Do you think the norm is monogamy and we are all deviants to the norm here? I wonder what the percentage of swingers is and how it could even be quantified? Do hubbies/wives on here ever feel like they are sharing their favourite toy with a chosen special friend? |
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I have never explored the percentage research. Love to know. At least here I expect 80% are actual swingers...or maybe I'm just an optimist. I do prefer chatting with open folk where a couple are clearly non monogamous by mutual agreement. In my 20s 30s I was a cheat and had secrets. Now I hope to be not perpetuating any secrets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They say around 1.5 million in the UK, but I am sure more and more people like the idea but don't have the courage to bring the subject up.
I think the tide is turning and it is more acceptable to involve others in your sex life. Main stream TV shows help bring it out into the open. |
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"Monogamy is the societal norm most of us were raised with, so yes, technically deviants.
But I think a lot more people present as monogamous than those that actually adhere to it."
That’s the intelligent answer on monogamy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is the societal norm most of us were raised with, so yes, technically deviants.
But I think a lot more people present as monogamous than those that actually adhere to it."
Totally agree. As humans we have capacity to love and have relationships with multiple people in different ways. Therefore we can have sexual relationships with multiple people and there is nothing wrong with that.
The issues for so many is that I think non monogamy requires consent of all parties involved. Its not the having sex with other people that is usually the problem . Its the secrets and lies that hurt the most. |
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"Agree with that
Polygamy sounds very complicated too!"
Polygamy is gross.
Polyamory can be complicated, but I don't think it's harder to maintain the individual relationships than with monogamy. There's just more of them to consider. |
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"Monogamy is the societal norm most of us were raised with, so yes, technically deviants.
But I think a lot more people present as monogamous than those that actually adhere to it."
Yeah I agree. I think there's also a lot of open secret cheating that goes on. If everyone pretends it's not happening then it's fine.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I think so, yes. Obviously not on here but even on here I think that being emotionally monogamous is the norm, even if not sexually.
There is an increase in those being openly non-monogamous which can be great to a certain extent - helps destigmatise it, more people will feel comfortable embracing that part of them.
I don't think it's something that can be quantified, not sure it needs to be.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy is the societal norm most of us were raised with, so yes, technically deviants.
But I think a lot more people present as monogamous than those that actually adhere to it.
Yeah I agree. I think there's also a lot of open secret cheating that goes on. If everyone pretends it's not happening then it's fine.
"
Agree.
Cheating and fucking around is ok.
Swinging is filthy disgusting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think swinging and open relationships are alot more common than people realise; it's just some don't feel comfortable discussing it. X"
I’ve certainly noticed this more over the years….the fact it now gets explored openly on TV (Channel 4 and 5 always have something on there!) would suggest it’s becoming a more common trend and theme amongst couples!!
For years I assumed swinging was for the older generation who had years together but wanted some spice but I found I was completely wrong….all ages are at it!
I say we should stop labelling and being shy about our actions and just go for whatever makes you happy!!!
For me….I’ll always want one partner….that way life just doesn’t get that complicated for me haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The pressure of monogamy has ruined many relationships I have seen. Monogamy forces both parties to give up aspects of their sexuality that their partner cannot provide. Monogamy is about control and not trust. Monogamy is a dirty word to me, where as trust is a valuable one. |
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By *rettyflamingoWoman
over a year ago
Where the flamboyance of flamingos live |
"The pressure of monogamy has ruined many relationships I have seen. Monogamy forces both parties to give up aspects of their sexuality that their partner cannot provide. Monogamy is about control and not trust. Monogamy is a dirty word to me, where as trust is a valuable one."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree, manogamy is a social construct that goes against nature. There is a reason men have the ability to be fertile up until very old age, yet womens fertility comes to a stop. Although, on the plus side, evolution favours female promiscuity.
For me, I don't think it is natural, hence our account on fab  . |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"It’s genetic as to wether you are monogamous or not. It was researched on Cara Delivigne series "
I don’t believe that , I think it’s experience and culture that shape us. I would have never considered being poly in my 20s but now it’s very normal for a lot of young people I know |
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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
A book called ‘Sex At Dawn’ made an argument that monogamy was not the natural state of our ancestors. Some academics rejected the scientific methods used but even so some agreed that monogamy was by no means the only behaviour that humans exhibited. |
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"Hi some people like it,but myself say its over rated your only have one lifetime so live it to the full. What I think is we try to live our lives to please others but should live for yourselves "
Agree to a degree but when your playing with other peoples emotions and health behind their backs it’s just plain selfish. Plenty on here supposedly open and swinging together yet have secret profiles on other sites and apps.
Honesty is always appreciated even if not something you want to partake in, secret messages, hidden locations, behaving defensive all the time just make it more obvious that someone is clearly cheating and have no respect for so called loved ones.
