FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Problem with Soft Swinging

Problem with Soft Swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

First off we'd like to say we have no problem with people's personal preference in respect to swinging with other people.

What you choose to do with others is your business. We understand that fully.

Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?

We've discussed full-swap and even have a couple in mind in case we ever do decide to take that step. But we are more than happy to keep things to the site's definition of soft swinging.

We have full swap couples as friends (actually met in real life) so please don't assume we are inhibited or unwilling to meet couples of a different persuaion to us.

We don't feel we should have to change what we feel comfortable doing just because it prevents the male having his fun with another woman.

Silk is more than happy with to watch MissD play with other women and take no part at all as he is happy with what he has at home.

If a couple meet a single male for MMF fun (where there is interaction with one female) then why can't that same couple meet a Bi-fem couple, where the woman, only wants to play with the female of that couple?

We're not saying everyone should go with this scenario but it's a bit frustrating when we clearly state what we're looking for, only for couples (usually the male half) to try their luck and insist that if he doesn't take part with MissD then it's a no-no.

Anyway feedback to this topic would be great

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we havent yet to play with anyone as we are only realy looking for a fem to join us for for play but no sex i have wondered how that worked with 2 couples do they all play together in soft swing but not sex with each other i know fem are like gold dust x

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

i can see where your coming from but

it gets annoying when we get messaged from soft swing cpls who only want to play with the fem

so its ok for the lady and the guy to shag the fem but me the guy is expected to have no contact at all

in one case when we asked tongue in cheek as to what I the guy was supposed to do it was suggested i went to the pub ffs

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

We aren't really sure what soft swap means. We thought it meant up to and including oral for all concerned, ie m/f, f/f, f/m is that not right?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

no realy thats not good i always thought couple looking for couples for soft swing they all play but no sex x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

me to i thought this just not sex x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We love soft swing and that is why we are here. We not say that we not go for full swap. We done it before, but for that we need a magic warm blow. We love to come together, chat, naughty games, touch, a bit oral but without presure. Main thing for us- we not a robots and we cant go for full sex just becouse we met.

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"no realy thats not good i always thought couple looking for couples for soft swing they all play but no sex x

I'm with stupid ^

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" i can see where your coming from but

it gets annoying when we get messaged from soft swing cpls who only want to play with the fem

so its ok for the lady and the guy to shag the fem but me the guy is expected to have no contact at all

in one case when we asked tongue in cheek as to what I the guy was supposed to do it was suggested i went to the pub ffs

Lmao

We would never suggest that scenario as that's just plain rude.

Everyone should be in the same room at least! (if thats what they want).

If the couple want to sex the missus then they should expect the male from the other couple to do the same unless he states that he is happy to watch.

A lot of men on here enjoy seeing their gf/wife with another man/men, without taking part, so why not the same with another woman?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My understanding of soft swap or soft swinging was sex with your own partners but oral and other things with all persons involved.

The reason Im not keen on soft swap is I like men and women.

If I want to meet with a woman, I will, but without a male observer. And vice versa. If I want to be watched I'll go to a club.

One of my bestest male friends was with his wife in clubs and she was allowed to do what she wanted and he wasnt. He was 'allowed' only to watch, the same as every other person in the club.

It made me think. If I were a couple it would be on the basis that it's fair for both, if he couldnt play, I wouldnt play.

Thats just my opinion, I respect others like watching their partners and thats fine too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have both full and soft swapped.

On a first meet we much prefer it to be soft swap.

Soft swap for us is everything, kissing , oral to completion, licking, sucking, making the other couple cum, everything apart from full sex.

Ju is Bi so a she likes a lot of female attention but she also likes to play with two men.

The occasions when we have full swapped have been when we've known the couple for a while and have met them a few times.

We enjoy both and to be honest one isn't better than the other, some of our soft swap meets have been a lot more fun than the full ones.

Of course on the rare occasion that we meet singles that is always full as we are scratching a particular itch then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/01/13 11:31:01]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

If you check our verifications you will see that we have in fact met a single bi fem recently so that statement doesn't apply to us.

A lot of couples are happy with just fem on fem play so why should we not contact them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I thought soft play was everything but penetrative sex?

If we want Mrs to just have another guy, we wouldn't look for a cpl and make their Mrs sit and watch.

If we want fun with just another fem, we wouldn't find a cpl and ask their Mr to sit and watch.

Now, if what you mean is that you play with the partner, and yours and the cpls other half play with their own partner alone then that's my idea of soft play 100%

If all you want is to play with a single party..you should be looking for singles surely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we're a soft swing couple with a bi fem.

to us soft swing is all but swapping for sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

calling me stupid x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

I was thinking the same thing. Couples who meet other couples knowing they only want the female half are the WORST (through experience). If that ever happens again to us again I will do more than have a few angry words.. how rude, thoughtless and discourteous can you get!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

Plenty of couples like just f on f we would never expect another guy to just sit there and watch. Our meets generally consist of f on f play with own partner play and everyone has enjoyed themselves. We would not expect another couple to do something that we were not willing to do ourselves.

