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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can to tell who is what or do they have to tell you?
And have you ever thought…”you told me you are THIS, but I think you are THAT!?!”
Or is that more about you, and you control the dynamic when you are with a certain person?
*its early, I hope this question makes sense. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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It makes perfect sense Woody.
I can't always tell, it can become more obvious over time with language used etc.
Sometimes I've been a bit surprised when a person says that they're something, yes. I don't assume that I know more than they do so hate to label a person contrary to what they've said.
I'm neither a sub or a dominant, I think for me it's more about the dynamic I have with someone. How we interact with each other, what they inspire in me.
And no, I'm not a switch. Just a bit of a kinky fucker with a voracious sexual appetite. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It makes perfect sense Woody.
I can't always tell, it can become more obvious over time with language used etc.
Sometimes I've been a bit surprised when a person says that they're something, yes. I don't assume that I know more than they do so hate to label a person contrary to what they've said.
I'm neither a sub or a dominant, I think for me it's more about the dynamic I have with someone. How we interact with each other, what they inspire in me.
And no, I'm not a switch. Just a bit of a kinky fucker with a voracious sexual appetite."
Thank you. I like kinky fuckers.  |
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I can usually get a good sense of the person via conversation, I've been in the kink community for a long time though as I've worked as a Femme Domme since I was 18/19 so you get a taste for people |
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"How do you see a dom/sub dynamic outside of bdsm? What does it even mean outside that context? "
I am naturally sexually submissive even in vanilla play.
I prefer the man to be in control I feel really uncomfortable if someone just says to ok your turn go for it! I simply sit there thinking what the hell do I do now.
I can't help it it's just how I am.
It doesn't have to be in a bdsm scene for me (although I do enjoy being the sub in that field of kink too) |
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It’s the same formula as for a good vanilla relationship, you need to be able to talk honestly and think with your head not your bits.
Hubby has been in the bdsm scene for 40 years and gently opened my eyes to its pleasures, nurturing my underlying interest in kink and exhibitionism. I was a tomboy plain Jane with low self esteem before we met 8 years ago, but then Pandora’s box was opened for me.
People new to bdsm may not fully understand what they truly are because they have not experienced proper bdsm play. Certainly I know people who thought they were one thing but ultimately realised they were something else after experiencing various aspects of the scene.
As I said open communication is key. |
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They have to tell me, as I don't like assuming. Plus I think even as a submissive I have dominant traits. Which depending on the conversation or person may be more pronounced. And I think this is true for the majority of people.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"It makes perfect sense Woody.
I can't always tell, it can become more obvious over time with language used etc.
Sometimes I've been a bit surprised when a person says that they're something, yes. I don't assume that I know more than they do so hate to label a person contrary to what they've said.
I'm neither a sub or a dominant, I think for me it's more about the dynamic I have with someone. How we interact with each other, what they inspire in me.
And no, I'm not a switch. Just a bit of a kinky fucker with a voracious sexual appetite.
Thank you. I like kinky fuckers. "
So do I Woody, so do I. I wish you'd posted this in the Lounge so there would be more responses to read. |
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I think 99.9% of the time when someone tells me they are dom or sub my hindbrain tells me differently.
I suppose I'm a bottom, but I don't consider myself submissive. It's much more about the chase, the fight, the play, the dynamic that grows organically with someone. Though, however much I refuse to back down or throw the fight, I'm always a touch disappointed when I come out on top. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me there’s a huge misconception of this. Dominance doesn’t mean strength nor does submissiveness mean weakness.
It’s about being open and vulnerable with each other and supporting and caring for each other both inside and outside of kink.
For me power is equal. Equal responsibility to make it work and to hold and support and both to be able to say no.
It’s not all about kink and bdsm but within the protocol that you set up within it |
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