Nothing wrong with open relationships if they are truly open and not one sided. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think the norm is monogamy and we are all deviants to the norm here? I wonder what the percentage of swingers is and how it could even be quantified? Do hubbies/wives on here ever feel like they are sharing their favourite toy with a chosen special friend?"
I came here thinking the thread was about a new version of Monopoly, I leave disappointed |
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By *ayco04Man
over a year ago
Stirling |
I personally think the norm is poly rather than mono. Why should sex and fun and personal connections be restricted. It's a construct we've been faced with since birth, and unlearning it just leads to a much happier life.
My new partner and I are exploring this very in depth, and we are on the same wavelength that being open and free to do what makes us happy is what will give us happiness.
If something makes you feel good about yourself, don't ever pass it by xx |
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"Monogamy isn't natural.
It's to do with religious control.
Asexuality is just religion too."
Not sure I agree - whilst celibacy is a religeous practice, Asexuality is often a choice or a state of being which is not linked to teaching/learning. At least I think that is the case. |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
Monogamy is inherently unnatural and is a society imposed "norm" driven by the desire to control people in general and women in particular. There is no good biological reason for us to be monogamous sexually and that's why under 5% of animals are monogamous. Mind you, emotional monogamy is a different thing, and while I do believe we can love more than one person also, for certain sex with just one person for years and years makes no sense unless you're society out to control others. |
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I think we've been almost conditioned to believe that monogamy is the best and only way.
But in reality, it isn't, it's very rare to find one person who can meet your every need, be that sexually, emotionally or mentally.
I think it's becoming more and more socially accepted and the 'norm' to be non monogamous which can only be a good thing imho.
Don't get me wrong, some people to wish to remain monogamous and only want one person and that is there choice.
But I look at it in a similar way that I look at friendships.....
Different friends, meet different needs don't they, there's always a mate toy can tell your deepest darkest secrets too, and there's always a mate you know you could turn to if you needed them, no matter what time day or night and there's always a mate that's like a wee breath of fresh air.
Sexual partners are kinda the same to me.
I can't think of anything works than only ever having sex with one person for the rest of my life....
Id much prefere 1 person who is your partner/spouse whatever and then to have other sexual partners who meet different sexual and maybe even emotional needs too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Normal is whatever you make of it.
Evolutionary speaking we are supposed to keep moving on so we can keep the species going by mating with as many people as possible. Us as human made monogamy ‘normal’. Do whats comfortable for you and don’t stress on what others think.
I’d you find people that think the same way, then why worry about anyone else |
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Obviously on here the percentages are higher.
I also think in RL it’s becoming a lot more acceptable. Swinging clubs are popular and ‘normal people’ are attending.
I think by the time my son is my age, it’ll be a societal norm to be dating several people or possibly even throuple marriages will be acceptable.
K |
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"Obviously on here the percentages are higher.
I also think in RL it’s becoming a lot more acceptable. Swinging clubs are popular and ‘normal people’ are attending.
I think by the time my son is my age, it’ll be a societal norm to be dating several people or possibly even throuple marriages will be acceptable.
K"
Interesting thought x |
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Monogamy is relatively new in terms of human history, popularised by the rise of Abrahamic religions. As with everything, I think it can be both beautiful and damaging to people. Each to their own, I will never judge anyone for their choices because what works for some doesn't work for everyone. |
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"It’s genetic as to wether you are monogamous or not. It was researched on Cara Delivigne series "
Since monogamy is a social construct, it's unlikely to be genetic. Having said that, there may be a genetic influence as it can be seen in the animal kingdom (birds mainly, I think). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Monogamy isn't natural.
It's to do with religious control."
100%, like most things what is considered "right" stems from when the church (as in the Christian church) wrote what it considered were the rules when it controlled peoples lives more than it does now. Like the whole you'll go to hell concept for adultery, they controlled through fear of what would happen.
People are more enlightened now, the church doesn't have that control anymore (ok there are still some who believe) so people are more relaxed in relationships.
Sorry rant at religion over
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"It’s genetic as to wether you are monogamous or not. It was researched on Cara Delivigne series
Since monogamy is a social construct, it's unlikely to be genetic. Having said that, there may be a genetic influence as it can be seen in the animal kingdom (birds mainly, I think)."
a sensible and insightful comment x |
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"It’s genetic as to wether you are monogamous or not. It was researched on Cara Delivigne series
Since monogamy is a social construct, it's unlikely to be genetic. Having said that, there may be a genetic influence as it can be seen in the animal kingdom (birds mainly, I think). a sensible and insightful comment x"
Thanks.
When people discuss what is natural, I always look to our animal cousins. After-all we are animals. |
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