FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The rise of the social, the fall of actually playing.
The rise of the social, the fall of actually playing.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it? |
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lol I can see the benefit of socials and have attended and organised but sort of see your point. On some nights clubs and parties are basically socials too. Know some other people who avoid socials like the plague as they want to play not talk about playing. Personally I get bored after an hour of so of chatting  |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
I don't do socials! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Socials are very important and the more of them the better. From my 1st experience here with a couple, a social was better and makes me more relaxed, because it can lead to more without any pressure. I prefer to plan a social meet first and then see how it goes.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get what you are saying, socials are basically dating, That’s a 1st date. But maybe to some women they want to vet the male first because there’s a lot of nutcases out there "
This! As someone who used to play on the same day as a social, there seemed to be more pressure.
Now I place more emphasis on the social, see if there's a connection before organising a meet, because it really makes the sex so much better imo! |
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It’s definitely a risk going straight into a meet without meeting socially, particularly for the single ladies. You would have to question though whether those who only chat about it are actually swingers at all, but there shouldn’t be any obligation for a social to lead to anything else. We can’t appeal to everyone. |
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By *hirleyMan
over a year ago
somewhere |
"It’s definitely a risk going straight into a meet without meeting socially, particularly for the single ladies. You would have to question though whether those who only chat about it are actually swingers at all, but there shouldn’t be any obligation for a social to lead to anything else. We can’t appeal to everyone. "
Don't think you understand what op means about "socials" |
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I guess when you go to meet I think you pretty much know very quickly if there is chemistry.
I think the social arranged that we have been to have been good as we have made connections and met up for fun times after.
We found it's getting more difficult to actually get meets up on Fab we have had some amazing ones but in the last few years there seems to be a change lots of wannabe fakes time wasters and picture collectors.
Still we are always optimistic. |
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"I assumed perhaps wrongly the OP was talking about organised groups socials rather than individual ones before potentially playing.
Ah possibly"
Actually not sure how you boycott a private social you arrange |
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By *N4funCouple
over a year ago
Manchester |
Socials have worked for us, met, talked and played with those we get along with from the socials.
Had a lot of none starters through messaging and creating meets on Fab, getting either no response or are a no show. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I assumed perhaps wrongly the OP was talking about organised groups socials rather than individual ones before potentially playing.
Ah possibly
Actually not sure how you boycott a private social you arrange "
Think it can refer to group/organisation or person.
I've not attended any organised socials this time round, I'm looking for something diffrent now but have in the past and for me, I found them helpful in getting to know people and having a good time. I mean its said often that swinging is as much about the social networking as anything else though I also appreciate it's not for everyone  |
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"It’s definitely a risk going straight into a meet without meeting socially, particularly for the single ladies. You would have to question though whether those who only chat about it are actually swingers at all, but there shouldn’t be any obligation for a social to lead to anything else. We can’t appeal to everyone.
Don't think you understand what op means about "socials" "
I appreciate that there are group socials but doesn’t meeting another couple or single socially on their own count too? |
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Club life for us. Arrange and meet there.
This whole coffee, social, vetting, first date process. WTF ! We just find it a very weird step. We’re not looking for another gf/bf
Don’t get us wrong. We have socials with people we’ve met and enjoy their company; some we played with some we haven’t |
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I don't personally think I'd want to play with people I'm not having a social with first, I like to gauge attraction and for me, that's not just based on looks. Most of our socials have led straight to play within an hour or so, I like the flirting, build up etc, see if the chemistry is truly there.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a chance.
The beauty of fab is that you do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong.
Sadly too many focus on what other people are doing so much that they miss out on what they want to be doing. |
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"It’s definitely a risk going straight into a meet without meeting socially, particularly for the single ladies. You would have to question though whether those who only chat about it are actually swingers at all, but there shouldn’t be any obligation for a social to lead to anything else. We can’t appeal to everyone.
Don't think you understand what op means about "socials"
I appreciate that there are group socials but doesn’t meeting another couple or single socially on their own count too?"
Count in what sense? Yep it’s still social but not sure that is the topic OP was intending to discuss. It rather dilutes the main topic but guess that happens a lot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Weve had both where its been hi straight to it "late night meets" but then weve had many a good social meets too ok some have ended with "this was nice until next time" others have finished with us all in bed but overall socials are good as you can meet again without breaking the ice as already broken |
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"Not a chance.
The beauty of fab is that you do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong.
Sadly too many focus on what other people are doing so much that they miss out on what they want to be doing. "
Spot on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
Surely the Genuine Swingers who already boycott socials are too busy fucking each other to do anything else?
