FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Anyone else stopped messaging?
Anyone else stopped messaging?
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I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing. |
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It's an interesting point. I considered the same as so many profiles say "don't message us, we will find you".
Previously as a couple the messages were common, as a single guy no one seems interested.
Nearly all my interactions are guys asking questions on threads I've posted to. Sort of catch 22 with veris as well. |
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"It's an interesting point. I considered the same as so many profiles say "don't message us, we will find you".
Previously as a couple the messages were common, as a single guy no one seems interested.
Nearly all my interactions are guys asking questions on threads I've posted to. Sort of catch 22 with veris as well. "
Yeah, couldn’t agree more! Ah well, I have better luck on tinder than here to be honest hahah |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing. "
Probably worst thing you can do if you’re wanting a meet tbh bud.
You get out what you put in (got to love a bit of innuendo).  |
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
Probably worst thing you can do if you’re wanting a meet tbh bud.
You get out what you put in (got to love a bit of innuendo). "
Hahah, good point, just not finding anyone to put out…  |
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing. "
Yeah mate we don’t bother messaging anyone.
Stick to the forums mate. All the good pussy is in here.
The mr |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
Yeah, I’ve pretty much stopped messaging now - most of the profiles I’m interested in say “We’ll find you” to single men. Not really working out though, I show interest with fabs, but never get any messages.
Think there are just far too many single guys on here. I’m new to all this but it seems like swinging is mostly just for couples. Always hopeful though, have had three pretty mild meets in 5 months so going to keep trying.
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
Yeah mate we don’t bother messaging anyone.
Stick to the forums mate. All the good pussy is in here.
The mr "
I think I’ll try that than! |
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"Yeah, I’ve pretty much stopped messaging now - most of the profiles I’m interested in say “We’ll find you” to single men. Not really working out though, I show interest with fabs, but never get any messages.
Think there are just far too many single guys on here. I’m new to all this but it seems like swinging is mostly just for couples. Always hopeful though, have had three pretty mild meets in 5 months so going to keep trying.
"
Mate! You’re doing wayyyy better than most lads on here, trust me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know the really sad thing about it is most have single males blocked from messaging.
Because the majority are rude and well disrespectful like "Want your pussy pounded babe?"
If you like a couple why not send them a wee wink or if you really like them a lovely mannerly message may just work x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We rarely send out the first message, we prefer to express what we seek (when we do)and hope to attract like minded.
We do though, sometimes send a wink to draw attention to our profile.
This has resulted in both positive and negative results.
Point is, if for an example you may be waiting for us to make the first move, it's likely neither of us will.
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"You know the really sad thing about it is most have single males blocked from messaging.
Because the majority are rude and well disrespectful like "Want your pussy pounded babe?"
If you like a couple why not send them a wee wink or if you really like them a lovely mannerly message may just work x "
Yep, spoken to a few couples and women on here, and the messages they get…urgh. When I did message I would spend time reading the profile and writing the message, depending on the profile obviously. But the majority of my messages I take my time with and the majority don’t even get a “no thanks” back, which takes no time in my opinion, but I guess that’s because they don’t want to get a horrible message in response? I don’t know, just seems a bit pointless really, which is why I asked. |
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"We rarely send out the first message, we prefer to express what we seek (when we do)and hope to attract like minded.
We do though, sometimes send a wink to draw attention to our profile.
This has resulted in both positive and negative results.
Point is, if for an example you may be waiting for us to make the first move, it's likely neither of us will.
"
Makes sense, offline that’s how it’s done, as a man I have to approach the women, but online here, it seems all backwards. Maybe there needs to be a trend of couples and women writing on their profiles if they don’t like messaging first, like some write “we’ll find you”. |
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"Yeah, I’ve pretty much stopped messaging now - most of the profiles I’m interested in say “We’ll find you” to single men. Not really working out though, I show interest with fabs, but never get any messages.
Think there are just far too many single guys on here. I’m new to all this but it seems like swinging is mostly just for couples. Always hopeful though, have had three pretty mild meets in 5 months so going to keep trying.
"
I didnt realise that a fab was a notice of interest? I may have been doing this wrong I just treat them like social media and like ones I think are good/hot/sexy.
Oops 
MrsAbz |
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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago
Northampton |
"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
Probably worst thing you can do if you’re wanting a meet tbh bud.
You get out what you put in (got to love a bit of innuendo).
Hahah, good point, just not finding anyone to put out… "
Then look inwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them |
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
Probably worst thing you can do if you’re wanting a meet tbh bud.
You get out what you put in (got to love a bit of innuendo).
