FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Swinging v affairs, which is right?
Swinging v affairs, which is right?
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I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts? |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
she does not agree with swinging = thats right for her to have that choice after all its a choice ... and cheating is cheating nobody knows why but i will ask this if she thinks its ok to cheat then why are you with her ?? do you not think that she'll do it to you  |
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I have come across this loads in the past, people, usually women, who think swinging, 3sums, moresums etc are weird and sick but cheating on their partner or shagging other girls fellas on sly is totally fine. It usually involves the question "how can you watch another man fuck your girl"?
I have happily arrange mini gangbangs for ex GF's in the past, I love it, but if they cheat behind your back then no thanks |
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I don't think you can compare the two things. Swinging is between consenting adults, with everyone's full knowledge. Cheating is going behind your partner/husband/wife's back and theirein lies the problem. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
You see people here try and defend cheating by saying swinging is breaking marriage vows or weird and wouldn't be understood in real life.
People will always pick and choose what suits their own narrative.
The two are not comparable in my eyes ,swinging is between consenting adults and cheating isn't as one person is left out of the decision. |
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Think of the high profile couples who have needed to deal with one or the other's adultery. This is hardly even news nowadays - it even happens in the monarchy! Could the same be said about sharing a partner?
Unfortunately, we live in a judgmental world, where anything that breaks convention is considered weird. Affairs are now part of society's convention. Swinging isn't. |
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Completely agree
"I have come across this loads in the past, people, usually women, who think swinging, 3sums, moresums etc are weird and sick but cheating on their partner or shagging other girls fellas on sly is totally fine. It usually involves the question "how can you watch another man fuck your girl"?
I have happily arrange mini gangbangs for ex GF's in the past, I love it, but if they cheat behind your back then no thanks "
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Completely agree! Both are sex with others yet one comes with lies, deceit, betrayal and connection prior.
"You see people here try and defend cheating by saying swinging is breaking marriage vows or weird and wouldn't be understood in real life.
People will always pick and choose what suits their own narrative.
The two are not comparable in my eyes ,swinging is between consenting adults and cheating isn't as one person is left out of the decision."
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"My thoughts OP are everyone is entitled to their own opinion but if you’re regularly in company that varies greatly from your own then perhaps change the people you keep company with  "
This is good general advice! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My thoughts OP are everyone is entitled to their own opinion but if you’re regularly in company that varies greatly from your own then perhaps change the people you keep company with "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts? "
Do you feel guilty about swinging? |
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Swinging has a huge amount of trust and communication involved where both partners are involved/aware.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a healthy relationship, there’s been a breakdown somewhere and sleeping with someone else doesn’t help things |
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I don't think the two are comparable.
Swinging involves a lot of communication and large amounts of trust and respect
Cheating involves a huge lack of respect, zero trust and hurts the people being lied too.
I know which I'd rather do.
Mrs |
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Our opinion only
When we entered this lifestyle we both did it as a couple and with mutual honesty. We both believe that to meet someone alone, without the knowledge of consent of the other partner would be a betrayal of the mutual trust and respect that binds us as a couple
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a misconception that you can't truly love your partner if you share them, unless people are in the lifestyle they don't understand so it's pointless trying to explain. People also believe that cheating is nothing to do with sex, the person has to always be 'lacking' in some aspect of their relationship.
The way I see it, cheating is cruel, cold and damaging to all. Swinging is a way of exploring other people in a consenting, honest and respectful way. Sex lives are completely separate to the person you are and circumstances are down to the individual not the lifestyle that they are in. |
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By *lueFireCouple
over a year ago
just somewhere around here |
Mrs R and I are in this lifestyle for mutual pleasure which includes honesty, we show each other our messages and talk and check on each otherconstantly.
I would never cheat or lie to her nor her to me.
The minute that bond is broken
the game changes . |
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"There's a misconception that you can't truly love your partner if you share them, unless people are in the lifestyle they don't understand so it's pointless trying to explain. People also believe that cheating is nothing to do with sex, the person has to always be 'lacking' in some aspect of their relationship.
The way I see it, cheating is cruel, cold and damaging to all. Swinging is a way of exploring other people in a consenting, honest and respectful way. Sex lives are completely separate to the person you are and circumstances are down to the individual not the lifestyle that they are in."
Totally this! |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts? "
Ha try telling her about me, my husband and my boyfriend.
Nothing sexually has or will ever happen with the three of us together (unlike me, my boyfriend and his girlfriend)
But both came on holiday with me last year (big group of us). One night I spent the night in a room with my husband, the next my boyfriend.
They are good friends, hang out, game and have the odd beer together.
We are all poly, we personally don't believe love (let alone sex) is constrained to one person. And it sure as hell doesn't mean I love them any less. Hell I think love deeper and stronger now than I ever thought possible. |
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"Swinging has a huge amount of trust and communication involved where both partners are involved/aware.
Cheating doesn’t happen in a healthy relationship, there’s been a breakdown somewhere and sleeping with someone else doesn’t help things "
Agree completely |
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"There's a misconception that you can't truly love your partner if you share them, unless people are in the lifestyle they don't understand so it's pointless trying to explain. People also believe that cheating is nothing to do with sex, the person has to always be 'lacking' in some aspect of their relationship.
The way I see it, cheating is cruel, cold and damaging to all. Swinging is a way of exploring other people in a consenting, honest and respectful way. Sex lives are completely separate to the person you are and circumstances are down to the individual not the lifestyle that they are in."
Completely my point |
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"Our opinion only
When we entered this lifestyle we both did it as a couple and with mutual honesty. We both believe that to meet someone alone, without the knowledge of consent of the other partner would be a betrayal of the mutual trust and respect that binds us as a couple
"
Agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts? "
Are you Phil and Holly per chance? |
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"I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts?