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"Ah no, socials are fine. Some people like to just meet with similar minded people and unwind. A lot of people can't discuss this thing we do in real life so it's an outlet. Same as the Forums "
It is to meet people of a simular mind. But also I socials you get to see their true personality abd body language ect. We rarely would meet anyone straight off without meeting them to see if there is any chemistry ect. |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
If all they talked about was swinging at the socials you been to then you are attending the wrong ones. We had so much fun at the ones we been to. And the conversation was rarely about swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We love the social side! Sex is great but just turning up and fucking someone with zero connection is quite boring for us. We don’t want to spend a ton of time talking and never have any fun but having a connection and having that flirty spark between you all is what makes it exciting for us
I think everyone should be allowed to enjoy this scene in their own way and in whatever form they want without everyone else saying it’s wrong. However you enjoy the scene, it’s right
Mr |
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No, I love the socials I've met people at the large organised socials who's profile on here I wouldn't have looked twice at and would definitely meet for the sex, that wouldn't have happened if I was to rely on fab alone.
I need some sort of connection to fuck I cannot just see a photo of tits and a cock and jump on it, it's just not me so socials are very important.
Sex isn't the be all and end all, we've met some great friends through fab where sex isn't on the cards we'd have never met them if it wasn't for the socials.
Some people can just meet and fuck some can't - it would be boring if we were all the same.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No, I love the socials I've met people at the large organised socials who's profile on here I wouldn't have looked twice at and would definitely meet for the sex, that wouldn't have happened if I was to rely on fab alone.
I need some sort of connection to fuck I cannot just see a photo of tits and a cock and jump on it, it's just not me so socials are very important.
Sex isn't the be all and end all, we've met some great friends through fab where sex isn't on the cards we'd have never met them if it wasn't for the socials.
Some people can just meet and fuck some can't - it would be boring if we were all the same.
Mrs "
Exactly.. take away socials and we would never have met the "friends" we have made. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"lol I can see the benefit of socials and have attended and organised but sort of see your point. On some nights clubs and parties are basically socials too. Know some other people who avoid socials like the plague as they want to play not talk about playing. Personally I get bored after an hour of so of chatting "
Me too 
I mean it’s great to make everyone feel comfortable but couples meets and small parties people will just all all night about everything except the reason they are there!
Eventually someone gets brave and says can we get naked please |
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I don’t tend to do large socials as I find them a bit overwhelming so would be happy to boycott organised things as it makes no difference me.
I do agree with the comments that there are many people who just talk and don’t meet. That seems to miss the point of the site to me. That said - people who genuinely want to meet will find those who also want to meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cant just meet purely to get straight into it.
I like a social first just to check them out in person.
It's very hard to get a true sense of someone from a still photo and online interaction.
Chemistry has to be there in person and I hate pressure. I don't want hours of chat just a drink, a coffee whatever and a conversation then if all is well it can move along if and when we decide to. |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
That is not a productive idea as social media isn't going anywhere in fact it's increasing in use due to the younger generation that do all their socialising via said social media apps.
What could be done is use social media to find like minded individuals and create groups that are more into traditional swinging, this would then time waster.
Just a thought |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There is a greater increase in people only talking about swinging and not actually swinging and social is as far as it ever get. It's slowly ruining this site. "
Spot on comment! I describe it as YouTube swinging. Like when teenagers spend their life’s watching videos of people playing games they own and could be playing themselves, but they’d rather talk about it instead of doing it |
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By *ndianLuxCouple
over a year ago
West midlands |
"No, I love the socials I've met people at the large organised socials who's profile on here I wouldn't have looked twice at and would definitely meet for the sex, that wouldn't have happened if I was to rely on fab alone.
I need some sort of connection to fuck I cannot just see a photo of tits and a cock and jump on it, it's just not me so socials are very important.
Sex isn't the be all and end all, we've met some great friends through fab where sex isn't on the cards we'd have never met them if it wasn't for the socials.
Some people can just meet and fuck some can't - it would be boring if we were all the same.
Mrs "
This |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
We joined ten years ago and always insist on a social meet first. It allows us to sort out the wheat from the chaff. It works for us and we will continue to use that approach as it has lead to some great experiences.
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"We joined ten years ago and always insist on a social meet first. It allows us to sort out the wheat from the chaff. It works for us and we will continue to use that approach as it has lead to some great experiences.