Hahah, good point, just not finding anyone to put out…
Then look inwards. "
Hahah! |
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"Yeah, I’ve pretty much stopped messaging now - most of the profiles I’m interested in say “We’ll find you” to single men. Not really working out though, I show interest with fabs, but never get any messages.
Think there are just far too many single guys on here. I’m new to all this but it seems like swinging is mostly just for couples. Always hopeful though, have had three pretty mild meets in 5 months so going to keep trying.
I didnt realise that a fab was a notice of interest? I may have been doing this wrong I just treat them like social media and like ones I think are good/hot/sexy.
Oops
MrsAbz"
I don’t think anyone was saying it was, but fair enough x |
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"You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them "
Exactly! Some say “don’t wink”. I think the site could benefit from an update or new features, because how people use it has changed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've definitely been put off messaging couples and women tbh,like others have said there are far more single guys on here, the ratio must be something like
25% couples
25% women
50% single guys
I always send a nice friendly message when I do send a message to couples and women but very rarely get a response |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them "
We like winks, they work well, when used correctly.
Though we only tend to check them when we are looking to arrange a meet, which will be clearly expressed in our profile.
Sending a wink when we're not looking, we won't notice, and likely to not react. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We delete winks from single guys
The wink has overstayed its welcome on here for sure. "
Over the years, some of our best meets have started with a wink.
They work brilliantly when used to their best ability. |
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"I've definitely been put off messaging couples and women tbh,like others have said there are far more single guys on here, the ratio must be something like
25% couples
25% women
50% single guys
I always send a nice friendly message when I do send a message to couples and women but very rarely get a response "
I’d say with all the fake couples and women profiles on here, it’s more like 70 to 80 % men, and then 5% real women and 15% real couples.
If I’m honest. |
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"You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them
We like winks, they work well, when used correctly.
Though we only tend to check them when we are looking to arrange a meet, which will be clearly expressed in our profile.
Sending a wink when we're not looking, we won't notice, and likely to not react. "
Us lads can’t win on here hahah fair enough though, I get it. |
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"Mate! You’re doing wayyyy better than most lads on here, trust me!
Nice one, that’s surprising to hear but definitely encouraging  "
Ay, someone’s got to get the pussy if the rest of us aren’t go for it lad! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've definitely been put off messaging couples and women tbh,like others have said there are far more single guys on here, the ratio must be something like
25% couples
25% women
50% single guys
I always send a nice friendly message when I do send a message to couples and women but very rarely get a response
I’d say with all the fake couples and women profiles on here, it’s more like 70 to 80 % men, and then 5% real women and 15% real couples.
If I’m honest. "
Yes actually your probably bang on |
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"I've definitely been put off messaging couples and women tbh,like others have said there are far more single guys on here, the ratio must be something like
25% couples
25% women
50% single guys
I always send a nice friendly message when I do send a message to couples and women but very rarely get a response
I’d say with all the fake couples and women profiles on here, it’s more like 70 to 80 % men, and then 5% real women and 15% real couples.
If I’m honest.
Yes actually your probably bang on"
I’m a genius |
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"That’s not entirely accurate. I’m nothing but respectful and never talk dirty in messages unless it organically goes that way and I still don’t get reads or responses. So the being polite approach doesn’t work either. I’m thinking of just ditching and trying a club at some point…when I can muster up the confidence.  "
Go for it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them
We like winks, they work well, when used correctly.
Though we only tend to check them when we are looking to arrange a meet, which will be clearly expressed in our profile.
Sending a wink when we're not looking, we won't notice, and likely to not react.
Us lads can’t win on here hahah fair enough though, I get it. "
In short, when we know our availability, we express that clearly in our profile.
Trouble is, we can go a good while when we're not available, and we don't want to get into conversation of meeting until we know when we can, daily it's suggested to us that we just chat until we're available.
We avoid this because we don't want to appear to be offering a false promise.
And so, we express in our bio, clearly that we are unavailable and will update profile when that changes.
At that point, we're looking to converse, willing to send winks, be a response to one we've received or making the first move.
What a lot of singles don't seem to realise is how difficult it can sometimes be to find spare time to meet.
We have to plan around two jobs, two sets of kids, two hobbies, two of everything basically, add to that an unreliable daddy (her ex), we can struggle, so we actively seek when we know we can make plans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been very selective with my messaging, only sending a nice polite opener to those profiles who are compatible with my tastes, as well as making sure I’m within their parameters as well
99% of the time nothing happens and my searches now return lists of people who are either unsuitable or haven’t responded
I’ve taken to blocking profiles who’ve either deleted any messages I’ve sent, or read them and not responded within a week, purely so they don’t show up on my feed and I don’t waste my time (or theirs) with unwanted second messages
Now I just lurk here and pursue other interests in the real world! |
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I no longer message anyone.