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By *evilwolfCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

It made me think. If I were a couple it would be on the basis that it's fair for both, if he couldnt play, I wouldnt play.

That's just the way we do it. We've had people suggest that both ways to us and told them to do one each time, as we both enjoy our fun just as much.

We've only ever full-swapped though, never done any soft-swap stuff, thinking that once you get to that stage, you might as well take it to it's logical conclusion. Like you say though everyone has varying boundaries and vive la difference and all that!

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good one Miss D ....

This all boils down to all that are meeting understanding and agreeing ground rules and in my opinion in these sort of circumstances, where there is an element of uncertainty involved, that a social meet with each prior would surely be the correct way ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ps:

added to what i have said; not all meetings need to be sex ordinated , I know i am not alone here and there are some of us who quiet happily meet for lunch/coffee/drinks occasionally

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

we understand soft swap as anything but penetration (apart from with own partners) but everybody to set their own boundaries - there has to be some male involvement i guess if they are asking for couples - tho some might be just happy to watch - whatever grabs ya

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Good one Miss D ....

We agree with you and have met full swap couples for socials and even gone to clubs with them. They know and respect our limits just as we do theirs. We have made some great friends on this site and have found that being soft swap has not hindered our relationships if all parties are open and honest with each other from the beginning.

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

"we understand soft swap as anything but penetration (apart from with own partners) but everybody to set their own boundaries - there has to be some male involvement i guess if they are asking for couples - tho some might be just happy to watch - whatever grabs ya

but the OP fem is a no go area as far as any male is concerned

and states on her profile that even her partner will not have any involvement unless invited .

so really she is a single gay fem

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It made me think. If I were a couple it would be on the basis that it's fair for both, if he couldnt play, I wouldnt play.

That's just the way we do it. We've had people suggest that both ways to us and told them to do one each time, as we both enjoy our fun just as much.

Wolf

I (MissD) have been swinging for over 10 years now and constantly get told by full swap couples and single men that i will progress on to the next stage.

This has never happened i dont think it ever will never say never, but i really like women and dont feel like i am missing out by not sleeping with other men. x

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By *mokin AcesCouple over a year ago

Poole

We are a soft swing couple and we find some people have issues and some dont but we only play with the ones that respect our boundries fully and if we do decide to full swap then those are the couples we will do that with because they were respectful xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

but the OP fem is a no go area as far as any male is concerned

and states on her profile that even her partner will not have any involvement unless invited .

so really she is a single gay fem "

Wow this is very offensive i am neither gay or single but i guess you have not read our verifications. There really was no need to take your point of view to this level.

Critique the persons ideas and views but not the person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my opinion?(and being from a cpl in the past)

I find many softswaps, where it implies only FF action, is there to satisfy the male halves alone... if there is an exchange of group oral..then thats ok..

however...appears more like a jealousy/controlling aspect to swinging...in my experiences

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By *ornyGCCouple over a year ago

Slaithwaite

This is the fabs definition of soft swing but not ours! To us soft swing is everything but full penetration with other partner of the opposite sex as many have already stated.

Therefore we were amazed to see that it can include just watching although G has "just watched" on occasion for a good 2-3 seconds lol.

Fabswingers definition:

Soft Swing is when there is playing around but not full penetrative sex with others. Often, in a couples situation, the women will have sex with each other with the men watching and then the couples will have sex with their own partners.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but the OP fem is a no go area as far as any male is concerned

and states on her profile that even her partner will not have any involvement unless invited .

so really she is a single gay fem "

I disagree. She isnt single nor gay

Not all labels fit with everyones idea's, of each label.

Its not for you to judge her profile and then say publically what she is

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

we used to only do f2f men play with own partner then got as far as swap for oral ect now onto full but only if all partys agree ,would never meet a cpl where they just want to play with my fem or change rules when we meet ,mind it was 10 yrs before we even done full , now meet single men to , soft swing covers lots of play so might not suit all partys so have to sort the rules out if all agree job sorted .

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

totally agree just because fem only wants to play with the other fem she aint gay single just what they after , but either agree f2f men watching then both men of cpls just watch but would never tell the other man to go to the pub

but the OP fem is a no go area as far as any male is concerned

and states on her profile that even her partner will not have any involvement unless invited .

so really she is a single gay fem

I disagree. She isnt single nor gay

Not all labels fit with everyones idea's, of each label.

Its not for you to judge her profile and then say publically what she is

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By *evilwolfCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

It made me think. If I were a couple it would be on the basis that it's fair for both, if he couldnt play, I wouldnt play.

That's just the way we do it. We've had people suggest that both ways to us and told them to do one each time, as we both enjoy our fun just as much.

Wolf

I (MissD) have been swinging for over 10 years now and constantly get told by full swap couples and single men that i will progress on to the next stage.

This has never happened i dont think it ever will never say never, but i really like women and dont feel like i am missing out by not sleeping with other men. x"

There's a beauty in foreplay all of its own, so yes I can understand that. I can also understand the desire to associate purely with women. I'm disheartened that you feel you're not missing out with other men, as to me that sounds like you have given up on them when there are some fantastic 'lovers' out there waiting to be discovered rather than be condemned to the scrapheap as summarily unevaluated also-rans.

