FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > advice please
advice please
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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right then, today my dad discovered that we swing and went ballistic!
hes furious and would let me speak or put across my views/opinions.
he says he'll tell everyone!
advice please?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"right then, today my dad discovered that we swing and went ballistic!
hes furious and would let me speak or put across my views/opinions.
he says he'll tell everyone!
advice please? "
Try and talk to him, if he won't listen write a letter. Don't understand why a father would want to tell everyone though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Give him a chance to calm down and think rationally
Its doubtful that he really will tell everyone,it sounds as though hes just angry at the moment and said the first thing he could to cause maximum impact and hurt to you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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because he said i was prostituting myself,and blamed andy my partner for it all, saying i wouldnt do anything like that unless i was forced too!
he wouldnt listen. andy says its because people who dont play find it hard to understand. really dont know what to do he was so angry |
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Irrespective of the age, parents feel it's their duty to be protective of their children, this is an “Unknown” world to most.
I'd let the dust settle for 24 hours and see whether he's approachable, only you know your father, whether you'll be able to have an adult conversation or not. |
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he's upset and blustering. Leave him to calm down, if he does tell everyone what has he got to achieve? He's concerned for your welfare.
Having said all that your sex life is none of your father's business and as long as you're safe (this is his worry I suspect) he has no right to interfere or even comment.
Once he's calm you need to talk but personally I would refuse to discuss my sex life with him further than assuring him I was in no danger.
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"because he said i was prostituting myself,and blamed andy my partner for it all, saying i wouldnt do anything like that unless i was forced too!
he wouldnt listen. andy says its because people who dont play find it hard to understand. really dont know what to do he was so angry"
I would respectfully tell him he clearly has little regard for your ability to stand up for yourself then. I'm sure he raised you to stand your ground.
As bogof say, let the dust settle, it may just be the shock talking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"because he said i was prostituting myself,and blamed andy my partner for it all, saying i wouldnt do anything like that unless i was forced too!
he wouldnt listen. andy says its because people who dont play find it hard to understand. really dont know what to do he was so angry"
seems to be a natural reaction
I had a friend that had the same, her family found out and blamed it all on her fella, people dont want to think that their little girl would shag strangers thro choice so its easier for them to think their daughter is forced into it
Not much you can do about it really, if he does decide to tell everyone you just have to get prepiared for all the questions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had the same reaction when we got rumbled. Let the dust settle, as we did and then we calmly explained to our kids, we are adults, its our life, and our sex life is nothing to do with them.
Although they dont like it, they keep thier noses out now.
Good luck and best wishes x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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he is angry and not open to my views.
we do this as a couple, a 50/50 partnership as consenting adults, but my dad believes ive been forced into it, no matter what i say he wont listen.
and hes threatening to tell my mother (theyre separated) and my partners ex (his childs mother) which could cause so many problems |
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"because he said i was prostituting myself"
You're not accountable to anyone for your actions.
What's he annoyed at, the fact you're no longer his little princess, or the fact he's realised you're an adult and have the freedom to make choices? |
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I know its supportive with everyone saying 'its none of his business' and 'your sex life is your business' etc etc, but he is still your Dad and you will always be his little girl. Try to see it from his point of view, you may need to tell a few white lies to help him to calm down .... possibly allow him to lecture you and give you advice. I dont know what your Dads temprement is, but I do know that dads and their daughters are very close.
Only you know how to reassure him, you may have to tell a few white lies, but whatever you do he will always love you and be your Dad, so respect him too xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What's he annoyed at, the fact you're no longer his little princess, or the fact he's realised you're an adult and have the freedom to make choices?
he doesnt believe me when i said its my choice and something i enjoy as part of a couple. he thinks its all my partners doing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's your life. You can do what you want.
Why would he tell anyone as it'd embarrass him too?
Failing that, kick him in the balls, put hair removal cream in his shower gel. That kinda thing  |
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"he doesnt believe me when i said its my choice and something i enjoy as part of a couple"
He's in shock, therefore, no matter what you say will register, as mentioned, as difficult as it is, let the dust settle. |
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"he is angry and not open to my views.
we do this as a couple, a 50/50 partnership as consenting adults, but my dad believes ive been forced into it, no matter what i say he wont listen.
and hes threatening to tell my mother (theyre separated) and my partners ex (his childs mother) which could cause so many problems"
So his reaction to what he perceives to be a situation in which you have been forced into doing something by threats and coercion is to threaten and coerce you. He may need this pointed out to him. I know he is your father but as I said before he has no right to interfere in what is essentially a private area of your life like this especially when he is refusing to listen to anything you say . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he is angry and not open to my views.
we do this as a couple, a 50/50 partnership as consenting adults, but my dad believes ive been forced into it, no matter what i say he wont listen.
and hes threatening to tell my mother (theyre separated) and my partners ex (his childs mother) which could cause so many problems"
Is he really prepared to take that risk? Does he not realise that doing so could damage your relationship irrepairably? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a friend of his showed him "
and yet he doesn't think his friend is out of order? as everone has said let the dust settle, then when he approaches you point this fact out to him . until then if anyone asks say nothing and you got no idea what he is talking about. The chances are he is trying to do the father daughter thing, which is understandable to some point, but if he doesn't seem to think its a problem his friend being a swinger, yet he does you, I would be pointing out that he has double standards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does he generally get on well with your partner?
not really know, due to the age gap!"