"
This yes. plus the time waster and no shows. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been on here 2 weeks now so not that long... some might think we're flakes but we are complete newbies and nerves take a toll for me (c) . A social meet for me makes sense but other half gets bored with the messages bk and forth & just wants to get on with it 
But I think we both came to the conclusion that going to a club maybe our best bet. |
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By *atnSolCouple
over a year ago
Selby |
I guess it all depends on why you get into swinging in the first place, if it's just for sex then the social side is irrelevant but if like myself and my wife it's an escape from real life and responsibility,the social side gives us more satisfaction from an evening than just having great sex, the club scene is more than a place to go fuck, it gives us new friends and opportunities to experience a life we couldn't have imagined after 20 + years of kids, work, home and general adult responsibility,,, no I wouldn't boycott socials ever the swinging lifestyle is way more than fucking for us it's a chance to enjoy our lives again our way , but I can respect it's not for everyone so each to their own . |
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We don’t meet people through fab anymore it’s to much hard work we use the socials as a way to meet new people and to catch up with people we already know.
We’ve done the meeting without socials and it didn’t work out great for us.. |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
I think the organised Socials have their place - I don’t think they’re slowing down or displacing actual meets - I’ve gone to a few and I enjoy the face to face aspect as I work from home and I miss human interaction. I don’t do pub crawls and night clubs anymore so lifestyle socials are perfect. Chat, fun, games, wit, flirting, medical advice… it’s a good time with the right crowd and curated and run by experienced organisers. I’ve met some lovely people, established connections that led to meets and have had a couple of occasions where that immediate ‘click’ at the social has led back to my hotel room that very evening.
For those that hate the endless messaging nause, a face-to-face over a beer or glass of wine can cover that ground in 10 minutes.. |
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"We've been on here 2 weeks now so not that long... some might think we're flakes but we are complete newbies and nerves take a toll for me (c) . A social meet for me makes sense but other half gets bored with the messages bk and forth & just wants to get on with it
But I think we both came to the conclusion that going to a club maybe our best bet. "
We’ve been part of things for over a year now, and for us meeting at a club is the best option. With work/childcare etc our time is really limited so we tend to be ruthless. We arrange meets in clubs so if we click, we can play - and if we don’t click, there are plenty of others to have fun with.
We’ve invested too much time and effort into messaging and arranging socials only for things to fizzle out, or travelling for hours only to know in a nanosecond that there’s no spark.
That said, we do like to make friends in Fab - and we find the social side is even more fun after that initial naughty meet. |
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Oh, damn.
This thread has dashed my ambitions somewhat. I have never done socials but I fancied going to one of the local ones where I live, purely to get myself over the "he's a stranger, nobody knows who he is" starting line.
But I'm not sure I'd want to go to a social if the main topic of conversation was swinging. I'd want to go and meet people and build some rapport.
A bit of fruity chit-chat for sure, but I don't want to spend an evening discussing the theory of it all. That would be like sitting in a pub listening to classic car enthusiasts discussing carburettor maintenance.
Just drive the damn car. |
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"We've been on here 2 weeks now so not that long... some might think we're flakes but we are complete newbies and nerves take a toll for me (c) . A social meet for me makes sense but other half gets bored with the messages bk and forth & just wants to get on with it
But I think we both came to the conclusion that going to a club maybe our best bet.
We’ve been part of things for over a year now, and for us meeting at a club is the best option. With work/childcare etc our time is really limited so we tend to be ruthless. We arrange meets in clubs so if we click, we can play - and if we don’t click, there are plenty of others to have fun with.
We’ve invested too much time and effort into messaging and arranging socials only for things to fizzle out, or travelling for hours only to know in a nanosecond that there’s no spark.
That said, we do like to make friends in Fab - and we find the social side is even more fun after that initial naughty meet."
Nothing ruthless about that, |
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No sorry ,we love the social side of fab & enjoy group socials and socials with meets .
We all do what works for us ,so I get if they're not your thing ,but many of us enjoy making new friends and more.
Miss |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
Only been to one. It has not changed how much or how often we play. Sure, you will find those who love to talk about swinging than actually playing, but can't see the link into a decline of people willing to play, which by the way you mention as a fact, but that it's not necessarily established. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lol I can see the benefit of socials and have attended and organised but sort of see your point. On some nights clubs and parties are basically socials too. Know some other people who avoid socials like the plague as they want to play not talk about playing. Personally I get bored after an hour of so of chatting "
We also get bored of chatting for too long. We’re not on Fab to make lifelong friends, we have enough of them. We just want to meet up and have sex!
After a few messages and maybe a phone call we can pretty much tell if it’s going to work or not and if it doesn’t feel alright on the night we just walk away. |
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"We also get bored of chatting for too long. We’re not on Fab to make lifelong friends, we have enough of them. We just want to meet up and have sex!
After a few messages and maybe a phone call we can pretty much tell if it’s going to work or not and if it doesn’t feel alright on the night we just walk away."
Yep, agree with all of the above. Our modus operandi too.
Frank |
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Not been to a social yet. Might do my first one soon. Not sure what to expect. Genuinely confident guy but have this preconceived idea that I will either recognise someone which won't be too good or it being a bit socially awkward. On the slightly comical side people are constantly on their phones checking the site against present people and reminding themselves of what they are like in the virtual world.