In this game it's all about being happy individually, not what suits others or 'how you can fall in with their plans'

Wolf

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

As far as we are concerned its each to thier own so to speak, different strokes and all that!

The problem seems to be that there is no hard and fast definition of what soft swinging means, for some it's g/g and for others it's everything except full sex. The lack of a consistent definition could lead to problems so it just looks like further enquiries are needed when contacting each other.

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By *mokin AcesCouple over a year ago

Poole

"my opinion?(and being from a cpl in the past)

I find many softswaps, where it implies only FF action, is there to satisfy the male halves alone... if there is an exchange of group oral..then thats ok..

however...appears more like a jealousy/controlling aspect to swinging...in my experiences"

Not for us. Mrs enjoys exploring her bi side and wants mr to explore his. We are happy to do anything apart from full swap simply because we want to keep something that remains just for us to enjoy. Plus why do we need to swap with the opposite sex when we are completely satisfied with each other?? Each to their own. If people dont like it then maybe they should spend less time wankin to the photos and more time reading the profile lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As far as we are concerned its each to thier own so to speak, different strokes and all that!

my point exactly

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By *ansue35Couple over a year ago

yorkshire

"We love soft swing and that is why we are here. We not say that we not go for full swap. We done it before, but for that we need a magic warm blow. We love to come together, chat, naughty games, touch, a bit oral but without presure. Main thing for us- we not a robots and we cant go for full sex just becouse we met. "

Sounds like us, apart from Sue not done full swop at all.

Ian

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By *roovytwoCouple over a year ago

burnley

"This is the fabs definition of soft swing but not ours! To us soft swing is everything but full penetration with other partner of the opposite sex as many have already stated.

Therefore we were amazed to see that it can include just watching although G has "just watched" on occasion for a good 2-3 seconds lol.

Fabswingers definition:

We both soft swap and full swap (depneding on varoius things not relevant for this thread)but we hate the girls just being together and the guys watching.We like all 4 of us together,preferably all interacting together(guys excepted)either with their own partner or the other couples lady without full penetrative sex.

Usually (but not always) we like the other couple to bring us both to climax and we remain close side by side so 4 sum interaction can still carry on.We also prefer this when full swapping rather than at separate ends of the room or bed.

The point is that with couples its usually all 4 involved...that being said we have soft swapped where the guy of the other couple watched while his partner and us two had some 3 sum fun.

No problem at all with the OP,s original post and profile..it clearly says what they like/dont like and boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't see a problem with any situation as long as every playmate knows before they meet what is on and off the cards.

As long as you make it clear from the outset in your messages what you are looking for, anyone who has a problem with it should just say no thanks and move on in my opinion!

I wouldn't change what you do unless you guys want to.... Although I too would recommend it ha ha

R x

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By *ortheastcoupleukCouple over a year ago

easington were the sun dont shine

what gets me in this scene you look for ppl whos into same things as what your into and if they not just move on ,dont debate why they wont do this or that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like us, apart from Sue not done full swop at all.

Ian"

having looked at your profile what is really good is that you make it very clear to any couple knocking at your door what you are looking for ...well written

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As far as we are concerned its each to thier own so to speak, different strokes and all that!

I think they call that talking...most meets this is needed.

When the dynamics change to include more people...everything has to be communicated...if MrA slaps MrsB's arse and MrsA tells MrB she wont allow that...it could spell disaster for the meet

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By *anSusieCouple over a year ago

Midlothian

we prefer fullswap but had some nice experiences with softswap cpls in Clubs,where fem was veri Bi.

One negativ experience with softswap taught us to make it absolutely clear beforehand:FAIR PLAY or NO PLAY.Fems "changing their mind" during play wanting to be fucked by my hubby but not wanting to share her partner!??!

.....live+learn,lol,we were new than

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By *ornyGCCouple over a year ago

Slaithwaite

"This is the fabs definition of soft swing but not ours! To us soft swing is everything but full penetration with other partner of the opposite sex as many have already stated.

Therefore we were amazed to see that it can include just watching although G has "just watched" on occasion for a good 2-3 seconds lol.

Fabswingers definition:

The point is that with couples its usually all 4 involved...that being said we have soft swapped where the guy of the other couple watched while his partner and us two had some 3 sum fun.

No problem at all with the OP,s original post and profile..it clearly says what they like/dont like and boundaries."

Oh yes! We love the tangle of all bodies together and the only thing better is 6 or more together

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

sunds to me like op wants cake and eat it...... ie. wants to play with who ever they chose and let others sit out. Now i understand thats ok if all know this up front, but i can;t see many cpls going for that. Thats why we mostly do sep room fun, in our experience its boiled down to one partner suffering from jealousy, but as all above have said we are all different which is a good point!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agree with that, we have only ever done soft, to us this includes everthing except full penetration, this is only with your own partner.

Have had plenty of fun this way too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It made me think. If I were a couple it would be on the basis that it's fair for both, if he couldnt play, I wouldnt play.