Then I think that your problem is that in his mind he now been proved right and is justified in his mistrust of him.
My heart goes out to you as there is no easy or obvious solution |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hi shame this has happened, let him calm down and reflect most peeps over react to start, but i dont think he would tell to embarase u as he also has to face peeps too, good luck
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what you do in your private life is your own affair. he wont blow your cover. whats he going to gain by doing so. "
All he would gain is the loss of our relationship forever.
I'm worried he might do something in anger he'll live to regret |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"right then, today my dad discovered that we swing and went ballistic!
hes furious and would let me speak or put across my views/opinions.
he says he'll tell everyone!
advice please? "
My mother found out a few weeks ago, about me and the fact that my husband allows me too (it was rough, very rough, name calling was a little OTT).... needless to say things are still a little strained, but they are getting better, the only person she has told is my dad, as it upset her so much. She has decided it is not her place to tell people, and as long as she knows when Callom is down or I am away, she is OK. She wants me safe... and in view of the things that have gone on over the last few months, I think she has finally accepted it, even though she will never be "happy". I think she has acknowledged, we live our life as we please, not as we are dictated to.
Give your dad time, whilst he may never be 100% happy about it, he may eventually accept it as long as you happy. I doubt he will tell anyone, as he may not want the response coming to him, that he clearly gave to you. Only time will tell. Keep your head held high, I know it may be difficult at times, but it does get easier  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"right then, today my dad discovered that we swing and went ballistic!
hes furious and would let me speak or put across my views/opinions.
he says he'll tell everyone!
advice please?
My mother found out a few weeks ago, about me and the fact that my husband allows me too (it was rough, very rough, name calling was a little OTT).... needless to say things are still a little strained, but they are getting better, the only person she has told is my dad, as it upset her so much. She has decided it is not her place to tell people, and as long as she knows when Callom is down or I am away, she is OK. She wants me safe... and in view of the things that have gone on over the last few months, I think she has finally accepted it, even though she will never be "happy". I think she has acknowledged, we live our life as we please, not as we are dictated to.
Give your dad time, whilst he may never be 100% happy about it, he may eventually accept it as long as you happy. I doubt he will tell anyone, as he may not want the response coming to him, that he clearly gave to you. Only time will tell. Keep your head held high, I know it may be difficult at times, but it does get easier "
Thank you. Good to know of similar experiences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Give him a chance to calm down and think rationally
Its doubtful that he really will tell everyone,it sounds as though hes just angry at the moment and said the first thing he could to cause maximum impact and hurt to you "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cook him dinner.. He will calm down.. My mum said the same and i called her bluff...
Whether he is against it or not your still his daughter..
Sons are your sons untill they get a wife.. But a daught is a daughter for life..
Chin up pettle.. Things will work out..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"right then, today my dad discovered that we swing and went ballistic!
hes furious and would let me speak or put across my views/opinions.
he says he'll tell everyone!
advice please? "
tell him to try it,he may like it and understand more! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he is angry and not open to my views.
we do this as a couple, a 50/50 partnership as consenting adults, but my dad believes ive been forced into it, no matter what i say he wont listen.
and hes threatening to tell my mother (theyre separated) and my partners ex (his childs mother) which could cause so many problems"
Its one thing him being angry with you, another that he is effectively blackmailing you. You cannot change how he feels about it, if he loves you he will probably come to accept it over time, but you need to make it clear to him that whatever he thinks you won't be blackmailed by him. Maybe writing a letter to him may help if he will not listen to in person? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers guys. I'm just waiting for the dust to settle and see what happens. I know non swingers don't understand the lifestyle and it's tough for some to get their heads around. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't believe your dads friend showed him. What an idiotic, insensitive fool. I bet part of your dads anger partly comes from his friend knowing. Maybe he is embarrassed as well as hurt? Dads like to think their little girls are angels.
I hope you sort it out. If i were you i would be keeping a low profile with your dad for a few weeks. Maybe in that time he might be able to get some rationale and calm down.
Good luck xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's what I'm thinking, maybe he's embarrassed being confronted with it. It's not something we shouted about. Tbh I'd wanna ask his friend what he's doing looking etc. No idea why he felt the need to go to my dad. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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update
my dad came round to my house and basically blackmailed me, saying i had to tell my mother or he would tell everyone!
he didn't get the outcome he wanted though as i spoke with her and she said its private life and i'm old enough to make my own choices.
he came over and we had a blazing row, he just cant let it go |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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your his daughter, in his eyes your still his little girl and a certain generation (I dont know how old your are yur profile is hidden) believe in being faithful not putting it about. Let him calm down and then put all your feelings in a letter and remind him how much you love him and talk of memories when you were little and relied on him. Might help Cat |
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