If I saw a new profile I used to send a welcome message, with a face pic, and be friendly. Used to get a few replies which was nice.
Now, the landslide that hits their inbox soon overwhelms them and its not long until they leave.
If I messaged now, I think I'd send a congratulations message after a month on here |
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"You’re right, I tend to just stick to sending someone a wink if I like the look of them and if I get one back then I’ll message them. I know a lot of people don’t either bother looking at winks so there is a possibility of missing out on people but like you said women and couples are bombarded with messages so I don’t want to just be another number to them
We like winks, they work well, when used correctly.
Though we only tend to check them when we are looking to arrange a meet, which will be clearly expressed in our profile.
Sending a wink when we're not looking, we won't notice, and likely to not react.
Us lads can’t win on here hahah fair enough though, I get it.
In short, when we know our availability, we express that clearly in our profile.
Trouble is, we can go a good while when we're not available, and we don't want to get into conversation of meeting until we know when we can, daily it's suggested to us that we just chat until we're available.
We avoid this because we don't want to appear to be offering a false promise.
And so, we express in our bio, clearly that we are unavailable and will update profile when that changes.
At that point, we're looking to converse, willing to send winks, be a response to one we've received or making the first move.
What a lot of singles don't seem to realise is how difficult it can sometimes be to find spare time to meet.
We have to plan around two jobs, two sets of kids, two hobbies, two of everything basically, add to that an unreliable daddy (her ex), we can struggle, so we actively seek when we know we can make plans. "
All good info here for lads on this site. |
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By *empusMan
over a year ago
Poole |
"Mate! You’re doing wayyyy better than most lads on here, trust me!
Nice one, that’s surprising to hear but definitely encouraging
Ay, someone’s got to get the pussy if the rest of us aren’t go for it lad! "
Just checked your profile... Seems like you’ve got quite a lot to offer, if you know what I mean. Surprised you’re not killing it on here |
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I never message anyone on here first, that's not an arrogance thing, I just know that women and couples will seek out the guys they find attractive so I don't want to add to the 1000s of messages they get on here. Everyone of my meets have message me first. If single women had to read and reply to every message they get it would be a full time fabmin job, the less time they spend trawling through the utter drivel most men send the more time they have for meets. Guys on here only have themselves to blame, if they didn't spam ladies and couples with endless crap messages maybe worthy ones would get a worthy reply!?! |
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I haven't sent a message in more than 3 years.
It's hasn't affected my meet rate in the slightest.
I average less than one message a month which is ok as far as I'm concerned because I'm not currently meeting but even when I am I'm very fussy in who I chat to. |
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"Mate! You’re doing wayyyy better than most lads on here, trust me!
Nice one, that’s surprising to hear but definitely encouraging
Ay, someone’s got to get the pussy if the rest of us aren’t go for it lad!
Just checked your profile... Seems like you’ve got quite a lot to offer, if you know what I mean. Surprised you’re not killing it on here"
I need to get lifting to be fair, it’s not all about..you know what ha! I’ve got the gift of the fab sorted already so at least that’s there hahaha |
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"Mate! You’re doing wayyyy better than most lads on here, trust me!
Nice one, that’s surprising to hear but definitely encouraging
Ay, someone’s got to get the pussy if the rest of us aren’t go for it lad!
Just checked your profile... Seems like you’ve got quite a lot to offer, if you know what I mean. Surprised you’re not killing it on here
I need to get lifting to be fair, it’s not all about..you know what ha! I’ve got the gift of the fab sorted already so at least that’s there hahaha "
Gift of the gab*** not fab |
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"I never message anyone on here first, that's not an arrogance thing, I just know that women and couples will seek out the guys they find attractive so I don't want to add to the 1000s of messages they get on here. Everyone of my meets have message me first. If single women had to read and reply to every message they get it would be a full time fabmin job, the less time they spend trawling through the utter drivel most men send the more time they have for meets. Guys on here only have themselves to blame, if they didn't spam ladies and couples with endless crap messages maybe worthy ones would get a worthy reply!?!"
Couldn’t agree more, I just think if a couple or single women on here takes the time to read a message a guy has spent time on, but they’re not interested after looking at the profile, the least they could do would be a “no thanks” message back. Would be nice anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing. "
I think it's a bad idea to wait, you're less likely to get a message from a woman in here. Trust me, there are ladies out there who still appreciate a well mannered message that was actually thought through, baring in mind you actually read their profile properly and have similar interests, etc.etc.
I will always favour the ones who will make some effort over one liners, rude messages, winks or friend requests. It tells you a lot about the sender and what kind of person you will be dealing with later on. |
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By *4bimMan
over a year ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
I think there is confusion for men about what to do.