Do you feel guilty about swinging?"
Absolutely not! As I mentioned it was a ex partner!
But when we met I didn’t hide that I’ve done so in the past before her and she shamed it immediately saying it’s weird and seedy and just didn’t get it at all….
But then told me of her year long cheater (she knew he’s married) and that he’s had several affairs before as his wife’s horrible! But seen that’ as perfectly normal….
Besides , I don’t judge but hate being judged by people who haven’t got their own shit together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was in a relationship last year with a very vanilla women who was open to me telling her about my past partner and I meeting guys for mmf and said I’ve also joined couples myself… she shamed it and said it was seedy and weird …
I reminded her of her year long affair with a married man who had been caught twice before by his wife doing so and she felt that was ok?
She said, ‘yeah because it’s the done thing for men to cheat but when committed who wants to share their partner that’s just weird”…
This has bothered me lots since as maybe it is normal to be at a bbq and someone say ‘that’s George and Sally’ she’s caught him cheating lots but they are trying” like it’s nothing. But ‘there’s Jim and Lucy she lets a man join now and then for threesomes the welrdo’s”….
Thoughts?
Do you feel guilty about swinging?
Absolutely not! As I mentioned it was a ex partner!
But when we met I didn’t hide that I’ve done so in the past before her and she shamed it immediately saying it’s weird and seedy and just didn’t get it at all….
But then told me of her year long cheater (she knew he’s married) and that he’s had several affairs before as his wife’s horrible! But seen that’ as perfectly normal….
Besides , I don’t judge but hate being judged by people who haven’t got their own shit together "
Having been cheated on multiple times, as in full-blown affairs rather than one night stands, I personally feel it's wrong and disrespectful to your partner, and a breach of trust. Your ex should probably open her mind a bit because swinging is far from seedy in my opinion...it's about people enjoying shared sexual experiences for each others pleasure, and that is liberating. Cheating is seedy and underhand. Swinging is open and fun
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recently got into a mini argument with a guy on the Scottish forum about a married guy he had been seeing. The guy had been lied to and was raging which was ofcourse his right to do so.
However, I see things as we are all consenting adults, we should award others their right to a private life and allow them to make their own decisions. If those decisions do not align with our own values, that is when our due diligence comes in during the chatting/ social stage before the sexual interactions happen.
Ofcourse some slip the net and this can infuriate but we can only control how we, as individuals, behave. So with that, we should all give others the respect for privacy that we expect to receive ourselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating is despicable and there is no defense for it.
It is a betrayal of the highest orderand not to be tolerated."
Or perhaps another stance would be let him who is without stain cast the first stone, that is of course if you’re into that kind of gig? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone to their own ... but swinging in our humble opinion is sensual, sexual, erotic and unconnected to love, romance or partnership ... it is what you do not who you are ... x A& G "
Absolutely love this! Nailed it for us |
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When myself and ex partner started swinging together it was because we both wanted to try it together and explore opening up our relationship.
I was working away and she was showing me messages she was receiving and pictures / videos of her with the guys she was with and for me I really enjoyed this. It was at the time what we both wanted.
However, she started doing things behind my back. Meeting up with guys when I didn't know about it, putting them before my feelings and breaking boundaries we had in place.
Don't get me wrong, I can see that you're asking about cheating and swinging being separate entities, however if the relationship isn't secure, which looking back now I can see that ours wasn't, then sometimes swinging presents the opportunity for cheating to occur if it isn't 50/50.
From my personal level, swinging and cheating shouldn't be compared. Swinging is between two partners both wanting to enjoy themselves and explore whilst cheating is someone deliberately going behind their partners back emotionally and physically to get their own jollies. |
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Each to their own… but cheating has the capacity to deeply hurt your partner. It’s not the sex, it’s the lying that hurts people.
Swinging is not the same thing at all, it’s not in the same ballpark, it’s not the same game. It’s (assuming for couples here) usually a thing to do as a couple that enhances your relationship, brings you closer and makes things better. It can still go wrong, but usually when people make a misjudgement and it starts crossing a line towards… cheating. |
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For me swinging isn’t cheating if u tell each other everything I enjoy knowing a gf is with a bloke n her telling me…but my ex mrs said it’s not cheating if u know or if it’s with someone of the same sex n I agree totally |
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By *ooleyMan
over a year ago
preston |
"Everyone to their own ... but swinging in our humble opinion is sensual, sexual, erotic and unconnected to love, romance or partnership ... it is what you do not who you are ... x A& G "
I like that. Thoughtful and articulate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging is a lifestyle choice of fun and adventure between consenting adults, whilst probably looked down upon by the mainstream, it’s about the trust between partners and in my opinion the strengthening of what should already be a solid relationship. Nobody is getting hurt in this situation.
An affair/cheating is wrong, there is obviously something missing within a particular relationship for either person to seek “fun/comfort”elsewhere. Somebody will end up hurt in this situation.
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Completely agree
"When myself and ex partner started swinging together it was because we both wanted to try it together and explore opening up our relationship.
I was working away and she was showing me messages she was receiving and pictures / videos of her with the guys she was with and for me I really enjoyed this. It was at the time what we both wanted.
However, she started doing things behind my back. Meeting up with guys when I didn't know about it, putting them before my feelings and breaking boundaries we had in place.
Don't get me wrong, I can see that you're asking about cheating and swinging being separate entities, however if the relationship isn't secure, which looking back now I can see that ours wasn't, then sometimes swinging presents the opportunity for cheating to occur if it isn't 50/50.
From my personal level, swinging and cheating shouldn't be compared. Swinging is between two partners both wanting to enjoy themselves and explore whilst cheating is someone deliberately going behind their partners back emotionally and physically to get their own jollies."
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