That's just the way we do it. We've had people suggest that both ways to us and told them to do one each time, as we both enjoy our fun just as much.

Wolf

I (MissD) have been swinging for over 10 years now and constantly get told by full swap couples and single men that i will progress on to the next stage.

This has never happened i dont think it ever will never say never, but i really like women and dont feel like i am missing out by not sleeping with other men. x

In this game it's all about being happy individually, not what suits others or 'how you can fall in with their plans'

Wolf

Dont feel disheartened i know there are some great men on here but for me swinging was and has never been about sleeping with other men.

I guess you could say i am monogamous when it comes to men and dont have the desire to be with any man other than Silk. It is just a personal preference and has not stopped us from having fun on this site and outside of it.

As you quite rightly said it is all about the individual/couple and what works for them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"my opinion?(and being from a cpl in the past)

I find many softswaps, where it implies only FF action, is there to satisfy the male halves alone... if there is an exchange of group oral..then thats ok..

however...appears more like a jealousy/controlling aspect to swinging...in my experiences

hahahah...I wouldnt be wanking at photos...rarely even do that on cam.. however if ur free for that am happy to oblige the sexy Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"sunds to me like op wants cake and eat it...... ie. wants to play with who ever they chose and let others sit out. Now i understand thats ok if all know this up front, but i can;t see many cpls going for that. Thats why we mostly do sep room fun, in our experience its boiled down to one partner suffering from jealousy, but as all above have said we are all different which is a good point!!!

I dont think that you have read our posts properly as we clearly state that we would not expect someone else to do something that we were unwilling to do. It has not stopped us from meeting other couples socially and for fun. No-one we have ever met has ever been left out not had a bad meet yet!!! If anything the men on both sides are left out but happy to enjoy the view and their own partners.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

do they get to at least wank on tits or faces???..just askin

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

oh sorry lol...... so can't you find a fem bi to meet? maybe we need to send some cpls your way, we keep getting asked for me to play with bi fems all the time even after we explain i am st8 lol............. and even after they promise not to try it on with me alas they do lol........

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

Amended our profile to avoid confusion.

Not sure about this talking lark though, may have to give it a try!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Amended our profile to avoid confusion.

Not sure about this talking lark though, may have to give it a try!

Great...lets get down to some shagging...my wives on her way..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"oh sorry lol...... so can't you find a fem bi to meet? maybe we need to send some cpls your way, we keep getting asked for me to play with bi fems all the time even after we explain i am st8 lol............. and even after they promise not to try it on with me alas they do lol........

We have found a single bi fem just check our verifications

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

cool........ !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

Of course they should be contacting couples aswell. This is what we look for and we have met couples were the male wants to just watch

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

"Amended our profile to avoid confusion.

Not sure about this talking lark though, may have to give it a try!

Great...lets get down to some shagging...my wives on her way.."

Well we rather thought the talking would last longer than that, not sure it's all it's cracked up to be!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I was referring to the to the OP when she stated

""Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?""

in there case they should not be contacting couples, but they obviously cant find any single fems

Of course they should be contacting couples aswell. This is what we look for and we have met couples were the male wants to just watch"

Ooh hello

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

OP whatever works for you.

Though it sounds like you want a single bi fem or a newby couple.

You say you dont have a problem meeting couples though you have to realise that as a guy - you get horny! Whist your other half may be comfortable just watching your wife play - the other male - might want to get in there, its only natural! lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP whatever works for you.

Though it sounds like you want a single bi fem or a newby couple.

We have met single bi fems and couples. The couples we have met have been on the scene for some time and respect understand our boundaries.

Of course the men will get horny its natural but you will be suprised by how many men in couples like to watch f on f play and join in with their own partners without playing with the other woman.

Each to their own, really glad Silk started this thread as it has been very interesting to see other peoples points of views.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Soft swap/ full swap - that's the trouble with definitions! Everyone has they're own interpretation!!

It's the same as the whole straight/bi/curious argument - there's no one size fits all!

So long as intentions and boundaries are discussed and respected - why the need for another 'label' ?

I've never had a meet where it wasn't clear what the participants were comfortable with - be it full or soft play (as a single I chose play rather than swap!).

It's all about clear conversations to avoid confusion!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

First off... you do have a problem with other peoples personal preferences in respect tobswinging with other people. And you dont understand that fully. .. if you did you wouldnt follow that immediately by admitting that you dont understand other peoples "problem" with soft swing... why is that a problem... it is their preference which you dont have a problem with.

You don't have to change what you feel comfortable with and neither should the person contacting you... what they want is a no no from you so why should you take it badly that you are a no no to them... its a big site full of different people... dont reply, block, whatever yu like and move on.

What you are looking for is not soft swing in the eyes of the vast majority of swingers... its more of a niche thing than you think... fem on fem while the blokes just watch with no involvement at all is what the majority on fab would, if it had a name, call a starter or a warm up.. maybe even the prematch show. We started as a soft swap couple and it involves pretty much everything but popping it in to coin a phrase.