They see so many threads on the forum telling them to do this and that. Then most profiles have a requirement list greater than the mi6 intelligence test.
The sad part is more men are walking away from relationships as well as dating and concentrating on themselves. Achieving their goals in life, spending money they earn on bettering them instead of building something rewarding with another.
Sad for us, sad for the human race that we are further apart than we have ever been.
That only leads to one thing.
Loneliness. |
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
I think it's a bad idea to wait, you're less likely to get a message from a woman in here. Trust me, there are ladies out there who still appreciate a well mannered message that was actually thought through, baring in mind you actually read their profile properly and have similar interests, etc.etc.
I will always favour the ones who will make some effort over one liners, rude messages, winks or friend requests. It tells you a lot about the sender and what kind of person you will be dealing with later on. "
I’ve done exactly what you just described over and over again, doesn’t work I’m afraid. Still I think it’s the best way to go about it, but it’s a HUGE time suck, with how busy the average man’s life is, it’s impossible to do so at such a volume that you will get any kind of a response, even a “no thanks” is unlikely.
Not being mean, you seem well meaning. Just being honest here x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there is confusion for men about what to do.
They see so many threads on the forum telling them to do this and that. Then most profiles have a requirement list greater than the mi6 intelligence test.
The sad part is more men are walking away from relationships as well as dating and concentrating on themselves. Achieving their goals in life, spending money they earn on bettering them instead of building something rewarding with another.
Sad for us, sad for the human race that we are further apart than we have ever been.
That only leads to one thing.
Loneliness."
Thread winner! Chapeau! |
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"I think there is confusion for men about what to do.
They see so many threads on the forum telling them to do this and that. Then most profiles have a requirement list greater than the mi6 intelligence test.
The sad part is more men are walking away from relationships as well as dating and concentrating on themselves. Achieving their goals in life, spending money they earn on bettering them instead of building something rewarding with another.
Sad for us, sad for the human race that we are further apart than we have ever been.
That only leads to one thing.
Loneliness."
Spot on! I know so many guys with great jobs, in shape and a laugh to be around, do some of them need to learn how to have a good time with a women? Yes. But most of them are just tired of having their time wasted, I don’t think a lot of women, more so younger women know that time = money. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I figured women and couples on here are bombarded with messages, mostly boring one liners. So does anyone think it’s a bad idea to just wait until you get a message as a man?
I think I get maybe 0-1 message a month, so logging on to the site becomes a rare thing.
I think it's a bad idea to wait, you're less likely to get a message from a woman in here. Trust me, there are ladies out there who still appreciate a well mannered message that was actually thought through, baring in mind you actually read their profile properly and have similar interests, etc.etc.
I will always favour the ones who will make some effort over one liners, rude messages, winks or friend requests. It tells you a lot about the sender and what kind of person you will be dealing with later on.
I’ve done exactly what you just described over and over again, doesn’t work I’m afraid. Still I think it’s the best way to go about it, but it’s a HUGE time suck, with how busy the average man’s life is, it’s impossible to do so at such a volume that you will get any kind of a response, even a “no thanks” is unlikely.
I know you're not being mean. That's the reality of Fab. I was just telling you my opinion, OP. That's all. You know the drill. Women are inundated with hundreds of messages in here. Just keep trying, the lucky lady will pick you soon x
Not being mean, you seem well meaning. Just being honest here x "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our experience is that Men are not prepared to make any effort whatsoever.
Men do not even read a profile before sending us a one liner message. We used to get hundreds of one liner messages, but due to their lack of effort, we merely delete them.
I guess that we cannot speak for all men, but in our experience, most men here are married/attached and trying to get a shag as quickly as possible without their partner finding out.
They want a shag, they want it now, they want it with the minimum of effort, they generally have no standards and furthermore, they do not expect us to have any standards either.
Do we appear disheartened with the site - Yes very disheartened!!!!!! |
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As a single female, I don't meet directly from fab so I don't instigate a first message to single guys.. what I do do is go to clubs and interact with single guys there..
Passing messages back n forth on here just is a waste of tine
Especially when 99 PC of them just want wank material |
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By *erlins5Man
over a year ago
South Fife |
"Yeah, I’ve pretty much stopped messaging now - most of the profiles I’m interested in say “We’ll find you” to single men. Not really working out though, I show interest with fabs, but never get any messages.
Think there are just far too many single guys on here. I’m new to all this but it seems like swinging is mostly just for couples. Always hopeful though, have had three pretty mild meets in 5 months so going to keep trying.
"
I bet your previous meets are happy to hear they were mild |
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» Add a new message to this topic
Do send the odd wink & if get one back then message.