not overthink during sex; about the parts of me I don’t like physically, if I’m doing something my partner isn’t particularly feeling etc.
It allows me the freedom to just enjoy.
I also find that it gives a lot of opportunity to talk about likes and dislikes without judgement and allows for frank discussions.
It doesn’t hurt that I also like the bdsm side of things and I think that naturally lends itself to a D/s dynamic.
And being sub doesn’t mean doing anything you’re not comfortable with…it’s knowing that your Dom only wants to bring you pleasure. Even if it’s most often on his terms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the Dom sub interaction is not based on respect it won’t end well. For me it’s simply about taking control to the woman can just relax and not worry about anything like being a mother or wife or daughter or having to act all sexy. She can just allow herself to be taken for both our enjoyment and just be herself. I’m constantly looking at her and her body and I’ll instantly know if she is not happy. Unfortunately there seems to be plenty guys that use it as an excuse to abuse a woman and are only in it for their own pleasure. "
 |
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After being pinned down by a female playmate in a meet once and being directed and controlled in another by someone else, it piqued my interest.. I'm already into sensory and sensation play..but i'm very very keen to explore kink further and and emphasis on sub/domme play with a dominant woman. Not massively into pain outside of flogging and depredation would do nothing for me. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
As others have said there are different ways to do a D/s relationship.
However, I think the inclusion of "sex" in your title may be a clue to your interest.
My view is that there is a difference between BDSM as seen by the BDSM community, and BDSM as seen by the swinger community and those that have watched too much porn. I am not saying one approach is better than the other they are just different. The first is primarily about a relationship with varying degrees of non sexual kink (but like any relationship there may be sex), the latter is all about sex but some level of non sex kink may be involved.
It is like looking for cars, you have to do the work to know what you want and then do the research about the types of cars fit the bill. Then you need any potential purchase to be checked.
If you are looking for a bedroom relationship the checking may not need to be as thorough and can be different.
Good luck. |
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Way too many guys think being dominant is just being rough and demeaning… fuck that.
Then at the other end there’s all that floaty ‘it’s all in the mind’ nonsense… fuck that too.
For me it’s about giving over control of circumstances/situation, whatever that may be.
It can pretty much be whatever you want it to be, but don’t be butthurt if other people’s expectations or perceptions don’t allow with your own xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As others have said there are different ways to do a D/s relationship.
However, I think the inclusion of "sex" in your title may be a clue to your interest.
My view is that there is a difference between BDSM as seen by the BDSM community, and BDSM as seen by the swinger community and those that have watched too much porn. I am not saying one approach is better than the other they are just different. The first is primarily about a relationship with varying degrees of non sexual kink (but like any relationship there may be sex), the latter is all about sex but some level of non sex kink may be involved.
It is like looking for cars, you have to do the work to know what you want and then do the research about the types of cars fit the bill. Then you need any potential purchase to be checked.
If you are looking for a bedroom relationship the checking may not need to be as thorough and can be different.
Good luck."
Power exchange is power exchange, I would say explore and find out what you want and like.
As for terminology, everything means what's you want it to mean.
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
"…it’s knowing that your Dom only wants to bring you pleasure. Even if it’s most often on his terms "
Loved your explanation. We abhor using and abusing people, sexually or otherwise, so Dom for us only makes sense if the focus is on giving pleasure to the sub, without letting the sub gaming any say in how and when and what. Just giving control, by trusting the Dom looks after the sub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have been D/s for 10 plus years, if you want to chat pm if you wish.
The basic thing with D/s is the submissive has all the control  it’s just on paper they are not"
And this is the truth of all power exchange dynamics, us toy flingers are at the whim and mercy of the person who wants the toys flung  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
There is an alternative view.
In terms of those that like to receive sensation, they cannot receive it, and receive it well, without someone who is competent,capable and has the understanding to give it well. Unless the person giving the sensation is desperate, the person giving sensation can always refuse to apply sensation and walk away.
Therefore, it is a situation of mutuality of negative control of the dynamic.
Generally, some view the "sub is in control" statement as a misunderstanding of the position that every person of adult age, of mental stability and not convicted, has the right to decide what happens with their body. That does not mean the submissive is in control of the D/s or Top/ bottom dynamic. It also misses out the position that generally a submissive needs to express their submission and it cannot be done outside of a dynamic.
If the "submissive" is in charge, then the "submissive" is the Dominant, and the "Dominant" is the submissive or it is a topping from the bottom arrangement. These are all perfectly valid, and yes people can self define their own relationship, and yes in BDSM everyone can have their own view. However, the other understanding of the position is that D/s is about "power exchange" or these days "authority exchange" the submissive cedes control, but needs a Dominant to take control. The exchange can take various forms. But in terms of control of the dynamic it is a mutual matter.
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