You describe a mmf as interaction with one female and then want to compare that to a mfmf where only the women play... comparing apples to pears! The the mmf you describe is fun for all... everyone is involved. .. you are asking couples who do this sort of thing as a couple to have fun seperately and I can guarantee that is not what a lot of us are into.

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

I think the whole purpose of a site like this is so you can find whats right for you... if you are more fussy or looking for something more niche you will find that harder but that is you're perogative but why start such a contradictory thread accusing the rest of the site of having a problem when we dont... were not that fussed if you wanna bang us or not.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Soft swap/ full swap - that's the trouble with definitions! Everyone has they're own interpretation!!

It's the same as the whole straight/bi/curious argument - there's no one size fits all!

So long as intentions and boundaries are discussed and respected - why the need for another 'label' ?

I've never had a meet where it wasn't clear what the participants were comfortable with - be it full or soft play (as a single I chose play rather than swap!).

It's all about clear conversations to avoid confusion!

exactly dude... youre bang on... but it seems to be these conversations that the poster has issue with... how dare someone clarify on a swingers site whether there will be actual swinging happening on a meet that they are going to take time out of their life to go to... i must go now

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

I think you have completley misunderstood what we were trying to get across but that is fine.

It may be a niche thing as you say to a lot of people but to others it is not as already stated we have met some great people on here and formed long standing friendships which have continued beyond being on this site.

We are not trying to upset anyone, i guess the issue with forums is that things can be misconstrued.

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By *eglieanCouple over a year ago

Torbay

The worst thing is when you arnt told and there you are all fired up slipping on a condom and she sayes ' didnt we tell you I only do soft, even worst when her fellas already bonking your partner. ' NO YOU DIDNT SAY ACTUALLY '

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By *ampopotwoCouple over a year ago

southampton

"The worst thing is when you arnt told and there you are all fired up slipping on a condom and she sayes ' didnt we tell you I only do soft, even worst when her fellas already bonking your partner. ' NO YOU DIDNT SAY ACTUALLY '"

Didn't quite get that far but we were on the point of arranging a meet with a couple when, during on line chat it became apparent that whilst he expected to fuck S his partner would only soft swap (plus no oral) with me. When I said no thanks then he got all shirty and accused us of being fakes!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

I think you have completley misunderstood what we were trying to get across but that is fine.

We are not trying to upset anyone, i guess the issue with forums is that things can be misconstrued.

Well thank you for being so understanding about my alleged misunderstanding altho all i did was read your series of words that you'd put ever so neatly into sentences and paragraphs for me to peruse, and you are quite articulate so i don't think i had any reason to misunderstand.

You started off by telling us all that you don't have a problem but you cant understand the problem other people have.

You are very polite tho so i will just go off and wonder why if you have no problem this thread exists... when we dont have a problem with people who either didnt read our profile fully or simply arent for us we just ignore or block them..... theres many people on here for almost everyone.. you're fussy or particular which we all are in different ways and that is absolutely fine but why try and hide you're rudeness behind good manners.

Full swap or soft swap, the main clue i think is in the word swap... if i had an apple and a friend had an apple we may both like our own apples but want to taste our friends so we might swap our apples... whether we just have a nibble to taste or ravage it to the core would be discussed first... you could even say the apples had swapped who they were going to be eaten by.. the apples might have a little apple saucy time with each other in the bag while we carry them to where we will eat them without getting arrested....

but if there is just two apples sat in the bag and were just looking at the apples all juicy and shiny.. altho that might be nice for some its not really swapping... thats voyeurism for us apple watchers and a bit of bi exhibitionism for the apples but its not any kind of swapping as nothing is swapped..

i feel i may have slipped a little into an apple tangent but i feel my point is put across all the same.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

I think you have completley misunderstood what we were trying to get across but that is fine.

We are not trying to upset anyone, i guess the issue with forums is that things can be misconstrued.

You started off by telling us all that you don't have a problem but you cant understand the problem other people have.

i feel i may have slipped a little into an apple tangent but i feel my point is put across all the same.

(sigh)

Again for the people who didn't understand the first time.

Do we have a problem with full swap couples? No.

Do we have a problem with soft swap couples who do everything apart from penetration? No.

Haven't stated anything differently (unless you can show us)

Now.

Us being fussy? Well if that means we're going to shag the first couple that comes our way just because we both like full swapping then sorry, not for us.

MMF involving everyone? Unless both men are bi then that is not true. One woman is involved and no interaction between the two men (unless they are bi)

What is the difference if the woman wants to be in the same situation (with a strap-on) without any interction with the bf/hubby? None.

If two couples are enjoying seeing the women play, then you are swapping! So does two women (who are both in separate relationships) who have never met each other before not count as swapping, yet if she goes with the man it's considered to be swapping?

Seems to be a bit too male orientated this debate about soft swinging. If it doesn't inolve any cock then it's not "swapping".

We CLEARLY state that we are after, then get couples messaging us about the man being involved. Have people forgotten how to read in 2013?

Bringing this debate back to what it was meant to address. We can't understand why some (not all) full swap couples question soft swingers preferences when we do not question yours.

