Any advice for people on the spectrum? Anyone on the spectrum have success and would like to share the best way to go about it?
Would you rather someone be upfront about it or that they try hide it? |
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"Op can you explain how autism impacts a sexual relationship please?"
It’s more the social side of it and getting your foot in the door i’m looking for advice on as I find it a bit hard to woo someone through text lol, clubs being too overwhelming, being mistook for being rude/nervous/blunt on first impressions etc.
Just asking about incase anyone knows of similar groups and such to make people feel less alone |
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"Op can you explain how autism impacts a sexual relationship please?"
I suspect it's not specifically the sexual part he's addressing. Autism severely impacts a person's social capability (I know, being on the spectrum myself).
In short, Autism might not necessarily affect the sexual part of a relationship, but it will have huge impact on the interactions leading up to that. |
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"Op can you explain how autism impacts a sexual relationship please?
It’s more the social side of it and getting your foot in the door i’m looking for advice on as I find it a bit hard to woo someone through text lol, clubs being too overwhelming, being mistook for being rude/nervous/blunt on first impressions etc.
Just asking about incase anyone knows of similar groups and such to make people feel less alone"
I wish I could suggest something. Sadly, there is no magical form of words or suggestion for how to make it work. It's just one of the may ways ASD/ND sucks (one of the others being the ignorant lack of understanding of many non-ASD/ND folks - naming no names in this thread)
There is an occasional thread that crops up here in the forums for/about/by ND folk like us. Maybe hunt it down and look for peops in there to see suggestions? |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
I apologise for my lack of knowledge on the subject, I’m asking this out of interest and a desire to learn more about it. Doesn’t Autism affect people in different ways, hence it being a spectrum, or does everyone with Autism find social interactions difficult? |
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"I apologise for my lack of knowledge on the subject, I’m asking this out of interest and a desire to learn more about it. Doesn’t Autism affect people in different ways, hence it being a spectrum, or does everyone with Autism find social interactions difficult?"
A good question. Every autistic/neurodivergent person is different, and will often have a diffrent range of symptoms. The most common issues however, experienced by the vast majority of autistic persons, tend to be (inorder of commonality) trouble with social situations, difficulties with expression of/understanding of/reception of emoting/emotions and communication of them.
Note that this is not every ASD person, but most. In the same way most migraine sufferers will get photophobia, but not all. |
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No advice, whatever you find helps you in the wider world will help here too. But I wanted to reassure in that at least IME this is actually an easier world to navigate: it is acceptable, desired even to be straight-forward and explicit, and you can ask questions about anything... so you don't have to read between the lines or just somehow know what the subtext is or what is expected of you. Also if I can make this generalisation swingers are not easily offended, you'll hear often people bragging that they are "unshockable". Lastly because situations get to be out of the ordinary, social etiquette is somewhat abandoned and there's leeway for small errors. Just don't keep your socks on when fucking, or wipe your penis on the curtains once you're done and you'll do fine  |
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"I apologise for my lack of knowledge on the subject, I’m asking this out of interest and a desire to learn more about it. Doesn’t Autism affect people in different ways, hence it being a spectrum, or does everyone with Autism find social interactions difficult?"
The spectrum aspect of autism refers to the level of intensity& impact the autistic characteristics have on the person's life. Difficulty in social interaction is no.1 characteristic/diagnostic criterion, and ranges from being completely nonverbal or having only a handful of words all the way to giving the impression of a neurotypical person. |
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"Autism is like anything else it is what you make it. High functioning autistic people are what they are "
'High functioning' autistic people don't exist. It's the type of term created to make neurotypicals feel more comfortable! |
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"Autism is like anything else it is what you make it. High functioning autistic people are what they are
'High functioning' autistic people don't exist. It's the type of term created to make neurotypicals feel more comfortable! "
This!
There's also a certain arrogant, patronising quality to the term, since it implies that neurotypical people are functioning above ASD people, and that those who are closest to normal are 'high'. |
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OP, There's a whole series of posts by neurodivergent folk. Here's the latest:
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1447141
We had asked Fab to give us a section in the forum, but they declined. Which is weird when you see the small subsets of humanity that do get their own section. |
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"Autism is like anything else it is what you make it. High functioning autistic people are what they are
'High functioning' autistic people don't exist. It's the type of term created to make neurotypicals feel more comfortable!
This!
There's also a certain arrogant, patronising quality to the term, since it implies that neurotypical people are functioning above ASD people, and that those who are closest to normal are 'high'."
Absolutely! It's like, "they're autistic, but almost normal!" |
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Some great points here  . ASD has each of us with our unique condition, so it's unlikely to be the same for any of us.
That said, it could be helpful to understand that Fab is hard for all single men, so having realistic expectations can be helpful too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice for people on the spectrum? Anyone on the spectrum have success and would like to share the best way to go about it?
Would you rather someone be upfront about it or that they try hide it?"
hi OP, i'm on the spectrum and have actually had a few meets from here (my last account) surprisingly might i add, cos of seeing the forums and noticing that men talk about struggling to get meets. so am not complaining lol.
all i can really actually say, is be yourself (literally speaking), be engaging/engaged with the person you're talking to and most importantly don't set any expectations and let things happen as they may. patience is another good key to fab too. goodluck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice for people on the spectrum? Anyone on the spectrum have success and would like to share the best way to go about it?
Would you rather someone be upfront about it or that they try hide it?"
Some ideas for you
1. Be safe and set clear boundaries for yourself. You’re in a vulnerable place as a man, with a lot less choice. But that doesn’t mean compromising on your health and safety.
2. Know what you want and ask for it clearly. It may take time to figure that out but perhaps start with a wish list and let people know. The great thing about this site, as others have said, is that you can speak plainly (respectfully of course).
3. Choose the settings that work for you- if social gatherings with chit chat are too painful, avoid them or go with a friend.
4. Not sure you need to let people know- not unless it becomes a regular thing or you’re at the point of negotiating explicit scenarios or it’s impacting your performance in some
Way. It’s your business until then. Personally I would be okay with knowing or answering truthfully if asked but not everyone is as understanding or knowledgeable on the subject.
Hope that helps and good luck |
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"Any advice for people on the spectrum? Anyone on the spectrum have success and would like to share the best way to go about it?
Would you rather someone be upfront about it or that they try hide it?"
I don’t think you need to do either; but if you think that anything might cause an issue then focus on the specifics. For example, you might want to tell people whom you’re meeting that you’re not very good at picking up on hints, so they just need to be quite direct with you, etc. No need to go into your deep medical history. |
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"Op can you explain how autism impacts a sexual relationship please?
It’s more the social side of it and getting your foot in the door i’m looking for advice on as I find it a bit hard to woo someone through text lol, clubs being too overwhelming, being mistook for being rude/nervous/blunt on first impressions etc.
Just asking about incase anyone knows of similar groups and such to make people feel less alone"
Hey op, I was going to suggest the thread _penbicouple suggested there's a lot of people here who maybe able to offer advice.
Rather than clubs as you'd said there intimidating have you thought about popping along to one of the organised social events? There is no play it's just a bunch of swingers in a pub, generally everyone is friendly you will have to mingle a little and chat which I know can be a little tricky but it's a much more relaxed environment, I much prefer meeting people this way.
Good luck op.
Mrs |
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