I might be a million miles out. |
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"We also get bored of chatting for too long. We’re not on Fab to make lifelong friends, we have enough of them. We just want to meet up and have sex!
After a few messages and maybe a phone call we can pretty much tell if it’s going to work or not and if it doesn’t feel alright on the night we just walk away.
Yep, agree with all of the above. Our modus operandi too.
Frank"
I am in agreement as well. |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
We don’t do socials at all. Our time for swinging is so rare that when we get the chance we like to fuck! Sitting around chatting about experiences, how did we start swinging etc does nothing for us so count us in! |
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Interesting take! I think it's a fair observation that the average user of fabs is no longer a hardcore swinging action classic. There's been a popularity spread and acceptability of casual sex, which then meant a widening of membership to all sorts of people - plenty of which are not into threesomes or group sex at all, personally I find this to be way more of a departure from the initial "ethos" of a swinger site than the newbies, curiosos and look-at-mes.
Yes things are definitely seem softer now, but also IMO the scene has not completely recovered from the lockdowns, even though it feels like a long time has passed. |
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Depends on what anyone classes as a so called "Social" though ?? and the let's start shagging 2 seconds after meeting type meets has never appealed to either of us or the we'll only meet up if you guranatee we'll be shagging by the end of any and all meets ...so guess we do like a ickle bit of mutual attraction and even some conversation so is that us demanding a "Social" ???....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Socials are a great way of ensuring everyone is comfortable. Especially for single females on here, well anyone I guess.
I tend to know within first ten mins of a social if its going to lead to a meet or not |
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" Depends on what anyone classes as a so called "Social" though ?? and the let's start shagging 2 seconds after meeting type meets has never appealed to either of us or the we'll only meet up if you guranatee we'll be shagging by the end of any and all meets ...so guess we do like a ickle bit of mutual attraction and even some conversation so is that us demanding a "Social" ???.... "
I agree in principle. It *is* possible to get right at it, but for me personally, I like to feel out the chemistry, a bit of verbal probing and evaluating.
These days (maybe I'm old) but a body that's instantly available for all flavours of fuckery offers less eroticism and charge than the tension and excitement of a Tango. That Tango could be verbal, or physical proximity, or even an *actual can of Tango* while people suss each other out.
I'm as likely to meet a stereotypically "stunning beauty" and think "nah, no chemistry" as I am to meet somebody who doesn't look like they fell out of a Victoria's Secret photoshoot, and think "phwoooar".
And I'd rather a bit of circling and tactical Intel than just arriving, dick out, straight to the buffet. |
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?
We don’t do socials at all. Our time for swinging is so rare that when we get the chance we like to fuck! Sitting around chatting about experiences, how did we start swinging etc does nothing for us so count us in!"
lol yep. Top group social topics:
1.How long have you been swinging? How did you start?
2.Which clubs do you go to?
3.Swapping bad experiences
I do get easily bored and go into university tutorial mode in answering 1. "How do you define swinging?". Makes me really fun at socials |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not a chance.
The beauty of fab is that you do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong.
Sadly too many focus on what other people are doing so much that they miss out on what they want to be doing.
This
Spot on! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The rise of the social has contributed to the fall in people who actually swing. Nowadays, there are so many options to go and sit around talking and theorising about swinging, which in my opinion has led to the idea of actually doing it taking a backseat for most. A sure fire way to bring swinging back to its former numbers is to boycott socials. If such a movement was to begin, who, today, would join it?"
Agree. |
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Julys Gloucestershire Swingers Social is the evening of Friday 28th. Single Ladies, Single Gentleman & Couples attend the event. Come join us all in a fun filled evening. Ask for information. (It’s like an evening down the pub with mates) Get your name on the guest list & see you there. Link on my profile. |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
taunton somerset |
the increase in the social swinger is only those who live on these forums or go to clubs the rest are just getting on with it and having fun ...
its sad that there are people who think that what gets said in the forums / clubs is what swinging is and its totally not and never have been these forums and others are tiny same with the amount of swingers who use clubs yep tiny compared to the bigger picture ..
it the same when people start to think that because its said in clubs and the forum then that must be right or worse the rule .... there are no golden rules swinging is rule less apart from consent and the word no ... if you want socials have them if you dont then dont ... im just getting on with swinging and have fun with others in the real swinging world .....  |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
taunton somerset |
oh and forgot to add we dont do socials never have never will and it works for us we play regular and getting meets with hot people easy ... too many think too much and before you know it the fun has gone..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oh and forgot to add we dont do socials never have never will and it works for us we play regular and getting meets with hot people easy ... too many think too much and before you know it the fun has gone..
"
Absolutely  |
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