If you don't question it then fair enough. This thread is not addressed to you. It's swinging at the end of the day. We're all here to have fun

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

Miss D just been reading about your flammable blue boho coat, it sounds really cool

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to peel an apple before I eat it otherwise the skin gets caught in my teeth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Miss D just been reading about your flammable blue boho coat, it sounds really cool

It is rather fabulous lol might have to put a pic up of me wearing just the coat x

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By *uriousBristolCplCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"Soft swap/ full swap - that's the trouble with definitions! Everyone has they're own interpretation!!

It's the same as the whole straight/bi/curious argument - there's no one size fits all!

So long as intentions and boundaries are discussed and respected - why the need for another 'label' ?

I've never had a meet where it wasn't clear what the participants were comfortable with - be it full or soft play (as a single I chose play rather than swap!).

It's all about clear conversations to avoid confusion!

Communication is one of the MOST vitally important elements to good swinging

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By *hangovCouple over a year ago

sheffield

Let us know if you do then cos we'd love to see it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was told before that soft swing is about primarily playing with ur own partner with others in the room.

So why are guys moaning they get nothing when the two woman play as they still get their own partner to play with!

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By *uncpl2015Couple over a year ago

Bridgend Area

"First off we'd like to say we have no problem with people's personal preference in respect to swinging with other people.

What you choose to do with others is your business. We understand that fully.

Can't understand the problem people have with soft-swinging.

Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?

We've discussed full-swap and even have a couple in mind in case we ever do decide to take that step. But we are more than happy to keep things to the site's definition of soft swinging.

We have full swap couples as friends (actually met in real life) so please don't assume we are inhibited or unwilling to meet couples of a different persuaion to us.

We don't feel we should have to change what we feel comfortable doing just because it prevents the male having his fun with another woman.

Silk is more than happy with to watch MissD play with other women and take no part at all as he is happy with what he has at home.

Anyway feedback to this topic would be great

Well we are a couple and only meet single guys who only get to play with mrs with mr watching and joining in with Mrs only not the other male. Thats what we enjoy, Mr has no wish to play with other females, however we would not for that reason meet a couple other than social we only look for single males to play with that way no one is left out and seems a fair way to do it. We wouldn't meet a couple and expect the female to sit and watch as that seems a bit unfair.. Thats how it sits with us and only our opinion though.

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By *asperthedogCouple over a year ago

midlands

soft swingers, we'd drown them all at birth

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

I think you have completley misunderstood what we were trying to get across but that is fine.

We are not trying to upset anyone, i guess the issue with forums is that things can be misconstrued.

You started off by telling us all that you don't have a problem but you cant understand the problem other people have.

i feel i may have slipped a little into an apple tangent but i feel my point is put across all the same.

(sigh)

Again for the people who didn't understand the first time.

Do we have a problem with full swap couples? No.

unless they contact you then you have a problem.

Do we have a problem with soft swap couples who do everything apart from penetration? No.

unless they contact and ask you a question

Haven't stated anything differently (unless you can show us)

"Has it ever occurred to some people that some women actually don't want to play with men at at all and are more interested in females?" to the people who contacted you it probably hadnt.

"We don't feel we should have to change what we feel comfortable doing just because it prevents the male having his fun with another woman" of course you dont but some people are obviously doing something you have a problem with to make you feel or think this is what they expect.

Now.

Us being fussy? Well if that means we're going to shag the first couple that comes our way just because we both like full swapping then sorry, not for us.

of course not.. this is where you MISUNDERSTOOD... its important to be fussy and we all are in different ways... we would also not jump into bed with anyone just cos they do full swap... again to even imply that is just rude.

MMF involving everyone? Unless both men are bi then that is not true. One woman is involved and no interaction between the two men (unless they are bi)

ive had a few mmfs with no bi involvement... however i can assure you that when all was done everyone had had fun and been involved... noone was on the sidelines watcheing or being a voyeur. and there was also no swapping as he had not brought an apple!! he helped me nibble on my apple and devour it to the core

What is the difference if the woman wants to be in the same situation (with a strap-on) without any interction with the bf/hubby? None.

a lot of difference as you are comparing a threesome where there are 3 people to a foursome where there are 4

what you are looking for here and a few people have said it already if a ffm.. the elusive single female where again there is no swapping. more sharing.

If two couples are enjoying seeing the women play, then you are swapping! NO.. NO YOU ARE NOT!

So does two women (who are both in separate relationships) who have never met each other before not count as swapping, NO.. NO IT DOESNT

yet if she goes with the man it's considered to be swapping? YES.. ABSOLUTELY CORRECT

Seems to be a bit too male orientated this debate about soft swinging. If it doesn't inolve any cock then it's not "swapping".

Thats pretty much the case... in fact you could go as far to say its a bisexual affair in an open relationship where you allow youre partner to watch.

We CLEARLY state that we are after, then get couples messaging us about the man being involved. Have people forgotten how to read in 2013?

SADLY YES this happens with all profiles.. there are a few boxes to tick on most profiles including ours but people do get sidetracked by the pics or get all excited they jump in straight away... we endeavor not to do that but if people do that to us then it takes no time at all to just delete and ignore or if they really upset you then block... ur preference is yours and you should hold it tight... we certainly do

Bringing this debate back to what it was meant to address. We can't understand why some (not all) full swap couples question soft swingers preferences when we do not question yours.

there are people with similar desires to you on here... we have been contacted by them... i read their profile and their message and they were clearly not for us as we have different preferences... guess what i did... i moved on to the next message... guess what i didnt do... start a thread moaning about them.

If you don't question it then fair enough. This thread is not addressed to you. It's swinging at the end of the day. We're all here to have fun

i dont question it but just to clarify

swap [swop] Show IPA verb, swapped, swap·ping, noun.

verb (used with object)

to exchange, barter, or trade, as one thing for another: He swapped his wrist watch for the radio.

verb (used without object)

to make an exchange.

noun

an exchange:

or from urban dictionary

1. soft swap

To share spouses/mates with another to the point of digital and/or oral copulation only.

This term comes from the home of Stephen, SuperGenius, who invented it spontaneously while referring to timid wanna-be swingers unwilling to take the PLUNGE

We are into soft swap only.

i do not share the views of stephen supergenius... it is each to their own

happy swinging all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This thread seems to have gone a little chinese whispers.. Cos it started as soft swinging and became about soft swap which is 2 different things as I believe with soft swing there is no obligation to do any swapping of any kind

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Had me worried there for a minute as I have a hospital appointment Wednesday... but it's not Thursday after all

Don't really understand the OP's issue, we are pretty much into the same thing. J likes sex with me, and also with other women, so first actual meet is FF with Males watching and then playing with own partner.

Depending on the couple in question the males may join in, in a "soft swap" manner, but that is complicated to arrange on first meet so would not normally happen unless there are subsequent meets.

On occasion at a party or whatever then the rule book gets thrown out the window, so we have code words and attempt to go with the flow on those occasions.

You just need to find a couple who match your wants, then communicate clearly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yh I'm slightly confused by the thread cos its all about finding a profile that is lloking for simular things to your own, if they're not then its just "thanks but no thanks that's not what we are looking for"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose reading the lines between the text on Op profile, and this post..a few things arent that clear really.

Miss, do u play on ur OWN?- ie no male presence

softswap appears to include Mr's cock when its all ok?- sending out rather mixed signals there about being softswap

for me personally and my hypothetical fuckbud/gf/wife

I'd like the meet to have more of a flowing nature...instead...it looks like lots of repressed sexual expression and some kind of loyalty 'scheme' that shouldnt really need to be there.

Since 2008 Ive attended a few parties etc...and really seen the softswing pitfalls..I was even almost roped into trying it by a partner.So I am only using my own experiences as my template for my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose reading the lines between the text on Op profile, and this post..a few things arent that clear really.

Miss, do u play on ur OWN?- ie no male presence

softswap appears to include Mr's cock when its all ok?- sending out rather mixed signals there about being softswap

for me personally and my hypothetical fuckbud/gf/wife

I'd like the meet to have more of a flowing nature...instead...it looks like lots of repressed sexual expression and some kind of loyalty 'scheme' that shouldnt really need to be there.

The OP doesn't mention softswap only soft swing.. Slightly confused why others keep mentioning soft swap

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

Totally correct. Basically it looks like the OP only actually wants a ffm threesome but will play with a couple and treat the situation as a threesome.

And soft swing DOES involve everything but penetration and does not mean both or even worse one of the males end up as spectators with cocks in hand.

We have had this happen to us and there is nothing worse and it certainly wasn't what we expected to happen beforehand.

ALL PLAY OR NO PLAY.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose reading the lines between the text on Op profile, and this post..a few things arent that clear really.

Miss, do u play on ur OWN?- ie no male presence

softswap appears to include Mr's cock when its all ok?- sending out rather mixed signals there about being softswap

for me personally and my hypothetical fuckbud/gf/wife

I'd like the meet to have more of a flowing nature...instead...it looks like lots of repressed sexual expression and some kind of loyalty 'scheme' that shouldnt really need to be there.

Agree with this as well...why not see how it develops and do what feels natural and fun? We don't have these 'soft' rules but more often than not we end up playing 'soft' anyway and it is so sexy we don't feel any desire to do anything else. In other circumstances only a good fuck will do!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suppose reading the lines between the text on Op profile, and this post..a few things arent that clear really.

Miss, do u play on ur OWN?- ie no male presence

softswap appears to include Mr's cock when its all ok?- sending out rather mixed signals there about being softswap

for me personally and my hypothetical fuckbud/gf/wife

I'd like the meet to have more of a flowing nature...instead...it looks like lots of repressed sexual expression and some kind of loyalty 'scheme' that shouldnt really need to be there.

The OP doesn't mention softswap only soft swing.. Slightly confused why others keep mentioning soft swap

perhaps if u read the profile and this thread u'd see where I'm coming from..swing n swap...I fail to see any difference when it comes to sexual play- if it WAS only softswing and just a getting together for drinks...then yes, thats softswing, however...it isnt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

Totally correct. Basically it looks like the OP only actually wants a ffm threesome but will play with a couple and treat the situation as a threesome.

And soft swing DOES involve everything but penetration and does not mean both or even worse one of the males end up as spectators with cocks in hand.

We have had this happen to us and there is nothing worse and it certainly wasn't what we expected to happen beforehand.

ALL PLAY OR NO PLAY."

It would be great if you read our posts and profile we are not after a threesome with another couple leaving the other man alone we believe in equality in our meets and do not appreciate you making such sweeping statements.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And soft swing DOES involve everything but penetration and does not mean both or even worse one of the males end up as spectators with cocks in hand"

According to who? You? Not everyone shares that viewpoint (Not even Fabs) so we shouldn't pidgeon hole anyone into thinking with the same logic.

If that's what works for you or other people then that is fine.

We've had to tell couples many times, despite it being on our profile what we are looking for, yet the message doesn't get through to them.

The issue is people have differing definitions as to what swinging is all about.

Soft, full, social, swap, swing etc... will not mean the same thing to other people, which is where communication is key in the world of swinging.

We've had meets where there was a 4some but the men stayed with their own partners.

Surely that shouldn't be frowned upon just because the other man did not interact with the other woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Quote

After reading through as much as I can and then checking your profile I think if all you are expecting is Fem play from anyone you meet, I think you could go a long way to make your profile clearer. Ie put in block capitals Fem will only ever have contact with other Fems. Because I see a couple of bits on your profile that do seem to indicate that the male of a guest couple could find himself sitting out.

All you need to do is be 100% clear if this is upsetting you, but don't colour things hinting that other kind of play may happen. You know what people are like, give them an inch kind of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Quote

All you need to do is be 100% clear if this is upsetting you, but don't colour things hinting that other kind of play may happen. You know what people are like, give them an inch kind of thing. "

Thank you for your comments x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am still bit confused what the problem is. Is it people emailing you that aren't understanding what you want? Or are you getting bad replies from couple who Interperate soft swinging to be non- penetrative and are then disappointed by your interpretation ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""And soft swing DOES involve everything but penetration and does not mean both or even worse one of the males end up as spectators with cocks in hand"

According to who? You? Not everyone shares that viewpoint (Not even Fabs) so we shouldn't pidgeon hole anyone into thinking with the same logic.

If that's what works for you or other people then that is fine.

We've had to tell couples many times, despite it being on our profile what we are looking for, yet the message doesn't get through to them.

The issue is people have differing definitions as to what swinging is all about.

Soft, full, social, swap, swing etc... will not mean the same thing to other people, which is where communication is key in the world of swinging.

We've had meets where there was a 4some but the men stayed with their own partners.

Surely that shouldn't be frowned upon just because the other man did not interact with the other woman.

sorry I'm just balancing things up...like I say, having read both many of the posts and ur profile OP..I'm still a bit unsure of certain things..

would there be FF play only with no males present..ie in the same house

would many single F's feel that comfortable knowing that its most likely that Mr would still be influencing the meet (just by observation it changes the meet parameters).

perhaps its time for a less confusing profile to be honest..as I imagine thats where the stem of these judgements starts and ur reason(s) for posting th thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am still bit confused what the problem is. Is it people emailing you that aren't understanding what you want? Or are you getting bad replies from couple who Interperate soft swinging to be non- penetrative and are then disappointed by your interpretation ?

Thanks for asking the question.

I guess all of the above is true to some extent.

We went by the definition of what soft swinging means by the one given on the Fabswingers glossary so it is not a definition we made up in our own heads.

Plus we get messages from people who expect different things from us when we're not on the same wavelentgh.

The usual thanks but no thanks is written by both parties and we go our separate ways. No worries.

We've not had a problem in the past with meeting couples who went along with the definition given by this site.

Obviously we recognise that other people have their own interpretation but that is for Fabs to sort out in future as we didn't ask them to say F on F play with the men watching is the definition of soft swapping.

Some even asked us to get back to them if we "changed our minds". We would never think of asking a couple that request as that seems a bit arrogant.

But hey, it's the way things are we guess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is precisely why I dont frequent these forums

To say that your man is happy with what he has at home actually rudely implies that the rest of us men on here or indeed women too arent happy and I can assure you that is simply just not the case.

That is all

Have a good tuesday everyone. .. peace and love xx

Totally correct. Basically it looks like the OP only actually wants a ffm threesome but will play with a couple and treat the situation as a threesome.

And soft swing DOES involve everything but penetration and does not mean both or even worse one of the males end up as spectators with cocks in hand.

We have had this happen to us and there is nothing worse and it certainly wasn't what we expected to happen beforehand.

ALL PLAY OR NO PLAY.

Strangely rather a lot of people posting here seem to share our view.

If you want to meet couples but really will then only want any interaction with the female half you should spell that out in big capital letters. I would think a couple meeting you without that being utterly clear would end up getting rather upset and/ or angry. It is your choice but methinks you are perpetuating some smoke and mirrors.